ypsetihw

I'm very very disappointed in myself to be back here . . .

I haven't weighed myself in over a month. After 2 weeks of the scale moving in the wrong direction, I just stopped doing it. I lost over 30 pounds this spring and summer from 225 down to 193, and after seeing it creep back up to over 195, I couldn't bear to look at it. My goal was originally 180, but I settled for hitting 187 which is where I was last summer. I never got there. The road season is basically over, and I don't have any more events to look forward to. Crippling dissatisfaction at work and the stress of a small child is taking it's toll on my personal and professional life and on my relationship. I have put all my mental energy into these areas, and have completely let myself go again.

My diet has gone to sh1t, my intermittent fasting schedule has become incredibly lax, with nothing to "train" for I have found that I've stopped "training." I can see and feel the bloat returning, and I have visibly lost definition in my torso and chest. I haven't had to loosen the belt yet, but I feel like it's coming. I just ride my bike now, and it feels like a chore to even commute into work. I haven't done a structured bike workout in 2 months and haven't ridden more than 20 miles at a time in weeks. I have picked up my running (that has improved a lot) and kept my miles up, but mostly I just feel like I'm turning my feet in circles for no purpose. I just passed 2000 miles for the year, 1000 short of my goal, and the thrill is gone. And I've been drinking again, often and a lot.

I'm not over trained, I'm not diabetic, and if there is a health issue here, it's strictly mental and #HTFU isn't working anymore. I'm just effing over it. I don't know how people have the mental and physical fortitude and discipline to train and manage diet and treat themselves well 24/7 all the time year in and year out. HELP!

How did you get over your slump?

NYMXer

While I have no real advice to offer you, I do wish that you find a solution before you've lost too much of your efforts.
I think talking about it helps but maybe you were expecting too much too soon, IDK.
Sometimes it is hard to hop on the bike but once I do, it's easy to keep going.
Good luck

mapeiboy

I will chip in on this . Nothing comes easy for me all my life , including cycling . I came back from a 4 hours ride this morning with up/down hills all the way from home . I suffered a lot during the ride even though I weight 125lbs . I am not going to go crazy on food because I do not want to pay the same real estate twice . Next time you want to eat just remember the effort you put in the last ride .

jethro56 

I get over my slumps by realizing that I'll have them. In fact knowing that I'll back off the month of August allows me to over-reach the last couple weeks of July. I've been though this enough times that I know after labor day I'll ride harder.

Black wallnut 

I'm not sure I ever got over a slump. I just keep getting on the bike. I have also added "criminal activity" a.k.a. running, if you can call it that.

Don't be afraid to seek mental health help if you think you have an issue.

mrv 

You've got a small kid and your not enjoying it? I'm dropping my daughter off at college for her senior year. My son for his freshman on Saturday.
Now quit whining and play with your kid before they are gone baby gone!
My cycling goal this year was to do an easy camping tour with my son - BAM! Done. Every other bike ride is extra gravy.
And why is the season over in August? The colors are about to kick in!
Anyway, get an old clunker bike for 80 bucks and ride it slow because it's old and heavy. Consider it a better workout than your good bike. Get lights and ride at night. It's a whole 'nother world at night.
Chuck the scale and enjoy the ride.
Most of all spend copious amounts of time with your kid.

Milton Keynes

I think the drinking might have a lot to do with it, as you mentioned in the other thread. If I were you I'd seek out some kind of professional help.

ypsetihw

This is probably the best advice, I do like to haul him around in his toddler trailer, and he LOVES it. Maybe I need to incorporate more of these rides.

ypsetihw

This is only my second season on a road bike and the first year I actually had a training or diet plan for fitness every in my life. I guess it's easy to get the impression that fitness nuts do it day in and day out all the time, but I suppose everything in life is cyclical, and maybe I need to start viewing my training and body transformation in the same way. I guess I need to account for more "down time" and just accept it as part of the plan.

ypsetihw

Running has actually been really great for me, because I'm a noobie at that too, and I have made HUGE gains in speed and distance capacity this summer. Whenever I don't ride to work, I go for a run during the day to switch it up, which "mostly" works to keep me motivated.

