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-   -   Parents suck (https://www.bikeforums.net/commuting/428249-parents-suck.html)

crhilton 06-10-08 09:56 PM

I'm not going to tell you to rebel, I'm just going to mention that it's an important part of growing up.

Maybe you can map an alternate, although confusing and longer, route. I recommend maps.google.com for it's smashing interface and incredible ease of installation (there isn't any).

Dottywine 06-11-08 03:50 AM

I know how you feel. My parents are very over protective and I am 19. Once you get to college and you find that there is no way they know the things you are doing, you will have more courage to defy them and do your own thing whenever you go back home.

10 Wheels 06-11-08 03:59 AM


Originally Posted by Hickeydog (Post 6856387)
I have a job this summer (before I go to college) and I want to commute. It's a 16 mile (one way) commute on all 4 lane, 35mph and 25 mph roads. And yet, my parents won't let me ride. They say it's too busy and someone is going to get mad and smear me on the front of their Suburban. They said that they would pay for gas, but they said that last year (I tried to my bike to work last year as well), and they still owe me over $100 in gas. *sigh*. I wish there was some way I could ride.....

Tell them you are moving out on your own, if they don't want you to ride the bike.

blamire 06-11-08 04:43 AM

you're 18 now and part of growing up is making your own decisions. if you want to ride, then ride. also they should see that their kid is thinking for himself.
if you're on 25mph roads you're just going to have to ride faster then aren't you.

benda18 06-11-08 04:47 AM

in grade school we lived <1 mile from school and i wasn't allowed to ride my bike there. in hs i had to ride the bus b/c driving was too dangerous. 11pm curfew bc partying was dangerous. got the bike talk in college too.

this life-long suppression has amplified my need to rebel and be defiant.

znomit 06-11-08 04:55 AM

????
WTF
I started riding my bike to school when I was 8 or 9.

Ask them to drive you.

devildogmech 06-11-08 05:22 AM


Originally Posted by gascostalot (Post 6857969)
You think you have it bad? I'm 24 years old and I still get the sex talk every freaking month!

"Son, you may not have a girlfriend but it's time we talk about sex..."

:wtf:

:roflmao2: At 24 I was working on kid #3! (married BTW:thumb: _ )

Dude..... I don't know what to tell you.... As a son I want to say "Just F'in do it!".... As a Dad..... Hell, if my son (any of the three :D) was 18yo and being financially responsible enough to realize that driving is a waste of $ I'd be dang proud that he would have gotten the message that young in life..... Of course I'm also the RN (student) who wants to take his kids on a cross country Motorcycle trip when the each turn 16! :thumb:

Ah frack it! Just do it! Tell em' Billy Bob said so! :innocent:

mcsteve20 06-11-08 07:03 AM

I'm surprised that everyone kind of missed the main point of the OP's rant.

Nobody has asked a few important questions here: Who is paying for college? Who pays the health insurance? Do you pay rent when you live at home? Are you dependant on your parents? Do you love and respect your parents as much as they love you?

Telling the boy to purposely be defiant may not be the battle he wants to choose. You've only got a few months of non-adult freedom remaining, you've made it this far. You can ride all you want in college and then after college if you still choose to.

But for now, obey your parents, while trying to explain you are trying to save money for when you go to college.

commuter33 06-11-08 07:19 AM


Originally Posted by mcsteve20 (Post 6859975)
I'm surprised that everyone kind of missed the main point of the OP's rant.

Nobody has asked a few important questions here: Who is paying for college? Who pays the health insurance? Do you pay rent when you live at home? Are you dependant on your parents? Do you love and respect your parents as much as they love you?

Telling the boy to purposely be defiant may not be the battle he wants to choose. You've only got a few months of non-adult freedom remaining, you've made it this far. You can ride all you want in college and then after college if you still choose to.

But for now, obey your parents, while trying to explain you are trying to save money for when you go to college.


mcsteve makes a valid point. Your only 18 yrs old and probably rely on your parents for a lot of things. Only when you get older and can start providing for yourself can you start to make your own choices with or without your parents consent. Once you get out from under their roof it's essentially your life and you make your own choices on how to live and what to do.

