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Humorous encounters with the cops.

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Humorous encounters with the cops.

Old 01-17-06, 12:41 PM
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Humorous encounters with the cops.

Last night, I was driving around the city I live in, and my crown victoria sounded like the engine needed to be stomped on to burn out the crap from the engine. From a dead standstill, I stomped on the gas, and hit the break once I got to 25. I never broke any law, I didn't even squeal the tires. But nevertheless, there was a cop behind me who I didn't notice.

He had nothing on me, and thought he should just tailgate me until I screwed up. I was annoyed that this jackass decided that he should follow me assuming I would screw up, so I decided to do laps around the city; if I left the city I knew he would have to stop because he would be out of his jurisdiction. It was like a road test that would yield a ticket and an insurance premium increase if I made even a small mistake. After doing 4 laps around the perimeter of the city, I got sick of it, went home, parked, got out of my car, waved at the cop as he went by, and he did a friendly honk. I think he had as much fun as I did.

Since I don't really break any laws and therefor don't usually talk to the cops, except for a friend of mine who is a cop, and because I thought that whole situation was kind of funny, I thought it would be fun to have a thread about any and all funny run-ins BF users have had with the police.
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Old 01-17-06, 01:06 PM
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KT driving to video store, circa 1989 (like first year in college).

Motorcycle cop following about 2 feet behind my 1981 Honda Civic Hatchback for about last 5 miles to the video store I was going to in order to return some vids. He was tailgating so closely that I couldn't see anything but the top of his front tire and part of windshield.

Cop: Didn't you see me behind you with my lights on?
KT: No, you were following so closely I couldn't see your lights. They were out of my line of vision.
Cop: Is your car in roadworthy order if you can't see the person behind you?
KT: I didn't say I couldn't see you. I said you were following so closely that your lights were under the bottom line of my back window, so I didn't see them.
Cop: Were you using your radar detector there? (pointing to a radar detector I had, but was turned off)
KT: Would I be getting this stupid F*(%/$@ ticket if I was?

Not only did he give me the ticket, but I ticked him off so bad that he appeared "out of nowhere" and gave me 2 other tickets within the following week.
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Old 01-17-06, 01:06 PM
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My sister is a cop in Fort Worth; rides a horse. She used to manage the local policeman's football team. They were playing a rival team from Dallas and things weren't going too well. At half-time, one of their players switched sides. When he got onto the field, his old team pounced on him and the field erupted in a brawl.

The announcer had a great time with the pa system, saying things like, "Oh my goodness! It's a riot! Is there a policeman in the stadium?" "Somebody call the police"
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Old 01-17-06, 01:57 PM
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I was in the ER after an accident next to a cop who was in a different accident. All his cop buddies were hanging around him and teasing him for being a wuss. When they saw me w/ actual damage to my face, they asked me what happened. I told them I endo'd and face planted on 5th Ave. They told me that story wasn't any good and to make up another one. Well, the cop who was in the accident was riding in a police van when they were hit by a bus. He lost the feeling in his fingertips, but was otherwise ok. So I asked the cops how this story was:

"I was riding my bike when I got hit by a police van that got hit by a bus and careened out of control."

They said that story was even worse and told me to stick to the original story.
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Old 01-17-06, 02:10 PM
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A friend of mine back in the 70's was stopped by Maryland State Police for doing 20 mph over the limit on the capital beltway at 02:30 am. He told the officer that he was just trying to "keep up with traffic." When the cop said he didn't see any traffic at that hour my friend asked him, "Does that give you any idea just how fast they are moving!?" The cop wiaved him across the bridge into VA and was laughing his ass off.
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Old 01-17-06, 05:52 PM
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This happened many years ago when I was maybe about 10 years old. I come from a small town where everyone knows everyone, including the all the police officers. My brother who was about 13 at the time and I were riding our bikes around our neighborhood, when a policeman in his car started driving towards us. I was watching him drive towards us when my brother slowed down right in front of me and I hit his tire and crashed on the pavement right in front of the cop. I almost got hit! I had a few scrapes and bruises, and it was very embarrassing. Not a very humorous story, and it didn't actually have anything to do with the police, but it's the only thing that has happened to me.
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Old 01-17-06, 06:00 PM
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Echh, I haven't had too many humorous encounters with cops. They're always towing my car at DUI checkpoints, or arresting me in the middle of the night or some sh*t like that.

