bigbadwullf

Recently I posted about getting my wife a bike. Even got her a very nice outfit to ride with that is good-looking. Nice skorts and a tasteful, feminine jersey that she picked out and loved. That was about 2-2.5 weeks ago. She has ridden it a grand total of ......................once............. for 2 miles. I came home last night and asked her and my daughter if they wanted to ride. Perfect evening. 73 degrees. "Oh, I'm going to get up in the morning and ride at 7am, will you ride with me then?" This morning, both are still asleep at 7:15 am(too late to ride for me).
I've bought my wife 3 bikes over the years. I think combined those three bikes MIGHT have 30 miles on them. We have a PERFECT neighborhood to ride in. No hills. Slow, courteous traffic. Little traffic overall.
I've asked her to call the neighbor down the street that sometimes rides and get together with her for some slow-paced rides they'd both enjoy. I've even gone so far as to make a Facebook post to get a group together to ride with her and got a few responses and she does not talk to any of them about getting together(all three are people she likes and would ride at her pace). When I ride with her I take it very easy and don't say anything negative, always positive. I even ride my mountain bike so I can't ride fast.
I'm sick and tired of the crap. They'd rather sit and watch recorded TV shows on the DVR than do anything. What would you do?
I know you are saying, "it's only been a couple weeks". Well, it's really been................ 24 years of the same crap.

Barrettscv 

Get a tandem?


You are probably annoyed with the "Oh, I'm going to get up in the morning and ride at 7am, will you ride with me then?"

Classic avoidance, FWIW.

bigbadwullf

My oldest daughter loves to ride. She wants her bike at college although it would be tough to do. The youngest will ride but only if it's under her criteria. An event others will see her ride or when the eldest comes back home(sibling rivalry). Other than that it's "oh I have this to do", "Oh it's church night", "Oh i want to watch the last episode of 'one tree hill' ". "Oh ...............".
I am just so tired of it all.
If they don't come around in another couple weeks I'm gonna sell both of their bikes.

jmccain

There are many things my wife and I do together. Cycling is not one of them and it doesn't matter to either of us.

bigbadwullf

Part of the problem may be me. I am extremely athletic. I am good at nearly every thing I try. Baseball: starting pitcher/ best relief pitcher in college. golf: 5 handicap, skiing: can out ski 95% of everyone on the slopes even at my age. Softball: I play with guys half my age. Dirt bikes: was top-5 in my racing classes.
But when I'm with them I don't "show out". I try to do everything in a manner it doesn't show them up or discourage them but I think THEY THINK they are horrible at things they try, although they can ski pretty well and enjoy it when we go. How do you motivate the unmotiveatable? I'm at the point of giving up on them altogether and maybe that is the best thing to do. Go do what I want to do and let them figure out they are missing out.
Thanks for the chance to rant.

bigbadwullf

And that is fine. I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do but why would she want me to buy her 3 bikes and never ride them? That is just plain, excuse me.......stupid.

Tundra_Man 

This. I've accepted that we share plenty of other interests.

I bought my wife a nice bike 10 years ago. She might have 100 miles on it by now, but no more. We ride together maybe once a year for a mile or two. She'll occasionally ride over to the park with my son. The good news is she loves her bike and hasn't shown any desire to get a different one, so I haven't had to worry about replacing it.

Yo Spiff

Wulf, it sounds like you have my family! I'm in the same postion with my wife. Her preference seems to be sitting in front of the tv, watching other people's exciting lives, real or fictional. We bought a recumbent for her 11 years ago, thinking it would be better for her back. She is not a fast or strong rider and fell over several times when she lost momentum on hills. The bent now scares her. I recently modified her 80's Miyata road bike with upright bars and a cushy sprung saddle. She's gone out with me for about 2 1/2 miles in the neighborhood a total of 3 times now, with 3-4 week gaps between those rides. She says she wants to ride with me, but it feels (to me) like she doesn't want to try until she is stronger and faster (as messed up as that logic sounds). I just bought a tandem and she seems excited about that as it will keep us together even with the huge difference in our ability. We'll see what actually happens.

One of my daughters loves riding with me, though, and will be home from college for the summer soon.

bigbadwullf

Yeah. That's it exactly. I mean if you want to do nothing, just say so and be done with it. Why waste the money? Why waste my time and effort? Why pretend?