All the parents can hope for is that they raised you correctly. So for now I'd comply. My parents were fairly strict on me when i was young. Some of the same stuff you described about your own parents. Curfews, studying after school, no staying over at a friends or even my cousins house. Now I don't even talk to them anymore because of some things. But I can do that because I have a job and support myself in every aspect of my life.

back2biking 06-11-08 07:33 AM


Originally Posted by Hickeydog (Post 6857376)
And the ironic thing is that my dad rode his bike to work...10 miles each way on buisy highways (not freeways) when he was a teenager.....

Well, first a parents job is to worry. I have a 4 yr old I worry about all the time, and I only hope as she get's older I can master the art of letting go and trusting her own judgment gracefully. Second, a kid's job is to be annoyed by their parents worrying. When I was 20 I lived alone and worked the graveyard shift. My Dad would call me everytime it snowed to ask me if I had to work, and grill me on the route I was gonna take to get there, what to do if the car got stuck, how to shift to maintain the best control of the car, etc., etc., etc......

Lastly, after suffering through years of listening to my Dad freak out about cars etc ("You're gonna get flattened like a GO***D** PANCAKE if you don't stay away from that road!"), and riding in a car with him when he insisted on going 5mph under the speed limit I finally discovered the real reason. In his youth my career truck driving father was a maniac! Drove fast everwhere, took chances, and generally scared himself strait. I suppose the reason he worried so much is that he learned from his recklessness, and did not want me to take similiar chances with more devastating results.

Your parents love you, and they probably know that when they were younger their judgment was not always the best. That could be a source of their concern. In any event all you can do is attempt to convince them (in a reasonable and non-argumentative way) that you are taking safety measures. That and don't tell them about any close calls......:rolleyes::):)

Good luck!

Tamara

chipcom 06-11-08 07:39 AM


Originally Posted by mcsteve20 (Post 6859975)
I'm surprised that everyone kind of missed the main point of the OP's rant.

Nobody has asked a few important questions here: Who is paying for college? Who pays the health insurance? Do you pay rent when you live at home? Are you dependant on your parents? Do you love and respect your parents as much as they love you?

Telling the boy to purposely be defiant may not be the battle he wants to choose. You've only got a few months of non-adult freedom remaining, you've made it this far. You can ride all you want in college and then after college if you still choose to.

But for now, obey your parents, while trying to explain you are trying to save money for when you go to college.

"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees."
- Emiliano Zapata

I don't believe I asked him to defy his parents, but offered a possible solution. All you have offered is the opposite of what others have...to cower like a dog rather than to stand up like a man.

CastIron 06-11-08 08:32 AM

It's all about choices, consequences, and priorities. Instead of whining, think.

ISaacG 06-11-08 08:52 AM

22 yo here, and quite reliant on my parents. University ain't cheap. I might just might be making enough $$ over the summer to go independent, I'm not interested.
So, yeah, my parents do have different views on some stuff than I do and forbid my some stuff. I've defied them in some (tiny) matters, but for the most part, I obey. I'm waiting to move out and being able to do stuff the way I like it...

anthegreat1 06-11-08 08:52 AM

if they aren't giving you the gas money they promised, RIDE YOUR BIKE. If they can't hold to their end of the bargain why should you?

commuter33 06-11-08 09:00 AM


Originally Posted by ISaacG (Post 6860434)
22 yo here, and quite reliant on my parents. University ain't cheap. I might just might be making enough $$ over the summer to go independent, I'm not interested.
So, yeah, my parents do have different views on some stuff than I do and forbid my some stuff. I've defied them in some (tiny) matters, but for the most part, I obey. I'm waiting to move out and being able to do stuff the way I like it...

Can't say I blame you. That's what parents are for. I was very dependent on my parents, mainly putting me through college.

