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-   -   I behaved badly... (https://www.bikeforums.net/commuting/294487-i-behaved-badly.html)

Artkansas 05-04-07 10:57 AM


Originally Posted by Treespeed
I was so angry, I don't know what came over me, but I just didn't feel like yelling anymore, so I spit on her.

Careful, that can land you in jail these days. Spitting is now considered assault.

thdave 05-04-07 12:16 PM


Originally Posted by BikinginSeattle
It just irritates me when I read other posts trying to justify what he did. There is no justification for allowing your anger to cause you to escalate a verbal confrontation into a physical one.

I never justified what he did. The OP was wrong and he admitted doing wrong and all your saying is that he was wrong. Not really adding much there, are you?

Have you ever done wrong?

Not only that, but you omit the fact that the SUV threatened his safety with her poor driving and gestures and you are eager to come to her defense. But the fact is, she was wrong, too.

Sorry for bickering, but this post wasn't right.

I love those conversations folks are having with the judge and Chip's thought on what he'd do as a police officer. Cute!

Looks like a great day in Ohio for a ride home. Can't wait.:)

chephy 05-04-07 12:24 PM


Originally Posted by scooterbeans
She didn't deserve it. He escalated some harmless words and gestures to assault.

This has been dealt with in other posts already. It's not "some harmless words and gestures". It's "coming pretty close to killing somebody because you're in too much damn hurry and consider yourself much too important to have any consideration for other road users".

acroy 05-04-07 12:43 PM


Originally Posted by chephy
This has been dealt with in other posts already. It's not "some harmless words and gestures". It's "coming pretty close to killing somebody because you're in too much damn hurry and consider yourself much too important to have any consideration for other road users".

I have to agree...
Spray her with Mace next time and if caught & questioned, tell them you felt threatened and in danger of your life. You did, didn't you? Who will argue, with you on a bike and her in a SUV.:rolleyes:

dynaryder 05-04-07 01:54 PM


Originally Posted by BikinginSeattle
It just irritates me when I read other posts trying to justify what he did. There is no justification for allowing your anger to cause you to escalate a verbal confrontation into a physical one.

I'm sorry,but in order for this to have been a real physical confrontation,he would've had to U lock her. Yes,what he did was gross and against social mores,but come on,it's not like she needed medical attention. Had she hit him,he definitely would've needed a doctor,if not an undertaker.

BTW,I'd just like to point out that the OP is here doing a mea culpa. I doubt the driver feels the least bit sorry for what she's done. Recall that after almost hitting him,she gave him the finger. I see this kind of behavior around DC all the time and it never ceases it burn me up. That people are so self-centered that they feel they can do whatever they wish. The last time I told someone that talking on a cell while driving was illegal(it is here) they wanted to fight me.

The OP feels bad about it. He gets a slap on the wrist and is to never do it again. The driver gets major Bad Karma points.

BikinginSeattle 05-04-07 03:48 PM

He perceived himself in danger and responded by spitting on her. I guess I cannot comprehend this state of mind. I just don't feel anger to the point of spitting on women.

Denny Koll 05-04-07 03:54 PM


Originally Posted by BikinginSeattle
He perceived himself in danger and responded by spitting on her. I guess I cannot comprehend this state of mind. I just don't feel anger to the point of spitting on women.

What if someone put a loaded gun to your head and pulled the trigger...but the gun misfired so you didn't die. Then the guy with the gun gives you the finger and tells you you shouldn't have been in front of his gun in the first place...would spitting on him seem outrageous?

BikinginSeattle 05-04-07 04:25 PM


Originally Posted by Denny Koll
What if someone put a loaded gun to your head and pulled the trigger...but the gun misfired so you didn't die. Then the guy with the gun gives you the finger and tells you you shouldn't have been in front of his gun in the first place...would spitting on him seem outrageous?


The woman wasn't trying to run over him. What really made him angry was the fact that she gave him the finger and to avenge this insult he spit on her. I don't see spitting as a rational response to any circumstance so in your analogy I would still see spitting as outrageous. I don't see poor driving as being analogous to holding a gun to someone's head.