DnvrFox

Perhaps she is trying to walk the thin line between pleasing you and doing something she does not enjoy?

10 Wheels

Take her bowling.

bigbadwullf

Well, this just in. I get a text from her that states:
"Please don't give up on me. I want to ride my bike. Thanks for encouraging me. Please don't stop."
Well dear, the ball is in your court. Hit it or let it go on by.

crazyb

+1

miss kenton

I don't understand the motivation in buying a second or third bike when she didn't ride the first one more than 30 miles. It seems pretty clear she didn't want to ride.

Rick@OCRR

I had a wife like that once! Thankfully she divorced me 17 years ago and I married a woman I met in the local bike club. Huge difference! My whole life is much happier, I live in a better place and lead a better life overall. It's wonderful, really.

My present wife rides to work, she does club rides and occasionally rides a double century with me (she'd ridden 23 doubles). We go on cycling vacations and generally live a very cycling-centric life. True, I wish I hadn't made that first mistake, but I've been very happy with my 2nd wife choice. My advice to my younger self would have been: Marry a cyclist!

Rick / OCRR

CACycling

Perhaps they are intimidated by your near-perfection in a way you are not seeing.

bigbadwullf

It wasn't MY idea. It was her's. That's the idea. That is my frustration.

bigbadwullf

That is why I put that in there. TO put a light on me. Believe me I can see your point. I could easily just have left that out and not brought attention to myself but I think that is some of the problem. I don't think "I'm all that". Trust me. You have to know me. I am very understated when it comes to that stuff(in person). Except for posting it here and I knew there would be a backlash for doing it but... I think it has some bearing on the subject.

10 Wheels

Join a bike club that has many women riders.

bigbadwullf

She won't do that. That is her personality. She feels like she can't and then doesn't and then wonders why she can't.

Ed Thomas

It sounds wasteful, but have you considered throwing the bikes in the back of the car and driving to a new place to cycle? I don't like to do that, but it does get my wife on the saddle sometimes. Once she's pedaling, she's quite happy... it's the inertia that is hard to overcome.

John_V 

BBW,

In a way, I feel your pain because my wife went from riding with me all the time to barely riding at all. She bought her recumbent tadpole trike with her money so I don't feel so bad about it just sitting in the shed collecting cobwebs. After she bought her bike, we would go riding every night in the neighborhood and then on the weekends she would come out and ride with me at the MUP. Unless I was getting ready to do a long charity ride, I would take the hybrid and ride with her at her pace; I never made it a competition. After we collided with each other, last November, I can barely get her on the bike and there's always an excuse, even though I was the only one injured. Maybe she is afraid that it might happen again; I don't know. Regardless, it got us out together and time spent together was very enjoyable.

We have always talked about biking around Florida and the US when she retires in June. But now, I'm wondering if that is going to happen. She still talks about getting a new van so we can haul the bikes around, so maybe there is hope. I don't want to push her into doing something she doesn't want to do and would really like to see her pick it back up again when she retires. In the meantime, I'm letting her decide if she wants to ride with me or not. There are too many other things that we can do together, besides cycling, that makes up for it.

k7baixo

After 24 years this is an issue?

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

teachme

I use to like to hunt and fish... Wife didn't like it, so I would go without her. I got tired of being without her, so I started looking to find a hobby we could both enjoy... I remembered we used to ride bikes together when we were in high-school, nothing serious; just a way to get away from everything so we could be alone. So; cycling seemed like a good idea. I bought a bike; bought her a bike, and she likes it. Sometimes it takes a little coercing to get her to ride, but once the endorphins kick in she turns into a road warrior!
My advice to you BBW, is I think your not trying hard enough to get her to go ride with you. Bribe her, cook her breakfast, whatever it takes, get her ass in the saddle! You'll be glad you did! ( my 2 cents )

chasm54

It's remarkable how many men (sorry to be sexist, but in my experience it is usually men) try to turn their spouse/girlfriend into a female version of themselves. They like cycling, they try to push her into liking it too. They like golf, they buy her some lessons she doesn't want.

Maybe the only reason she says she wants to ride her bike is that she is trying to please you. It certainly sounds as if you might be forceful enough to elicit that response. I suggest you back off, leave the bikes where they are and enjoy the fact that you and she have different and separate interests. God knows it would be terrible to have to do everything together...