Guess I'm lucky to be able to feel close to someone without suffering from an anxiety disorder...

Whoa there, teachme! I have to wholeheartedly agree with chasm54 and it is not about any anxiety disorder. My husband was attracted to me because I was independent, had my own life, my own friends, my own interests--I was (am) a whole person. Why would I stop being that after we married?!?
I like doing things with him, but after 25 years of living with each other, if we did everything together, one of us would end up taking a rake to the other. I need my space and so does he. What works for you doesn't necessarily work for everyone, nor does living differently than you indicate a mental health issue.

I think Miss Kenton has made my point for me. My partner and I are interesting to one another in part because we both have varied, and varying, interests, some of which we pursue independently. The idea that she give up doing things she likes because I don't want to join in, or vice versa, would be absurdly oppressive.

I understand your point of independence, But; I can't imagine the person who is closest to me in this world ever making me feel terrible, claustrophobic or oppressed in any way. Oh; and I'm not a psychiatrist but I think claustrophobia is an anxiety disorder...

Claustrophobia (from Latin claustrum "a shut in place" and Greek φόβος, phóbos, "fear") is the fear of having no escape and being closed in small spaces or rooms (opposite: claustrophilia). It is typically classified as an anxiety disorder and often results in panic attack, and can be the result of many situations or stimuli, including elevators crowded to capacity, windowless rooms, and even tight-necked clothing.[1] The onset of claustrophobia has been attributed to many factors, including a reduction in the size of the amygdala, classical conditioning, or a genetic predisposition to fear small spaces.
One study indicates that anywhere from 5–7% of the world population is affected by severe claustrophobia, but only a small percentage of these people receive some kind of treatment for the disorder

Yep! I am right about that!

+1 to teachme.

Doing everything together doesn't necessarily mean everything. Machka and I are employed in two entirely different spheres. She has a developing interest in photography, and while I have professional experience in it, I have no real interest in pursuing it except to help and advise her.

We do a lot of our outdoor activities together because we enjoy doing them and each other's company. We've travelled across the North American continent coast-to-coast by car -- we had our moments, but the memories are great.

We ride a tandem, doing monthly centuries. We like it, a lot. If anything, it has strengthened our marriage because it helps increase our communication and teamwork skills.

Everyone is entitled to choose how they live. It's just that some of us have chosen a partner who shares similar interests and whose company we enjoy. If you can't bear to be with your partner for extended periods, that's you choice and so be it. But don't be surprised when others arc up when you make derisive comments about the alternative.

As to the OP, have you actually sat down and verbalised your frustrations with your wife?

Which of us made a derisive comment? Does expressing an different opinion constitute a derisive comment?

Knowone made a derisive comment... ( I had to stop and look up derisive before I could comment on it... LOL) So far its been a delightful discussion about people you love and the little things that sometimes can cause a ripple in relationships. I hope the Op is gaining some insight or ideas about how to tackle his dilemma of not being able to share something he loves with the one he loves. Gees I'm gettin mushy... LOL!

:eek: Umm... you are kidding here, right?

I mean you must be aware that there are an infinite amount of correct ways to live one's life in addition to the path you've chosen.

Yeah, you're just funnin' with us.

Your next step is to find her username on BF. She's on here, checking out your past posts. :eek:

I'll be spending this weekend with my good friends at the BRAG Spring Tune Up ride, a weekend of rides and camping put on by the same folks who do the weeklong Bicycle Ride Across Georgia in June. I have been riding with some of these guys for 21+ years now. I remember one night sitting around camp on BRAG after a few beers when one of us said "What would we do if our wives were into bicycling?". We all agreed that we were very fortunate to have this thing to ourselves.

Note: I also have many friends who do these rides with their families and that is great for them. They have something I do not, but they don't have what I have. It's all good.

BBW,
N-4? I've got a Co-Motion tandem, Bridgestone city bike, Specialized road bike, and a Trek beach cruiser to sell you. All with almost 0 miles, except the tandem as the 2 kids were also stokers. Oh, and about 6 extra saddles. None of the purchases were my idea.
But I'm a very lucky man - after 27 years she still encourages me to ride/ski patrol/kayak/hike. No advice to give you. Venus & Mars, I guess.