Although one time, I went home for Thanksgiving break. Raided my parents fridge and closets as usual for food and knick-knacks. So I'm headed south on the 101 and I'm flying up the left lane on a 3-lane section. Just as I'm about to zoom past the car in the middle lane, I notice that on the other side of him in the right land was a CHP car! So I gently roll off the gas and eased onto my brakes so that I end up passing them at just 1-2 mph faster. Then I pulled back into the middle lane... well, too little too late, the cop pulled in behind me, sat there for a nerve-racking 30-seconds and lit up the bubble-gum machines.

I pull over and the cop comes up to the side of the car. He said that my tags were expired, could he get my license and registration. Well, it turns out in my rush to get home for turkey, I forgot my wallet at home and my new reg. stickers. So here I am on the side of the road, expired tags, no license, and my car filled with stuff that looked like I just robbed someone's house (well, I actually did). He called in my plates and it came back OK because I really had been paid up. And as he turn leave and let me go, he said, "Yeah, and slow down, I saw you coming up really fast there" . So I coud've been busted for expired tags, driving without a license and speeding all in one ticket!

Whew! I sighed in relief as the copper slid back into his car. I go to start my car >crank,crank< huh? I had left the headlights ON and ran down the batteries while sitting on the side of the road! Now what? At this point, I had nothing to lose, eh? So I ran back and asked the cop for a push! Sure enough, he eased up the cattle-catchers to my bumper and gently got me up to 10mph and backed off, let out the clutch, >chirp< goes the tyres and >WROOMMM< we're back on the road!

Check out this cop gag.


NSFW warning: may have adult-content ads...

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Old 01-17-06, 06:33 PM
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My best, was me and my bud were waiting for a club in another state to open...and were cruising the town (he was actually on weekend release from jail...(good kid, just made some rather boneheaded decisions)...very bad that we left the county, let alone state, but that was the only club we knew that wasn't crap that allowed under 21 in)...well we got pulled over while I was going 35 in a 35 zone (WTF?).

...cop walks up...I'm about ready to vomit....

"Hi there son, nice car"

---uhh...thanks

"So is it a 5.0"

---nope, 2.3l

"Doesn't sound stock, what did you do to it?"

---short answer or long officer

"long"

---2.3l bored.stroked to 2.7l, dual webber carbs, intake port/polish, exhuast port, knife-edged runners on intake manifold, forced air induction...ports are those NACA ducts at the bottom of my fenders, ECU reprogrammed to remove the rev and speed limiters, as well as modify shift points on the auto tranny. I got bored and decided to make the best of the car without screwing up my insurance rates.

"Not bad at all son, you know your engines...so did you see the game yesterday?"

--huh?

"The basketball game....did the Pacers win?"

--Oh....yeah of course they won....did I do anyhting?

"Nope, just bored."

(right then a car flys by, and some girl hollers nice car...I keep on lookin at her)

"Hold on there...."

--huh?

"She's off limits...that's my daughter....none of my daughter, and nono of that racing in my town, got it?"

---yep, no problemo

"Oh, and since I know you're here for the club...stay away from the well drinks, they suck"

--Thanks, I don't drink yet though

"Heh, like that ever stopped me when I was your age" (slaps my shoulder...god that was awkward)"

"well, have a nice night"

--You too officer.


......my god was that freaking tense. And weird... SOmetimes I hate small town cops...
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Old 01-17-06, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by bbattle
My sister is a cop in Fort Worth; rides a horse. She used to manage the local policeman's football team. They were playing a rival team from Dallas and things weren't going too well. At half-time, one of their players switched sides. When he got onto the field, his old team pounced on him and the field erupted in a brawl.

The announcer had a great time with the pa system, saying things like, "Oh my goodness! It's a riot! Is there a policeman in the stadium?" "Somebody call the police"
That happened also on walker texas ranger
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Old 01-17-06, 07:05 PM
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Four of us in my buddy's Super Bee.

