Go Back  Bike Forums > The Lounge > Foo
Reload this Page >

I Want To Leave This Planet, And Never Come Back

Foo Off-Topic chit chat with no general subject.

I Want To Leave This Planet, And Never Come Back

Old 07-30-07, 11:20 PM
  #1  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I Want To Leave This Planet, And Never Come Back





My gf broke it off tonight out of nowhere. She told me she had been dreading this conversation. What conversation, do you ask? The one where I tell her how much I love her, and she tells me that she doesn't....and that she never will (even though she still wants me in her life, she wants to end the romance).


I should have seen the signs....but I am an autist. I can't really see the signs. I try. But...




I'm on the wrong planet. I need to leave. It's overwhelming me. I am so confused. What makes a relationship work?

We had such good times this summer. Who knew that I was just a fling to her?


I am soooooo stupid for falling in love with someone that doesn't love me back. She CARES about me. She KISSES me. She MISSES me....but she don't love me.

When did love become such a repulsive emotion that it would destroy the wonderful thing we had together? I didn't ask her for anything, I just expressed myself.

I feel like the biggest loser right about now. So many thoughts are coming to the surface that I don't want to think about....how long I've been alone, how many missed attempts at being with someone...

...and now this. Now I get a taste of what life could be, and it gets snatched away from me. How cruel.


I was better off alone.


Damn this hurts.


How can I trust someone else after this? She was the best woman I knew. I am in hell.
__________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持
Serendipper is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:23 PM
  #2  
Maelstrom 
Wood Licker
 
Maelstrom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Whistler,BC
Posts: 16,966

Bikes: Trek Fuel EX 8 27.5 +, 2002 Transition Dirtbag, Kona Roast 2002

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 23 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Dude...seriously...I wish you the best. One sided love hurts the most.
Maelstrom is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:26 PM
  #3  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by Maelstrom View Post
Dude...seriously...I wish you the best. One sided love hurts the most.


I can't even ******** think straight right now to respond.
__________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持
Serendipper is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:26 PM
  #4  
Tude 
Blasted Weeds
 
Tude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 1,182

Bikes: Trek 1200C, Specialized Rockhopper, Giant Yukon FX, Giant Acapulco

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Sometimes there are no signs to read, so autist shouldn't be a factor.



sucks I know, had a rather traumatic thing happen to me this Spring where I guess I thought more was there when it wasn't. Had the term "friends with benefits" thrown at me too. Had a nice, very nice plane trip home from Texas - cried for nearly the whole way.

Feel for ya, really.
Tude is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:28 PM
  #5  
Tom Stormcrowe
Out fishing with Annie on his lap, a cigar in one hand and a ginger ale in the other, watching the sunset.
 
Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: South Florida
Posts: 16,115

Bikes: Techna Wheelchair and a Sun EZ 3 Recumbent Trike

Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
Dipper, All I can do is say sorry it happened Bro! Just ride it out and things will get better. Remember, you do have friends!
__________________
. “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant
Tom Stormcrowe is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:30 PM
  #6  
Tude 
Blasted Weeds
 
Tude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 1,182

Bikes: Trek 1200C, Specialized Rockhopper, Giant Yukon FX, Giant Acapulco

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe View Post
Dipper, All I can do is say sorry it happened Bro! Just ride it out and things will get better. Remember, you do have friends!
What he said!!!!
Tude is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:30 PM
  #7  
Dannihilator
User Title
 
Dannihilator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Annandale, New Jersey
Posts: 19,610

Bikes: 2008 Trek Portland, 1989 Nishiki Altron

Mentioned: 4 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 9 Times in 9 Posts
She doesn't deserve you. If you're ever in my area, I'll treat you to a cold one, or three.
__________________
Appreciate the old bikes more than the new.
Dannihilator is online now  
Old 07-30-07, 11:31 PM
  #8  
KingTermite 
On my TARDIScycle!
 
KingTermite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Eastside Seattlite Termite Mound
Posts: 3,925

Bikes: Trek 520, Trek Navigator 300, Peugeot Versailles PE10DE

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Be careful.....after a few of these you start getting hard and very "guarded" on your heart. Trust me on this......its too easy to let happen. Be wary of that or you may not know if you can give your hear away again.
__________________
Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
KingTermite is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:36 PM
  #9  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by Tude View Post
Had the term "friends with benefits" thrown at me too.

She wants to be "more than friends"....she just doesn't want to "hurt me" becuase she doesn't think she is going to fall in love with me.

I asked her if that door is "open or closed"...she said "I don't know".




Me: So you don't want to be with me....are you sure?

Her: .....(long pause, then a whisper) yeah...

Me: ...And you don't think you will want to in the future? You don't want to keep that door open?

Her: No...

Me:.........

Her: What are you thinking right now?

