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Wife does not understand

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Old 12-08-04, 02:31 PM
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Tree Trunk
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Wife does not understand

This morning my wife called me at work and asked why I rode to work today -- I've been feeling a little under the weather. Last night I gave her $9.00 as her allowance for the next 1.5 weeks (gas & groceries..yeah, things are tight). My old van has two gallons of gas in it. She is getting worried that I am going to get hit and is trying to talk me out of commuting by bike during the winter months, even though I have been commuting for over ten years.

We do our budget together. You would think she would have figured out that we don't put money in our budget for me to buy gas for my old van!
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Old 12-08-04, 02:56 PM
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Try to be calm and rational when discussing why you are riding--she is probably worried about you (gee she married you!). Give her all the safe things you do when you ride. If she doesn't ride, maybe drive your route and show her where you ride and the decisions you make to bike safe. List the health benefits (how that can save money and make you a better husband ) . Explain the money thing (I can relate to *that*). Heck, use your charm
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Old 12-08-04, 02:58 PM
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Women can't sometimes understand the way of the warrior....

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Old 12-08-04, 03:13 PM
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Allowance?
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Old 12-08-04, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Mueslix
Allowance?
LOL, yeah, ALLOWANCE!! Single income family, mortgage, two young kids. We celebrate when we have extra money to go to McDonalds.

She knows my route -- it's been the basically the same, with a few variations, for the last ten years. Monday I had a flat and she put the kids in the family van to go out and look for me. It's nice to be loved.
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Old 12-08-04, 03:22 PM
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Get her to ride

Worked for my wife
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Old 12-08-04, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Corsaire
Women can't sometimes understand the way of the warrior....
i couldn't have said it better myself.
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Old 12-08-04, 03:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Tree Trunk
This morning my wife called me at work and asked why I rode to work today -- I've been feeling a little under the weather. Last night I gave her $9.00 as her allowance for the next 1.5 weeks (gas & groceries..yeah, things are tight). My old van has two gallons of gas in it. She is getting worried that I am going to get hit and is trying to talk me out of commuting by bike during the winter months, even though I have been commuting for over ten years.

We do our budget together. You would think she would have figured out that we don't put money in our budget for me to buy gas for my old van!
It's not that your wife does not understand as she's worried
for your safety during the winter when drivers really don't
expect to see bicycles on the road. That said this is NOT
the time to play He-man and discount her honest concern. It
would be disrepectful to her if you did.

Since you say money is tight your use of bicycle makes darn
good sense to hold cost down. One thing I did to shooth my
wife was invest in a lime green hi-vis safety vest to wear
when I ride. These can be had for under $20 and can be adpted
to wear with a coat by adding an 8" piece of velco to allow
for the vest to expand to fit over a coat. (sew one end/each
side then adjust to fit. ) These vest are the same as construction
workers wear and they WORK GREAT for keeping cars at bay.

Buy the vest then tell your wife you did it because she cares
about you. (Yes, tell her this as when times are tight it's
better to pull togther than fuss at each other)
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Old 12-08-04, 03:51 PM
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If I was in your position, I'd tell my wife I bike commute because I enjoy it.

And if I didn't really enjoy it but had to do it solely out of necessity, well, tell I'd still tell her I enjoyed it.

But that's me, and that's how I handle things like that. I don't want loved ones worrying about or dwelling on my sacrifices.
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Old 12-08-04, 08:29 PM
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Adding to the other good advice...she genuinely cares for you. That says alot! Maybe Santa can bring one of those hi-vis vists...These run about $6 plus postage

http://www.harborfreight.com/cpi/cta...temnumber=3604.

With 2 kids and messy mid-west weather it may not be reailistic for her escort the kids via bike to wherever they need to go. The kids themselves might be wiping out on ice etc.
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Old 12-08-04, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Corsaire
Women can't sometimes understand the way of the warrior....

Corsaire
A*HEM* Sexist.
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Old 12-08-04, 08:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Becca
A*HEM* Sexist.
Yeah, I like the allowance bit, too. Thought you'd pick up on that one, Becca.
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Old 12-08-04, 11:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Rowan
Yeah, I like the allowance bit, too. Thought you'd pick up on that one, Becca.