Cop: Where you guys headed?
Buddy: Out to the lake.
Cop: Going to a party out there?
Buddy: No, just to a friend's place.
Cop: You know, you're pretty loud. You got a muffler? (shines flash-light on the hood) What happened to your paint?
Buddy: Carb fire. (pause) I think I might have a hole in my muffler.
Cop: (shines flashlight into the car) Hmm. What's up with your tape deck?
Buddy: Got stolen.
Cop: Hmm. Can you open the trunk for me? (Buddy gets out and goes to back of car. When he pushes the key into the lock, the entire mechanism falls into the trunk, leaving only a hole.)
Buddy: Sht.
Cop: (sighs) I'd write you up, but it looks like you've already got enough trouble without that. (walks back to his car) Get the muffler fixed.
Friends: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
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Old 01-17-06, 07:23 PM
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So one time in the early 90's, we were having problems w/ car thieves in our neighborhood. My friend's car had been stolen 2 weeks after he'd had a speaker box installed in the trunk and he was pi$$3d. So anyways, one night, we're coming home late when we spy a shady looking character checking out a car. We circle around the block and yup, he's breaking into the car. So we all jump out and stop his thieving progress in a heroic, unexpected manner. Later when the cops were arresting the thief, one of the cops ask my buddy what the 2x4 was for. My friend said, "I was beatin' him widdit!" The cop stared at him for a second, then said, "Would you like to rephrase that?". Without skipping a beat, my friend says, "We wrestled it from him when he attacked us officer."
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Old 01-17-06, 10:30 PM
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I was opening for work one morning, and I noticed the rear window of the garage door had been broken. Having watched a lot of Columbo, I knew enough to not touch anything and call the police.

The cop came in, looked around and took a report. He asked me if he could see the padlock that was on the back door. It was one of those big-a$$ master locks. He took it, looked at it, smirked, and tossed it onto my desk.

Which was covered with glass.
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Old 01-18-06, 12:12 AM
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Things often don't seem too humorous at the time, but eventually...about forty years ago I was at a high school basketball game. The westside high school against the eastside high school in a town divided by a river and by an tremendous amount of westside/eastside hatred that eventually destroyed the community.

The game was close, and was decided in the final seconds. The westside fans headed out one door, and the eastside fans out the other. Somehow, I ended up in a stairwell with about forty or fifty "fans" from the other school on top of me, trying to kick me and beat me to death. Two police officers with clubs pushed their way into the crowd, and began hitting me repeatedly with their clubs, and handcuffed me and put me under arrest. Then, they dragged me, covered in blood out to the police car...then drove me home and released me.

When I asked the officers why they beat me with clubs, handcuffed me, and arrested me, but did not arrest anyone from the mob, their answer was:

"Well, the choice was either two cops fighting an angry mob or two cops beating you...if we had taken on that mob, all three of us might have been killed...."

Wasn't funny at the time, but four decades later, I can sorta laugh about it, and I'm thinking the cops may even have been right about which choice was most likely to get me out alive.
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Old 01-18-06, 05:58 AM
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When I was about 20 I was returning to college on my Honda 250 motorcycle after a break. In a small town in Northern Pennsylvania a car made a left turn right in front of me and I had absolutely no chance to avoid him or stop. I crashed into him at about 35.

The front of the bike crumpled around the motor, and I skidded across the street. Luckly no one was coming or I would have been toast. I hit the curb with my helmet, putting a nice dent in it. The bike skidded up next to me. When I tried getting up the thigh moved, but the foot stayed on the ground. I had a crushed leg, bad enough that the hospital later cound not put a pin or plate in it. I also had a piece of bone pushing out through the leg nicking an artery.

There I was laying on the sidewalk, dressed in a double breasted python skin jacket, helmet, biker boots and jeans, bleeding profusly with a crumpled motorcycle next to me. A crowd gathered and a PA state policeman came roaring up, got out of his car and came over to me.

The first thing he asked was "Were you in the accident"
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Old 01-18-06, 06:12 AM
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Originally Posted by eubi
I was opening for work one morning, and I noticed the rear window of the garage door had been broken. Having watched a lot of Columbo, I knew enough to not touch anything and call the police.

The cop came in, looked around and took a report. He asked me if he could see the padlock that was on the back door. It was one of those big-a$$ master locks. He took it, looked at it, smirked, and tossed it onto my desk.

Which was covered with glass.
Your desk had a glass top?
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Old 01-18-06, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Johnny_Monkey
Your desk had a glass top?
The key word here is "HAD"

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Old 01-18-06, 07:05 AM
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Originally Posted by eubi
The key word here is "HAD"

That would have been pretty funny.


