Blocking Two Lanes of Traffic
 

I need help when it comes to successfully blocking two lanes of same direction traffic (only when necessary for my safety of course) while riding on a four lane road. What are some of the better techniques for doing this?

I’ve tried the DLLPW, (double lane lateral power weave) which helped some, but it gets a little tiresome and adds several miles to my trips. Then I mounted 3 foot “courtesy rods” to each side of the back of my bike to further prevent unsafe passing, but eventually someone still always managed to sneak by and endanger me. I’ve been told wearing a devil mask on the back of my head would work because it would scare overtaking traffic into waiting safely behind me. I question the value of this technique because people don’t seem to be as afraid of the devil as they used to be. I've about run out of ideas here... what do you think?

If this is the incorrect forum for my question please direct me to the proper one. Thanks.

troll

This belongs in the satire forum. Very funny. Not what I expected based on the thread title.

Probably the best way to do this would be to tie two old cars together and tow them.

This maneuver requires numbers. Do a web search for Critical Mass.

Sidecars and then sidecars for your sidecars... should be wide enough to block both lanes.

This might work

http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/6525/pat082.jpg

Goth with heavy chains, spiked gauntlets also work well.

Wait for your light to turn green.

Take off the mask, do a head check and smile, giving drivers the full glory of your mofugly mug, and you're golden. :p

Don't know for the OP.....but my guess is if I were riding naked, the desired lane blocking would occur

OH NOOOOOO, not the Nekkidlear option!

http://www.mediabistro.com/agencyspy...al/Mr.Bill.jpg

I've had good results executing a drunken power weave at the dividing line with a strobe so bright it causes motorists to avert their eyes. also, towing a EMP generator to disable vehicle electronics.

hilarious. good one.

Get yourself a Brooks saddle and everything will be fine.

Mount 5 or 6 Magic Shines facing the rear and all they will see is a ball of light.

Satire forum? That eliminates the effect of satire....

It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only cyclist concerned about unsafe overtaking issues.

it’s not always the closeness of the pass that is the safety issue. I’m sure most here would agree that any clearance over 10 or 12 feet is usually safe enough, as long as the motorist is quiet about it. It’s only when they rev the engine to make loud roaring and whooshing sounds that even the most experienced cyclist is prone to lose control and crash.

I had a particularly unnerving incident recently when 3 bad assed Harley bikers running open pipes carefully overtook me while riding fully in the adjacent lane. I somehow managed to hold a clean line, (Yay, LAB road class!) but my shorts didn’t fare quite as well. Luckily for them I was not able to catch ‘em at the red light, because my 130 pound body was more than prepared to give them a tongue lashing I’m sure they would not soon have forgotten.

This is why I now also audio record all my rides. When a pass is too loud, I report it the police immediately. The looks of disbelief I get as I replay my tapes for them demonstrates just how seriously they take these threatening incidents. I’m sure it is only a matter of time until they catch the worst of the perpetrators, as they told me there is no need for me to bring in any more tapes.

i believe if you ride far enough left, even opposing traffic cannot pass you legally. You should obtain some snapshots of this illegal behavior and drop them off at the police station to help further the investigation.

???
No, "the most experienced" cyclists are not "prone to lose control and crash" in this common situation. Experienced cyclist are indeed, instead, "prone" to keep their heads and not lose control and crash.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50DSNBSkXJU

^do it like these guys. See how safe they are?

quoting njkayker hmmm. artificial intelligence meets bicycle satire?

Cycle while towing a seed spreader and put caltrops into the hopper as soon as you reach the road you need to be safe on. If the seed spreader is good quality, you can 'seed' all four lanes.

Also, if you do the above, be prepared to go to jail where you'll be very safe indeed from motor vehicles.

If you gotta ride with a microphone, don't go to Europe.

Steal a Hummer, then drive down the center line. If motorcyclists attempt to pass, weave over and give one of 'em a tap and the rest will back off. At some point the police will become so impressed by your safety acumen, they will assist by assembling an honor guard, with full lights and sirens. I've practiced this maneuver countless times in Grand Theft Auto, it works like a charm.

What about your bike? Throw it in the back, there's plenty of room. And don't worry, you can still retain your cyclocommuter smugness. It's not like it's your car, and you certainly didn't pay for the gas. Heck, by the time you're done with this trick, the vehicle should be so heavily damaged so as to be rendered undrivable. One Less Car, ftw!