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Long Distance Relationship: Is it possible?

Old 01-11-06, 03:26 PM
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surfncycling
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Long Distance Relationship: Is it possible?

Met a girl, I moved, we broke up. That was 3 years ago. For whatever reasons we both still have feelings, and have talked on the phone "romantically" on and off since then, but haven't ever pursued a relationship. I got tired of this the last time, and said I'd rather just forget about her, and that I didn't think she'd want to attempt it, and I was right....Well a few days ago she emails me saying that she wants to come out here to see me, and to give it a try. Well, now I'm the one with cold feet, I just can't see it ever working out. She's 1,000 miles away.

So, has anyone ever tried? Success? Disaster? Advice?
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Old 01-11-06, 03:51 PM
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I dated a woman who lived in RI while I lived in CO. She traveled a lot to CO for work and booty calls.

Yeah...

it worked...

for me.


I can't imagine how that will help you though.
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Old 01-11-06, 03:56 PM
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I tried but it didn't last too long. Some couples can make it work, but most can't. It's even harder if the people involved are in college. Meeting a lot of new people all the time, most around the same age, many of them single - in this kind of situation, it's really hard to remain faithful to someone who's far away. But it happens, so if you want it to work, give it a try.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Sprocket Man
it's really hard to remain faithful to someone who's far away.
Is that a requirement? I don't recommend monogamy in a long distance relationship.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:01 PM
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More casualties than success stories from experiences of me and people I know. There is just something about being physically in a distant location that drives a psychological and emotional wedge through the heart of any relationship. One side often is "needier" than the other, which can lead to jealousy and fear for one side and frustration and suffocation on the other side.

It's not unprecedented that a distance relationship can work, but usually the two people end up in the same spot if they want it to work and enjoy each other's companionship.

Though if you can arrange to have the telenick booty-call relationship, then more power to you!

Good luck.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:01 PM
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Originally Posted by surfncycling
Met a girl, I moved, we broke up. That was 3 years ago. For whatever reasons we both still have feelings, and have talked on the phone "romantically" on and off since then, but haven't ever pursued a relationship. I got tired of this the last time, and said I'd rather just forget about her, and that I didn't think she'd want to attempt it, and I was right....Well a few days ago she emails me saying that she wants to come out here to see me, and to give it a try. Well, now I'm the one with cold feet, I just can't see it ever working out. She's 1,000 miles away.

So, has anyone ever tried? Success? Disaster? Advice?
Yes, it will be a disaster. But when was that a reason not to do something?

If you had something better to do, you'd be doing it.

Worst case, a disaster will put an end to open questions.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:03 PM
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Originally Posted by CyLowe97
telenick booty-call relationship
You say that like I have a trademark for that type of relationship.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by telenick
You say that like I have a trademark for that type of relationship.
Maybe it was the thin air she was craving...
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Old 01-11-06, 04:15 PM
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You really have to have trust beyond the normal threshhold of trust to make a long distance relationship work. Or, as someone said, conduct relations on a "booty-call" when in town sort of level.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:20 PM
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Originally Posted by telenick
Is that a requirement? I don't recommend monogamy in a long distance relationship.
For some people, monogomy is a challenge no matter where their SO is located. For me, I can't imagine bringing a girl home for Thanksgiving dinner with my family when she was being nailed by a dude from her dorm just a few nights ago. But I'm conservative that way. . .
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Old 01-11-06, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Sprocket Man
For me, I can't imagine bringing a girl home for Thanksgiving dinner with my family when she was being nailed by a dude from her dorm just a few nights ago.
Whoa! Thanksgiving with the family is an entirely different level of commitment.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by SpongeDad
Yes, it will be a disaster. <snip>
Most relationships are even when they aren't long distance.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:31 PM
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Originally Posted by CyLowe97
Maybe it was the thin air she was craving...
You could be on to something.

Mild asphyxiation has been proven to heighten the sexual response.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:31 PM
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It sounds like a gret plan, if you don't mind her banging other dudes the 99.99999999999% of the time that you're not around.
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Old 01-11-06, 04:39 PM
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The biggest problem I found, before my long distance relationship ended (2 1/2 years local, 3 months long distance) is always wondering if your significant other is going to be faithful (if that is important to you).

Also, if it is important to your significant other, you should remain faithful as well.

I would see no problem with her coming out to see you and you both discussing what you would want in a relationship.

