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Vocalized about wanting to commute to work

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Vocalized about wanting to commute to work

Old 03-05-12, 12:34 PM
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How to stop a woman from worrying......LOL! If you figure it out....write a book will ya?

I'm laughing so hard there's tears in my eyes.........

I don't have a wife anymore.....she worried too much.....got a parrot instead,it's happy to see me no matter what time it is.

Last edited by Booger1; 03-05-12 at 12:44 PM.
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Old 03-05-12, 12:39 PM
  #52  
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Others have mentioned some of this but here is what I did to make sure my wife is comfortable. She has never told me she doesn't want me to do it but she has said she worries. I'm cool with that concern and actually appreciate it but anyways....

- As safe of route as I can reasonably take, and have that route available to her. For me it is saved as a google map on an account we share. I'll say "I'm taking the blah blah route this time".
- Safety stuff like lights, reflective items, etc.
- I turn on Google Latitude, which allows her to see where I am in "sort of" real time. I tell her that she can then tell the insurance guy where to find my body. No body, no insurance.

I do other things but the above allows her to not worry as much.

In the end if it is something you REALLY want to do and she is upset about it, you may have to just do it anyway. Husband and wife don't always have to agree on things.
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Old 03-05-12, 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted by sci_femme
I was really struggling with myself as to whether to chime in early and conserve valuable broadband resource or stay amused for a bit longer by discussion that is absolutely destined to run in circles. OK, here we go again, Mars-Venus moment.

Every single one of you has offered a SOLUTION. OK, so noted. When will Y-chromosomed folks understand that we are intelligent enough to see the solutions ourselves and offering another one comes across as patronizing?

What she needs is to VALIDATE her feelings, something along the lines "Honey, I would be worried too". And at least try to sound sincere. She puts up with aforementioned patronizing, she's gotta love you, that's why she is worried. While in the process of acknowledging her fears, try to abstain from offering reasons why it is safe. How to find the right words - well, it is time to exercise that muscle between your ears. Only chefisaac stumbled upon partial understanding how it is done.

Of course, there always is that strong silent way of doing things - heading into the traffic without saying a word and asking forgiveness is optional. Is anybody willing to venture a guess how many booty points this approach is doing to get?

chefisaac - C-
the rest - F
Class dismissed

SF
OP: Read this and take it to heart. I'm a guy, so I don't actually understand what she's saying, but based on my observations from over 20 years of marriage (all to the same woman) this is the sort of approach that is likely to get you somewhere. I can advance all the logical arguments in my bag, and I promise there are plenty, but at the end of the day, this is more than likely an emotional concern for your wife. And, as I learn almost every day, emotional concerns are not to be solved with logic. That said, you also can't really give in to her if her sole rationale is her emotional concern. BTW: If her emotional concern doesn't make sense to you, put the shoe on the other foot, so to speak: Consider how you would feel if she told you she wanted to start walking to work, in a poorly lighted neighborhood, at night, by herself... I might be able to "prove" that such an activity is much safer than eating a medium fries from McDonalds once a week, but I bet that wouldn't prevent you from expressing your concern, right?

This is not to say (in my opinion) that you should ignore the logical stuff -- educating her on the relative risks involved (as between cycling and heart disease, for example) is not a complete waste of time. But in the end, you need to make it clear that you hear her, that you value her feelings, and that her concern is important to you. BUT that despite her concern, you think this is the right course of action, so you'd like her input on how best you can mitigate (but not eliminate) her concerns.

For example, solicit her assistance in planning your route, and be willing to ride a few extra miles if there's an alternative that is (a) she thinks is safer and b) actually is safer (or at least not less safe). Be willing to wear the dreaded YJA or whatever other safety gear might make her feel better, at least for a time.

But most of all, listen to her, hear what she's saying, acknowledge that she isn't crazy, that she is worried because she loves and values you (despite how illogical that almost certainly is), and that you care because she cares. This will go a long way in terms of marital happiness, even if the end result is exactly the same.
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Old 03-05-12, 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted by weshigh
Yuh. I dont share my helmet camera videos of encounters with my girlfriend.
But does your girlfriend know you're using your helmet camera to film your "encounters" with her?
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Old 03-05-12, 12:53 PM
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Just tell her the civil suit against the driver that finally takes you out will make her rich beyond her wildest dreams.
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Old 03-05-12, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by gerv
So the OP should tell her to get over it?
That might work as well as anything else.
I don't think you do that. I might give all the common courtesies such as routes, etc. but then I would say "I'm going to commute, hopefully you will learn to not to worry so much over a period of time.
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Old 03-05-12, 02:15 PM
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Validate Her Fears - Look Deeper

I think that she tends to use fear/concern as a manipulation tactic. Hate to be blunt, but that was my impression reading the OP's original question.

Underlying this fear is the statement: "I don't want to lose you" "I need you to care about me" etc. These are real fears for her, and you must address these in many small and consistent ways. Bike commuting is (I suspect) only the latest manifestation.

Show her that you love her. Listen to her concerns. Ask her to coffee one day to talk through it - not to offer arguments, but simply to listen to what she thinks might happen, how that risk feels to her, how often it's on her mind...these kinds of things. Tell her whether you knew those things about her. Think about it some more.

Love will make a way for both of you.

PG
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