Niles H. 05-04-07 04:51 PM


Originally Posted by Treespeed
So a beautiful day here in Los Angeles, I'm on my mellow commuting bike and don't have to rush home to pick up my daughter from daycare as my wife is already home. I'm cruising in the door zone (I know) of a three lane road with parking when an SUV makes a sudden lane change from the far left lane to make it over to the far right that turns into a right turn only lane. This woman sees me at the last minute, stops, and I end up ahead of her, proceeding straight into the right-hand turn lane, that has just begun. Traffic in the other two lanes is stopped and backed up. I merely look back at this woman, kind of saying, "what the hell?" and she is giving me the full finger! To this I come to a complete stop in the lane and she is just cursing inside her big Lexus SUV, so I walk up to her window and ask her why she's flipping me off after she almost clocked me, to which she just starts cursing and telling me I'm holding her up. I was so angry, I don't know what came over me, but I just didn't feel like yelling anymore, so I spit on her. It definitely shut her up, but I haven't done something like this since I was a messenger. She was so in the wrong, but I should have just ignored her.


Originally Posted by Treespeed
... and she is giving me the full finger! To this I come to a complete stop in the lane and she is just cursing inside her big Lexus SUV, so I walk up to her window....

One productive or constructive possibility when looking back on these sorts of happenings and mistakes is to see the right way that could have been, and then next time (and thereafter) do it the right way.

I think you are right in saying that you behaved badly when you spat on her.

One right way to proceed in this case and in future cases is to learn to turn the other cheek, and not be set off by people. Even if they are cursing and losing it, it doesn't mean that you need to catch their spirit or their disease, or respond or participate in kind.

By opting out of participation in that sort of thing, it seems to me one can be a force for sanity and change. We vote with our actions. You bought into a certain aggro mindset; next time you can opt out.

Vote the ugliness out of office by non-participation....

***
People tend to understand beautification of a physical environment -- picking up litter, keeping homes, yards and other things clean and groomed, etc. The same principal and spirit can be applied to human mindsets, emotions, thoughts and actions.

***
When you say, 'I was so angry, I don't know what came over me,' next time you might be able to test it out: you may have the power to stay non-angry. I think it is within our power to stay cool in the vast majority of cases. Losing it and behaving regrettably are not things we have to accept as if we cannot get past them, drop them, or grow out of them.

Mars 05-04-07 07:13 PM


Originally Posted by Treespeed
So a beautiful day here in Los Angeles, I'm on my mellow commuting bike and don't have to rush home to pick up my daughter from daycare as my wife is already home. I'm cruising in the door zone (I know) of a three lane road with parking when an SUV makes a sudden lane change from the far left lane to make it over to the far right that turns into a right turn only lane. This woman sees me at the last minute, stops, and I end up ahead of her, proceeding straight into the right-hand turn lane, that has just begun. Traffic in the other two lanes is stopped and backed up. I merely look back at this woman, kind of saying, "what the hell?" and she is giving me the full finger! To this I come to a complete stop in the lane and she is just cursing inside her big Lexus SUV, so I walk up to her window and ask her why she's flipping me off after she almost clocked me, to which she just starts cursing and telling me I'm holding her up. I was so angry, I don't know what came over me, but I just didn't feel like yelling anymore, so I spit on her. It definitely shut her up, but I haven't done something like this since I was a messenger. She was so in the wrong, but I should have just ignored her.

:eek: :eek: :eek: Holy crap!!! This is so unlike you! Hahahaha! This is great, I wish i could see the look on her face when that happened!

Denny Koll 05-04-07 07:28 PM


Originally Posted by BikinginSeattle
The woman wasn't trying to run over him. What really made him angry was the fact that she gave him the finger and to avenge this insult he spit on her. I don't see spitting as a rational response to any circumstance so in your analogy I would still see spitting as outrageous. I don't see poor driving as being analogous to holding a gun to someone's head.

OK. Well nevermind then.

Treespeed 05-04-07 09:48 PM


Originally Posted by BikinginSeattle
The woman wasn't trying to run over him. What really made him angry was the fact that she gave him the finger and to avenge this insult he spit on her. I don't see spitting as a rational response to any circumstance so in your analogy I would still see spitting as outrageous. I don't see poor driving as being analogous to holding a gun to someone's head.

BIS, it was not "poor" driving, it was aggressive, dangerous driving and she was behind me threatening me while driving a 6,000lb vehicle. What I did wasn't productive, but she certainly isn't the victim in this.

Elusor 05-04-07 10:01 PM

we all writing from comfort and safety behind our screens

had we experienced all stimulus and blatant disregard for human life in such instance and to be fingered at and screamed at viciously in such manner we may still be behave like he did

for many in such circumstances, some may have done more, some may have dones less
soem may have done comparable

but we all cannot say because we are not in exact circumstance and life events leading to the point

it is terrible to have someone attack with SUV and show no remorse

but not to condemn or condone spitting

we have all been to low point in our lives and each one of us has feel bad or worse than this or done much more worse than this at one point in our lives, regardless of past present or future

we have our low points and it is easy to speak the wrong ness of it especially sight unseen behin d anonymus internet

take heeed to this

Tapeworm21 05-04-07 10:04 PM

HAHA! I totally understand that rage you get. I was a bad boy last week. A fellow decided to cross the street on red, I almost hit him, and the only thing I could say was, "you f'ing n****r." He yelled something back but I had earphones on. I felt bad but laugh at it now.

