Attitudes towards older folks - rant
04-30-09, 06:07 AM
#26
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I've been thinking about this a bit, and now, almost 24 hours later, I've decided I will say something like:
"Oh yes, exercise is so important. I particularly enjoy our 40 mile rides. Do you bicycle? I lead group rides. Please join us sometime."
In an absolutely non-condescending and friendly, open, sincere manner.
Now, if I can only remember that!!
"Oh yes, exercise is so important. I particularly enjoy our 40 mile rides. Do you bicycle? I lead group rides. Please join us sometime."
In an absolutely non-condescending and friendly, open, sincere manner.
Now, if I can only remember that!!
04-30-09, 06:19 AM
#27
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. . . In pleasant conversatiom, my neighbor asked what I was doing, and I said I was riding a few miles. Immediately, the younger lady piped in, with a voice like she was talking to a child, saying something like, "Oh, exercise is so good for you. It's important to keep it up!" - directly implying that I was old and it was nice that I was getting a little bit of exercise.
This is the 2nd time in 2 days that I have had rhis attitude expressed to me, where someone in a condescending voice treats me as if I am a bit doddering and wasn't it nice that I was getting out a bit.
My problem is, I can't think of a good response.
This is the 2nd time in 2 days that I have had rhis attitude expressed to me, where someone in a condescending voice treats me as if I am a bit doddering and wasn't it nice that I was getting out a bit.
My problem is, I can't think of a good response.
The young woman was vainly trying to feign physical and mental fitness. She totally failed. End of story. No fuss, no drama.
If she were family or friend, a bit of quiet private conversation might prove useful.
04-30-09, 06:45 AM
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Well, I work with college-age young people all the time and I'm here to tell you, they are not fitness mavens. In fact, most of them get very little exercise at all, sleep less than they should, and have wretched diets.
So maybe you could have replied,"You are so right! And that is why I recommend it to all the young people I meet."
Or "You are absolutely right! So I take it that you are a cyclist or runner?"
The chances are that she is not a regular exerciser but even if she is, it gives you the opportunity to extend the conversation, and in doing so, you could educate her about what "old people" are capable of doing.
So maybe you could have replied,"You are so right! And that is why I recommend it to all the young people I meet."
Or "You are absolutely right! So I take it that you are a cyclist or runner?"
The chances are that she is not a regular exerciser but even if she is, it gives you the opportunity to extend the conversation, and in doing so, you could educate her about what "old people" are capable of doing.
04-30-09, 06:48 AM
#29
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Sshhhh!!
Don't tell anyone, because I was eating at Mickie D's, and had a muffin and egg (no greasy meat) and a fruit-filled low-fat yogurt parfait. Their senior discount is on coffee, and I don't drink coffee.
I didn't want to admit that publicly, because someone always writes the obligatory something like, "McD's - hope you are still alive" or something like that. So, PLEASE don't tell anyone else!
Don't tell anyone, because I was eating at Mickie D's, and had a muffin and egg (no greasy meat) and a fruit-filled low-fat yogurt parfait. Their senior discount is on coffee, and I don't drink coffee.
I didn't want to admit that publicly, because someone always writes the obligatory something like, "McD's - hope you are still alive" or something like that. So, PLEASE don't tell anyone else!
04-30-09, 06:50 AM
#30
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Well, I work with college-age young people all the time and I'm here to tell you, they are not fitness mavens. In fact, most of them get very little exercise at all, sleep less than they should, and have wretched diets.
So maybe you could have replied,"You are so right! And that is why I recommend it to all the young people I meet."
Or "You are absolutely right! So I take it that you are a cyclist or runner?"
The chances are that she is not a regular exerciser but even if she is, it gives you the opportunity to extend the conversation, and in doing so, you could educate her about what "old people" are capable of doing.
So maybe you could have replied,"You are so right! And that is why I recommend it to all the young people I meet."
Or "You are absolutely right! So I take it that you are a cyclist or runner?"
The chances are that she is not a regular exerciser but even if she is, it gives you the opportunity to extend the conversation, and in doing so, you could educate her about what "old people" are capable of doing.
