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Question for the parents

Old 12-11-05, 04:59 PM
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MetalHead90
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Question for the parents

Ok. Heres we go now. I recently missed the bus, on thursday, and was grounded for 3 days. Is this reasonable? This is the first time I've missed the bus all year and when I missed it my mom had to drive me to school. But she still go to work on time, I still got to school on time. And my step dad (Whom I now this is a sadist out to get me) grounded me for friday, saturday, and today. Tell me, is this overkill or is it reasonable.
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Old 12-11-05, 05:47 PM
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Sounds like overkill to me.
But i'm not a parent
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Old 12-11-05, 06:01 PM
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Depends. If he's having problems getting you to focus on deadlines, maybe not. Raising kids is not a science. I was grounded for about 6 weeks in the summer before my senior year for coming home at 3am (sober and they knew where I was). Thought it was hell at the time; now I can't believe I got off so easy.
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Old 12-11-05, 07:20 PM
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I think that it is overkill.

I've got 3 daughters and sometimes they miss the bus or get up too late to get there on time. I drive but I usually am a bit bothered by that. I know that it is hard being a teen, so I cut her a break. She gets good grades, and has never done anything foolish like stay out too late, drink and stuff like that. She even knows better then to ask if we will let her go to a co-ed sleep over. Yeah right.

Your step dad is probably stressing over other things and took it out on you a bit. I wouldn't go too hard on him if this is just an occasional thing. You'll be free of all that a lot sooner than you might think so just do the best you can now. In many ways it is the hardest part of your life. Things do start getting easier.
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Old 12-11-05, 08:10 PM
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It depends on why you missed the bus. Also, have there been a lot of near-misses? It could be this was the culmination of several things besides the bus--which would need to be communicated. However, if only missing the bus once was the only cause, way overkill.
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Old 12-11-05, 09:01 PM
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First time you missed the bus this year and you get grounded? That does sound like overkill to me. I would have let it slide with a warning about being grounded if it got to be a habit.

Did you ask your stepdad what was up with that?
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Old 12-12-05, 07:22 AM
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Consequences are a good thing for kids. You inconvenienced your mom by missing the bus. Learn from this and move on.

The 'real world' has consequences that will be much worse than a three day grounding. Miss that payment on the credit card? $40 late fee. But it was only a day late! Tough luck. And so on and so on...

3 day grounding ain't so bad. Look at it this way... you didn't have a chance to go out and spend money somewhere, so you may be financially ahead, depending on your usual habits... It's Monday and it's over, right?
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Old 12-12-05, 07:50 AM
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Beware of the undertoad.

Sounds like there's more under the surface that's bubbling over.
But I'll go with CyLowe on this: learn from it; move on.
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Old 12-12-05, 08:04 AM
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Don't write your stepdad off as a sadist. Approach him, discuss the matter in a rational matter and seek reasoning. Don't ask to be let off and don't challenge the reasoning.

You'll probably find that with a little persistence you'll be able to understand his logic behind this and he'll respect you more for handling the situation in a mature manner.

When you're done thank him for talking to you about it and who knows, you might even develop a relationship with him, as add as that notion might seem.
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Old 12-12-05, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by EventServices
Beware of the undertoad.

Sounds like there's more under the surface that's bubbling over.
True enough... to that point.... remember that high school (eventually) ends and you will have an opportunity to get the heck out of dodge (whether it be college or a job or whatever).

If it's possible, keep your issues with the 'undertoad' (great term, Event) on the back burner as much as possible and keep the peace. I remember being a teenager... it's so much easier said than done to be civil with adults, but the more respect you show, the easier it is to keep some freedom outside of them.

Good luck... and set the alarm for earlier!
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Old 12-12-05, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by MetalHead90
I recently missed the bus, on thursday, and was grounded for 3 days. Is this reasonable?
The important thing is, do you have a good relationship with your mom and stepdad? If all of you get along well, consider yourself truly blessed.
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Old 12-12-05, 11:03 AM
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Sounds a bit of overkill on the surface, if you want to put them off guard, take the three days at home, and act like it's no big deal, and even be real nice to them both. The next time you miss the bus, they might cut you the slack they should have this time. Give it a shot and see what happens.

