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Details on my future accident.

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Details on my future accident.

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Old 06-03-08, 07:57 PM
  #1  
jamesdenver
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Details on my future accident.

I've been pretty fortunate in that my six years of commuting have been fairly boring and uneventful. Other than an occasional buzz or right hook attempt by cars wanting to beat me to a red I've yet to suffer anything major like being run off the road, objects thrown at me, or profanities screamed at me.

So since I never have anything dramatic to share I'd like to predict the two people I'll have a future altercation with should we ever find ourselves sharing the road.

1 - These two Florida girls who stole $150 from a girl scout, and proceeded to brag about on TV. These two would be great candidates to shove a broom handle in my spokes while riding along side of me. After I flip over they'll then stop, back over my frame, and steal my wallet from my trunk rack. I'll get to watch them on TV from my hospital bed.

2 - This local nightclub owner, who after being told to move his car by parking enforcement proceeded to spit in the face of said civil servant. This guy will be aggressively tailgating me in a "way too wide for my neighborhood street" Hummer annoyed that I won't ride in the gutter so he can pass. He'll then hop the curb, pass me on the right while mowing down some flower beds and position himself in the perfect trajectory to hawk a nice thick loogie right at me.

Any candidates in your life? I'm not dwelling on the negative - but I always find it good to plan ahead and have all my bases covered. It may be a good idea for us to create a boilerplate police complaint filling in the above info and we can add our personal info and jurisdiction(s) later.

Runner up: Patrick McHenry.

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Old 06-03-08, 09:31 PM
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Ha! I'll play.

1 - the brothers, three or four large young men, who live in a house by the corner and have a variety of monster trucks parked all over the place. One of these days I'm going to give in to the temptation to write "Earth Killer!" in the mud on one of said trucks, and I'll then have to flee for my life.

2 - Sooner or later, a soccer mom, possibly the parent of one of my own Girl Guides, is going to snap with the pressure of maintaining three children's soccer, private school, and Guide/Scout schedules, as well as trying to get to the gym and the spa to keep herself "done up" to local standards; she will see my chain-grease-covered, unwaxed legs, my abominable manicure, my hilarious tan, and my hard-earned posterior, and she'll run me into the Bow River.

3 - Just in case a monster comes out of the Oilsands, I have a plan for escaping the city by bicycle. No doubt I will need to dodge a great many frantic individuals whose cars have inexplicably veered off the road and exploded (I gather this is what generally happens to vehicles in the event of city-eating monster attacks). The monster itself will decide I am much to stringy (not to mention oil-covered) to be interesting and will concentrate on the Stampede Grounds full of delicious tourists.

Or possibly I had too much sugar while someone was watching "Cloverfield" downstairs
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Old 06-03-08, 09:38 PM
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Having gotten plowed into from behind yesterday, I'm pretty much convinced that given my riding style, the serious accident I'll have is some genius in an SUV totally not watching where they're going and just plowing into me from behind.

I feel the state should have ninja death squads that roam the streets machine gunning bad drivers. I wonder if people would actually pay closer attention if the penalty for failing to do so was immediate death.
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Old 06-03-08, 09:47 PM
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My turn!

While I am bicycling down a residential neighborhood, this guy will come flying out his front door in a wife-beater, flip flops, and tighty-whiteys, screaming "get off my yard, you damn hippy!". He will then lift my bicycle in the air (with me still on it!) and throw us across the street. Amazingly I will land on my tires and keep riding with nary a wobble. I will be off the bike for a month, recuperating....
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Old 06-03-08, 10:06 PM
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you're lucky; i've been receiving the windshield fluid treatment almost every day.
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Old 06-04-08, 10:56 AM
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I have two top candidates.

First, there is the overly nice bikes should always get the right of way driver. Instead of taking their turn at a 4 way stop they will wave me on creating confusion in the intersection. Someone else will get fed up not see me and hit me.

Second, a great big truck with great big side mirrors or a trailer. On at least 10 occasions I would say side mirrors (the big extended towing package kind) have come within inches of my poor little head. Literally it would be like being punched with a metal fist at 25 miles per hour (or whatever the speed difference is) OUCH!
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Old 06-04-08, 11:05 AM
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1. Shoved into the curb when some idiot driver, trying to pass me immediately before a blind curve on my route, meets an oncoming car and quickly pulls right to avoid a head-on collision.

