bigbadwullf

Borrowing from one of the "on your left" threads. What things do you say that get misinterpreted?

For me it's "read the smallest line that you can read". How that gets interpreted as " read the smallest line" I don't know.

Trakhak

Are we to take it that you work for the MVA?

You're talking about an encounter you have many times a day. The person in the chair has this experience maybe once every year or two and also may be in a somewhat anxious state of mind. Try saying what my optometrist says: "Read the first three letters of the top line. And the next line. And the next line." Of course, he's had years of experience, so it's not surprising that he's worked out an efficient approach to the task at hand.

Allegheny Jet

Way back in the day I coached my two sons in rec soccer. I would have each player bring their own soccer ball in order to keep them all busy during practice. When I wanted to speak to the team, and keep their attention without distractions, I would say to them "OK everyone sit on your balls". I tried not to say it but it just rolled off my lips all too often.

Dudelsack 

Take my wife.

No, I mean it. Take her.

Anything I say to my wife can be misinterpreted. "Nice day, looks like fine weather" has launched hard feelings.

Retro Grouch 

Everybody would go to the local discount store and show up on the first day of practice with identical-looking soccer balls. Within a couple of weeks they could pick out their own ball from halfway across the field.

lhbernhardt

My all-time favorite has got to be Tandem Rule #1: "The stoker never makes mistakes."

Aboslutely without fail, every stoker I've ever met (99% female, I might add) ALWAYS rephrases this as: "The stoker is always right."

Uh, I don't really think the two are equivalent. Seems to be a wishful lapse in logic here...

Luis

berner

There is the distinct possibility that spoken and written language has been responsible for more misunderstandings than simple grunts or raised eyebrows.

NOS88

This isn't one that I use, but notice many others who do.

"So, what do you think?"

Some years ago my wife asked me concerning the possibility of visiting and staying with he mother over the holidays. So, I told her what I thought. Wasn't an especially good idea on my part. What she really wanted to know was, "If we stay at my mother's over the holidays, will you behave yourself?" The answers to those two questions are entirely different. Since then, I've noticed that many people say, "So, what do you think?", and it's really not what they want to know.

Bronze Potato

"I'm going to kill you"

People just are funny about that.

skilsaw

When I say "I couldn't give a $hit". I don't mean I'm constipated.
When I say "I have to take a $hit." I mean "...give a $hit".

Why would someone want to "...take a $hit?" Do you put it in a bag and take it home with you?
Gross

bigbadwullf

No, that's what I do for a living(Optometrist). I have this thing about having them read the whole chart. Just me but I find it a terrible waste of time. "Just the facts, ma'am".

Then there's the "which is better 1 or 2"(talking about lens choices). I find elderly people think I mean the top line or the second line. And they say 1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1 ."Well, that line's bigger, Doc".

Mr. Beanz

I thought football was a game of fighting over money cause everyone kept shouting "get the quarterback, get the quarter back!"

curbtender

"Don't get me wrong..." just seems to always invite getting it wrong.

Bob Ross

"You can't use too much garlic."


So if I'm cooking, does that mean I'd better not use too much garlic? or that no matter how much garlic I use, it won't be too much?

Looigi

Boy howdy!

BluesDawg

On a vacation trip to Savannah about 12 years ago, my wife and I were sitting around the hotel during the complimentary wine and cheese social. The conversation worked around to some of the ladies there having visited my hometown and they mentioned having had a very good steak at one of the local restaurants. I mentioned that the best steak in town was on my deck, meaning one I cooked on my grill on my open back porch. She misunderstood what I said and became very embarrassed.

miss kenton

I once saw comedienne Bonnie Hunt being interviewed about her large Irish family get-togethers. She said, "Everything goes along great--until you hear the words, "What's THAT supposed to mean?!?"

Digital Gee

A few come to mind:

"Let me be honest with you." (You mean you haven't been so far?)

"To make a long story short..." (often offered way too late)

"It's not you, it's me." (yeah, right)

recumbenttoad

"Tourists are being terrorized at Gunpoint". "A man is being held at Gunpoint".

So, where is Gunpoint and why do people keep going there?

rubic

He, "Let's stay home tonight with each other and maybe watch a little TV."
She, "Is that all you guys think about is sex?"

CraigB

Reminds me of an old SNL bit with Ed Asner..."you can't put too much water in a nuclear reactor."

Or one of my favorites: "Nothing is better than baloney."

Artkansas 

I'm writing a how-to book. Talk about a minefield for misunderstanding. It's not writing so much as figuring out how to say something that cannot be misunderstood. That seems to make a short sentence into several long paragraphs.

Louis

"Take your hat and jacket off."

jethro56 

" I thought I was retired, but two months later I accepted work from my former employer. I guess I'm just retar@ed."

Retro Grouch 

While recently responding to a tombay thread I made reference to "having one's owies kissed." I thought that would be a near universal idium. Stap asked about it but, being a Brit, didn't surprise me too much. An American poster got it out but had to stretch to figure it out. That surprised me.