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What causes chemistry between people?

Old 01-04-06, 07:12 PM
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LSPlo
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What causes chemistry between people?

I'm not a people person. It takes me a long time to trust people I don't know. When I'm around people I haven't known for very long, which I can usually define as under a year, my guard is always "up." I don't disclose personal information or feelings. Who knows when someone might use them against you?

Back when I was a teenager and instant messengers were new I used them as an outlet for my "softer" side. When you're talking to someone you'll never meet it doesn't matter if they betray your trust. Come to find out, I actually enjoy sharing stuff and being able to openly talk like that. I told myself I would try it more in real life, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't change my ways.

Well, I recently met this girl that has made me break all of those trends. I've only known her for a couple of months, but I trust her completely. I don't know why, but I can talk with her and I'm not inhibited at all. Not only that, but we talk about things that seem like "intelligent conversation." Usually my emotions are pretty flat, but I'm more animated around her. I feel like I've known her for a long time and she's an old friend. We have "chemistry."

What's that all about? How does it happen? Is it just that we share common interests and viewpoints? It seems to be a lot more than that. Is it just her? I mean, she's real nice and she gives off a positive vibe all the time. But she can't be the only nice person I've ever met. It has to be more than that. Is it sexual attraction? She is attractive, don't get me wrong, but it's not like "Oh wow she's so hot." Besides, I have a girlfriend, so it doesn't matter anyway.

So what do you think? What causes this weird chemistry between people?
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Old 01-04-06, 07:15 PM
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Uhhh... chemicals in your brain?


No, seriously - it's just one of life's mysteries. Figure it out and you'll be a rich man.
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Old 01-04-06, 07:21 PM
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Depends on how desperate you are. If you're real desperate, you'd find chemistry in anyone... and anything.
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Old 01-04-06, 07:38 PM
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Originally Posted by slvoid
Depends on how desperate you are. If you're real desperate, you'd find chemistry in anyone... and anything.
You said it bro. You and I are two of a kind. You'd think we were twins. How cool is that buddy? Great isn't it? I never thought I'd meet somebody so similar. It's great budsky.......we should get matching t-shirts or something.
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- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
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Old 01-04-06, 07:47 PM
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"So what do you think? What causes this weird chemistry between people?"

Two subconscious neuroses that are subliminally attracted to each other...

Seriously, turn on TLC or the Discovery Channel and watch the mating behavior of wild animals. Do you think they learned this stuff in school? It's built into all of us. There's a primal animal deep down that's controlling all of us. The sex-drive and reproductive urges are some of the most powerful motivators for humans. Learn to accept it, feel it, live it, enjoy it!

Attraction isn't a choice. People don't have a criteria points list of what they're attracted to:

- blonde-hair at least mid-back length,
- 5'6" minimum, 125lbs maximum,
- curvey shape with 3:4 waist-hip ratio,
- athletic and fit
- symmetric face,
- cute nose,
- even teeth,
- emotionally independent and secure,
- good job,
- great cook,
- incredible bartender,
- awesome lover,
- polite, has manners
- smart & intelligent
- rich and generous
- well-traveled and cultured
- speaks at least 3 languages
- etc....

Nah.. that comes later from the list of people who already turned us on. Then we select those that fit the criterium. But the 1st step is attraction... There's a lot of telepathic non-verbal communications going on even before the 1st words are exchanged. Body-language, posture, attitude, pheromones, etc... If you really want to intellectualize this, I've got a reading list for ya.


Originally Posted by skiahh
No, seriously - it's just one of life's mysteries. Figure it out and you'll be a rich man.
Dr. Freud, after decades of research and establishing the foundations of modern psychology had to admit at the very end, that he had no idea what women want...

Last edited by DannoXYZ; 01-05-06 at 07:38 PM.
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Old 01-04-06, 08:07 PM
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Old 01-04-06, 08:17 PM
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What, you're chatting with some chick you met on AIM, and you're feeling attracted to her?

Forget about it. You might think you know her, but until you meet her and spend time with her, you couldn't possibly know if there's a relationship. I think people have their preconceived notions of what a relationship is, and when you're chatting with some nameless, faceless person, then you project all these images and desires that you'd like to see in your perfect mate on that person. But when you meet them and actually interact with them, they'll often fall very short of that.

Focus on the girlfriend and just cybersex with the other one.

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Old 01-04-06, 08:19 PM
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Originally Posted by slvoid
Depends on how desperate you are. If you're real desperate, you'd find chemistry in anyone... and anything.
In some cases depends on how much mooolah ya have!
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Old 01-04-06, 08:28 PM
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Well, "in person", it is "Shalimar". Any woman wearing some Shalimar will cause any guy within ten feet of to fall in love. I still miss the first woman I dated who wore Shalimar...and that was forty years ago.

How could anyone "fall" for a women over the internet? You don't have a clue what perfume she wears. Nor do you know the really important stuff, such as "how well does she ride a bike?"
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Old 01-04-06, 08:32 PM
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I don't think he's talking about a girl over the internet?

