All I do:

1) shift my butt to the back of the saddle
2) shift my pelvis forward.
3) spin the 44-11 on my MTB
4) get out my sindproof lighter
5) put lighter to butt
6) fart and ignite
7) 15 seconds later look back at the ppor chump who's now on fire, running around and screaming "AHHH MY D***S ON FIRE, MY D***S ON FIRE AHHHHHHH!!!!!"

...Taco Bell, it's how chumps are burned.

Oh yea...well my Dad rides faster than your Dad!

To me R600DuraAce posts before and now have always been satirical. For that reason I chuckle at them and don't take them seriously. Take a minute and think about his user name. He has included in his name a reference to an elite race gearing for bicycles, how pompous. But its humorous.

Kind of like the movie Dr. Strangelove where Kubrick made us laugh in the same way with the character Generral Jack D. Ripper:

He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

42% slope 28 MPH no wind

www.analyticcycling.com

Frontal Area 0.50 m2
Coefficient Wind Drag 0.50 dimensionless
Air Density 1.226 kg/m3
Weight 75.0 kg
Coefficient of Rolling 0.004 dimensionless
Grade 0.420 decimal
Wind Resistance 23.9 kg m/s2
Rolling Resistance 2.9 kg m/s2
Slope Force 308.9 kg m/s2
Cadence 100. rev/min
Crank Length 170. mm
Pedal Speed 1.78 m/s
Average Pedal Force 2357.8 kg m/s2
Effective Pedaling Range 70. degree
Effective Pedal Force 6062.9 kg m/s2
Speed 12.50 m/s
Power 4197.5 watts

This is a cautionary tale! How far into cycling can you get before you pass through the Membrane of Beatitude and become a tool in "team kit" racing a mountain bike on the most-populated MUP in the United States? We should look for the warning signs! Just today, I was thinking that I'd like to know just how fast I'm going up First Avenue, as I pass or run alongside the taxicabs. Now, after reading this, I'm not so interested. I'm convinced that the cyclocomputer is the gateway drug to tooldom. Computer users, beware.
As for the tractor, I know that guy. Shortly after your "race," fmw, the guy had a nervous breakdown. Now he sits on a bench in front of city hall, whittling a replica of an Easton carbon fork and muttering, "Wattage, wattage, wattage...." Sometimes I give him the half of the sandwich I didn't finish. He is a shell of a man.

Well, I do have to agree with R600 on one tiny point. It is annoying to find some clown who speeds up to pass you and having passed you, slows down; and does it repeatedly. Cyclists like that are morons.

It's worse on a regular commute where you meet this moron day after day. I'm not really into racing in the morning, and after several days of this behavior and showing such them that yes, I am consistently faster than him and hoping that he will eventually just quit trying to force me to follow him, I just find an alternate route because clearly, he is not learning, and I don't wish to contribute to whatever pathetic dialog he has going in his head.

I live on a farm and actually own a John Deere. I drop tractors all the time around here on the roads. I exaggerated the numbers just a tad, but the story wan't too far from the truth. :)

I just realize we've been duped by some computer nerd sitting behind a desk making up stories, arg, I fall for it every time...

R600, I get the feeling you're trying to compenisate for something...;)

He has small breasts and the pushups aren't working.

Coming home to federation space via DS9 on impulse power just running some diagnostics on the warp core. An hour earlier I was enjoying a deliscious klingon dinner with the high council. I was carrying a fresh load of dylithium crystals. I'll be taking shore leave tomorrow at planitia utopia while the enterprise is in space dock having the warp nacelles overhauled. All of a sudden navigation sensors pick up this cargo hauler blowing by at warp one and drops to impulse right in front of me, I mean this bucket of bolts was leaking antimatter all over the place yet the phred piloting it thought he was in a klingon bird of prey or a romulan warbird! mind you this is in a charted flight corridor so you just don't drop in and out of warp. Fine, I let him go ahead, so he scanned me and slowed down and forced me to take evasive maneouvers and go around, he punched it up to warp one and did it again. This went on a few more times untill I realised that mine is bigger than his so I called "shields up, red alert" and all hands went to battle stations. I took out his rear shield generators with the first phaser shot and locked on a spread of photon torpedos, he opened a communication channel and begged for mercy, I put it up on the viever and gave him THE LOOK, I fired the torpedos and blew by him at warp 9 as he was vaporised.

Ready for some terrawattage? at impulse I was at 0.5 terrawatt, at top speed I was doing warp 9.1 (about 1600 times the speed of light) at 5 million terrawatts. I knew when the torpedos hit he wouldn't be able to get back on my nacelles and would blow up. I scanned back and not surprisingly he was just a cloud of dust. I hope the cargo he was carrying wasn't too valuable.:)

:roflmao: That would be quite humorous. I'm sure we'd have one to 2 forceful submissions a day to thatl.

Ditto.

Thanks for sharing the diagram.

Actually when they tested me my LT was either 280 or 300. It was in October of last year, so at the end of a long season full of (35) races, therefore you might be right as it has likely improved after a winter of some rest, and more training. But, they commented that that likely showed why I tend to finish well: I could ride above threshold for twice as long as most people. My sprint tends to be rather long as well. I say this mainly by way of encouraging people to take these kinds of tests, they really can tell you things about yourself that you didn't know, especially your training zones. Now when I'm in a tough finale, I know other people are having more trouble than I am, even if it hurts me a lot too. I'll probably re-test pretty soon, at least again at the end of this season, and it will be super-interesting to compare the difference.

As far as R600DA goes, perhaps he hasn't reached 'critical mass' through his training yet. Therefore his race results aren't anything to crow about, so it makes him feel good to crush people who challenge him in other venues. If it makes him feel good and he doesn't hurt anybody, the worst thing that can happen is he'll have an overdeveloped ego.

