Wife Anxious about me Riding in Dark, Dispite Frediculous lights/reflectors
10-02-08, 01:09 PM
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Wife Anxious about me Riding in Dark, Dispite Frediculous lights/reflectors
As soon as daylight savings time comes, I'm going to the lots of negative reinforcement from my wife about bike commuting when it's dark out. I use a safety vest with reflective stripes including flashing led's as well as blinky tail lights and headlights. It wouldn't matter if I had flamethrowers facing front, rear and sideways, my wife is afraid for my safety and wants me to commute by car. She says - "take your bike in the car and ride during lunch". I love her and all, and an accident would really ruin my life, but driving to work makes me physically sick. Anybody have a strategy for dealing with this? Our relationship is one of mutual respect, so please don't tell me to ignore her or pretend her feelings aren't important.
10-02-08, 01:10 PM
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In all seriousness, the only thing that could work is getting her to tail you sometime, and see how bright you are. Maybe have you roll in front of her at an intersection. If you're as bright as you claim, she should see you fine and might feel better about things.
10-02-08, 01:17 PM
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I have the same problem. Also interested in hearing constructive suggestions....although my spouse is concerned even with daytime commuting....I have good life insurance and disability insurance, so I suppose this is reassuring for my marriage but I want to keep riding to/from work!
Last edited by datlas; 10-02-08 at 01:22 PM.
10-02-08, 01:18 PM
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I had the same discussion with my wife last year. I stubbornly prevailed, until about November 15 when I got hit by a car that didn't see me, despite good lights, decent lighting on the street and a bright yellow rainsuit. Fortunately I wasn't hurt, but I did have to renegotiate the conditions of my commute. Now our deal is that I don't ride in the rain when it's dark.
I'm lucky enough to live in an area with good public transit, so my plan this year is to drive to a park-and-ride, ride to work from there and then in the evening if it's raining I can take the light rail back to my car.
I'm lucky enough to live in an area with good public transit, so my plan this year is to drive to a park-and-ride, ride to work from there and then in the evening if it's raining I can take the light rail back to my car.
10-02-08, 01:19 PM
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Hey, I just noticed that you're in the Portland area too. Maybe the bike+Tri-Met plan would work for you too.
10-02-08, 01:44 PM
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This is hard. Does she have a bike? If so, go out with her around the block at night with all of your Fedilicious lights. Lights are the one thing my wife doesn't role her eyes about when I buy things for my bike.
10-02-08, 01:45 PM
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wow - last time I was hit by a car was when I was 15 and I didn't know how to look both ways before crossing the street! Glad you're ok!
I work in Hillsboro, by the airport, and I live near Cornell and Murray. I haven't looked into bus routes. I just stubbornly want to ride my bicycle.
So driving to the park and ride would be like driving to work with the bike in the car and riding during lunch, but slightly different.
I work in Hillsboro, by the airport, and I live near Cornell and Murray. I haven't looked into bus routes. I just stubbornly want to ride my bicycle.
So driving to the park and ride would be like driving to work with the bike in the car and riding during lunch, but slightly different.
10-02-08, 01:48 PM
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She does not like to ride, but she knows it's my lifeblood. And +1 on the lights purchases - I could blow $400 on a light setup and she'd be ok with that, but anything else I sure better need it! I like to show the broken toys I'm replacing when I buy new stuff for the bike.
10-02-08, 01:51 PM
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Get into your commuting get-up one evening and go out for a short ride, letting her follow you in her car. Once she sees how visible you are, you'll have a better chance of rational discussion...and also might get some feedback concerning where you can improve your visibility.
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"Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey
10-02-08, 02:23 PM
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My wife was worried until I brought my cree flashlight in the house and flashed it (quickly) at her in strobe mode.