Some long distance relationships work, some don't. It really depends on the couple.

I knew a guy who is an exec at GM Racing Division here in Michigan. He flew to France for some race assignment, fell for a journalist that was covering the race, and began a 2 years of dating her by using all of his Frequent Flyer Miles from his job (and occasionally out of his pocket) to fly to France every 5 weeks to spend the weekend with her. He learned French so that he could communicate better with her, proposed, and they now both live in Michigan. They have now been married for about 4 years and recently had their first child.

So, I say that just to mention that if the circumstances are right for the couple, it can be done. If it's not right, it just won't work (as I recently experienced with my relationship) and there is really no way to save it.
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Old 01-11-06, 11:18 PM
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My fiancee and I have been doing the long distance thing now for 2 and a half years. That's 2.5x longer than we lived close to one another. And by close I mean a 30-40 minute drive each way. She's currently 1200mi from here in Michigan. For us it worked because we had a year of close but not super close relationship and a solid bond going when she moved. I helped her move to Michigan and gave her a promise ring on our 1 year (which happened mid way through the trip) stating that I was commited to making it work through the three years apart. It hasn't been easy by any means, but we get married in May.

So in short - it's possible if both people are commited and want to make it work. Having a strong relationship prior to moving helps a lot too.
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Old 01-11-06, 11:32 PM
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the long-distance part has to be a temporary thing
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Old 01-11-06, 11:43 PM
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My relationship started out long distance for a year, then we went to college together for 2 years, and now we're apart again (she's still an undergrad, I'm in grad school 5 hours away).

You need a couple things for it to work: trust and diversion.

I'll tell you a secret: a lot of times it's better to be in a long distance relationship. You can ride your bike all you want. You can focus hard on work (or ride your bike some more if you feel like being a slacker). You can keep your apartment a dirty mess, and you don't have to turn the heat up to 100 degrees because she's cold all the time.

But what about sex? Well, after 2 straight years pretty much living with my girlfriend we weren't having much sex anyway. However, being apart re-kindles the old flame.
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Old 01-11-06, 11:58 PM
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A guy I dated way back in the day finally got a job as an orthopedic surgeon in New York. He wanted to take me with him and promised to take care of me. Because I myself was still in school, I wasn't ready to go until I got my degree (at the end of the year). We spoke once, sometimes twice a day, at home, at the hospital. He was always calling me. One night I really missed him and called him late. The phone was answered by a woman. My heart dropped. When I asked for him, he answered as though he was in the middle of "sleeping". I hung up and never called him or accepted his call again. His best friend called me and said that they were on their way to California to see me and try to fix things but I told him not to bother. It took several calls from his buddy while they here to finally be convinced that he no longer existed to me.
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Old 01-12-06, 02:16 AM
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^^^ That is a sad story, guys can be jerks sometimes.

I have a friends who tried this, girlfriend of his moved up North (Calfornia), he was nearly engaged. They kept the relationship going but one day the calls just stopped suddenly. I was up there a few months later and found out she has been seeing another guy...

People seem to have some natural need to be with someone in a "sexual" relationship. The only was to cure that is to be there with them, and long distance does not provide that; expect it not to work...

Did I mention that some guys are jerks!

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Old 01-12-06, 03:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Sprocket Man
I tried but it didn't last too long. Some couples can make it work, but most can't. It's even harder if the people involved are in college. Meeting a lot of new people all the time, most around the same age, many of them single - in this kind of situation, it's really hard to remain faithful to someone who's far away. But it happens, so if you want it to work, give it a try.
the term "faithful" is the biggest pile of horse poop! It's sort of like the bible , bunch of old men sitting around creating this book with using scare tactics to direct ppl into a preffered direction (first laws).
PPl are sexual creatures period! like all living creatures, one needs to pack the root in different holes now & again Variety is the spice of life ,now if you bury your root in the same 3 holes your whole life that is truly living the ghost of prefabricated nothing.
There is no such thing as NATURAL "faithfulness" in the mammal territory.
Now if i go out & pack a hole or 2, she goes out & gets her holes packed & she comes back to me ,that's saying something .
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Old 01-12-06, 03:59 AM
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Here's my take on it, we can examine it from two different perspectives.... end-results vs. the path....