The 3 (yes, three) DVRs in the house are NOT for sale. Gosh, I hate reality TV and recliners. And I keep my yapper shut when she complains about aches, pains, sleep habits & inability to lose weight. Live and let live.

edit - I really like BluesDawg's response. And Cranky's - don't sell (unless you want to give her the ultimate guilt trip).

I just hate TV as a whole. If it were just me, there would be just one small tv in the house, and it would only occasionally get turned on to watch a movie on DVD while I tinkered with my bikes.

I think once my wife gets started, it'll go better, but getting her started is the problem. She's unsure of her capabilities and afraid to try, which is what is needed to improve, so it is a bit of a chicken and egg situation there. I'm leading a very casual ride tomorrow. 11 miles at a 10 mph pace, with a lunch stop in the middle. She says she'll meet us at the restaurant because she is not sure she can ride that far. If she'd been getting out on the bike 3 or 4 times a week, she could probably do it by now. I don't want to push her, but she may be expecting me to do so.

My wife and I joke about being "divorce-proof".

She rarely accompanies on any of my activities yet she's never failed to encourage me to enjoy my activities and chase my goals. I'm probably pushing my limit next weekend - I have a brevet and it ends on my birthday. In response to that news, she stated that she was going on a 2-day "date" with her boyfriend.

Me worry? She's a court-appointed special-advocate (CASA) for a 5 year old foster boy - that'll be her date for the weekend. My wife has a fulfilling life - we spend a lot of time together but we recognize that we each have interests outside of cycling.

Kill the TV! MY wife has a 2-3 hour block of telenovelas the she has to watch. If the shows goes unwatched, the universe implodes.

I had a bike for her. It was a nice 3 speed Schwinn/Giant with a coaster brake. Ended up selling it about a year ago. She still hasn't noticed. It was her idea to ride, not mine.

Win!:)

It's how we roll.... :p

I guess I'm a loser because my wife and I enjoy each others company.:cry: This thread has me very confused...

You're from Texas but dare admit "Roll Tide". You are most definately confused......or a split personality.

What? You can't be from Texas and root for the Tide? My little brother is the head baseball coach at Bama; thats why I root for the Tide! I hope they start winning soon, so he can keep his job...
Oh, and I get your humor about the split personality thing...:thumb:

"Whichever way your relationship is headed, a tandem will get you there quicker."

How does liking another's post suggest that you are a loser?!? Any other person's philosophy cannot make anyone else's less valid. It is simply a point view-nothing more, nothing less.

:lol::lol:

Yeah, I guess your right... I was starting to get this weird geeky dirty old man vibe going. I need to go for a long bike ride. I've been working so much haven't had time to ride...

This is the most pitiful straw man. Nobody has made a derisive comment, and nobody has suggested they can't stand to be with their partner for extended periods. The debate was between one who wanted to do everything as a couple, and others who prefer to pursue some interests independently. Nobody is helped by you caricaturing their position, so I suggest you stop trying to cause trouble.

Those are harsh words... No need for name calling.

I'm not name-calling. A straw man is a logical fallacy in which the protagonist sets up a position his antagonist has not taken, and then demonstrates that it's untrue. In other words, he defeats an argument that has never been made. That's what Rowan did in the passage I quoted.

I can relate to BBW. Years ago, my wife, before we were married, asked for a road bike so we could go riding together. As I recall, that was her idea. That lasted about 1 summer. Then when we got married we bought a tandem and toured the UK with it. She said she enjoyed it, but then seemed to gradually lose interest after we returned home. A few years ago, after we had moved to a home located on a gravel road, she asked for a mountain bike. She never rode it much -- maybe once or twice last year, for less than 10 miles total for the summer.

Last summer I dug out the tandem, tuned it up, etc., and asked her if she wanted to go for a ride. We went on one short ride, the first one in years. After that I asked her a couple of times if she wanted to go for another ride, but she always said no, so I dropped the subject. Then, last week, I asked her if it was okay if I sold the tandem since we almost never ride it. Her answer was, "no". She said that she liked the idea of having the bike(s) even if she doesn't ride them.

So she has 3 (2.5?) bikes that she seldom rides, while I ride most days year round. I'd say that neither of us really understands the other's philosophy (basically, "moderation in all things" vs. "too much is not enough"), but we each tolerate the others viewpoint. Well, most of the time, anyway.

You were the one throwing all the straw at the issue. In a very provocative way.