"but I'm more animated around her"

Beer is my chemistry teacher
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Old 01-04-06, 08:33 PM
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I find alcohol works really well
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Old 01-04-06, 08:33 PM
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Sorry if it wasn't clear, but I actually know this girl. That's what's so strange about it....I never feel so good in real-life around people so easily.
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Old 01-04-06, 08:34 PM
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Originally Posted by MERTON
your need for penile stimulation...
I think you meant penile simulation.
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Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
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Old 01-04-06, 08:34 PM
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Well, if someone plays Shalimar's song, I'd be all over that... but I don't know what Shalimar is.

Here's a clue- if you can't find the perfume at Sephoria, then she got it at a drug store, and that's not a good sign.

Koffee
 
Old 01-04-06, 09:54 PM
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Ya'll get the hell away from me!
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Old 01-04-06, 10:19 PM
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So what's wrong with going out with her to find out where it will go?
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Old 01-04-06, 10:21 PM
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Old 01-05-06, 12:11 AM
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I have standards, but as my friends tell me, they are low and flexable. Let's see...
1. over the age of concent
2. Breathing
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yea, that seems to wrap it up...

Steve W.
Who is always looking for his 'next future Ex'
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Old 01-05-06, 01:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Mentor58
I have standards, but as my friends tell me, they are low and flexable. Let's see...
1. over the age of concent
2. Breathing
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yea, that seems to wrap it up...

Steve W.
Who is always looking for his 'next future Ex'

My requirements for a girl is thats she's available, legal, and not handicapped; kinda like a parking space.
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Old 01-05-06, 07:53 AM
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Originally Posted by KingTermite
You said it bro. You and I are two of a kind. You'd think we were twins. How cool is that buddy? Great isn't it? I never thought I'd meet somebody so similar. It's great budsky.......we should get matching t-shirts or something.
Or maybe go catch a movie together. There's a new cowboy movie out.
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Old 01-05-06, 09:02 AM
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Don't fall for their propaganda. Once they have you hooked you can never go back. This is the most powerfull drug in the world. Stay clean and clear. I say this from the other side. I'm done for.....save yourself......
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Old 01-05-06, 09:12 AM
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Originally Posted by SpongeDad
Or maybe go catch a movie together. There's a new cowboy movie out.
Oh joy! Color me there with my good buddy Slvoid!
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Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
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Old 01-05-06, 10:39 AM
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You guys sure do have a way of turning everything into sex. It's really not about sex at all. I don't have much of a sex drive. Sex is a lot of trouble, takes a lot of energy to get, and in the end isn't all that much better than ************. I think sex is highly overrated.

Anyway, Danno got me thinking. I'm sure deep down I'm physically attracted to this girl, and just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I can turn that off. Would I be so open if she was fat and ugly? Probably not. But still, there's more than attraction here. We have a lot of things in common and we talk about stuff that I would never talk about to someone I haven't known very long. For instance, we talked about religion once and usually I wouldn't say much about that because I don't want to offend people I don't know very well. Maybe it's just the hidden attraction that makes me take risks. I think attraction can be detrimental sometimes, though. If I was talking to a super hot girl I would be really nervous and wouldn't be able to say much at all.
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Old 01-05-06, 11:00 AM
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Is this someone you're chatting with on msn messenger or something? Or is this someone you met at a social gathering? I mean, what's the deal here?

Koffee
 
Old 01-05-06, 11:49 AM
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This is the bike-riding chic that's got the hots for him remember? I wonder if he's told his GF about her yet...


Originally Posted by LSPlo
You guys sure do have a way of turning everything into sex. It's really not about sex at all. I don't have much of a sex drive. Sex is a lot of trouble, takes a lot of energy to get, and in the end isn't all that much better than ************. I think sex is highly overrated.
You haven't had great sex then! And from your previous posts, it sounded like you weren't into your GF that much anyway...


Originally Posted by LSPlo
Anyway, Danno got me thinking. I'm sure deep down I'm physically attracted to this girl, and just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I can turn that off. Would I be so open if she was fat and ugly? Probably not. But still, there's more than attraction here. We have a lot of things in common and we talk about stuff that I would never talk about to someone I haven't known very long. For instance, we talked about religion once and usually I wouldn't say much about that because I don't want to offend people I don't know very well. Maybe it's just the hidden attraction that makes me take risks. I think attraction can be detrimental sometimes, though. If I was talking to a super hot girl I would be really nervous and wouldn't be able to say much at all.
Again, attraction isn't a choice you make, it's automatic. However, since we are socialized civilized creatures (most of us anyway), we have structures above the primal instinctive animal that determines our behavior as well. How we CHOOSE to respond to that tingling sensation of attraction IS something we have control over. Hot chics have a genetic defect, don't hold it against them! Alot of times, they're lonely because guys are too chicken-sh|t to approach them.

Ok, you're crossing over into some grey areas of intimacy that's gonna make your GF very uncomfortable. Just because something starts out innocently enough as bike-rides and lunch doesn't mean it can't lead somewhere else. You gotta take control here and look 6-months, 1-year, 10-years down the line and see what kind of a life you want. Is what you are doing right now in harmony with achieving your long-term goals? (think threesome )

Last edited by DannoXYZ; 01-05-06 at 01:10 PM.
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