Me: I'm confused

Her: Oh no....I feel so bad right now...

Me: How long have you known this? You knew how I felt for a long time now...

Her: I know...I've been dreading this conversation.





I should have never told her I loved her....I should have kept going out with her, and just left it unsaid.

Now it's over...because I love her.

WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??????

Can't sleep because of this flu...I just want to go somewhere very far away and keep going...
__________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持
Serendipper is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:40 PM
  #10  
Tude 
Blasted Weeds
 
Tude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 1,182

Bikes: Trek 1200C, Specialized Rockhopper, Giant Yukon FX, Giant Acapulco

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Waffling is so mean. Yes or No dam it.
Tude is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:44 PM
  #11  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
Be careful.....after a few of these you start getting hard and very "guarded" on your heart. Trust me on this......its too easy to let happen. Be wary of that or you may not know if you can give your hear away again.


Too late for this...I already love her.

Her: I still want to see you...don't be mad at me. Can I call you tomorrow? Is that okay? I want you in my life.

Me: I know you care. I'm sure of it. Are you sure about not wanting to go any furthur? I'm not proposing, or trying to lock you dow. I just wanted to let you know how I feel.

Her: Yeah...but...

Me: I'm not mad at you. I love you. Love is unconditional. Why would I stop loving you?

Her:.......I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.

Me: Why are you doing this?

Her:....I really care alot about you. But I don't want to hurt you...

Me: Don't...

Her: What were you going to say?

Me: Don't lie to me to save my feelings. If you were with me just out of pity, that's even worse.

Her: I know...but I don't feel the same way abut you (love).





F*cing worst day ever. Woke up with the flu, going to bed with a heartbreak. What's next? The Rapture?
__________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持
Serendipper is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:47 PM
  #12  
KingTermite 
On my TARDIScycle!
 
KingTermite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Eastside Seattlite Termite Mound
Posts: 3,925

Bikes: Trek 520, Trek Navigator 300, Peugeot Versailles PE10DE

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I suggest you stay away from her. Back off and make her come to you. Don't give her any "affection" if you aren't together as a couple. I can't suggest more....good luck buddy, it's a rough road.
__________________
Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
KingTermite is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:49 PM
  #13  
donnamb 
tired
 
donnamb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 5,652

Bikes: Breezer Uptown 8, U frame

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Oh, 'Dipper, I'm so sorry to hear this. There's a hug here if you want it.
__________________
"Real wars of words are harder to win. They require thought, insight, precision, articulation, knowledge, and experience. They require the humility to admit when you are wrong. They recognize that the dialectic is not about making us look at you, but about us all looking together for the truth."
donnamb is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:49 PM
  #14  
Tom Stormcrowe
Out fishing with Annie on his lap, a cigar in one hand and a ginger ale in the other, watching the sunset.
 
Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: South Florida
Posts: 16,115

Bikes: Techna Wheelchair and a Sun EZ 3 Recumbent Trike

Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
Dipper, I agree with KT here. First off, she may have just gotten scared of where things were going, Bro, let her sort herself out! Take some time.....
__________________
. “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant
Tom Stormcrowe is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:50 PM
  #15  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I need to step away from this computer...but I'm paralyzed right now. I feel like this is my only tether to reality. Nothing makes sense to me.

What's the point of it all anyway? People embrace violence, and are frightened by love. Everything is so ass-backward.

Got that detached thing going on right now. I don't even care who reads what I post from this point, or if it's read at all. I just need to stay busy to avoid doing something stupid.

GOD HELP ME...THIS PAIN MAKES NO SENSE TO ME.
__________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持
Serendipper is offline  
Old 07-30-07, 11:57 PM
  #16  
dpb13
Senior Member
 
dpb13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sparks, NV
Posts: 150
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Hey dipper, I'm really sorry to hear that. It sucks. I don't know what I can possibly say to make you feel any better. My thoughts are with you.
dpb13 is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 12:03 AM
  #17  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe View Post
Dipper, I agree with KT here. First off, she may have just gotten scared of where things were going, Bro, let her sort herself out! Take some time.....

Of course she was scared! So was I.


"Let her sort herself out" sounds good. In the meantime, I'm the guy over here in the padded cell because NONE OF THESE GAMES MAKE SENSE TO ME.

From what I understand, the autistic mind has difficulty seeing things in a less than literal fashion. If she says she wants to be with me, I believe it. If she says she doesn't want to be with me...then cool. I will adjust.

But this "I want to be around you, but no longer in that way" stuff just ****s with my brain. I don't understand that at all.
How could you be with me, and yet dread falling in love with me? What would be so bad about loving me back---or at least going on the journey with me? Is that so much to ask?



<long and complex string of expletives...too long and complex to post here>


At the end of the day, maybe she just liked the idea. The reality was too much to bear. But that's my reality she just took a dump on.


