I hope you really did want input. That is certainly a more informative listing than most, but I think buyers appreciate ready access to key facts in a bulleted list, rather than buried in paragraphs of prose. I know that when I look at a listing, I want to know a few key facts right away, such as:
- The frame size and how it was measured:
- The frame material and construction method:
- Wheel size and rear spacing:
- Lengths of top tube and chainstays:
- Whether is uses nutted or recessed brakes:
- An approximate weight:
Your prose includes a lot of information that might be of interest in a forum post, but I can't imagine a buyer wanting to know things like how the shop wanted to keep the original grouppo that you never got and aren't selling, and how many other models of other bikes came with that group. I think it's great that the prose shows a real love of the product, but you may have gotten carried away with enthusiasm. All in all, though, I'd much rather get too much info than too little.