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Guys: should a girl offer to pay?

Old 07-24-07, 07:10 AM
  #51  
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Yeah, but you're talking about an established relationship where you are sharing expenses. That is completely different and unrelated to the issue of who pays on a date -- i.e. during the initial courting. How to manage finances and share expenses in an established relationship is an entirely separate issue.
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Old 07-24-07, 07:15 AM
  #52  
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Go Dutch, if you want to be treated as an equal act like an equal. If a man insists on paying one time you pay the next. This is what I do, and it works out just fine.

EDIT: It also depends on who asks who out. If someone asks you out in a formal way than the asker is expected to pay, but it's always polite to offer to pay your share.
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Old 07-24-07, 07:19 AM
  #53  
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Originally Posted by Ziemas View Post
Go Dutch, if you want to be treated as an equal act like an equal. If a man insists on paying one time you pay the next. This is what I do, and it works out just fine.
definitely, it's only fair.

i wouldn't continue to date someone who wasn't willing to share in the cost. it's pretty rude just to expect someone to pay your way.
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Old 07-24-07, 07:21 AM
  #54  
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BTW, if the guy can't handle you offering to pay and he let's it kill the mood -- then you've got real problems with that guy: he's controling and needs to be thought of as courting you, a coy doll. Run like crazy from guys like that.
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Old 07-24-07, 07:38 AM
  #55  
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Man, the courting process is part of NATURE. Turn on National Geographic sometime. It's not some screwball need for control, it's a natural, time-honored tradition that the guy pays in the initial dating (courting) process.
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Old 07-24-07, 07:51 AM
  #56  
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Originally Posted by Ziemas View Post
Go Dutch, if you want to be treated as an equal act like an equal. If a man insists on paying one time you pay the next. This is what I do, and it works out just fine.
What planet do you live on?
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Old 07-24-07, 07:54 AM
  #57  
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Originally Posted by Jerseysbest View Post
What planet do you live on?
Agreed. This approach is an excellent recipe for becoming GREAT BUDDIES with the woman you thought you wanted to share a romance with.
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Old 07-24-07, 08:20 AM
  #58  
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I think a lot of it too April is the area you and I live in. Proud hard working Midwesterners raised in conservative households where it's common for the man to pay for a women's evening. Does that mean it's wrong for you to offer? I would say no, but it doesn't surprise me you've received some of the looks that you have. Still though, if that's your personality type don't stop just because a few guys have raised their eyebrows.
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Old 07-24-07, 08:21 AM
  #59  
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Originally Posted by Jerseysbest View Post
What planet do you live on?
One where Stalin is viewed as a horrible criminal and murder, not as a joke.

Last edited by Ziemas; 07-24-07 at 08:35 AM.
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Old 07-24-07, 08:23 AM
  #60  
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Originally Posted by Towlie View Post
Agreed. This approach is an excellent recipe for becoming GREAT BUDDIES with the woman you thought you wanted to share a romance with.
I've had absolutely no problems with this. I don't need to flash around money to impress women. But then again I like independent and successful woman.
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Old 07-24-07, 08:26 AM
  #61  
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Originally Posted by Towlie View Post
Man, the courting process is part of NATURE. Turn on National Geographic sometime. It's not some screwball need for control, it's a natural, time-honored tradition that the guy pays in the initial dating (courting) process.


Man, so is domination and control -- does that mean it should be part of adult human relationships?
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Old 07-24-07, 08:32 AM
  #62  
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Originally Posted by Ziemas View Post
One where Stalin is view as a horrible criminal and murder, not as a joke.
Oy!
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Old 07-24-07, 08:42 AM
  #63  
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I always appreciate the reach, but never let her pay. When a girl doesn't even atleast make a reach, it shows that she's the type of girl that EXPECTS things. and to me, thats indicitive on how she'll act later on. No guy would let her pay on the first date, but the reach thing is all about the thought. Kind of like reaching over to open his door once he lets you in the car. A nice gesture, if you like the guy, is toward the end of the date, offer to buy coffee or something small. it shows him you enjoyed his company, and it's a nice gesture.
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Old 07-24-07, 08:51 AM
  #64  
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Every relationship is different. And at different stages you will treat the other different. at first it may be awkward and nobody knows who is supposed to pay. Later on maybe she will say "I want to take you out to dinner." or "My treat." or something like that. I can promise though, just because one method works with one girl doesn't mean it will work with another. Some girls feel that they owe something if you pay, some just feel that is the way it's supposed to be. Eventually, you will just start handing your paychecks over to your wife, by that time, it doesn't really matter anymore.
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Old 07-24-07, 09:09 AM
  #65  
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The girl I am dating now usually pays every other time. It still leaves the "I'm taking you out" feeling, compared to when I go with a friend and we split the check. She had more money than me, and likes to go out much more often than me, which might have something to do with it. Either way, she offered, but I don't think it arose on the first date.... maybe, cause I payed for parking, and dinner, and I think she might've offered for the movie.