I still have to live here (in my world)...and now it smells like her (metaphorically). I wish I could have been more cavalier or something, and not so romantic. Maybe then I wouldn't have fallen in love with her.
__________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持
Serendipper is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 12:06 AM
  #18  
donnamb 
tired
 
donnamb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 5,652

Bikes: Breezer Uptown 8, U frame

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
'Dipper, use this thread however you need to. We're here...
__________________
"Real wars of words are harder to win. They require thought, insight, precision, articulation, knowledge, and experience. They require the humility to admit when you are wrong. They recognize that the dialectic is not about making us look at you, but about us all looking together for the truth."
donnamb is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 12:11 AM
  #19  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
What am I saying??? What a wuss I am. I should just sportf*ck, abuse women and shoot stuff like a "real" man.

WTF am I doing "caring" for the person I've been dating all summer?

I need to grow a pair and man up.





(Nothing makes any sense to me at this point. Every object has a correlation, every term a definition. In mathematics, you have proof. What do I have? NOTHING. How can I measure anything when I've been shown time and again that it doesn't matter? No matter how "positive" or "good" or "helpful" I am, I'm still on the OUTSIDE looking IN...ALL THE TIME).

Layers upon layers. A bubble within a bubble. God, I thought that for once I would be introduced to the regular world and just be normal for a change. Just live, love, and do what normal people do.

I get tired of being a "wierdo" or a "recluse"...I just want to...


,f*k

I don't know...I just don't know...
__________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持
Serendipper is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 12:14 AM
  #20  
Tom Stormcrowe
Out fishing with Annie on his lap, a cigar in one hand and a ginger ale in the other, watching the sunset.
 
Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: South Florida
Posts: 16,115

Bikes: Techna Wheelchair and a Sun EZ 3 Recumbent Trike

Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
Dipper, that's one of the best things about you....the fact that you aren't cavalier! You are what you are, buddy! A decent man. Heck,the games don't make any sense to me either, for what it's worth. Like I said before, let things sort themselves out, they will you know. Right now, you're just real close to it, and hell yes, I know you're hurting, I would be too and I empathize because I've been there too. In this case, it's not an Autism thing, it's a human thing, to be confused and hurting. You'll get past it. Meantime, I wish I could offer more.....
Originally Posted by Serendipper View Post
Of course she was scared! So was I.


"Let her sort herself out" sounds good. In the meantime, I'm the guy over here in the padded cell because NONE OF THESE GAMES MAKE SENSE TO ME.

From what I understand, the autistic mind has difficulty seeing things in a less than literal fashion. If she says she wants to be with me, I believe it. If she says she doesn't want to be with me...then cool. I will adjust.

But this "I want to be around you, but no longer in that way" stuff just ****s with my brain. I don't understand that at all.
How could you be with me, and yet dread falling in love with me? What would be so bad about loving me back---or at least going on the journey with me? Is that so much to ask?



<long and complex string of expletives...too long and complex to post here>


At the end of the day, maybe she just liked the idea. The reality was too much to bear. But that's my reality she just took a dump on.


I still have to live here (in my world)...and now it smells like her (metaphorically). I wish I could have been more cavalier or something, and not so romantic. Maybe then I wouldn't have fallen in love with her.
__________________
. “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant
Tom Stormcrowe is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 12:34 AM
  #21  
cyclezealot
Senior Member
 
cyclezealot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Fallbrook,Calif./Palau del Vidre, France
Posts: 13,192

Bikes: Klein QP, Fuji touring, Surly Cross Check, BCH City bike

Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1258 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
I suggest you stay away from her. Back off and make her come to you. Don't give her any "affection" if you aren't together as a couple. I can't suggest more....good luck buddy, it's a rough road.
think I agree with King Termite. You gotta move on. She is 100 percent behind this decision, then you gotta move on. Being near her only causes the pain to continue and you can't allow that. Love is blind and that infatuation can't be tamed by reason. One has to go cold turkey like any other drug.
she cares for you and later you think it wise and you then want to be friends, maybe then.
Once I was in your boots, remember she came back to get some things. After drinking, she found me asleep with her coat wrapped about me. After she got all worried and supportive. Still without her back, I'd continue to sleep with that coat. After that I insisted she get her stuff out pronto. Then the healing started, but it took about 8 months after 9 years of marriage. Meanwhile , it's called self pity and might even drive some friends away.
Good start connect with other people. Don't drink right away.
AND Ride that bike. Exercise is the best out. And you connect with people like you. Don't be alone, if you can help it. Just ride, job or whatever.
She saw me after one year when I gave her some stuff, she was shocked of my physical state. But, then I had moved on.
cyclezealot is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 12:35 AM
  #22  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanks Tom, Donna, everybody...