But not at the time.
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Old 01-18-06, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Johnny_Monkey
Your desk had a glass top?
That's the question I had in mind. At first I thought "covered with glass" meant glass from the broken window or something... couldn't get it...

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Old 01-18-06, 07:45 AM
  #19  
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This morning my boss told me a story about when he was a hippie in the 70's that would nicely fit in this topic. He was in Lansing Michigan, the hippie capital at the time. He was obviously wasted, and he was on acid to be specific. Several officers noticed he was buzzed and approached him. One asked "Are you high son?"

He responded "Yes sir I'm high, high on Jesus!"

The cop told him to "shut the **** up," and another cop then went on to search his backpack. In his backpack the officer found half a pack of Oreo's, and 4 out of 5 pieces of chewing gum.

The cop took the gum and cookies, and sent my boss packing. These cookies and gum were of course laced with a strong amount of LSD, and in my bosses words:

"This cop looked like the type who would chew 4 pieces of gum at a time, and certainly eat the whole pack of cookies. I had to have my friends get me out of town. They were busting long hairs for weeks after that one."
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Old 01-18-06, 09:06 AM
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These have had me laughing all morning. Mine aren't nearly as funny, but I'll add them anyways.

1) In while in high school I was over at my girlfriend at the time's house and she asked me to pick up her little brother from detention at the middle school a few miles away. We had been making out most of the evening as her mom always came home super late. So I leave her at the house (don't remember why) and prepare to drive the mile or two to get her brother the brat. I don't make it more than a block and a half when I pass a patroling police officer. I watch in my rear view as he does a 3-point turn in the street and flashes he lights behind me. Now, at this point I've had my licence less than a year and I'm trying to think wtf I've done to get pulled over barely moving on a residentual street. The officer finally approaches my car and asks how long I"ve been out driving. I state calmly that I just left my girlfriend's house around the corner, hoping he wouldn't ask for her mom's name to he could call and confirm this fact. Apparently some neighbor had called and complained that a "car matching my car's description" was driving around with its lights off. Sure, its dark, but that begs the question - what description was this guy working off of? I was driving a late model golden-brown Caprice Classic. I've woundered about that ever since.

2) My one and only *knock on wood* speeding ticket. Driving through the same small town suburb of Dallas headed to see the same girlfriend as above. I wasn't accustomed to driving up there at this time of day, which happened to be right as the school zones went into effect. Not only that, but this was the same year as I started college and I hadn't actually started school yet so wasn't thinking about school zones yet. Sure enough, I realize I'm about 2 car lengths into the school zone, kids aren't even out for the day yet. I slam on my brakes almost hard, but there's a cop car sitting in the median waiting for me. I pull off into a business's drive way before the cop even has its lights on knowing that it was coming anyways. I know one and only one cop in this town, the girlfriend of one of my friend's mom's (yes you read that right). And as luck would have it - that's exactly who was in the cop car. Of course she couldn't let me off because I was Amanda's friend, and a $300+ ticket ensued. Normal street speed limit = 35. Radar had me at 41, school zone in effect... *sigh*

To add insult to injury, I attempted to pay off the ticket at the local court house without mentioning it to my parents. Only to lock my keys in my car and having to call home to have my dad come up with the spare set. My only saving grace - the library was in the same building - "Yeah dad, was just coming up to check out some books, what's that, I don't have any books with me, they didn't have what I needed."
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Old 01-18-06, 09:45 AM
  #21  
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I have tow to add to the list:

1) In my late teens I had a '66 Barracuda. Wide ovals in the back, jacked up a bit and a Cherry Bomb muffler. I left work one night and had to go up the road a bit to a 'jughandle' and turn around to head home. As I switched directions at the jughandle I got into the gas a little bit... just enough to make the glass packs howl but not the tires or exceed the speed limit

As the light behind me turns green I see in my mirror this car come off the line real hot and latch on to my back bumper. Well, we play this game for three lights... I'd be first at the light, leave the line loud (but legal) and he'd be right on my arse. The fourth light was a major intersection with a long gradual up hill on the other side, two lanes out of town. I've had enough of this guy's shenagians and leave the light in a cloud of burning rubber. I look at the speedo as I'm climbing the grade 50, 60, 70, 80... 90 mph and this smacker is way behind me

As an little back story here, this same stretch of road is where I got royally spaknked the week before by a Tubro Porshe Carrera, I figured he was back to add insult to injury.

