Fahrenheit531 

We all make bonehead moves sometimes. Some of us -- me, for example -- make more of them because we're still figuring this bike stuff out.

A couple of weeks ago I got some decals from Waterford. Not long after their application (a day or two) I clamped the frame -- very delicately, mind you -- into the repair stand to hold it while the wheels were off. When I took it out I just stood there staring. Then, since the kids were already in bed, I invented new combinations of bad words. Quietly. Very quietly.

Here it is after touch-up with some white paint.

I never could get over my disgust enough to document the original cracks. Sort of a lightning bolt grid pattern emanating from wherever the clamp put pressure and slid the decal underneath by a hair. So cool. And then after my crappy fix last night I thought, "Hey, it can't be just me. Probably."

So let's hear about some of those embarrassing moments. Recent past? Distant memory? Heck, I don't care. I just like the idea of offering bonehead moves to a C&V support group and/or snarkfest.

Steve Whitlatch 

Installing my very first set of tubulars, I got the rear glued up and mounted before I realized that I did not have the label facing the drive side. Lots of curse words spoken as I had to re mount the tire. Very messy. LOL

Wolf Dust

Riding along on my (classic/vintage) mountain bike on a residential street, cars going by, suddenly a "clack clack clack clack" from big pebble between the knobbies of my front tire. So annoying! Why stop to pick it out when I can keep rolling and just lightly drag the tip of my shoe across the tread and knock it out. Next sound, "zzzzz-Thwunk"...foot instantly sucked up under fork crown...followed by UUGH!...me landing scorpion style on the street. The entire process took 1 second. Duh!

Wolf Dust

Here's another: Many years back. First time I finally got to be a mechanic at a bike shop. Feeling pretty cool...I think it was week 1 or 2. Getting ready to remove some nice old Ultegra cranks from a bike to clean em up. Start twirling the Park tool...getting tight now....crank should come free any second now....thinking to myself, "Wow! This crank is really on there!" "Oh well, just put all your might into it and bust that puppy loose." An odd crunching sound occurs and there is sudden free movement of the tool. Oh F$$&$! No more threads in the crank! F@#*!, forgot to remove that damn washer!

MikesChevelle

Recently installed a threaded to threadless adapter on my Centurion........For some reason I couldnt get the wedge tight enough in the steer tube and the wheel kept going a different a different direction from the handle bars.......took me a few days to realize I never tightened the bolts on the stem............

eschlwc

what happened to the op's decal?

i built some wheels recently and built the rear with the rim label facing the non drive side. i couldn't believe i got all the way through its lacing, truing, and dishing before discovery when mounting the tire. it's so horrifying, 'cause it was goung so perfectly.

peeled the label off and turned it around. it tore, but **** it.

Velocivixen

I bought the Dyad rim, spokes, nipples etc. as I was going to unlace the Sansin hub form it's 27" rim and make a new 700c wheel with my new supplies. This was a rear wheel with a freewheel. I was so eager to get going I figured I'd remove all the spokes from the 27" rim, then get the freewheel off after. Um....that can't happen. My mechanic friend said, "Just drop spokes into the non drive side holes - every other hole and lace them evenly spaced to the 27" rim. Clamp freewheel removal tool in a vice then use the rim to turn for leverage. Uh huh...it's sort of hard to "just drop spokes in a hole" when the spokes only go in about 3" and stop because they're hitting the back of the drive side flange.

So I had to push the spoke with one hand, and bend the spoke with the other in order to get the spokes in. Once the wheel was laced with non drive side spokes only, I had enough leverage so that one quick turn got the freewheel loose.

Matariki

You remounted just for that? I tend to be an iconoclast so I purposely arrange my labels wrong. The interesting thing is that nobody really notices these things.

Chrome Molly 

Back when I lived in an apartment and had no repair stand, I would resort to leaving the bars and seat on while doing some fairly major repairs with the bike upside down. One evening I put on a crankset then turned the bike over to find it was on the wrong side.

jmeb

Did something similar to this. Couldn't get my threadless headset to tighten, always had lots of play. Kept cranking on the top allen bolt without success. I had forgotten I tightened the stem into place which negated any chance to adjust the headset. To be fair...it was my first time working on a threadless headset.