<fock>


I'm lost as hell right about now. I hate this feeling. When my dad died. I went so far inside myself that I didn't speak for two years. I wrote and recorded 300 songs during that time. I didn't even really notice the time pass.

I promised myself no more letting life pass by while I am having a meltdown. I have been learning many coping skills, and this summer I was pretty social, dated a really cool woman, and broke out my shell in many ways.

Now I can't even find my shell. I could use it right now. Regession sounds like a good idea right now. No more people and their complex relations. Just me, and my mind.


Juesus that sounds lonely. (It is).


Okay, I'm straight tuckered out (even though insomia is clearly on the menu--remember the "old" me? Mr. Anxiety Attack/Insomnia/Seizure?)...


<fockfockfockfockfock>

I won't waste anyone else's time here...I need to start plotting my course to Mars right about now anyway. When you are on a deserted planet, loneliness makes sense.

Billions of people on this planet, and I am going through this at my age? Makes no sense.

What am I going to do?

Let me be clear here---it's not one of those "I can't live without her" things I'm going through...that's different. That's when you have a crush and the girl doesn't go along with it, yet you keep trying like a fool, hoping things will work out one day. This is a "WTF is going on here---did I miss something?!?" type of thing. We've been together the whole summer, folks. And now she drops this bomb on me like it's nothing.

I'm not Hiroshima, I'm Nagasaki...I would have surrendered a long time ago. No need for such a display of destructive force.

Why let it go so far only to abruptly stop?


Confession: I wanted to marry her, and wanted her to have my kids. No joke.

^^^ HA HA... I got the "confession" thing from a text she sent me about how she wanted to be next to me, about how I made her feel safe. How much she missed me...etc.

Why send me that text, baby? Why not send me a text that reads {Confession: I am not in love with you...you are like a brother to me**? Why jump on me and kiss me? Why wake me up with "Good Morning Sweetie"? Why COME OVER TO MY MOM'S TO MEET HER ALL OF A SUDDEN? Why hold my hand when we walk? Why? WHY? WHY?!?



Friendzone: I can live with that. Could even be fun.

THIS ****....this **** is crazy man. Just crazy.
__________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持
Serendipper is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 12:55 AM
  #23  
glenng
Master Surfer of Curbs
 
glenng's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: 70%PIT 30% Blue Yonder
Posts: 138

Bikes: Whats it to ya?

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
No one said life or love is easy....but its worth it. One day down the road you and your bride will be all smiles about to say I do and you will be so greatful that this day happened. A break-up is like a tonsilectomy , It hurts like a mother for a few weeks and then you feel better than ever.
glenng is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 01:03 AM
  #24  
donnamb 
tired
 
donnamb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 5,652

Bikes: Breezer Uptown 8, U frame

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
And 'Dipper - you're never a waste of our time. Ever.
__________________
"Real wars of words are harder to win. They require thought, insight, precision, articulation, knowledge, and experience. They require the humility to admit when you are wrong. They recognize that the dialectic is not about making us look at you, but about us all looking together for the truth."
donnamb is offline  
Old 07-31-07, 01:08 AM
  #25  
Serendipper 
(((Fully Awake)))
Thread Starter
 
Serendipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ~Serenading with sensous soliloquies whilst singing supple sentences that are simultaneously suppling my sonnets with serenity serendipitously.~ -Serendipper
Posts: 5,589

Bikes: Guerciotti Pista-Giant Carbon-Bridgestone300- Batavus Type Champion Road Bike, Specialized Hardrock Commuter, On-One The Gimp (SS Rigid MTB/hit by a truck)- Raleigh Sports 3-speed,Gatsby Scorcher, comming soon...The Penny Farthing Highwheel!

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by glenng View Post
No one said life or love is easy....but its worth it. One day down the road you and your bride will be all smiles about to say I do and you will be so greatful that this day happened. A break-up is like a tonsilectomy , It hurts like a mother for a few weeks and then you feel better than ever.


No grudge Glenn. I don't hate her, I'm not even mad at her. Hell, I love her.

I'm just f*cked because I don't know why I love someone who doesn't want the same thing as me, yet wants to keep dating? Riding a car into the desert with an empty tank. That's what she asks of me.


But worry not dear forumites and foosters...I just got a letter from a friend that REALLY cleared things up for me.

Again BikeForums comes through for me on some totally random personal **** that has nothing whatsoever to do with velocipedes.

And I thank you. I refuse to change my loving ways, and wouldn't know how to anyway.

Like I told her re: this situation: " You can gauge what is good for your life by your likes and dislikes...if you like me, then maybe I'm good for you".

She didn't buy it, but it wasn't for sale anyway. It's the truth.

I like myself, and being who I am is good for my life. I'm sticking up for myself, and biting a bullet. I am coming back!

I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I WILL NOT LOSE!





Life is fleeting. I WILL enjoy and make the best of it.
Serendipper is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.