Back to the story... as I crest the top of the hill I roll out of the throttle as the road narrows down to one lane and bring it down to a reasonable speed. All the sudden as I look for his headlights in the rear-view I see a little dashboard light (on the car behind me) screaming maddly a bright red.

Feeling particularly had, I pull over and wait for the car to meet me. As the cop pulls the car to the side of the road billows of white coolant generated steam pour out from under the hood. Restraning laughter, I open my trunk to reveal a full compliment of gear head parts and tool including a bottle of coolant and ask the cop if he'd like me to fix his car for him. He refuses and proceedes to write me a ticket for 74 in a 55 zone.


2) A few years later I'm driving a mildly worked GTO (read: loud) very conservativly in the outskirts of town, past the 7-11 and pull up to a light. A township cop pulls out of the 7-11 and right in behind me. The light turns green, I cross the road politely when all of the sudden he hits me with the lights. I find a clear place to pull over, my mind racing... what is he pilling me over for? Tags and inspection are current. I have no equipment violations etc, etc. He comes up to the window with the usual "License, insurance and registration, please." Which I have waiting for him. He looks at my license and exclaims "St. Mary Street! How do you like it there?" We talk for a few minutes about the neighbor hood and he tells me he's looking at a house in that 'hood. I tell him he'll love it. Most older folks, starting to gentrify with a nice mix of yppie and middle class folks. Clean and quiet. He hands my back my credentials and thanks me. He get's half way back to his car and I holler back "Why did you stop me?" He laughs and says... "You have a brake light out. Might want to look at it."

Fast forward a few months. He and his wife move in, we become great friends and he's played host to some of the most outrageous parties I've ever been too!

Toga, toga, toga!
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Old 01-18-06, 10:25 AM
  #22  
free_pizza
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Some people might not like this one, but i still laugh about it..

Myself and my friend, out for the night at the pub, consumed quite a few pints of Guinness. At around 3am we are driving home, not a car to be seen on the roads, we come to a set of lights a little too fast, its the middle of winter and very icy, my friend was turning left to go to my house and started skidding, as we look to the right at there is a cop car there, so to avoid skidding through the intersection, he busts a very quick right hand turn, we pass the cops. Then all of a sudden, the cops put on the sirens/lights, pull a pretty nice donut in the middle of the intersection and come after us and pull us over. My friend is driving a pretty nice Mid 80's S-class Mercedes, so they figure its probably stolen. My friend rolls down the window

friend - "Anything wrong occiffer?"
officer - licence and registration please
friend " here you go occifer"

the cop goes back to the car and checks all the details, and for some reason he sends his partner back to give the licence and registration back to my friend. I was just shocked that he didnt get a ticket for the following:
1) driving too fast for the conditions
2)making a right turn from the left lane
3) driving while impaired



and the funniest thing of all is that the cop didnt notice my friend saying "occifer" hahaaa!
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Old 01-18-06, 10:36 AM
  #23  
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1st story:

Hyde PArk, NY about 20 years ago.
Pulled over for speeding.
Cop says I was doing 35 in a 20 mph zone.
I told cop to look up.
Road sign reads "45 mph"

ASt least the cop apologized.



2nd story: Winter Park, Florida
Im riding with a friend who is towing a boat.
he is travelling a bit fast, and weaving between lanes
He gets pulled over (obviously) for driving errartically

Cop asks him whats he doing

He explains That he was being tailgated by the boat, and was doing everything to shake him off the trail.

Cop starts laughing, but still gives him a ticket
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Old 01-18-06, 10:45 AM
  #24  
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Originally Posted by free_pizza
I was just shocked that he didnt get a ticket for the following:
1) driving too fast for the conditions
2)making a right turn from the left lane
3) driving while impaired
Once looked up on the computer in the police car, it must have showed his payment was up to date on the sheriff boosters.
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Old 01-18-06, 11:01 AM
  #25  
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OT: Rockets Redglare, I loved your work in Desperately Seeking Susan! Sorry to hear you died.
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