04-30-09, 06:50 AM
#31
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In pleasant conversatiom, my neighbor asked what I was doing, and I said I was riding a few miles. Immediately, the younger lady piped in, with a voice like she was talking to a child, saying something like, "Oh, exercise is so good for you. It's important to keep it up!" - directly implying that I was old and it was nice that I was getting a little bit of exercise.
This is the 2nd time in 2 days that I have had rhis attitude expressed to me, where someone in a condescending voice treats me as if I am a bit doddering and wasn't it nice that I was getting out a bit.
This is the 2nd time in 2 days that I have had rhis attitude expressed to me, where someone in a condescending voice treats me as if I am a bit doddering and wasn't it nice that I was getting out a bit.
I think she was trying to get you attention, and needs help with her pick up lines.
Or, she is yet very immature and was trying to impress the "Ladies" at the table and make a funny. Then likely to have offended them as well.
We can not change the obvious, and do what you do as it is good for you in many more ways than can be measured.
Keep on moving
04-30-09, 07:09 AM
#32
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Well, I work with college-age young people all the time and I'm here to tell you, they are not fitness mavens. In fact, most of them get very little exercise at all, sleep less than they should, and have wretched diets.
So maybe you could have replied,"You are so right! And that is why I recommend it to all the young people I meet."
Or "You are absolutely right! So I take it that you are a cyclist or runner?"
The chances are that she is not a regular exerciser but even if she is, it gives you the opportunity to extend the conversation, and in doing so, you could educate her about what "old people" are capable of doing.
So maybe you could have replied,"You are so right! And that is why I recommend it to all the young people I meet."
Or "You are absolutely right! So I take it that you are a cyclist or runner?"
The chances are that she is not a regular exerciser but even if she is, it gives you the opportunity to extend the conversation, and in doing so, you could educate her about what "old people" are capable of doing.
A surprising percentage write down the title. I've actually bought the book for some friends who really need help.
The present statistics indicate that the 'kids" are becoming couch potatoes by their mid teens.
Al
04-30-09, 07:16 AM
#33
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I get stuff like...
"Are you sure you should be doing that at your age?"
or
"How nice, He's riding his bicycle."
On the other end of the stick, I don't like people, mostly Doctors, who insist on addressing me as "Young Man."
"Are you sure you should be doing that at your age?"
or
"How nice, He's riding his bicycle."
On the other end of the stick, I don't like people, mostly Doctors, who insist on addressing me as "Young Man."
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04-30-09, 07:32 AM
#34
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Last Spring when I was 50, I was about 30 minutes into my daily hour ride when a pickup truck pulled along side me. The maybe 30 - 35 year-old, inside said, "Hey oldtimer, can you tell me how to get to Greenville"
I was a little taken aback by this but my hair (tied in a ponytail, halfway down my back) is all gray and I'm routinely judged to be at least 15 years older than I am.
Greenville was about two straight miles after a right turn at the "T" intersection ahead. I smiled and told him to make a left at the intersection and gave him directions that would take him at least 20 miles out of his way.
If you look under my avatar, you'll see that I later developed a sense of humor about it.
Most of the pedestrians I encounter on my rides smile or grin and give me a pleasant greeting but I sometimes wonder if it's because they think it's cute that an old guy is riding a bike. Well maybe I am an old guy and there are worse things than being cute.
I was a little taken aback by this but my hair (tied in a ponytail, halfway down my back) is all gray and I'm routinely judged to be at least 15 years older than I am.
Greenville was about two straight miles after a right turn at the "T" intersection ahead. I smiled and told him to make a left at the intersection and gave him directions that would take him at least 20 miles out of his way.
If you look under my avatar, you'll see that I later developed a sense of humor about it.
Most of the pedestrians I encounter on my rides smile or grin and give me a pleasant greeting but I sometimes wonder if it's because they think it's cute that an old guy is riding a bike. Well maybe I am an old guy and there are worse things than being cute.
04-30-09, 07:58 AM
#35
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I'm too busy to take time to dream up things to be offended by.
04-30-09, 10:20 AM
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How about a reply along the lines of:
"Thank you for the advice but I learned the value of exercise while your mother was still in diapers"?
