Drummerboy1975

My wife and I had a huge argument today about bikes. I got untroubled for being out working on my bike before she went to work. Then I was told that I spend too much time riding, that is, being out on rides while shes home rather than when she's working. I've only done that once for the record. Then she's says that I obsess over bikes. That I stay on my phone on Craigslist and the likes looking for bikes. Once more for the record, I get my bikes free from the local bicycle coalition where I donate my time rebuilding bikes for kids and homeless, one more thing I was accused of spending too much time doing. Not only does it make me feel great helping other but I spend nothing on my bikes and parts. I literally have ten bucks invested in my bike on two tubes, that's it.

Now, has anyone else had this issue? How did you handle it with your significant other? And please, by all means, if any wives or girlfriends care to add input, feel free.

Lets call this C&V marriage counselling.

And please, keep it light hearted!

Miyata110

I definitely get a hard time by my wife! Whether it is too much time looking at/for bikes, too much riding or running, too much money/time spent on my hobbies; it never ends. Ultimately she knows if I don't obsess about these things, it would be something else and these habits are mainly healthy! Better that I don't obsess about something worse, like carbon fiber bikes!

Sixty Fiver

Best score I ever made was meeting my wife who is a dedicated car free utilitarian cyclist who has a deep appreciation for vintage bikes and hand builts and early into our relationship hinted that some woman would really like my collection.

An early gift was a beautiful 1974 Raleigh 20 that i rebuilt with better parts that she says she would only part with if someone paid her 2k as she is a practical woman... have since built her a Mixte and my engagement present was a custom made tandem.

That... and it helps pay the bills as bikes are my and now our business.

auchencrow

My wife has begged me to give up the bikes and go back to the drugs and the booze, but I ain't listening.

Drillium Dude 

Wives/girlfriends/SOs need to understand this is a hobby like any hobby they may have. I would guess all the other ladies either on this Forum or married/dating guys on this Forum have their own interests. I would hope they apply the same reasoning about their hobby or hobbies as we'd like them apply to ours.

For the record, my ex complained often of the time I spent on weekends drilling away in my garage - interestingly enough, however, she would not look for a job beyond substitute teaching and I simply pointed out that my drilling was needed to add to the coffers to make ends meet (she brought a boatload of debt into the marriage). She still didn't like it. C'est la vie - one of the reasons I divorced her is she never, ever seemed to reason things out. It was black or it was white, period.

Playing fair is the only way to go. OP, you should have your fun and she should have hers - without either one questioning it. As long as you both end up with quality time together, who's it hurting?

DD

poprad

I'm on board with DD. I wouldn't say my wife "gets" my bike and riding obsessions, but she definitely gets the fact that I'm into 20 - 30 year old italian and Japanese bikes, not 20 to 30 year old Italian or Japanese women. Or vintage sports cars. Or a host of other interests that would be far less healthy and far more relationship damaging. I think our marriage has worked because we let each other have the time alone to pursue our interests, and we don't begrudge each other the time or money spent.

bibliobob

I get told this on a monthly basis.

1) Keep your bike money separate from your household money.

2) Minimize your computer/bike porn time.

3) Keep telling your wife that it's better than playing golf.

4) Let me know if you come up with any better ideas!

Drummerboy1975

There is a happy medium I suppose. And maybe it was bad timing on my part today by going out and tinkering rather than spending quality time with her before she had to go into work, something hates doing but that's just too bad, we're in a recession here.

I don't now, tomorrows a new day!

rootboy 

anixi

My wife took a look in the shed and told me "It's an addiction!" . I have a sick feeling that she's searching for a 12 step program for me.

XLR99

To some extent, I feel your pain! I think 65er has an unfair advantage and his post should be deleted ( ) .
Marriage is about compromise, first and foremost. It probably won't work long term, if it's all about one partner or the other. I will say, though, that since I've been riding more often and dropped ~25lb, she's been more motivated to work out, sometimes twice a day.
My wife is rather concerned about the bottom line, but bikes are relatively less expensive than my other interests (flying and motorcycles), at least until you start looking at new, modern stuff. I could build a basic airplane for the cost of a high-end modern bike.
As part of my life-simplification process, I've started to ramp up on bikes, and recently sold my VFR, which was very, very hard for me. Haven't done any flying that I had to pay for since last summer, which is also a bummer.
I'm in the process of collecting up parts for a modern disc brake cx bike, so I've enlisted my son to grab any UPS/Fedex boxes and hide them in the man-cave before mom comes home . This has been working pretty well, except for the day the frame/fork arrived, which caused some drama. Guess I need to pay him extra next week when the other boxes arrive...

3 circles

Hmmmmm, maybe it's not so much that she doesn't want you to enjoy bikes, but that she wants you to make her feel just as important. Obviously we all love bikes or we wouldn't be guilty of writing about them on a forum when we're not riding/fixing them.... but if you're out in the shop or riding them more than you're spend time with her, maybe you could try and balance it a little more. Nobody wants to give up their passions, especially to those we love but I'm guessing she's just jealous of all the time you spend on them and not her. A little bike obsessed myself I prefer men that are "into" bikes, but I have to admit...being a chick, we also like to know that you're into us once in awhile too!

toytech

I found that if you work hard enough, the addiction can be contagious, my wife is my main riding partner and 3 bikes of her own now to go with the dozen or so between my sons and I... also I stick to the bikes pay for bikes rule pretty strictly.
Getting your significant other involved in any way you can.

Drillium Dude 

Word! Equality and all that - stuff the "traditional roles" - a marriage works if both do what they have to do, even if it's uncomfortable some times. Sometimes we don't exactly love going to work, either (a nine-month WESTPAC cruise, in my case as an example!)

Since I've been almost 24 years active duty in the Navy, I've seen relationships that work and those that don't. The common denominator of those that work is independence on both sides; it goes without saying the failures lack that that independence. Having your own time to do your own thing is an absolute must.

We don't change at the core of ourselves just because we married. Bikes have been a part of my life since I was five years old; the next lady needs to understand that or find a different man

DD

3 circles

Agreed.

Drummerboy1975

There's one major problem getting my wife to ride with me. She can't ride a bike. Her and her mother(that's another post probably for the Dr. Phil Forums)both have an odd condition that causes then not to be able to ride bicycles. Its weird too because my wifes been a balarina and dance instructor most of her life.

So that's out.

lml999

Nice. Does she have a sister?

lml999

12 step program? One for each bike?

Drillium Dude 

But since so many women won't specifically communicate how much attention is enough attention, we're left in the dark to guess - and we always guess wrong

And before I get hammered for generalizing, I invite any of you out there to tell me you haven't heard "Nothing!" from your spouse/girlfriend in answer to the question "What's wrong?"

DD

northbend 

"Anyone else's wife say they're an addict?"

Um, no. my wife has never admitted to any addiction. I on the other hand think she is addicted to ice cream:-)

XLR99

Or worse yet, 'whatever!'
Even more dangerous, the kiss of death: ' Do whatever you want'

anixi

Hmmm, good points.

CbadRider

Is it a balance issue? Because there are trikes available that would eliminate that problem.

Sixty Fiver

Nope... and her bike loving brother is in a relationship with a bike loving girl so that would be out too.

Ex Pres 

She obviously wants a new pair of shoes