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Running from zombies
I have this recurring daymare, and sometimes even a nightmare.
On my homeward commute there is this hill, you see. Well, let me start half a mile earlier. About halfway home there is this very busy, very large intersection with a multiphase stoplight. When "we" are finally released I have to squeeze across, dodging rocks on the road, stopped cars on my right pulled too far into the intersection, and impatient drivers on my left. It is, um, stressful. Then for a quarter mile things settle down for a bit, slightly uphill. The tribe of drivers who had been waiting with me at the light have gone past, except for the ever present straggler who must still go around me as I'm passing a slew of parked cars. But then the road starts uphill more steeply for a third of a mile. The grade tops out at about 10%. That's when the fear kicks in. The road is state-jurisdiction so it has a wide shoulder and nominally no parking. A few hundred yards from the top there is usually a collection of parked cars or pickup trucks, sometimes just one but sometimes upwards of half a dozen. Ah, the road behind me is usually clear (for the moment) so I can pull around them. But by now I've been grinding out my low gear, legs gaining lactic acid, breath coming harder, hot sun beating on my shoulders. It has become a race. Pull around those cars before the next wave of cars is released from the light, reach the safety of the enclave before the next wave of zombies comes out of the forest. Pedal harder, faster! Oh <bleep>, three more cars parked in front of this next truck. Forget the legs, breathe harder, grind it out, run for cover. Then my mirror shows the lead zombie coming up from behind, an open-jawed monster focused only on consuming a solitary cyclist. Oh, please, bike, don't break now. Keep my head down and my line straight and maybe he won't see me. Now there's two of them. Tuck slightly into that gap between the two Toyotas and they'll never notice I'm here. Now pull out, get around the last car before the slower members of the tribe stumble up the hill. Phew! I made it. Back in the enclave of clear, state-mandated lane-wide open shoulder. Catch my breath, let the legs relax as the grade lessens. Rest up, for tomorrow I will re-live this scenario again. I think my sweetie has watched too much TV. |
I have a similar high anxiety area near me that I avoid when I can. An underpass of a freeway that has multiple lanes turning and areas for cars to merge in, they tend to jump across before the lines start to break. I feel a little paranoid at times trying to make sure none of them Zombies jump out at me!
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Arm yourself with a Colt Python, 8" stainless. https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/bikefor...49b9808323.jpg
Fear no zombie... |
Originally Posted by jimmuller
(Post 21007155)
I have this recurring daymare, and sometimes even a nightmare.
On my homeward commute there is this hill, you see. Well, let me start half a mile earlier. About halfway home there is this very busy, very large intersection with a multiphase stoplight. When "we" are finally released I have to squeeze across, dodging rocks on the road, stopped cars on my right pulled too far into the intersection, and impatient drivers on my left. It is, um, stressful. Then for a quarter mile things settle down for a bit, slightly uphill. The tribe of drivers who had been waiting with me at the light have gone past, except for the ever present straggler who must still go around me as I'm passing a slew of parked cars. But then the road starts uphill more steeply for a third of a mile mile. The grade tops out at about 10%. That's when the fear kicks in. The road is state-jurisdiction so it has a wide shoulder and nominally no parking. A few hundred yards from the top there is usually a collection of parked cars or pickup trucks, sometimes just one but sometimes upwards of half a dozen. Ah, the road behind me is usually clear (for the moment) so I can pull around them. But by now I've been grinding out my low gear, legs gaining lactic acid, breath coming harder, hot sun beating on my shoulders. It has become a race. Pull around those cars before the next wave cars is released from the light, reach the safety of the enclave before the next wave of zombies comes out of the forest. Pedal harder, faster! Oh <bleep>, three more cars parked in front of this next truck. Forget the legs, breathe harder, grind it out, run for cover. Then my mirror shows the lead zombie coming up from behind, an open-jawed monster focused only on consuming a solitary cyclist. Oh, please, bike, don't break now. Keep my head down and my line straight and maybe he won't see me. Now there's two of them. Tuck slightly into that gap between the two Toyotas and they'll never notice I'm here. Now pull out, get around the last car before the slower members of the tribe stumble up the hill. Phew! I made it. Back in the enclave of clear, state-mandated lane-wide open shoulder. Catch my breath, let the legs relax as the grade lessens. Rest up, for tomorrow I will re-live this scenario again. I think my sweetie has watched too much TV. |
Put some parking stops in-line across the lane in the dead of night, when no zombies are looking.
Instant protected bike lane. Problem solved. ;) -Kurt |
Originally Posted by Phil_gretz
(Post 21007178)
Arm yourself with a Colt Python, 8" stainless. https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/bikefor...49b9808323.jpg
Fear no zombie... Storage? All weapons and reloads must be ready to hand, presumably in front bag, enough to take on a three-lane rush hour charge from the baddies. This dictates that for urban road self-defense you need a porteur with low trail but not too much planing, very wide gearset - still necessary to sprint to those islands of cover, where you can set up an effective counterattack in your temporary redoubt. To say nothing about requisite shooter skill ... Wow! Two-wheeled asymmetrical warfare! This is quite a challenging new bicycle design problem! |
Originally Posted by Road Fan
(Post 21007217)
Wow! Two-wheeled asymmetrical warfare!
This is quite a challenging new bicycle design problem! -Kurt |
Originally Posted by cudak888
(Post 21007226)
The Spike Bike novels already touched on this design problem quite well ;)
-Kurt Thanks to Jim and all for letting me indulge in a little impulsive fiction! |
What does "nominally no parking" mean? Is parking legal there?