"Thank you for the advice but I learned the value of exercise while your mother was still in diapers"?
04-30-09, 12:02 PM
#39
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Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Just ride on.
OR. If you want to annoy the person, you could say "You should try riding. It'll really help with your weight."
Just ride on.
OR. If you want to annoy the person, you could say "You should try riding. It'll really help with your weight."
04-30-09, 12:59 PM
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2003 and my comeback ride after surgery. The hardest one day offroad organised ride in the UK and me and Stuart were on the Tandem.
If I was ever going to be put off by "Elderly" rider comments- this was it. 400 kids in their 20's and the comments were not good. Side bets started to be taken as to when we would pull out. 20 miles- before that- 35 miles so we put up in aid of the charity. Ł1 from each as to when we would drop out. The charity earned plenty of extra money as we completed the ride- and were the first Tandem to ever complete the organised 100 mile ride.
Best thing was the following year at the drivers briefing. The riders were told about the tandem.
"It will be slow uphills so be wary as you overtake it. It will take different lines through the corners so be carefull. Do not attempt to stay with them on the downhills. That Tandem will look so stable on the fast rough descents it will give you a false impression of the trail---AND do not attempt to stay with them on the flat bits- they will kill you"
If I was ever going to be put off by "Elderly" rider comments- this was it. 400 kids in their 20's and the comments were not good. Side bets started to be taken as to when we would pull out. 20 miles- before that- 35 miles so we put up in aid of the charity. Ł1 from each as to when we would drop out. The charity earned plenty of extra money as we completed the ride- and were the first Tandem to ever complete the organised 100 mile ride.
Best thing was the following year at the drivers briefing. The riders were told about the tandem.
"It will be slow uphills so be wary as you overtake it. It will take different lines through the corners so be carefull. Do not attempt to stay with them on the downhills. That Tandem will look so stable on the fast rough descents it will give you a false impression of the trail---AND do not attempt to stay with them on the flat bits- they will kill you"
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04-30-09, 01:06 PM
#41
aka Phil Jungels
You should have just told her that you just got finished with 40 miles, and decided you needed some breakfast, before you finish......
04-30-09, 01:11 PM
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When I am offended by discrimination, either directed toward me or witnessed by me, I try to be as direct as possible and let the person know that they are being offensive. Hence, in your situation, Dnvr, I suspect I might have said something like: "Do I detect a note of ageism in your tone?"; all the while reaching out and gently touching her on the forearm and smiling.
It is my believe that bigotry will not go away by itself. It needs to be confronted (and confrontation doesn't have to be unpleasant).
It is my believe that bigotry will not go away by itself. It needs to be confronted (and confrontation doesn't have to be unpleasant).
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04-30-09, 01:13 PM
#43
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I just qualified for the 50+ forum a few months ago and I get this situation too from time to time.
On the one hand if you tell them "I just swam a mile and a half at the Y and lifted weights" you sound like a braggart even if it's true. On the other hand you want to let them know that you can ride a bike, swim etc and it feels good!
I usually downplay what I do and ask them if they want to join me sometime.
On the one hand if you tell them "I just swam a mile and a half at the Y and lifted weights" you sound like a braggart even if it's true. On the other hand you want to let them know that you can ride a bike, swim etc and it feels good!
I usually downplay what I do and ask them if they want to join me sometime.
04-30-09, 01:17 PM
#44
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Mad Magazine put out a few books many years ago called Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.Taught me everything I know about quick comebacks.Used to use it alot in my younger days but I don't heal so fast anymore.
Nowdays, I don't even listen to that crap,goes in one ear and out the other.
Nowdays, I don't even listen to that crap,goes in one ear and out the other.
04-30-09, 01:18 PM
#45
Procrastinateur supreme
Yep, there is rampant discrimination against older folks. Sometimes it is expressed as some patronizing comment or action. Other times it is expressed as aggressive acts to make things so difficult no one could measure up.
What surprised me was to find that many of our peers are just as bigoted against us as the younger people. Amazing how many obese or way weak people just don't think we ought to be doing what we do.
So, maybe it is a combination of age and living outside the pigeon hole?
