Post your axioms here
 

I've been calculating that the collective wisdom of the ages on this forum is, well, several thousand years. I'm sure on our life quest we have come upon unique observations about the nature of cycling. Please contribute, but remember, this is for singular axioms that you'll not find elsewhere.

So first, here goes:

The desire to get to a refreshment stand varies inversely with the likelihood that the stand will be open, or that it even exists.

Twice in the past week I've taken modest rides in the hot sun, just counting down the miles until I got to stop for sustenance. On one trip I traveled 28 miles to get to a coffee shop in hopes of getting some Le Chocolate Cakeaux and some coffee, only to find that the establishment had been boarded up. Today I went a similar distance dreaming of stopping at a roadside vendor to buy a diet Coke and a Snickers bar, to find that the vendor wasn't there. It really chapped my hide.

As long as you have detectable testosterone levels, it's still possible to do really stupid stuff.

On my way back from my leisurely ride today, I came upon a gent riding up a hill. I didn't want to gain on him, but I had the momentum and couldn't help almost pulling even with him. He saw me in his dorky handlebar-mounted mirror and took off, with me just behind him, not really wanting to pass him but not wanting to eat his dust either. At the top of the hill I passed him and he gave chase, a foolish move as we were headed downhill and I was benefitting from some gravitational love and having a quicker bike. As we approached another hill he cranked it up, so I had no choice but to stand out of the saddle and sprint up the next hill, blood pouring out of my eyes and such. I dropped him good.

Which leads to a natural question: why? My knees were already sore and I just wanted to go out on a recovery ride. It made no sense. You probably would have done the same.

Your honor student is a mere pawn in the diabolical plan of my Dachshund to achieve World Conquest.

Not a biking axiom, but I saw it on a bumper sticker and thought it was pretty funny.

Thought you were looking for Seven Axiom's. But few owners in any age group.

Shoot; I thought you wanted a photo of my Seven.

You can never change just one part on a bike.

1) No matter which direction you start your ride, the wind will be against you on the way home

2) There is no such thing as a flat road

The rate of acceleration is directly proportional to the size of the dog on your wheel.

It's always the last bolt!

The later you leave the greater the chance your tire will be flat when you hop on your bike.

Irrespective of time, distance or breakfast, the less food you cram in your jersey the more you'll wish you had something to eat.

We'll all be faster next year. Really.

Often muttered by my father as he rapidly accelerated away from a 4-way stop sign...

"He who hesitates, waits."

One of my favorites.....

Everyone puts on their left shoe last.

Always.

Without exception.

1) Cars have absolute right of way.

2) The car that is behind you is ahead of you.

3) Let trouble pass you by.

------------------------------------------
My Grandfather, an oil company exec, believed that all drivers are insane. I follow his attitude.

1) I know they don't really, but I know they believe that they do, and expect them to act accordingly. I can't be VC because I know the issue isn't respect, as much as it is that the troublesome motorists are insane or at least oblivious of the road. I treat traffic like I treat an avalanche.
2) As soon as a motorist sees a cyclist, they assume that they are in front of the cyclist. At least they act that way.
3) If there is any doubt, stop or slow down. Most traffic morons will zip by you and cause you no more problems. Trying to defend your "rights" will only anger them as they are insane already.

A drivers perceived Right of Way is directly related to the value of his/her vehicle.
When riding through affluent communities where the beautiful people live, the Rolls Royces, Porches, Mercedes and Jaguars will run you down if given the opportunity. It's best to remember they are very busy people on their cell phones. With the pool boy quitting, the butler on vacation, and late for tea and scones.... don't inconvenience them by getting in their way. :rolleyes:

The time available for a ride is inversely proportional to the desire to ride.

I often have more desire to take a longer ride when I have less time to do it, and less desire to take a longer ride when I have all the time in the world to do it. My therapist and I are working on it.

It's 96 degrees here today. Can't ride. I should visit MY therapist.

I saw this sign in an arts & crafts store that catered to women

If it has tires or testicles
It is going to give you problems

My wife's from a part of Wisconsin which is actually pretty close to flat. There is one rock in the county and it is a tourist attraction. Growing up in the Ozarks, it took me a while to understand why it always felt like I was going uphill when I went out running.

Another hill related lesson:

Every 30 seconds riding downhill at 30 mph requires 2 minutes of climbing at 7.5 mph

How many times must you disassemble and reassemble
your bike before you have enough parts left over
to build another one?

Mine is similar..... The summer heat is directly proportional to the desire to ride.

The first mile of a ride is downhill and the last mile is uphil.

True in my case. :)

Man who ride bike in front of car, get tired;
Man who ride bike behind car, get exhausted.

I went to look for it, and there it was. Gone!

:)
Sign hanging in my kitchen "A woman looking for a husband obviously never had one"

It is uncontrollable
 

If you are male (from female general observation) it is not possible to see a person in front of you that you do not feel obligated to pass. I have been passed by many males that I really feel killed themselves for very long periods of time to pass me and then slowed down from exhaustion after they passed me. Of course, I would speed up, having been riding alone and lacadaisical anyway, and ride on their draft for the next ten miles or so just for the heck of it. I'm generally a nice woman and won't pass a male person because of his sensitive ego, but I hate when I've been used as an distant object to pass so I just ride the man to sheer exhaustion. I also have ridden with many men that will speed up when anyone is in front of them so as to pass them. I know this is not my imagination. Men do this in cars also.

Not too long
 

I have bike parts all over the basement and could possible build another bike from them just merely from this evening when I tried to combine two bikes into one so I could do a ride tomorrow. It was unsuccessful as I "don't do brakes." Never-the-less, I ruined my off-white capris, the brakes locked up on the Raleigh because the wheels I put on it were 1/8" bigger. I am not mechanically inclined at all but am finding that this biking thing requires a certain amount of mechanical ability. Being female I want to scream and cry, but instead, I'm trying to be calm, drink wine and just not worry about it. At least I have a mountain bike that I can take out my agressions with.

At SEMA it went...."if it has tits or tires you're gonna have trouble with it".