Perhaps I need an allowance, do a budget, all that. Then I would not be broke all the time!
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Old 12-09-04, 12:35 AM
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Originally Posted by MsVicki
Perhaps I need an allowance, do a budget, all that. Then I would not be broke all the time!
Vat ees dees ting vou call a "bud-jeet"? I haf nevar hear't of such a ting!
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Old 12-09-04, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by MsVicki
Perhaps I need an allowance, do a budget, all that. Then I would not be broke all the time!
Talk about budgets!

I am the evil mother of all spending around our house. Several years ago, both my husband and I decide to put me on a cash only basis for household expenses--this means food, dog/cat/chicken food, house-hold cleaning stuff, detergents for washing clothes, soap, shampoo, movie rentals . . .

I have learned alot. I have learned to milk the budget for every penny. I have learned to separate money out for 2 weeks worth of dog food, chicken food, people food, milk, gasoline, movie rentals, husband's gas money (his "allowance" back from me!), prescriptions, and even an occaisional trip to the movies (4 Buck matinee). I have learned to be frugal and careful with the money I have.

I have also learned that you can save quite a bit with a budget. You can pay cash for a new roof and a new patio and slab, plus a four foot retaining wall between two properties (a major expence, considering the anal retentive building code we have here).

But most of all I have learned that budges really, really SUCK!

This is why I am trying to win the lottery--in my name only. . .
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Old 12-09-04, 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by foehn
Talk about budgets!

I am the evil mother of all spending around our house. Several years ago, both my husband and I decide to put me on a cash only basis for household expenses--this means food, dog/cat/chicken food, house-hold cleaning stuff, detergents for washing clothes, soap, shampoo, movie rentals . . .

I have learned alot. I have learned to milk the budget for every penny. I have learned to separate money out for 2 weeks worth of dog food, chicken food, people food, milk, gasoline, movie rentals, husband's gas money (his "allowance" back from me!), prescriptions, and even an occaisional trip to the movies (4 Buck matinee). I have learned to be frugal and careful with the money I have.

I have also learned that you can save quite a bit with a budget. You can pay cash for a new roof and a new patio and slab, plus a four foot retaining wall between two properties (a major expence, considering the anal retentive building code we have here).

But most of all I have learned that budges really, really SUCK!

This is why I am trying to win the lottery--in my name only. . .
You just described Miriam and I to the tee, including the statement about a budget really sucking!!! However, we haven't gotten the hang of having money for things such as house repairs and stuff yet. We're getting there. Mir does a great job making the most of the money "I" give to her. I highlight "I" only because I am the person who works on the budget -- we still discuss it together before any decision becomes final. It's tough telling a 5 year old boy and an 8 year old girl that we have to wait until December 18 to buy the Christmas tree because we won't have money in the budget until then (note -- my wonderful wife let go of the mad money she gets to keep from her babysitting, lunchroom monitoring, and guitar lesson teaching income. We got the Christmas tree last night.)

Next budget goal is that sweeeeeet ride I saw at the local Trek/Klein/Lemond dealer recently....(yeah, right, uh-huh)
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Old 12-09-04, 12:00 PM
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Last night I gave her $9.00 as her allowance for the next 1.5 weeks (gas & groceries..yeah, things are tight). My old van has two gallons of gas in it.
With all due respect you have a problem if you only have $9.00 to last 1.5 weeks. It appears that you are both earning income. (which i gather you are from your posts) You have overspent somewhere. You either need to take in more money or cut out some expenses.

There is a guy on the radio that you should consider listening to if you can pick him up. His name is Dave Ramsey and he is sweeping the country by storm. He is helping a lot of people deal with their financial troubles for free. Just tune into your radio or listen online. daveramsey.com

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Old 12-09-04, 12:01 PM
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The vest suggestions make a whole lot of sense, by the way. Thanks!

Those of you *AHEM* who are screaming "sexist" because of the use of the word "allowance", I must clarify that the "allowance" includes any money for myself. If I want to buy a candy bar or a gadget for my bike, I have to ask Miriam for the money. How's that for an allowance?
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Old 12-09-04, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Tree Trunk
The vest suggestions make a whole lot of sense, by the way. Thanks!

Those of you *AHEM* who are screaming "sexist" because of the use of the word "allowance", I must clarify that the "allowance" includes any money for myself. If I want to buy a candy bar or a gadget for my bike, I have to ask Miriam for the money. How's that for an allowance?
A candy bar?.....ouch

I knew people who used to walk around with a dollar in their pocket waiting til
their next paycheck....swore that would never be me
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Old 12-09-04, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Tree Trunk
You just described Miriam and I to the tee, . . .(note -- my wonderful wife let go of the mad money she gets to keep from her babysitting, lunchroom monitoring, and guitar lesson teaching income. We got the Christmas tree last night.)