I will appreciate that for the rest of my life. But I think it's an unwritten civic duty to provide for your child. If you can't then don't have any.

chipcom 06-11-08 09:11 AM


Originally Posted by commuter33 (Post 6860495)
Can't say I blame you. That's what parents are for. I was very dependent on my parents, mainly putting me through college.

I will appreciate that for the rest of my life. But I think it's an unwritten civic duty to provide for your child. If you can't then don't have any.

HUH? The only duty parents have is to prepare you for adulthood. Once you reach legal age, you are on your own. Sure, we might help you out, but that help is directly proportional to your own effort. If you want to be a worthless bum and think mommy and daddy have some duty to support you or bail you out of trouble...think again.

commuter33 06-11-08 09:17 AM


Originally Posted by chipcom (Post 6860567)
HUH? The only duty parents have is to prepare you for adulthood. Once you reach legal age, you are on your own. Sure, we might help you out, but that help is directly proportional to your own effort. If you want to be a worthless bum and think mommy and daddy have some duty to support you or bail you out of trouble...think again.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear, but I was talking about from the time you are born until your 18. Anything after that you best be greatful!

thdave 06-11-08 09:18 AM

Suggestions:

Ask Dad to go with you on a bike ride. Ride with him to your job on a Saturday or Sunday (when traffic is light)--see what he says.

If he won't, then tell then you'd like to try the route to work. It isn't that you'll ride it daily but you want to get a feel for it and see if it's what you really think it is--a great way to get excersize and a nice commute. Also, take Chip's suggestion and look for the best route.

I'm jealous. I've got an 18 year old who thinks it's somewhat embarrasing to ride a bike instead of a car.

HardyWeinberg 06-11-08 09:32 AM


Originally Posted by jhenson (Post 6858028)
I told my parents that I was going to buy a bike to commute on before the Spring semester got out and they freaked out telling me they don't want me to ride on the road, etc. They don't know about my new bike and they are ~2hr (120mi) away so they don't really have a say. It's not that I'm hiding it from them, it's just that I'm not going to openly tell them about it (if they ask I'll tell).

My wife's folks found out about her motorcycle when they called her house in college and room-mate said 'oh she's not here she's out riding her motorcycle'

mcsteve20 06-11-08 09:56 AM


Originally Posted by chipcom (Post 6860567)
HUH? The only duty parents have is to prepare you for adulthood. Once you reach legal age, you are on your own. Sure, we might help you out, but that help is directly proportional to your own effort. If you want to be a worthless bum and think mommy and daddy have some duty to support you or bail you out of trouble...think again.

Chipcom...you clearly weren't hugged enough as a child.

Maybe his parents are still preparing him for adulthood and they don't think he is there yet. Just because someone turns 18, it doesn't mean they are automatically an intelligent adult...I believe Hollywood has given us plenty of examples not to follow.

Anyways, this tread is becoming quite Freudian...I will once again suggest the OP should pick the battles he really wants to fight, this might not be one of them.

chipcom 06-11-08 10:07 AM


Originally Posted by thdave (Post 6860646)
Suggestions:

Ask Dad to go with you on a bike ride. Ride to your job on a Saturday or Sunday (when traffic is light)--see what he says.

If he won't, then tell then you'd like to try the route to work. It isn't that you'll ride it daily but you want to get a feel for it and see if it's what you really think it is--a great way to get excersize and a nice commute. Also, take Chip's suggestion and look for the best route.

I'm jealous. I've got an 18 year old who thinks it's somewhat embarrasing to ride a bike instead of a car.

I hear ya, my 17yr old used to love to ride, even did centuries and stuff with us. Now he whines everytime I make him ride it to & from work. It's not my fault he couldn't keep his grades at Cs and stay out of trouble, which is why I haven't taken him for his driver's license or helped him buy a car. You wanna be an adult, don't ***** when you are held to adult standards. :D

chipcom 06-11-08 10:16 AM


Originally Posted by mcsteve20 (Post 6860982)
Chipcom...you clearly weren't hugged enough as a child.