1242Vintage

I've been there. Had a crappy job that kept me out of town on business 50 weeks a year chasing the next dollar and carrying the responsibilities of three young kids and a wife at home that were totally dependent on me. Extremely stressful time in my life. I was not a healthy man back then. Fat, stressed, and unhappy.

Two things helped me. Having a good and continuing conversation with my wife about the stress I was carrying and also dedicating one hour a day to work on my mental or physical fitness. Sometimes that hour was spent alone on a bike, and other times was a simple walk in the park with the family.

What this really comes down to is that in order to live up to the responsibilities we have as adults/parents/spouses you have to take care of your own mental and physical well being first. Took me a few years to figure this one out.

I just loaded my youngest kid on an airplane and waved goodbye as she goes back to college across the country. Savor that time with you child. It goes by really fast.

Good luck.

Jean3n16

I have to agree. It could be youre depressed.

travbikeman

Depression is a really terrible thing to go through. It robs you of your energy and will power. I don't have any advice except like others say, to seek help.

What I've done to battle depression, I do things to take my mind off of what I think are problems. I play with my children, I ride the bike to enjoy riding, not to lose weight, and I give myself time outs from the family and work. Time outs are equivalent to not taking anyone grocery shopping with me or taking the day off on an adventure somewhere. It's ME time.

At the end of the day, I don't even bother watching TV or listen to a stereo very often anymore. I'm even trying to limit my computer time, except now (these are distractions and I've found are depressing themselves). I've been trying to read some good books instead. Keeps me interested in life.

squirtdad

maybe focus less on diet/fasting and 1) put veggies on you plate first covering 1/2 of it 2)look at the rest and ask is this good food for me

is it possible to bike commute? I find that a simple ride to work starts my day on a positive note and makes dealing with work issues much easier. Also commuting is way of building aerobic exercise into you daily life, often a minimal time cost compared to going to a gym

and to repeat what others have said...dropped my kid off at college a week ago. house is now way to quiet. take what advantage you can of your kid now.

Best of luck and life

BigMo59

I get on the scales every morning even if I know I overdid the eating part the day before. Sometimes it's depressing but it usually motivates me to get back on the bike. I'd like to be under 200# but stuck at 210 but down from 350. I don't want to go there again! It's a daily struggle for me.

baron von trail 

It happens. Don't beat yourself up about it. I go through cycles myself. Fewer now that I'm over 50. You'll get the upswing again, and then you'll be back in happy land.

I'm no mental health expert, but I am very knowledgeable about myself. When I was younger, I had tremendous mood swings. I also self medicated a lot. Of course, that just made it all worse. I eventually quit everything, went through about a 6-month depression and then suddenly snapped out of it. I think I gained 50 lbs, going from 180-plus up to over 230. Now, here I am, 5 years later still fighting to get out of clyde land. I get down to 220 now and then, but getting to or below 200 is, of course, still the goal. It's just slow moving. Shrug.

mileslong

"And I've been drinking again, often and a lot."

I will only reply because I have lived it and continue to live it everyday.... the excessive alcohol use does not help in any way.

I am not a psychologist and I do not pretend to be able to diagnose your motivation for undoing all the wonderful and meaningful things you have accomplished. It has been my personal experience that the overeating and the alcohol abuse is a symptom of some other issue.

What is it about your weight loss and fitness gains that make you so uncomfortable that you feel you must sabotage those efforts? Is it possible that you are seeking some type of external solution to an internal problem?

We all go through periods where we feel we have lost our way... good on you for reaching out to this community for feedback and support. Remember, if it is not part of the solution then it is part of the problem.

ypsetihw

thanks for the responses everyone! honestly, just writing it down and reading your responses has helped a lot. unfortunately because of my schedule I don't have time for many outlets beyond riding, and very little social time. turning here to write it down was somewhat of an attempt at just getting it off my chest. I'm glad to have this community if you can call it that, and this particular subforum has provided a lot of help and motivation to me on this journey.