Oh yeah, I spit on cars all the time. But never have I spat on a driver. Brutal, yet funny.

Treespeed 05-04-07 10:08 PM


Originally Posted by Mars
:eek: :eek: :eek: Holy crap!!! This is so unlike you! Hahahaha! This is great, I wish i could see the look on her face when that happened!

Thanks Mars. I don't feel good about it, and it's made me think a lot about how to deal with something like this in the future.:)

deputyjones 05-04-07 10:29 PM


Originally Posted by Tapeworm21
HAHA! I totally understand that rage you get. I was a bad boy last week. A fellow decided to cross the street on red, I almost hit him, and the only thing I could say was, "you f'ing n****r." He yelled something back but I had earphones on. I felt bad but laugh at it now.

Oh yeah, I spit on cars all the time. But never have I spat on a driver. Brutal, yet funny.

wow, you and Treespeed should be watching your backs on your commutes for a while. Good luck.

Bantam 05-04-07 11:23 PM


Originally Posted by FlatFender
Ill put it this way. Had you spit on me, even with me being in the wrong, you would have been held at gun point until the police arrived to arrest you.

You sir, are the kind of ingnorant fool that may one day cost me the right to own a firearm. For that, I resent you wholeheartedly. You realize that any jury worth its membership will give you murder, correct? Let us be reasonable, you are going to murder someone for spitting on you!?
As soon as I see you reach for the glovebox I am going to start leaving. The physics of LHD cars helps a lot also. Most people are right handed which means you must use your non-dominate hand or lean out of the car. Either situation leaves you with a terrible shot. And in the city, if I want to get lost on a bike, I can more than likely outrun your car.

Tapeworm21 05-04-07 11:45 PM


Originally Posted by deputyjones
wow, you and Treespeed should be watching your backs on your commutes for a while. Good luck.

It's a big city! :D

APTokyo 05-07-07 03:14 AM

Wow, lot of hate going on. Glad I never started commuting in the US. Threats of guns, racial slurs, spitting. I guess I'll stay over here in Japan and not perpetuate the stereotype of the "ugly American."
Never had anybody give me the finger and cut me off, then again I never responded with spitting. Kind of a chicken and the egg problem, but maybe if everybody relaxed this kind of thing wouldn't happen.

You behaved badly, you know it, you said it. Chalk it up to losing your temper and move on. Try not to do it again.

icedmocha 05-07-07 06:21 AM


Originally Posted by APTokyo
Wow, lot of hate going on. Glad I never started commuting in the US.

That is illogical thinking given the microcosim of life that is BF as well as the "internet tough guy" circumstances.

Tree: It may have been a dumb thing to do but yo have learned a lesson. Perhaps this incident will stop you from having escalated a futur altercation which would have ended far more negatively. Knowledge is priceless and you gained a lesson for a small cost.

dokie 05-07-07 07:03 AM

i say yeah good job yo should off took her keys and then left

Nicodemus 05-07-07 07:06 AM


Originally Posted by BikinginSeattle
He perceived himself in danger and responded by spitting on her. I guess I cannot comprehend this state of mind. I just don't feel anger to the point of spitting on women.

nice sexist double standards

Denny Koll 05-07-07 08:12 AM


Originally Posted by APTokyo
Wow, lot of hate going on. Glad I never started commuting in the US. Threats of guns, racial slurs, spitting. I guess I'll stay over here in Japan and not perpetuate the stereotype of the "ugly American."
Never had anybody give me the finger and cut me off, then again I never responded with spitting. Kind of a chicken and the egg problem, but maybe if everybody relaxed this kind of thing wouldn't happen.

You behaved badly, you know it, you said it. Chalk it up to losing your temper and move on. Try not to do it again.

So what would you do if someone assaulted you with a deadly weapon?....Roll over and let them scratch your belly?

centexwoody 05-07-07 08:14 AM


Originally Posted by Treespeed
My biggest fear is that this woman will now have it out for cyclists,

Yup...

icedmocha 05-07-07 08:16 AM


Originally Posted by Denny Koll
So what would you do if someone assaulted you with a deadly weapon?....Roll over and let them scratch your belly?

strawman


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