Go Back  Bike Forums > Bike Forums > Fifty Plus (50+)
Reload this Page >

Absolute WORSE jokes possible. (If easily offended don't read)

Fifty Plus (50+) Share the victories, challenges, successes and special concerns of bicyclists 50 and older. Especially useful for those entering or reentering bicycling.

Absolute WORSE jokes possible. (If easily offended don't read)

Old 02-08-18, 01:38 AM
Senior Member
Thread Starter
BBassett's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Puyallup, WA
Posts: 428

Bikes: Tout Terrain, Panamericana

Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 194 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 15 Times in 8 Posts
Absolute WORSE jokes possible. (If easily offended don't read)

A man is sitting in a dark bar drinking a beer. The door opens at the end of the bar and sunlight blasts in silhouetting another man until the door swings shut. The new man walks over and sits beside the man at the bar. The 1st man glances over at the new arrival and gasps! He recoils in an involuntary twitch. He is looking at the arrival who is missing an ear and the tip of his nose, open sores cover his face and neck he obviously has leprosy. Before he can say anything the leper speaks up.

Leper: "Sir, I apologize for my appearance, I know I am... offensive looking, but let me reassure you that I am in no way contagious or a threat to you."

The man is embarrassed and ashamed to make the leper feel worse with his reaction. He clears his throat saying...

Man: "No, no, I apologize please sit and have a drink."

The leper sits and orders a beer. After a sip, he glances at the man and notices that he is sweating and breathing heavy.

Leper: "Sir, please, I understand. I know my looks are offensive, just say the word and I will go."

The man looks at the leper sheepishly feeling sorry for him and says.

Man: "No, really it's not you." as he looks quickly away and into his beer.

After a couple minutes the leper again notices that the man is breathing heavy and is now mopping his brow with a napkin and shaky hands.

Leper: Sir, again, I assure you that I understand. You aren't insulting me. There's no need for you to feel ill, just say something and I will leave.

Shaking his head the man drains his beer with a long drink and set the mug down.

Man: I assure you Sir it's not you, please stay and enjoy your drink.

He smiles at the leper and gives a quick nod of the head. Just a few moments later the man leans back and raises his hand to his mouth and a jet of vomit sprays out over the bar, his hand dripping. The leper jumps up and steps back with a confused and mildly angry look on his ravaged face.

Leper: SIR! I told you! I understand! Why didn't you just say something? For God sake...?

The man standing bent over one hand on the bar, trying to spit out bits of vomit clinging to his mouth. He holds the other hand up to stop the leper's words and glances into his eyes.

Man: I told you... It really isn't you! It's the drunk behind you that keep dipping his toast into the back of your neck.

Last edited by BBassett; 02-08-18 at 02:39 AM.
BBassett is offline  
Old 02-08-18, 08:08 AM
BillyD's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Hudson Valley, NY
Posts: 28,148

Bikes: Merlin Cyrene '04; Bridgestone RB-1 '92

Mentioned: 298 Post(s)
Tagged: 2 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8089 Post(s)
Liked 1,605 Times in 931 Posts
No. Just no.
See, this is why we can't have nice things. - - smarkinson
Where else but the internet can a bunch of cyclists go and be the tough guy? - - jdon
BillyD is offline  
Related Topics
Thread Starter
Last Post
Hybrid Bicycles
06-08-18 09:32 AM

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.