I had a great date night with my lady last night (we saw the blink 182 show while grandma babysat [I'm dating myself, I know]), and I've done some soul searching about my responsibilities and motivations (or lack thereof). feeling much better today, and I'm thinking a couple days of down time from all the exercise and dieting and spending a little more time with family has actually helped me chill out a bit.

sometimes the impression that we have to be 100% all the time (which is impossible) creates the false impression of failure and hopelessness. of course I know this isn't true, but sometimes we are our own worst enemy. trying to focus on the positives!

RubeRad

I like that idea too. With the extra weight you can get a little extra work in.

A number of commenters said something to the effect of 'enjoy that kind while you have him'. While that's true, I don't want to minimize how hard parenting is, and how difficult children can be at times -- and you shouldn't minimize it either, or beat yourself up about not feeling as 100% loving 100% of the time as you think you maybe should.

People can be annoying and frustrating and mean and stupid, and kids are people too. Try to separate your temporary/specific negative feelings from your permanent/unconditional love, maybe that will help get through the rough patches.

RubeRad

When I was a teenager, I went to church with Tom DeLonge, but wasn't really close with him because we're a few years apart. I know he recently parted ways with 182 though.

boozergut

How did you get over your slump? I stepped on the scale and screamed "HOLY F$%^", enough is enough!" This thing called life can be a real challenge. Get help if you need it. There is a lot more of what I call "managing by the emotion of the day" in today's workforce. Get up an hour earlier and make time for yourself first.

nycphotography

I notice that "address the drinking" has been mentioned a few times in the thread, but the OP has not responded to that particular aspect.

The drinking is probably tightly bound to some boiling personal issues which taken together as a whole are likely the real problem that destabilizes your other efforts in life.

Getting professional help and addressing those issues in your life will empower you to stop drinking to excess, find peace, find resolve, and more or less keep your life on track.

If you don't manage the drinking now, you may eventually get to a place where you have to stop completely. Assuming it's not too late already.

Are you an angry drunk? Do you get blackouts / memory loss when drinking?

jimincalif

I once attended a presentation by Jack Canfield once (author of "Chicken Soup for the Soul"). Best bit of advice I ever heard from someone when he said something like:

"To be happy you must take 100% responsibility for everything in your life."

It isn't easy at first to think this way, but it is actually very empowering. If work sucks that bad you need to fix it because it drags you down in other aspects of your life. Doesn't mean you need to quit, could be as simple as how you approach and react to what goes on there. Or you need to talk to the powers that be at work about changing your role.

I have 4 kids, yes it was difficult at times when they were small, but I learned to enjoy them, realizing they would never again be the age they are right now.

It's up to you, and I'm not saying HTFU because you already have the power to take control.

ypsetihw

yeah I think the drinking is just an outlet, it lets me shut off. I used to live in CO and at the time I used to turn to other legal alternatives, but since moving back to NY and quitting the green stuff, my other option for self medication has increased . . . not sure what it means, just being honest.

the interesting thing is that I'm not at all an angry drunk, I don't blackout, actually I'd say I rarely get "drunk," I just have several drinks over the course of several hours maintaining a buzz. then the next thing you know it's after midnight, sleep suffers, then work suffers, then the cycle continues.

I read an interesting article about how alcohol treatment in the US is often seen as binary, either you're an alcoholic or not. if your drinking doesn't cause immediate issues in your life, like getting a DUI or getting arrested for public indecency or going broke or losing your job or having physical withdrawal, then you aren't seen as having an alcohol problem and are therefore not treated. I can't remember the last time I "blacked out drunk" but it's been a while since I went say 3 days without a single drink. the funny/sad part is that buffalo is a very thirsty town, and my level of drinking is only excessive in it's relative frequency (say 5 days a week) when I actually drink MUCH less at a time than most people I know. Just google "Bills Pregame" and grab the popcorn. It's pretty pathetic actually.

nycphotography

^ sounds like you would benefit from some life coaching. I can point you at some resources if you are interested. send a PM.