2. T-bone collision with a car pulling out in front of me.
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Old 06-04-08, 11:35 AM
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My recurring fantasy... er, nightmare... is that a fast moving logging truck will pull around me, then tuck back into the lane to avoid oncoming traffic. This happens at least once per ride home. Unfortunately, this time he will not have completely cleared me, and the back set of axles will roll right over me... BA-domp, ba-DOMP. I've come within a chin whisker of this more times than I care to remember.

"Heck," I tell myself, "it ain't gonna hurt but for a second..."
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Old 06-04-08, 11:38 AM
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"Bicyclist tagged today by a teenage girl who was texting while driving daddy's BMW."
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Old 06-04-08, 11:56 AM
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A little out of season, but I still can see the snow plow bearing down on me to shove me aside along with the snow , mailboxes and anything else that might get in his way.
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Old 06-04-08, 12:09 PM
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I was going to post something but then I got all superstitious and thought better of it. OP you better knock on a whole forest full of Sequioas
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Old 06-04-08, 12:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Captain Slow View Post
My recurring fantasy... er, nightmare... is that a fast moving logging truck will pull around me, then tuck back into the lane to avoid oncoming traffic. This happens at least once per ride home. Unfortunately, this time he will not have completely cleared me, and the back set of axles will roll right over me... BA-domp, ba-DOMP. I've come within a chin whisker of this more times than I care to remember.

"Heck," I tell myself, "it ain't gonna hurt but for a second..."
This is my same nightmare - except in mine, due to a combination of his excessive speed and random forceful wind conditions, I am somehow sucked under the truck as it is passing.
Same BA-domp, ba-DOMP ending, though.
 
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Old 06-04-08, 01:22 PM
  #13  
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We never have a shortage of geriatric hijinks out here. Most of these are of the "put the car into reverse and then mash the accellerator" variety. Going through the news archives, it seems one of our old farts per year makes national news by backing out of their driveway at a high rate of speed, then destroying a house in their reverse path. My guess is I'll get taken out by some 93 year old lady who can't see over the steering wheel driving the wrong way down the road, or "T-Boned" in reverse by someone who "thought they were in park"
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Old 06-04-08, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Buglady View Post
Ha! I'll play.

2 - Sooner or later, a soccer mom, possibly the parent of one of my own Girl Guides, is going to snap with the pressure of maintaining three children's soccer, private school, and Guide/Scout schedules, as well as trying to get to the gym and the spa to keep herself "done up" to local standards; she will see my chain-grease-covered, unwaxed legs, my abominable manicure, my hilarious tan, and my hard-earned posterior, and she'll run me into the Bow River.
Oh, Buglady, thank you. I had the meeting-from-he** this morning but reading this cracked me up and made my day a little brighter.

By the way, judging by your writing style and sense of humor I think you'd love the "Summon the Keeper" series of books by Tanya Huff: http://www.amazon.com/Summon-Keeper-...pd_sim_b_img_1
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Old 06-04-08, 02:10 PM
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1 - After a hard night of drinking, Mr. Big Shiny Pickup with the sticker of the Calvin peeing on a Ford logo will decide to try to get home before his wife notices that he really was gone all night. He'll be so busy trying to get home quickly and worrying about whether this will be the time that she throws him out for good, that he won't stop for the stop sign and he'll plow right into me.

2 - More likely, though, my future accident will be my own doing. A combination of fatigue, clumsiness, and just plain bad luck will send me flying into Clear Creek. Maybe I'll hit a deer or fall asleep at the handlebars.

Whatever happens, though, a pair of my own EMT and paramedic coworkers will be called to scrape my sorry butt off the road.
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Old 06-04-08, 02:20 PM
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The cranky middle-aged lady in the red Aveo that yelled at me last night is a great candidate. She made a left and got stuck blocking the intersection when my light turned green, and started telling me to wait my turn when I displayed the temerity to go at a green light. I told her I had the green light and that she was blocking the intersection and continued home.