P.S. Stepdads in general don't want to be sadists, sometimes they are just being protective of the wife/mom. Being a step dad is the hardest job out there, right next to being a step child. Good luck, life is good, enjoy it.
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Old 12-12-05, 01:54 PM
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I don't think it really matters if it was overkill or not. It's the penalty you recieved. Deal with it as best you can and move on. We as humans will most likely never see the whole picture. We make decisions (including what punishment you recieved) on the knowledge we currently have. pay the fine and move on with life.
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Old 12-12-05, 02:59 PM
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History and details make a difference. For example:

Your mom poped her head in your room to remind you to get up, then nagged you two other times that you were running late. Hmmm 3 times, yea 3 days grounded seems about right.

I would tend to want to know just why you were late.

Also history of your parents makes a difference. One may have lost a job or seen others lose jobs (or worse) because they missed the bus a couple of times. If that is the case they may be harsh because they think it is important. (It could even be that nothing ever happened but one of their siblings started down a careless road because mom or dad kept bailing them out every time they missed the bus).

Sideways question. What would ahve happened to you at school if mom had not been able to drive you there? If it would have been worse than the grounding then perhaps it was not as bad as yuo feel it is right now.
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Old 12-12-05, 03:05 PM
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A couple more questions.

How old are you? The older you are the more it is expected you always get some things right.

Also how did you treat your mother when she dropped you off. This could be more about just not saying thanks when someone helped you out.

Come to think about it this could be entirely about attitude, not acts.
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Old 12-12-05, 03:08 PM
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You didn't come with instructions. Three days actually isn't a lot. It may seem like a lot, but it's not. You were late because you allowed yourself to be late. Next time, think of your responsibilites and your mom. What punishment you garner is not because they're evil but because they're trying to teach something that you'll be able to use later in life.

Besides which, you won't be spending the three days locked in a closet or without meals, right? Some kids have it much worse. Do your time and learn from it.
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Old 12-13-05, 03:23 PM
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I'm no parent, but I have not been late to work, high school, or now college in 4 years. Being on time for stuff is important, so perhaps they did you a favor.
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Old 12-13-05, 03:33 PM
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I think I would have let you face the natural consequences (does this forum have a spell check?) and simply let you figure out how to get to school on your own rather than bailing you out and then arbitrarily (really, would a spell-check be difficult?) punishing you for inconveniencing me. I say "I think" because I don't know you and my own kid is still too young to miss busses.
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Old 12-13-05, 04:36 PM
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It's overkill. But it's nothing compared to what SpongeDad went through! I'd still be furious about that one!
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Old 12-13-05, 05:18 PM
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Originally Posted by cooker
It's overkill. But it's nothing compared to what SpongeDad went through! I'd still be furious about that one!
Yeah, I had a cursed high school experience. I ended up missing the best parties of the summer. Then, when I was finally un-grounded, I was driving to a party at a friend's house and some bonehead ran a redlight and rammed my parent's car. I think it was bad kharma, some higher being didn't want me going to parties that year.

There's a lot of balances in parenting that are very hard to figure out - reward/punishment, letting them run free/keeping them safe, etc. You won't know whether you've made the right choices for years sometimes.

I have learned this, however, boys like dogs will ruin the furniture if they don't get enough exercise.
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Old 12-13-05, 06:07 PM
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Originally Posted by SpongeDad
I have learned this, however, boys like dogs will ruin the furniture if they don't get enough exercise.
Not quite. It is possible (actually rather easy) to train the dogs to leave the furniture alone. Ours actually know that except for the bed and one couch which has a slip cover it is all off limits. They respect those limits.

Food they can reach is a different matter.
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Old 12-13-05, 06:33 PM
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Originally Posted by MetalHead90
Tell me, is this overkill
no, this is. for the love of satan, metalhead, i thought you'd have known.
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Old 12-14-05, 09:04 AM
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I'm pretty sure that the last time I missed the bus I had to walk to school (was a few years ago) and when I was late my mother didn't excuse my absence and had to serve detention. and then walk home after detention becase there was no bus that ran that late. server your time. oh wait its already over with isnt it. don't miss the bus.
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Old 12-14-05, 06:02 PM
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Why'd you tell her you missed the bus? Should've just taken the bike.
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