FredOak

It's amazing how fast that word and finger execute themselves. This season I'm really going to work on it.
I've tried the "head shake in disappointment" and that's even been acknowledged by other drivers who have witnessed the interaction, but I figure it's a mute gesture on the offender, as they are the ignorant one.
A hand wave, though much safer, is just so empty feeling, and just doesn't express my true feelings. But being, hopefully, the more mature in the exchange it is what I'm going to attempt this season. Of course I'll add a smile and mutter under my breath, "I hope your next car repair is 4 figures!"

hnsq

When on the road everyone thinks everyone else is the worst driver/rider out there. If you are complaining about someone else, chances are they are complaining about you.

What does something like this accomplish? When was the last time someone yelled/cursed at you and you suddenly thought "gosh, I sure was wrong! I can't believe I was so inconsiderate!"

If someone starts something with you, you get pissed off as well and do something right back. Letting a temper get the best of you is never a good thing.

Mr. Underbridge

+1. If the taxi guy thinks you're hard...that's a compliment.

darkfinger

I'd really like to start carrying around a few drivers handbooks to give out to idiots who damn near kill me.

Here's how I imagine it:

Idiot driver: "Get off the f-ing road!" as he/she passes within one inch of me and then promptly gets stuck at a red light

Me: pulling up beside the idiot and after getting said idiot to open his/her window, "perhaps sir/madam it is you who ought to get off the road until you can show that you have read and understand this," I hand driver the handbook....

Idiot driver: "why kind sir, you're absolutely right! I will park my car as soon as possible and give this book a thorough reading."

Me: "Capital! have a wonderful day and I look forward to a more thoughtful driver on the road."

What would really happen would most likely be a good ol' fashion bout of fisticuffs.

I too have had a past problem with cursing at drivers but I have found the best way to get my point across without screaming, yelling, cursing or flipping the bird is a big head shake and thumbs down gesture.
That seems to really get 'em angry...but very rarely has anyone got out of their car to confront me.

EnigManiac

Most folks think it's the most absurd thing in the world to ride during the winter. I had a cop in the local station actually say to me last Thursday during a heavy snowfall that he saw some crazy guy riding his bike up the middle of a one-way street and I asked him why he thought the guy was crazy. Naturally, he replied "'cause the guy's gonna fall." On the wall behind the cop there was a marker board with up-to-date traffic data. I pointed at it and remarked there had been more than 2,500 collisions so far this winter, most of them during blizzards and heavy snow-falls (and most of them minor) and suggested it was crazier to drive "'cause according to those numbers, you're surely gonna have a collision."

After casually mentioning how skinny tires go through snow really well and that studded tires work well on slippery and icy surfaces, he was agreeing he may have not considered everything.

Those who don't know make uninformed assumptions.

mickey85

One time I was damn near sideswiped by a truck that was trying to change lanes (I was stopped at a light, he was behind a car in the other lane, and apparently didn't realize how close I was, and almost took out my leg). I just waved at him, and he actually leaned out of the truck and said "what are you wavin' for, you some kinda' idiot?"

To which i replied, "no, I'm going to hunt down your truck and pull the cores out of your valve stems while you're away."

He really freaked, but the light was green by then, and I just made a U turn...

gotta love it.

Jim from Boston

When I'm buzzed by a driver, I jab my right index finger several times at them and shout "You, You, You." I have termed this the bicyclist curse (bestowed on the driver). Once a driver did respond and got out of his car. I took off, but at least I could truthfully have said I didn't give him the "finger." At best it is a quick stress reliever.

Conversely, when I am politely passed by a driver who slows down and gives me a wide berth, I bestow a bicyclist blessing by raising my hand in a wave so they may be able to see it in their rearview mirror, and I say "Bless you boys" (the catchphrase in Detroit for the 1984 World Series Champion Tigers, and a line from a Firesign Theater comedy album ;-) My impression is that I impart proportionately more blessings to truck drivers than ordinary cagers.

unterhausen

I like your fantasy scenario better than most of mine. I've always wanted to know if you shot out the front right tire of a car, does it careen right, or careen left? And does shooting out the right rear tire have enough of an effect that the average idiot driver will have trouble controlling their vehicle. These are the sort of pointless questions I have been asking myself for the last 30+ years after a motorist demonstrates that they are a genuinely horrible person. Generally, I have learned that smiling and waving like an idiot makes me feel better, sooner.