Worst? One night rebuilding a bike too late after a big fight with my SO, I somehow "threaded" a fixed-size bb cup into the frame, going clockwise ! ! Took it into the LBS, they tried to chase it, unsuccessfully. I now have a beautiful 531 frame to hang on my wall. One day I may get the nerve to try those $70 threadless bottom brackets from VO.

gugie 

Riding along on a beautiful, sunny day on a perfectly smooth road, and I felt a very small thump, thump, thump, looked and saw something stuck to my front tire. I figured I'd just reach down with my glove and carefully rub it off, having seen others do it before. My thumb got caught between the tire and the fork crown. Luckily I was able to pull it out before any permanent damage was done or I flipped over the handlebars.

I thought I had a permament groove burned into my thumbprint.

Yes, it hurt.

Yes, I know know that if you're dumb enough to do such a thing, at least do it in front of the fork crowh.

blamester

When i was young we bodged all manner of bikes together just to keep riding. I had a raleigh single speed with no front brakes but it did have a rear one.
Unfortunately i only had a front brake cable so i used the cable guides to secure the cable and operated the brake by pulling the cable with my hand.
I worked very well when i tested it before i rode it. So as you do when your 14 i got up to a good old speed before i pulled the cable.
As soon as i pulled the cable one hand on the bars the bike veered violently and very unexpectedly on to the wrong side of the road.
I did not think pulling the cable would steer the bike and scare the XXXX out of me

nlerner

A few years back I spotted in someone's trash one of those smaller Wald front baskets with struts that connect to the axle and hooks that go over the handlebars. I figured I'd just hook it over the bars and head home (I was probably a mile from home at the time), feeling too lazy to undo my front QR and secure those struts. Well, after starting up as a light turned green, one of the struts went into the front spokes, stopped my front wheel dead, and I went straight over the bars, doing a face plant on the pavement. I didn't knock out any teeth but was scraped up quite well. Plus, that found basket was totally bent to sh*t. I tossed it in the nearest trash barrel and walked my bike home.

Fahrenheit531 

The stand's four rubber contact points put pressure on the decal in opposing directions and turned it into a fancy mosaic. Just gonna make me keep reliving this, aren't you?

This one was a gen-u-ine LOL (with a snort).

This one too. Oh man. "Too lazy to (insert some little thing that'll only take two minutes anyway)" seems to figure into a lot of my boneheads.

RobbieTunes

Just mount the rear wheel in backwards.

RobbieTunes

I answered a dare to do a bunny hop off a loading dock on a Stingray clone.

I had a stuck seat post that resulted in bench vice mounting bolts being sheared off.

Turned in a frame/fork to a powder coater and forgot to mask off the steerer tube, bottom bracket shell, and shifter bosses..

Used a hammer to install Brooks bar end plugs, broke the first one in half.
Figured I used too much force, and broke the 2nd one in half, using much less force.

Tightened a Campy seat post binder bolt 1/8 turn too far.
Ditto for Ti bolts on KCNC calipers, Zipp stems, FD mounting clamps, and DA RD cable clamping bolts.

Used a 2nd CO2 cartridge on a roadside flat, because the first one just didn't feel pumped "enough."
Blew the tire off the rim.

Repeatedly take off with a QR not checked, and come to a blazing stop, generally while climbing.
Being clipped in, this generally results in a fall-over.

Speaking of falling over, about once a year, while clipped in.
I have learned to un-clip while laying on one side.

Non-bicycle, but still two wheels, Kawasaki KZ1000 MkII:
Took a 35mph corner at about 60 on a 30-degree day.
When the front wheel began to slide, I screamed, and fogged up my helmet shield.
Stupid and blind. Luckily, the farmer had just done some fall plowing of the field into which I landed.

Otherwise, let's just say "ABS is my friend."

CroMo Mike 

Spoked up a rear wheel a couple of years ago and rode it on a regular basis after that. Just recently noticed that the rim has spoke holes offset right and left, and I had every single spoke in the wrong holes right vs. left. Had to do a complete redo, with new spokes and nipples again.

Installed a nice brand-new Nitto (Japanese) seat post in one of my all-Italian bikes because the current C-Record aero post couldn't be set low enough to get the "French-fit" I needed. Trouble is that the Nitto is anodized, and the seat tube clamp doesn't get much of a grip on the anodized finish. Even though the clamp bolt was tight, a couple miles from home the post suddenly slammed all the way down, leaving me to pedal home in the DUI bent-legs posture. Which really hurts one's knees. No more anodized posts for me. Replaced it with a vintage Super Record post.