But there are some real benefits when I go to the doc. I don't get the cookbook treatment. If there is something that will benefit me I get it when other people my age don't; simply because I am fit and the docs think their efforts are worthwhile. The usual elder doesn't take good care of themself and so is a frustrating patient.
What surprised me was to find that many of our peers are just as bigoted against us as the younger people. Amazing how many obese or way weak people just don't think we ought to be doing what we do.
So, maybe it is a combination of age and living outside the pigeon hole?
But there are some real benefits when I go to the doc. I don't get the cookbook treatment. If there is something that will benefit me I get it when other people my age don't; simply because I am fit and the docs think their efforts are worthwhile. The usual elder doesn't take good care of themself and so is a frustrating patient.
So, dear Dnvr, you are living a conscious and self-directed life. Lets' face it, most folks in our modern society have forgotten their bodies' capabilities so long ago that they simply have no comprehension of one who does anything else other than obtaining or spending money. Many folks (old and young) can't conceptualize moving on their own power for more than a mile. So a person who can do 60mi a day at any age might as well be from planet Zorg, to them.
Even though there are a lot of cyclists/outdoors/activity - centered people, I'm guessing the ratio is still aroung 1 active : 250 lumpen.
What I'm saying is this:
1)Take silent pity on people who exhibit such (imagined) disrespect. They've forgotten what it is to really be alive. Your anger would serve only to make you feel more separate - it wouldn't touch them.
2)Celebrate that you are not one of them!
I hope I survive to be even half as vital as you at your age.
I have a decade to catch up to where you are now.
04-30-09, 02:05 PM
#46
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I hate to say it, but that patronizing attitude often goes both ways: older folks can patronize younger folks just as frequently. Or men patronizing women. And, too, there are plenty of people who sound patronizing no matter who they're talking to.
Usually I just ignore them, though if I'm feeling ornery I'll make a sarcastic remark.
My favorite story was from a woman I knew years ago -- damned smart and a strong mountain biker to boot. A great person to have as a friend; not someone you'd want to cross. She met a fellow once who gave her the "little lady" attitude, so she invited him on a ride. As they reached the bottom of a long, steep climb, he assured her he would be a gentleman and wait for her at the top.
She dropped him like a bad habit.
Usually I just ignore them, though if I'm feeling ornery I'll make a sarcastic remark.
My favorite story was from a woman I knew years ago -- damned smart and a strong mountain biker to boot. A great person to have as a friend; not someone you'd want to cross. She met a fellow once who gave her the "little lady" attitude, so she invited him on a ride. As they reached the bottom of a long, steep climb, he assured her he would be a gentleman and wait for her at the top.
She dropped him like a bad habit.
04-30-09, 02:07 PM
#47
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Ain't no shame in gettin' old. I have no problem telling my friends I chase my Jim Beam with Metamucil.
But be sure to remove your helmet before you walk in the door, leave it off until you're outside again, and don't fasten the chin strap until you've thrown a leg over. Walking around coffee shops with a helmet on is an open invitation to condescension.
But be sure to remove your helmet before you walk in the door, leave it off until you're outside again, and don't fasten the chin strap until you've thrown a leg over. Walking around coffee shops with a helmet on is an open invitation to condescension.
04-30-09, 02:28 PM
#48
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It's easy to forget how many people just go to work, eat, watch TV and sleep...with a few chores, a little shopping and maybe a hobby, a bit of socializing thrown in...
Anyone with real passions in their life is foreign to them no matter what their age.
Anyone with real passions in their life is foreign to them no matter what their age.
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04-30-09, 03:08 PM
#49
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I expect to get the "old man" treatment from younger people, I just kinda laugh it off as I can keep up with all of them and leave some in the weeds! What bothers me is the attitude I get from people my age and slightly older. Like being asked, "don't you think it's about time you slowed down a little at your age?" after a ride to work on a 20-degree windy winter day by the receptionist where I work who is 10 years older than me.
04-30-09, 03:19 PM
#50
So it is
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I have made it this long so as to earn the right to call myself a Geezer. Plus, that name isn't an age, it is an attitude!