I always wanted to have someone that honked at me ask me that question. I'm going to tell them that I figured they must be a friend of mine because I couldn't imagine anyone being rude enough to honk at me when I was obeying all applicable laws.

RogerB

Was she hot?

DataJunkie

I have no idea where I got this from and it is dorky as all heck coming from a skinny lycra wearing weenie boy.... anyway.... I have taken to flashing the devil horns while sticking my tongue out. AKA channeling gene simmons.
It seems to puzzle aggressive drivers. lol

joe_5700

I have recently had this happen. I was not on my bike at the time. I was walking my dogs in my neighborhood. I was on the right side of the street walking with my dogs in front of me on leashes. I live in a brand new neighborhood so there was not a sidewalk for me to walk on and the side of the road was packed with deep snow. I was walking into a roundabout and coming straight towards me on the wrong side of the road was a pick up truck. I often see people cut through the roundabouts on the left side.... I yanked my dogs out of the way and yelled HEY! as loud as I could. The guy then stopped and yelled at ME for wearing dark clothing at night and walking in the middle of the road (which I was not). He then said he has seen me walking my dogs before and if he sees me again....I cut off what he was saying and said you are going to do what!? I then shook my head and walked off. I did not fear a confrontation, I just could not believe someone who was in the complete wrong would get mad at someone who they almost ran over....

PLUChris

A guy opened a car door right in front of me the other day and, while swerving to avoid it, I'm afraid I called him a "see you next Tuesday" - which he undoubtedly was in that situation, but it's not a word that usually passes my lips! I felt bad about it afterwards, but it was the heat of the moment and all that.

caloso

I'm sorry. I'm not following. "See you next Tuesday" **********???

SlimAgainSoon

The classics shed some light on this issue ... the classic cartoons, that is.

You can be a Bugs Bunny (who always keeps his cool) or a Daffy Duck (quick to freak).

I always try to be the rabbit.

Roody

One time I was riding home late at night in a severe thunderstorm/tornado. Visibility was very poor, I was almost drowned, and debris was flying through the air. Needless to say, i was pretty stressed out.

I went through an intersection in a through lane. A big pickup was in the right-turn lane, but he went through the intersection, slowy passing me on my right. I let him have it:

"Why the eff are you passing in the effing right turn lane?! If I hadn't effing looked I could have effing run into your effing truck! What's the effing idea?!"

the guy started laughing. "Sorry-- didn't mean to startle you. I was gonna give you a ride. Wanna throw your bike in the back and hop in?" Once again, I ended up feeling pretty low. I apologized and told him I was almost home, so no thanks to the ride. He pulled behind me, than safely passed on my left.

caloso

Never mind. I just figured it out.

Anyway.....

Once I was riding home and heard a car behind me revving its engine and then laying on the horn. My hand shot up and I was just about to extend the middle finger when I realized it was my wife having a little fun with me. Good thing I pulled in the bird at the last minute since my 4 year old twins were in the back.

scoatw

Waiting 20 sec. in a warm heated car is a little too much for some people.

Silent Otto

I tried to flip the bird to an errant driver once, but it was winter and I was wearing lobster gloves

Spanky-G-Master

Try something more contemporary like ICP.....with the face paint, or if your a metal fan a slipknot mask (I bet drivers would leave you alone).

DataJunkie

..and my wife as well.

kylejack

A swift quick to the sternum with a powerful cyclist's leg will resolve most disputes.

Tapeworm21

Haha! Yeah, she was. I don't think it would ever work out between us though.

mharter

On a very cold day, at a stop sign, a passenger in a cal told me "It's too cold to be riding today." I returned "hey, at least I don't have my window rolled down!"

I always try to come up with something funny to say, but I almost never think of anything.

Matt

RogerB

What's a Synt?

RogerB

I can't visualize this.

First off, pedestrians to the left.

Secondly, so the truck went to his own left around the roundabout? Idiotic, I agree. I guess he's saving lots of time with that one.