Next budget goal is that sweeeeeet ride I saw at the local Trek/Klein/Lemond dealer recently....(yeah, right, uh-huh)
I get "mad money" income from pruning trees in the spring and from judging a couple of county fairs. The county fair money usually goes towards some lunces for myself at the local Thai Restaurant(holy moses, I love good thai food!), but the lion's share (the tree pruning money) goes towards family stuff. I figured I was being stingy by keeping it all to my self when hubby was out in the "real world" slaving away to support us in the style we are accustomed to. So from that money, I might buy a new pair of bike shorts or something, but the most of it goes towards other stuff than my wants.

We are trying to invest and save for our retirement years and we keep up stuff around the house, maintenance on the cars, fluorescent bulbs everwhere we can, college for the kids should they want it, etc., but budgets still suck.

You can still budget to save for that bike, but be aware that it may be a long-term goal--a very long term.

Good luck!
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Old 12-09-04, 01:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Ranger
With all due respect you have a problem if you only have $9.00 to last 1.5 weeks. It appears that you are both earning income. (which i gather you are from your posts) You have overspent somewhere. You either need to take in more money or cut out some expenses.
No, single income. My wife brings in about $15-$30 per week from the various things she does. But her main responsibility is a homemaker. $9.00 for 2 weeks is unusual. We usually have close to $100 per week. We don't have a car payment (haven't had one for years), don't take vacations (except my RAGBRAI trip most years), and stay away from the malls (we don't buy clothes unless something wears out, for the most part). In Dupage County, Illinois it's tough to raise a family and pay a mortgage on one modest income. We're not worried about money as long as we don't have unrealistic expectations.

Enough about my income. Excuse me for allowing myself to focus on that. Carry on!!
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Old 12-09-04, 01:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Tightwad
It's not that your wife does not understand as she's worried
for your safety during the winter when drivers really don't
expect to see bicycles on the road. That said this is NOT
the time to play He-man and discount her honest concern. It
would be disrepectful to her if you did.
There's the other concern that if you didn't come back or could not work, who would pay the bills?
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Old 12-09-04, 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by MsVicki
Perhaps I need an allowance, do a budget, all that. Then I would not be broke all the time!
That kind of surprised me too. I guess folks in other states have it much harder than me. We should all be thankful folks this holiday season. In New York City, $9.00 dollars would barely buy lunch!
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Old 12-09-04, 01:17 PM
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Originally Posted by foehn
Talk about budgets!

I am the evil mother of all spending around our house. Several years ago, both my husband and I decide to put me on a cash only basis for household expenses--this means food, dog/cat/chicken food, house-hold cleaning stuff, detergents for washing clothes, soap, shampoo, movie rentals . . .

I have learned alot. I have learned to milk the budget for every penny. I have learned to separate money out for 2 weeks worth of dog food, chicken food, people food, milk, gasoline, movie rentals, husband's gas money (his "allowance" back from me!), prescriptions, and even an occaisional trip to the movies (4 Buck matinee). I have learned to be frugal and careful with the money I have.

I have also learned that you can save quite a bit with a budget. You can pay cash for a new roof and a new patio and slab, plus a four foot retaining wall between two properties (a major expence, considering the anal retentive building code we have here).

But most of all I have learned that budges really, really SUCK!

This is why I am trying to win the lottery--in my name only. . .
Ditto. I've done the same thing but it took me nearly 15 years of living on credit cards to figure out it was time to give them up! Never buy anything on credit unless you can pay it off in full when the bill comes.
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Old 12-09-04, 01:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Ranger
With all due respect you have a problem if you only have $9.00 to last 1.5 weeks. It appears that you are both earning income. (which i gather you are from your posts) You have overspent somewhere. You either need to take in more money or cut out some expenses.

There is a guy on the radio that you should consider listening to if you can pick him up. His name is Dave Ramsey and he is sweeping the country by storm. He is helping a lot of people deal with their financial troubles for free. Just tune into your radio or listen online. daveramsey.com
I'm going to check this guy out. I Googled him for SCAM and RIP-OFF and found nothing! He must be doing something right because I can usually find plenty of info on most of these self help guru's. He might be able to do something for me if it doesn't require paying big bucks for attending his seminars or books!
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