At the initial traffic light, if there's a possibility of the right side of the lane being blocked by cross-traffic vehicles that failed to clear the intersection, I would queue up in the middle of the lane instead of the right side, that is, in front of and/or behind the motor vehicles queued up, rather than beside them. That clearly establishes that you're going through at the same time as them. You can slide over to the right AFTER the intersection (when it's sane for them to pass anyway). The other effect of this is that oncoming traffic, waiting to turn left, will be less likely to turn in front of you, simply based on your presence. |
Sounds like an occasion for urban cyclocross. Dismount and carry that thing until it's safe to ride again.
My commute to and from physical therapy has a 400 yard stretch that's pretty stressful. Some minor hill-type objects -- just highway overpasses to sprint over. But the merging lanes with two highways make it a mad dash, head on swivel and finger ready to offer half of the Vulcan salute -- the implied message, reading between the lines. |
Brilliant! I liked the analogy between cars and zombies, even if cars - or their distraught drivers - are much more fearsome, I would say.
Originally Posted by canklecat
(Post 21008188)
Sounds like an occasion for urban cyclocross. Dismount and carry that thing until it's safe to ride again.
Totally agree with canklecat. Doesn't hurt at all to dismount and carry on after the danger zone. Keep safe! |
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Welcome home [MENTION=501692]BMarino[/MENTION]
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Originally Posted by seedsbelize
(Post 21008356)
Welcome home [MENTION=501692]BMarino[/MENTION]
Thanks seedsbelize ! I see your location is in Yucatán. I'm currently in northeastern Mexico, specifically in the state of Nuevo León, in the Sierra Madre Oriental mountains 4 hours drive from the city of Monterrey. |
Originally Posted by madpogue
(Post 21007424)
What does "nominally no parking" mean? Is parking legal there?
Originally Posted by madpogue
(Post 21007424)
At the initial traffic light, if there's a possibility of the right side of the lane being blocked by cross-traffic vehicles that failed to clear the intersection, I would queue up in the middle of the lane instead of the right side, that is, in front of and/or behind the motor vehicles queued up, rather than beside them...
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"Jim!" (imagine the voice of Leonard McCoy, on the original Star Trek) "Do something Jim! The zombie horde is on a collision course from the aft and your starboard is blocked by an asteroid field!"
Jim: "Bones, I've got this. Uhura, hail the zombies, tell them to stand down!" Uhura: "Captain, there's no response!" Spock: "Jim, my scans show no intelligible life forms present. Just mindless commuter zombies bent on returning to their home docking ports." Jim: "Scotty, we need more power! We need to out run it!" Scotty: "Sir, she's givin' all she's got!" Jim: "Chekof, arm the torpedoes. Ready on my mark." Chekof: "Ah Ah, Captain--- torpedoes ready." Bones: "Jim! How can Spock know they are not intelligent? They could have spouses and children! They might just go past us!" Spock: "Logic, Doctor. My scientific instruments are never incorrect." Jim: "Sulu, on my command, full stop. Uhura, be ready to broadcast on all channels, a multi spectral radio interference strobe that disrupts their navigation signals." Sulu: "Yes, Captain" Uhura: "Ready." Jim: "Wait. Wait! Wait!! NOW!!!!!!!! Sulu, full stop!!!! Uhura, full strobe!!!!" The zombie horde comes to a sudden stop behind the Enterprise, not quite at a safe distance, but with adequate room to spare as they wait patiently for Jim to clear the asteroid field on the starboard before the horde proceeds at one quarter impulse on the port side. Bones: "Well, what do you know. I finally got the last word." |
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Uhura: "Captain? My broadcast included a script to uplink the navigational logs of all the zombie devices to the Enterprise computer. Scan of the logs indicate that fifty percent of the devices were displaying videos of cats playing with squirrels on their navigational screens at what would have been the moment of impact. Should we report this to Starfleet Command?"
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Originally Posted by canklecat
(Post 21008188)
Sounds like an occasion for urban cyclocross. Dismount and carry that thing until it's safe to ride again.
My commute to and from physical therapy has a 400 yard stretch that's pretty stressful. Some minor hill-type objects -- just highway overpasses to sprint over. But the merging lanes with two highways make it a mad dash, head on swivel and finger ready to offer half of the Vulcan salute -- the implied message, reading between the lines. |
Originally Posted by pastorbobnlnh
(Post 21009067)
"Jim!" (imagine the voice of Leonard McCoy, on the original Star Trek) "Do something Jim! The zombie horde is on a collision course from the aft and your starboard is blocked by an asteroid field!"
... Bones: "Well, what do you know. I finally got the last word." I think you've been watching too much TV.:D |
I was chased by a pitbull yesterday. Fortunately it happened to be one of the few dogs in the state of California I'm capable of out running. Talk about stressful, scared the bejesus out of me. Give me zombies any day.
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Great nightmare, Jim.
I have one, shorter. I'm on a hot, hilly ride. We go slightly off course, but realize: We can finish with excess mileage AND avoid a painful hill, which a certain BF member has researched at 11%. I'm with two other riders, and we look down said hill. I am relieved that we do not have to climb it. Then, a certain other BF member says "let's roll down this thing and climb back up." Which, of course, makes no sense. We laugh, and roll down. Then he turns and rides back up. Laughing. I ditch my water bottles (anxiety overload) and climb the thing. Of course, I have to ride back down and get them. He rides back up, again. I walk it the 2nd time. I won't name names, @nomadmax. :innocent: |
Isn't that scene in a Charlton Heston movie? The velvet smoking jacket is real classy
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dxAN0B6lIeU/hqdefault.jpg |
Originally Posted by brian3069
(Post 21010172)
I was chased by a pitbull yesterday....Give me zombies any day.
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'Z nation' Zombies are faster than the 'Walking Dead' Zombies ..
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