Narhay

Think of the most difficult to source little bit to your part...especially with proprietary threading or sizing. Campy hub dust caps, French pedal locknuts, gt wish bone bolts, etc etc. I tend to...damage these and only these. The rarer the part, the more likely it will break. I can put together 5 low to mid end bikes with no mishaps but every time I need to be careful with hens teeth parts they tend to disintegrate if I breathe on them too hard.

Spaghetti Legs 

A few years ago I went to hang out with a friend who had cracked his pelvis in a bike crash. I had a new bike frame to build up and took that. We watched a cycling movie, I had a couple of beers and put the bike together as I watched the movie. He was on some pain meds, so a little out of it. I went to put the chain on and realized that I'd put the drive side crank on the left side. I quietly removed it and put it back on the "right" side as my buddy dozed in his easy chair. He was none the wiser and now you all know my dirty little secret.

coolkat

Recently installed the back of derailleur cage upside down. Dragged on the cogs..I even rode it around the block with it rubbing and catching on the teeth. Should have noticed it instantly, but it was a fairly short cage derailleur on a triple crank, so I assumed it was related to that. Got as far as undoing the bolt to swap it for a long cage before I noticed.

nishiki _fan

I had just got my 1987 Nishiki International. I was on my way to work, but running late.

Thinking that I was the cycling version of Speed Racer, I was going super fast when I transferred from riding in the street to the sidewalk. Little did I know a driveway that wasn't flush with the street would change my life forever.

I was in the cage when I felt the front wheel slip. As it did, I instinctively pulled up on the handlebars, taco'ed the front wheel as I came down, and did a gymnastics front flip over the bars. Besides a few cuts and bruises, I was ok. If I didn't pull up on the bars, I'm sure that I would've waxed the concrete with my face!

I now slow to almost a complete stop when driveway transitioning :]

peace

Henry III

I got a little overzealous on tightening down the bolt on a Super Record rear derailleur that holds down the shifter cable. I completely snapped off the entire tab that hangs off the front plate. Was my first SR rear derailleur and in super nice condition not to mention it was my last little thing I was buttoning up to finish my build. Had to wait about a month to find another SR RD in decent condition. I still have the carcass hanging in my shed as a reminder.

Oh here's another gem... Bought our oldest who's 18 now who first new bike when she was like probably eight or nine. Just a 20" girls bmx bike from walmart. I adjust the seat height for her and pumped up the tires. Then because I used to ride BMX back in the day I tell her I wanted to try it out before her to check everything. Take for a quick zip not nothing extreme and just a cruise down the block. Then with my wife and her both waiting and watching I proceed to tell them watch as this is how you jump a curb. Oooooh man what came next was winning material for America Funnest Home Videos. Haha. I got up to speed and hit the curb and pulled up on the bars....and the bars and stem pull right out of the steer tube! Luckily it was right onto the lawn in our front yard. Mind you they were busting a gut and I was too after I got up but that could of seriously ended up worse with her riding it afterwards.

I've got more but I don't want everyone to soil all their undies for the rest of the week. Haha!

upthywazzoo 

Was putting together a mixte to present to my mom for mother's day. Brought the bike to the LBS to see if they had a seatpost that would fit. They didn't. I left, and put the bike on the hitch--without securing it. I backed the car out of the parking space, then drove forward 5 feet and heard a crash from behind. Brand new derailleur and handlebar grips scratched now.

Rocky Gravol

Riding home in the dark,
cutting trough a parking lot so I could hit the cross walk button easier.
Didn't see a curb, did an endo, I looked like a turtle flat on my back with my bike on top of me.

A short time later, doing the same thing, telling myself to watch out for that curb,
then bamm smacked that curb, even harder than before,
this time I made it to the street, laying flat on my back,
with cars screeching to a halt.

ppg677

I've got several boneheaded moves.

1) Letting a friend take a spin around the block before setting derailleur stops on a new build He threw the chain into the rear spokes. Damaged half the spokes and I had to rebuild.

2) biggest bonehead move ever: taking a scouring pad to "lightly" remove a lawyer warning sticker residue from a new carbon fiber frame. Yup, there went the Clearcoat.

I've got more, but those are my worst.