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Share your funny 'WTF' holiday moments

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Share your funny 'WTF' holiday moments

Old 12-26-20, 09:54 AM
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Share your funny 'WTF' holiday moments

I'll start...

There had been a bit of a long running saga about one present I'd ordered online for my wife. The package seemed to be taking a long time to arrive, so I followed the email trail to get the tracking link and discovered that two days earlier the local courier had found a problem with the address. I check all the emails again and discover the billing address is right but the delivery address is wrong - one line repeated and one detail not there. Thought I might have had an auto-form fill in do the wrong thing that I then didn't notice. Maybe a regular driver in the area could have worked it out, but not ideal. Called customer service and they were already on it as it was a massive data error at their end messing up addresses. Call taker fixed the details and it was back in the system.

My wife was aware of this as I had joked about her getting a New Years present.

The package arrives on the 23rd.

"Yay", I shout, "your present has arrived" and I grab the 3 year old to help me wrap mamma's present. The little one even shut the door of the room in my wife's face as we were wrapping - "it's a secret Mamma".

When we'd finished wrapping I told my daughter to go to the other room and put the present under the tree.

The little one ran to the other room shouting "Happy Birthday Mamma!!!" OK, so she's still a bit confused about the whole presents for birthday vs presents for Christmas thing.

Let's recap:
- my wife knows one of her presents is 'lost' in transit
- my wife knows that one of her presents has finally arrived
- my wife knows that the little one and I are wrapping her present in the other room
- it's two days before Christmas
- my wife's birthday is in October

So what does my wife do?
She opens the damn thing!!!

She calls out "thank you" and I come into the room with a WTF face on.
"Why did you open it?" Obviously the little one was a little mixed up and your birthday is in October.

"Oh" she said.

At least she liked it and I got the size and style right.

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Old 12-26-20, 10:28 AM
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6yo: I built this plane!
Dad: That was your little brother's
6yo: I thought so but I wasn't sure

This was the morning after the same 6yo came downstairs after bedtime (adults still locked in bedroom plotting Santa), snuck the biggest present with his name on it up to his room, and opened it. We busted him with it because ripping noises were coming from under his blanket. Mom wanted to bin it, Dad talked her down to returning it with a lecture after Christmas day.

The aforementioned little brother, who is nearly 4 but nearly as big as the 6yo, tackled my 76yo mother to the carpet yelling "attack hug!"

I filled the house with smoke trying to use the pizza stone indoors. That's become a yearly tradition.

We had a great day.
Genesis 49:16-17
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Old 12-26-20, 11:46 AM
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So, I asked for a set of Crank Brothers Stamp 1 pedals in large size for Christmas......

I gave my wife an Amazon gift card for a stocking stuffer, and jokingly told her I thought about keeping it for myself. She then said I might need it, and explained to me she ordered the pedals from Amazon, and only one arrived. I told her there are left and right pedals, and they came in a matched set. She swore only one pedal came and showed me the how the order showed up online "Crank Bros Stamp 1 large", thinking they sent one large pedal.

It wasn't until I opened the box, which, to her credit, had only 1 pedal visible, and showed her that there was really a second pedal in the box, that she finally got that it that it was Stamp 1 pedals in size large.
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Old 12-27-20, 02:07 PM
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This was years ago at Thanksgiving at the folks place. They had a dog and my sister brought her 2 dogs with her, and they were part of the crowd watching as my step mother took the turkey out of the oven. The dogs knew they'd get some of the turkey and were eagerly awaiting their bits when my step mother dropped the turkey on the floor. The dogs were too stunned to move at first, then it was a mad scramble to pick up the turkey before the dogs got to it like in a Christmas Story.
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Old 12-27-20, 02:54 PM
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The Turkey fire.

Almost forgot this one. No, this is not about deep frying a Turkey. This IS about using a pellet smoker to cook a turkey... aaaannnd trying to catch some grease for gravy.

Don't do it. Oh, smoking the turkey on a Traegar works fine. The grease catching bit is what I mean "don't do."

Here's the situation... so my BIL has a large Traegar... and likes to smoke everything. (some things should not be smoked... steak for instance.) Turkey... Nah, had those BBQed on grill and that worked fine.

The error here was deciding that we needed "drippings for gravy." Uh, no... on so many levels... First, and what we discovered much later... "smoked gravy" really isn't great. Second, and the heart of this story... trying to catch drippings means that you are putting a pan, in the smoker, beneath the Turkey, and close to the heat. Can you say "flashpoint?" This might have worked if we had the drippings going off the grill to a remote location, but no, we put an aluminum tray under the bird, and effectively closer to the heat.

After the bird had been cooking awhile, we suddenly saw a "lot of smoke."
"Let's open it and find out"
"OMG, grease fire!!!"

And then my wife gets this idea to "throw water on it..." No, we didn't. That would have been a real disaster... requiring fire department help. Fortunately, three of the four of us remembered "never throw water on a grease fire."

Well, we had to remove the bird, in a hurry, and then get to the grease pot underneath and douse it.

We pulled the bird off with two forks and put it on a platter and out of the way. (oh, so many shaky TV tables around... this really could have gone bad so many ways...)

We then took a damp towel and tossed it right on the grease fire... which dowsed immediately. We then used tongs to remove the aluminum tray to a safe location in the middle of the dirt patch in the yard (everyone has a dirt patch, right?) This, just in case it flashes again.

Then we rebuilt the grill (OK replaced the actual grill) and put the turkey back. Yeah, there were a few scorched places... "Dark meat anyone?"

Finished cooking the bird without further ado... and realized that boiling the "gizzards" is the right way to get "drippings."
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Old 12-27-20, 08:12 PM
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I didn't feel like riding on Christmas morning, so went to a local parking garage to run some stairs ("crosstraining"). Its 5 levels, all concrete, no cars in it, quiet as it could ever be. After I finished with the workout I'm sitting on a curb in the quiet when all of sudden I hear a French horn and some type of 'bass' instrument (lower register saxophone? bass clarinet?? or ????). The playing is excellent and the acoustic quality of the concrete walls are making the sound reverberate nicely. I just sit there for about 15 minutes enjoying the 'concert' all by myself. Simply wonderful on a quiet Christmas morning.
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