At the same time if she EVER asks who's turn it is... I proclaim it's mine

I expect to pay if I choose an overly expensive place also... her turn or not. I'm taking HER out. If I asked her on a specific date, I pay. If it's just us going out to eat on a regular outing... we alternate.

I hope those of you who split checks atleast believe in opening and holding doors for the girls... at buildings, getting into cars etc.

I have a friend who says that his first impression of a girl on a date is whether she unlocks his door for him after he unlocks, opens and closes the door for her (assuming you don't have keyless entry). My girl told him that's shallow... and from that point on... she has unlocked the door for me everytime
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Old 07-24-07, 09:26 AM
  #66  
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Me and my girlfriend sorta take turns. I generally pay more often than she does but neither of us mind paying at all since the cost of $$$ is a relatively trivial amount compared to everything else in the relationship (and we both know how much the other makes seeing how she sits about 15 feet away from me at work doing the exact same job). She also buys me lunch occasionally from the cafeteria so it all evens out. We don't keep track of anything though, it's just something we're not concerned with.

Depending on the restaurant, we sometimes both throw in a $20 bill and leave the change for the tip or one person will pay and the other leaves the tip (which usually turns out to be relatively generous in either case).
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Old 07-24-07, 09:26 AM
  #67  
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I think the door thing just shows that they are considerate. It's not a make it or break it thing for me. I feel that guys and girls, in the modern age, are equal in a realationship. But I still believe, in the big hunter gatherer sense of things, a guy should take care of his girl.
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Old 07-24-07, 09:28 AM
  #68  
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Originally Posted by lucky53s View Post
I think the door thing just shows that they are considerate. It's not a make it or break it thing for me. I feel that guys and girls, in the modern age, are equal in a realationship. But I still believe, in the big hunter gatherer sense of things, a guy should take care of his girl.











Oops. I'm not supposed to be here! See ya.
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Old 07-24-07, 09:31 AM
  #69  
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Sui, you just can't stay away. But that is to be expected. All girls have opinions and none seem too shy to share them with everyone.
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Old 07-24-07, 09:39 AM
  #70  
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For once, I would like to meet a girl that steps up and takes responsibility of herself. I think its very selfish for girls to expect their dates to pay for them all the time. I am tired of dating women who do not spend a dime on any of the activities we do together. Thats just plain selfish.

So, aprilm, I think its important for women to treat their date at least from time to time if not every other time.
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Old 07-24-07, 09:42 AM
  #71  
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Originally Posted by lodi781 View Post
I always appreciate the reach, but never let her pay. When a girl doesn't even atleast make a reach, it shows that she's the type of girl that EXPECTS things. and to me, thats indicitive on how she'll act later on. No guy would let her pay on the first date, but the reach thing is all about the thought. Kind of like reaching over to open his door once he lets you in the car. A nice gesture, if you like the guy, is toward the end of the date, offer to buy coffee or something small. it shows him you enjoyed his company, and it's a nice gesture.
For you guys who are weirded out when women offer to pay - all I can say is that the above is what motivates me. <leaving now>
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Old 07-24-07, 09:49 AM
  #72  
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I'm usually the one that has to offer. When the bill comes to the table, I have almost no time to grab it before she has already taken care of it.

Maybe I should raise my standards.
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Old 07-24-07, 09:50 AM
  #73  
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Either you pay for both or he pays for both. Part payments are too messy on the first [few] date[s].
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Old 07-24-07, 09:53 AM
  #74  
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Originally Posted by Minesbroken View Post
The man is supposed to pay on the first date... the man is supposed to hold the doors...pull out the chairs...
I know that the world is changing, and traditions are being thrown out the window...but we have been trained... I would like to pay for your dinner...the way my father did on his dates...and his father before him. You dont owe us anything by letting us buy you dinner...you have paid that debt in full by merely showing up and indulging us in casual banter. If you get the impression that something is owed then you shouldnt go out to dinner with that man again...hes not worth seeing. So many things in etiquette have been lost to the world, as people grow into technology. so many personal moments have been lost...talking to the person next to you on line at the store has been replaced by talking on your cell phone while your in line next to someone. The world has become complicated and impersonal...at least let us have this one tradition
+1, there are things a gentleman should do for a lady. When I was dating, I appreciated having the date so I didn't mind paying and didn't feel anything was owed to me. I still hold doors, pull out chairs, stand when a lady arrives at the table and sit when she's seated. And when the "courting" was done, I flew to Omaha on a one-day "business trip" to ask her parents for her hand in marriage in person.

While I treat women as equals where it's appropriate (in a relationship, at work, etc...), I think it's still courteous to treat the fairer sex as ladies. Call me old-fashioned but I find few women are offended by common courtesy.
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Old 07-24-07, 10:01 AM
  #75  
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Originally Posted by aprilm View Post
I want your opinions! I've always been the type of girl to offer to pay my part on a first date (and second and third usually), but recently, it seems some of the guys have been slightly offended, so I stopped offering. But now I'm wondering, and I'm confused, so... enlighten me!!
I think whoever asked should pay. If I had asked someone out, I would not expect her to pay. It would feel really weird if she did. To me.
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