Once I left a box of granola bars on the porch and waited for a thief to take them. When he did I followed him home and made him listen as I read Cesare Lombroso's 'Criminal Man'. Whenever the book talked about the physical characteristics of the born criminal I took a sharpie and outlined the area on his body so every time he looked in the mirror for weeks he would be confronted by his criminality.
So has the bike been stolen yet? Thereby giving the OP the warm, satisfying feeling of superiority if only for a short time?
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fun facts:
Psychopaths have trouble understanding abstract concepts.
"Incompetent individuals, compared with their more competent peers, will dramatically overestimate their ability and performance relative to objective criteria."