Maybe I've taken way too many Carnegie management courses, but I'm a firm believer in the final-results as the ultimate judgment. Before embarking on any journey, be it a career, health/sports goals, or relationships, one should define the exact result one wants first, then work backwards and find the path that will take you to those results. Hands-off results-oriented management giving the employee free-reign on whatever path they want to devise to get to the goals (within guidelines of ethics and legality).

So... before asking about LSD, first ask yourself, "What kind of a relationship do you want?". That ultimately will determine the level of "commitment" and energy required to follow the path to the results you want. For example, most people want a relationship with:

- fun and excitement with an "attractive" person
- mutual respect
- emotional support and safety
- sex and lots of it!
- shared values and goals
- common future together

The trick is, how much effort and energy does one expend to achieve that goal? Obviously there are an unlimited number of paths possible to get to that destination.. well, really a cartesian product of numbers of males and numbers of females and possible number of pairings... but it's in the billions, billions and BILLIONS.

Now here's the catch that ultimately dooms LSD, why expend 10x the energy and time to get the same results with a distant person as would be required for someone locally? Would you pay $10k for a Trek Madone or $1k for the exact same bike? Obviously the level of commitment's already low enough in the relationship that "a future together" is not important and one partner takes off. If you place career or education above a partner, what does that say about your level of commitment already? There's a certain amount of denial and disillusionment on one or both partner's side in how much they value this "relationship".

There's only so much time in life; it's the most important resource we have, more valuable than ANYTHING else. Once it's gone, it's gone forever; you can't make more, you can't buy more. So you have to ask yourself, for each and every hour of your life you spend on a "relationship", how much of your end-results and goals are you achieving? You have only so many years of ******** before it's all over. What is your goal? Do you want it 10x a week? 2x a week? Once every 3-months? Pull out a calendar and mark it and add up the totals. Are the results what you want in your life? There's your answer...
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Old 01-12-06, 04:27 AM
  #23  
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Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
Here's my take on it, we can examine it from two different perspectives.... end-results vs. the path....

Maybe I've taken way too many Carnegie management courses, but I'm a firm believer in the final-results as the ultimate judgment. Before embarking on any journey, be it a career, health/sports goals, or relationships, one should define the exact result one wants first, then work backwards and find the path that will take you to those results. Hands-off results-oriented management giving the employee free-reign on whatever path they want to devise to get to the goals (within guidelines of ethics and legality).

So... before asking about LSD, first ask yourself, "What kind of a relationship do you want?". That ultimately will determine the level of "commitment" and energy required to follow the path to the results you want. For example, most people want a relationship with:

- fun and excitement with an "attractive" person
- mutual respect
- emotional support and safety
- sex and lots of it!
- shared values and goals
- common future together

The trick is, how much effort and energy does one expend to achieve that goal? Obviously there are an unlimited number of paths possible to get to that destination.. well, really a cartesian product of numbers of males and numbers of females and possible number of pairings... but it's in the billions, billions and BILLIONS.

Now here's the catch that ultimately dooms LSD, why expend 10x the energy and time to get the same results with a distant person as would be required for someone locally? Would you pay $10k for a Trek Madone or $1k for the exact same bike? Obviously the level of commitment's already low enough in the relationship that "a future together" is not important and one partner takes off. If you place career or education above a partner, what does that say about your level of commitment already? There's a certain amount of denial and disillusionment on one or both partner's side in how much they value this "relationship".

There's only so much time in life; it's the most important resource we have, more valuable than ANYTHING else. Once it's gone, it's gone forever; you can't make more, you can't buy more. So you have to ask yourself, for each and every hour of your life you spend on a "relationship", how much of your end-results and goals are you achieving? You have only so many years of ******** before it's all over. What is your goal? Do you want it 10x a week? 2x a week? Once every 3-months? Pull out a calendar and mark it and add up the totals. Are the results what you want in your life? There's your answer...
hmmm......I think i'll take the path with no end
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Old 01-12-06, 05:51 AM
  #24  
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Surfncycling spake. . .

>>>just can't see it ever working out. She's 1,000 miles away.

Yup. . .STEERIKE ONE! Keep us informed.
 
Old 01-12-06, 06:01 AM
  #25  
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I have been dating my high school girlfriend all through college. We live about 140 miles away, so that is MUCH less dramatic than 1,000 miles. Had I gone to school anywhere 1,000 miles away, I would have broken it off. This 140 miles has been hard enough.
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