Maybe his parents are still preparing him for adulthood and they don't think he is there yet. Just because someone turns 18, it doesn't mean they are automatically an intelligent adult...I believe Hollywood has given us plenty of examples not to follow.

Anyways, this tread is becoming quite Freudian...I will once again suggest the OP should pick the battles he really wants to fight, this might not be one of them.

mcsteve, clearly you don't know your butt from a road apple...please show me where I made any comment whatsoever concerning the OP's adulthood? I didn't think so...thanks for playing, you might try being a bit more careful with your assumptions, Mr. Freud.

thdave 06-11-08 12:27 PM


Originally Posted by mcsteve20 (Post 6860982)
Chipcom...you clearly weren't hugged enough as a child.

Maybe his parents are still preparing him for adulthood and they don't think he is there yet. Just because someone turns 18, it doesn't mean they are automatically an intelligent adult...I believe Hollywood has given us plenty of examples not to follow.

Anyways, this tread is becoming quite Freudian...I will once again suggest the OP should pick the battles he really wants to fight, this might not be one of them.

McSteve--to become an intelligent adult is not about following parents rules and picking battles as you see fit.

My 18 year old is going to college in the fall. Then, he can choose to stay up all night. He could come and go as he pleases. He can behave just like Brittany Spears, who I assume you're talking about. I'm well aware of this. So it's my obligation to flex my house rules and give him leeway to make his own mistakes and become responsible. I trust I've raised him well. My point is now is not the time to teach and rein him in. Instead, I'm doing the picking and choosing of battles.

Push a little, Hickeydog, and work it out. Prepare. Your parents will come around.:)

mcsteve20 06-11-08 12:41 PM


Originally Posted by chipcom (Post 6861160)
mcsteve, clearly you don't know your butt from a road apple...please show me where I made any comment whatsoever concerning the OP's adulthood? I didn't think so...thanks for playing, you might try being a bit more careful with your assumptions, Mr. Freud.

Hey Chip...not sure where all of your hostility is coming from. You had no problem insulting me, but if you read and comprehend my post (something you may not be capable of) you would not have responded in that way.

You never commented about the OP's adulthood and I never claimed you did. What you did say was it is the parents' job to prepare their child for adulthood. I merely stated this might be their current intent.

All you have done is suggest the OP not listen to his parents, grow up and get some balls, stand up for himself and pretty much just tell his parents to go f themselves. I'm wondering if there is a happy middle ground...therefore, I suggested choosing the battles this particular OP would like to fight.

Remember, Chip, Reading is Fundamental. Maybe they didn't teach you that in Wussyville Junior High.

banerjek 06-11-08 12:45 PM


Originally Posted by chipcom (Post 6860110)
I don't believe I asked him to defy his parents, but offered a possible solution. All you have offered is the opposite of what others have...to cower like a dog rather than to stand up like a man.

You obviously haven't met my dog. Most men would cower before her, and she once separated an intruder from a size 14 shoe he was wearing. Cops caught the guy 5 min later, but that's another story...

While I'm not a fan of "FU" style defiance, it is OK to explore limits, and I think that acknowledging the parents' concerns and trying to find a way through this is the way to go. It's not what you do that's so important, but your motivation for doing it. My experience that if your motives are good, history will normally be kind to your decisions, even if they lead to short term trouble.

HickeyDog, you want to think twice before bucking your folks, but sometimes it is the right thing to do. If you go against your folks' wishes, be prepared to face the consequences and don't whine if your risk doesn't pay off. You will someday encounter similar situations in employment. Some people complain that they're trapped and can't do anything. Others realize that they have plenty of options and then choose the best course of action based on the costs/benefits of doing one thing or the other.

If you decide to ride, do it smart, and be as safe as you can. Be visible, use a mirror, communicate with motorists, and talk to your folks about how you manage the risks they are worried about.

A number of us ride on roads that most people consider suicidal. The fact of the matter is these roads can be really dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. However, if you know how to work with what's out there, it's quite safe.


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