I've won three races out of my last 15 starts or so, going back to my last cat 4 race, but the stronger I get at this level, the more I realize what a big pond it is. The higher you go the more guys there are who are good at what you are good at, and the more breaks there are and tactics - so while I can dust almost anybody out there on the bike trail, I am so aware that there are many, many elite guys who could steal my lunch. R600DA should keep it in perspective!

lol, hilarious thread, best i've read in a while

You must be a really strong rider to be tested by a mtn bike. No wait, swap that around to he must be a really strong rider to test a roadie.

wow, pretty creative. :beer:

This thread is hilarious, keep it up guys :)

Well, I was waiting at this traffic light, and this guy catches the green and passes me up and looks back at me you know giving me the look. So I had to show him what I was made of so I dialed my heart rate monitor up to 90% and passed him only to get caught at a red light, then as the light turns green he catches it again and gives me the look! So I dialed my HRM up to 90% again and passed his sorry non-lycra clad butt and got stuck at another light which he caught and passed me and gave me the look............. And it keeps going on like this!

Seriously though, the fact that r600Durace even posted in the commuter forum is very humorous in itself. I think he is being funny, and I am exceedingly entertained.

Interestingly enough whether I pass or get passed on any given day depends on whether I have a rest day that day or am doing a paced workout at a higher heartrate.

This was CRAZY man! I was coming home on my commuter with full panniers, when what comes up to my left but a 75 year old woman on a trike. It's dangerous to ride like this on the MUP and it's kinda crowded, so I let her go. Then, she gives me "the look." It's on. Hell hath no fury like a roadie who has been given "the look." So, I crank it up to 725 watts. I'm cranking hard on it, BAM! I break the sound barrier and decide to settle into a subsonic TT pace. I look back and she's almost on my wheel, so I crank it up again. Runners are getting blown away by the tailwind I'm generating. I pass this silly roadie racing a mountain biker. I look back and they're at a distance, so I calm it down and take a drink of water.
I hope she wasn't too tired to play bingo tomorrow.

You lie ! We dropped you like a ton of bricks. And stop drinking out of the dog's dish while drafting !! :)

I totally dusted some kid on a Big Wheel on my way home last night. If I were any more awesome, I'd need a Burley trailer to haul my ego.

Man, the other day I was on my way home and noticed someone right on my wheel. So I dialed it up to 1.21 jigawatts to teach this guy a lesson. Can you believe it, the SOB stuck right on my wheel! I glanced back to see if I could get a look at him, and all I could see was a dark, shadowy figure. I knew he wouldn't be able to keep pace with me forever so I settled into my aerotuck while maintaining mach 2 and weaving through evening traffic. I kept on riding like the wind the whole way home and noticed he was still on my wheel when I pulled on to my street. Against my better judgement I rode right home knowing he was still there. When I got into my driveway, hopped off my bike, spun around and shouted "HA!" only to find that no one was there. Strange.

that was no kid....and next time you pass me on my big wheel, would you please yell out "on your left":p

Was this guy driving a blue VW van and waving a machine gun in the air with a bunch of other Libyans? They're probably still pissed about that shiny bomb case full of used pinball machine parts ...

Heading to work via Roswell road, I was taking it slow. An hour earlier I have a very nice eggs benedict. I was carrying my Brooks Brothers double-breasted in my rack trunk. I will be pitching a client today. Just enjoying my commute and looking forward to the sales call. Spinning on my small ring and going about 8 mph. Up ahead, I saw this dude on a MTB with a his work cloths in a plastic shopping bag dangling from his handlebar. I just rode towards him. 50 yards or so later he, he pulls into a Quicktrip. Mind you it is a convenience store. You don't just stop there for a rest. I let this dude just pull in. Well it was like he was waiting for me. He comes out with a couple of donuts a candy bar and a Pepsi. He sorted of grinned at me. I nodded and he looked at my quick release seatpost rack and kinda chuckled. I said hi and he did the same thing. He kinda looked at my trunk bag and smirked. This went on for 3 or 4 seconds. I got very annoyed. Now there's a Krispy Kreme coming up. The next turn is the back of the parking lot, I whip over and through a puddle with my hardcore freddy fenders. Stood up and attacked.

Ready for some cubic inches? In 30 seconds, the Topeak MTX DBX fold down panniers flop down and the expanding top is up. I was at 1500 cubic inches. About 1 minute later, I've attached the Delta handebar bag I carry for extra storage and transferred the Brooks Brothers. 5 minutes later I'm loaded up with 6 bagels, 2 dozen mixed, a cube o'joe and 1 dozen hot glazed. Surprisingly he's still half smiling. Since his plastic shopping bag was tattered I knew he wouldn't be able to expand any further. I picked up some napkins and shoved them in my jersey pocket. Looked back and he was starting to melt. By this time I was about to grab the cream cheese and mount up. I hope he wasn't too humilated to work today.

I can understand your irritation. On one commuting route I had a similar fool. What's aggravating is that they slow down after passing, so that you can't even keep your normal pace and you are forced into a little passing game if you want to get to work on time.

You did right in just blowing him off for the day so that he couldn't pass you again. But if you want to avoid it in the future, I suggest finding an alternate route when you see him. People like that are as weak in the mind as they are in the legs. If they see you, they will never leave you alone. That's what I did, just found another longer route where I didn't have to over-exert myself. Good luck in the future.

1.21 jigawatts!!!! That's Impossible! Add a flux capacitor to your bike and you could have gone back to the future :)

LOL, the beagle thread, hilarious.

R600DA I love you! You have the spirit of cycling. I will race you anytime.