Of course, I'd be cranky too if I had to drive an Aveo.
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Old 06-04-08, 02:44 PM
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I will be hit by two girls in daddy's car, the driver on a cell phone, who will then procede to give me the finger because they hit me. I follow them home to let their parents know how their daughters act on the road and to let them know that I will be pursuing hit and run charges against them. While driving by the house, the father will shoot at me, and because of the neighborhood ending in a cul de sac, I'll have to pass by the house again, whereupon the father will shoot me in the back because "No possible good can come when a strange man follows a young woman."

http://onlineathens.com/stories/0419...41900128.shtml

(OK not bicycle related, but two wheels, and our motorized brethren get a lot of the same stuff we do out on the roads. Actually, in further developments, the guy has been indicted and no bond/bail was allowed, so he's in jail and likely to stay for a while. Good.)
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Old 06-04-08, 03:19 PM
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Cougar Kills Cyclist During Pre-Dawn Commute
-AP, Seattle

Woodinville Police have identified the body of a man found on a semi-rural farming road between Redmond and Duvall. The apparent victim of a cougar attack, the man, known online as CliftonGK1, age 34, was on his way to work sometime between the hours of 4:00 and 5:00am.


(One ran into the street in front of me yesterday, mirrored my astonished "what the hell is that?" expression, then took off back into the woods. Scared the crap out of me.)
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Old 06-04-08, 03:36 PM
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I will be stopped at an intersection, in the left hand lane, signaling to turn when I will get run over by a student in a Mustang who is so concerned with his finals that he isn't thinking about his driving.













Oh, wait, that already happened. Fortunately he pushed the bike over and only destroyed the rear wheel, leaving the frame intact and rider only bruised and scratched.
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Old 06-04-08, 03:40 PM
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I will be on my way back from the market with my backpack loaded with fresh produce. The road is a meandering mountain pass with a gentle slope; if you aren't careful your speed can really get away from you. It's a sunny late morning and I'm feeling care free so I sit up on my seat and coast down the hill hands free; arms out like angel wings. Moments later I meet with the back-end of a slow moving logging truck.
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Old 06-04-08, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by sharkey00 View Post
On at least 10 occasions I would say side mirrors (the big extended towing package kind) have come within inches of my poor little head. Literally it would be like being punched with a metal fist at 25 miles per hour (or whatever the speed difference is) OUCH!
Take The Lane!!!
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Old 06-04-08, 03:55 PM
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I get smeared by a Suburban.
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What's frightening is how coherent Hickey was in posting that.
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Old 06-04-08, 04:02 PM
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Back when I lived in Cupertino, I was just certain I would die at the hands of some distracted Asian lady and end up with a Lexus logo permanently embossed somewhere on my body.
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Old 06-04-08, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Buglady View Post
Ha! I'll play.

1 - the brothers, three or four large young men, who live in a house by the corner and have a variety of monster trucks parked all over the place. One of these days I'm going to give in to the temptation to write "Earth Killer!" in the mud on one of said trucks, and I'll then have to flee for my life.

2 - Sooner or later, a soccer mom, possibly the parent of one of my own Girl Guides, is going to snap with the pressure of maintaining three children's soccer, private school, and Guide/Scout schedules, as well as trying to get to the gym and the spa to keep herself "done up" to local standards; she will see my chain-grease-covered, unwaxed legs, my abominable manicure, my hilarious tan, and my hard-earned posterior, and she'll run me into the Bow River.
Holy crap, that's funny!

For #1 My guess is that their physique will prevent any pursuit...I say go for it!
For #2 Thanks for the laugh...OMG!
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Old 06-04-08, 05:23 PM
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Originally Posted by CliftonGK1 View Post
Cougar Kills Cyclist During Pre-Dawn Commute
-AP, Seattle

Woodinville Police have identified the body of a man found on a semi-rural farming road between Redmond and Duvall. The apparent victim of a cougar attack, the man, known online as CliftonGK1, age 34, was on his way to work sometime between the hours of 4:00 and 5:00am.


(One ran into the street in front of me yesterday, mirrored my astonished "what the hell is that?" expression, then took off back into the woods. Scared the crap out of me.)
Whoa... where did this happen?
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