10-02-08, 02:40 PM
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As soon as daylight savings time comes, I'm going to the lots of negative reinforcement from my wife about bike commuting when it's dark out. I use a safety vest with reflective stripes including flashing led's as well as blinky tail lights and headlights. It wouldn't matter if I had flamethrowers facing front, rear and sideways, my wife is afraid for my safety and wants me to commute by car. She says - "take your bike in the car and ride during lunch". I love her and all, and an accident would really ruin my life, but driving to work makes me physically sick. Anybody have a strategy for dealing with this? Our relationship is one of mutual respect, so please don't tell me to ignore her or pretend her feelings aren't important.
Rather harsh, but she saw the light.
Perhaps all you need is a good insurance policy that will pay out to her with double indemnity should you be killed in a collision.
10-02-08, 02:42 PM
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Get into your commuting get-up one evening and go out for a short ride, letting her follow you in her car. Once she sees how visible you are, you'll have a better chance of rational discussion...and also might get some feedback concerning where you can improve your visibility.
10-02-08, 02:53 PM
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Doing while she's preggers...well that's just plain crazy!
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"Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey
"Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey
10-02-08, 03:01 PM
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The idea behind the bike+transit is to get a morning ride in that isn't squashed by the darkness issue. Obviously convincing your wife that it's safe to ride in the dark would be better (unless it isn't actually safe), but if you have to compromise this is one way to do it.
Max to Sunset would get you in the neighborhood. Max+the 62 bus would get you right there.
10-02-08, 03:38 PM
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Add one of these to the back of your bike, then have her follow you at night, from a mile away, and she should come around. 
10-02-08, 04:03 PM
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Get into your commuting get-up one evening and go out for a short ride, letting her follow you in her car. Once she sees how visible you are, you'll have a better chance of rational discussion...and also might get some feedback concerning where you can improve your visibility.
10-02-08, 04:17 PM
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Get into your commuting get-up one evening and go out for a short ride, letting her follow you in her car. Once she sees how visible you are, you'll have a better chance of rational discussion...and also might get some feedback concerning where you can improve your visibility.
It will show more than words can accurately describe.
10-02-08, 04:22 PM
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Get into your commuting get-up one evening and go out for a short ride, letting her follow you in her car. Once she sees how visible you are, you'll have a better chance of rational discussion...and also might get some feedback concerning where you can improve your visibility.
Get a Dinotte tail light.
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10-02-08, 04:33 PM
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The irony is, I think, that you're much safer at night if you are well lit (in most cases, anyway). Perhaps you can find a different route with less traffic for the morning commute.
On my morning commute, I see the newspaper guy every day, the trash truck most days, and maybe 3 or 4 other cars, over 15 miles. And I'm better lit than most of the cars, and the speed limit is 20. Sheesh, how safe can it get?
On my morning commute, I see the newspaper guy every day, the trash truck most days, and maybe 3 or 4 other cars, over 15 miles. And I'm better lit than most of the cars, and the speed limit is 20. Sheesh, how safe can it get?
10-02-08, 04:39 PM
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OOPs!
10-02-08, 04:52 PM
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Luckily, I don't have a wife to bug me about such things, ^_^. I ride to work at 3:00am, and I absolutely love it. I've got 4 lights running, and I'll have a couple rolls of identi-tape within next week to Fred-out my bike. Biking at extreme hours is a blast: you pretty much have the road to yourself where I live. I just keep my mirror handy so I can watch out for drunks. Haven't had any problems so far.
10-02-08, 07:05 PM
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Getting a bigger taillight will not help you. Not to sound like a marriage counselor, but listen to her and reasure her. Getting the flashing vest is a gesture of "I'm listening to you and I am looking like a dork, just for you". I own a flashing vest and my wife knows every time I wear it. It means you care about her worries. Point out how safe you are. Tell her times that you could have been dumb but didn't even think twice about being smart and tell her about other unsafe cyclists you see. If you are leaving work even 5 minutes late, call her before leaving. A great way to compromise is to give in on situations that you had no intentions of doing it anyway. That way you score points for aggreeing with her all along. It won't hurt to admit you wouldn't do it anyway, it makes you sound safer in the first place.
I know this all sounds mushy but it works.
Scott
I know this all sounds mushy but it works.
Scott