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A question for parents

Old 11-13-07, 07:25 PM
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A question for parents

I am 17. I drink occasionaly (once every 2-3 weeks) with a group of my close friends at my lake house. I do not drive (or ride my bike) drunk (or ride with drunken people). Since i started drinking my grades have gone up despit having taken up 2 new hobbies (mandolin and theatre.) I would realy like to be honest with my parents about this, but I am wondering how to put this up. I am not going to stop drinking. It has not had any negative effects what so ever and I realy enjoy a good wheat beer or dunkel. The question isnt weather or not i have a drinking problem, or if i should drink, the question is this:

If your 17 year old son told you that he has been drinking in a safe enviorment with a group of close friends every couple of weeks and that he was going to continue to do so, but he really wanted to be honest with you, how would you react?
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Old 11-13-07, 07:31 PM
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Originally Posted by ivegotabike View Post
I am 17. I drink occasionaly (once every 2-3 weeks) with a group of my close friends at my lake house. I do not drive (or ride my bike) drunk (or ride with drunken people). Since i started drinking my grades have gone up despit having taken up 2 new hobbies (mandolin and theatre.) I would realy like to be honest with my parents about this, but I am wondering how to put this up. I am not going to stop drinking. It has not had any negative effects what so ever and I realy enjoy a good wheat beer or dunkel. The question isnt weather or not i have a drinking problem, or if i should drink, the question is this:

If your 17 year old son told you that he has been drinking in a safe enviorment with a group of close friends every couple of weeks and that he was going to continue to do so, but he really wanted to be honest with you, how would you react?



I'd remind my son that the drinking age is 21 and i would prefer he didn't drink. But i remember how it was so i probably would thank him for his honesty and ask him to follow the law because being a lawful citizen IS important.

My son is only 9 but i would hope he would be that honest with me at your age.

Last edited by Portis; 11-13-07 at 09:40 PM.
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Old 11-13-07, 07:36 PM
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Think about something you got in trouble for. Think about it again but this time imagine what would happen if you told them before they found out.

Every parent is different and has different standards. I'd get mad but I'd be easy about it since you told me.
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Old 11-13-07, 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted by ivegotabike View Post
I am 17. I drink occasionaly (once every 2-3 weeks) with a group of my close friends at my lake house. I do not drive (or ride my bike) drunk (or ride with drunken people). Since i started drinking my grades have gone up despit having taken up 2 new hobbies (mandolin and theatre.) I would realy like to be honest with my parents about this, but I am wondering how to put this up. I am not going to stop drinking. It has not had any negative effects what so ever and I realy enjoy a good wheat beer or dunkel. The question isnt weather or not i have a drinking problem, or if i should drink, the question is this:

If your 17 year old son told you that he has been drinking in a safe enviorment with a group of close friends every couple of weeks and that he was going to continue to do so, but he really wanted to be honest with you, how would you react?
Yawn. You're old enough to make your own decisions. If you're doing this to get attention, you have bigger problems - go see a shrink.
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Old 11-13-07, 07:50 PM
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My son is 16, my daughter is 21. No consequences for coming to me and telling me, but I would be mucho pissed at whoever was providing the alcohol, and would either call the parents, and/or the cops if I found out who it was, and depending on the circumstances. I would make sure there was a clear understanding that there would be future consequences for any future underage drinking that I found out about.

I realize that there's a huge double standard in society, where a person is allowed to join the military and die in combat when they're 18, but can't drink for three more years, but the fact remains, it is illegal, and there are some nasty consequences that can befall you if you were caught by the authorities. You could lose driving privileges, and it could affect college admissions and/or scholarships.

Personally, I think you're not very disciplined, and your stated refusal to not stop no matter what is rather immature and pig headed. You seem like a sensible kid otherwise though.
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Old 11-13-07, 07:52 PM
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No, im doing this to make my life more convenient. Lying to my parents is stressfull. I like my parents.
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Old 11-13-07, 07:58 PM
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I cant drive to begin with. I wont get caught because when I drink I drink at my lake house (no neighbors, its in the country, only county police.) I know it is possible to get caught, the chances are however quite slim. Im not drinking at roudy housepartys.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:08 PM
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Originally Posted by ivegotabike View Post
I cant drive to begin with. I wont get caught because when I drink I drink at my lake house (no neighbors, its in the country, only county police.) I know it is possible to get caught, the chances are however quite slim. Im not drinking at roudy housepartys.
You're rationalizing, and implicitly defending the people who are committing the more serious offense of supplying alcohol to someone who is underage - which is even more serious considering that it is happening without your parents' knowledge or consent. Sounds to me like you're saying that drinking means more to you than your parents do. I'm sure you can find something else that will bring you at least as much happiness - and which is legal - for the next 3+ years.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:10 PM
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Someone should start headin to the AA meetings.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:15 PM
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It's quite possible you are doing damage to your still developing brain. Sorry to go off topic but what your parents think is secondary at this point. Man up and quit. You've got the rest of your life for that crap.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:19 PM
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Hah, AA? I drink 4 or 5 beers every 2 or 3 weeks... Whatever. This thread became useless far quicker than I expected.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:19 PM
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My parents never made it taboo. If I'd have asked for a beer with dinner, they'd have said sure. I never did, as I thought the junk beer in the fridge tasted like crap.

As it was, I didn't feel the need to sneak out to drink. Plus, when I was a freshman or sophomore in high school I'd end up at some house party where the upperclass kids were all three-sheets-to-the-wind and I just didn't feel the need to join in, so I'd leave and go home.

The other thing was I had a 20-25 hour a week job and usually had to be up on weekends. Who needs the hassle of drinking when you have to be at work at 9 am on a Saturday?

I didn't really start drinking until I was 19 in college and then there was nowhere to drive, anyway, so it was a fairly controlled environment.

Being open as a parent about what booze tastes like and its implications is one of the most challenging things I think I'll face as a parent, but I also don't want to make it some evil that my kids will want to sneak around behind my back to figure out.

It's a balancing act, for sure.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:21 PM
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I'll have to pass on any moral issues, my kids are too young for this, but if you tell your parents you could possibly open them to being held liable for your and your friends' actions. A couple here in Chicago was recently found criminally negligent for letting kids drink in their house becasue they knew about it. The civil case hasn't started but it is safe to assume they won't have much in the future.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by ivegotabike View Post
Whatever. This thread became useless far quicker than I expected.
Welcome to Foo.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:27 PM
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https://4brevard.com/choice/internati...est-scores.htm

look at the 12th grade scores, It doesnt seem that the alcohol given to those 16 year olds in the netherlands and france realy effected their development
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Old 11-13-07, 08:33 PM
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I'm in a town where underage drinking happens a lot. Like as young as 13, which is insane. Most are fairly reasonable, but the younger ones especially are stupid about it. Like stumbling around town obviously drunk, getting loaded at ballfields, etc. As long as you're reasonable about it, it can be safe. Never do it with anyone you don't trust completely, it could cost you a lot.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:43 PM
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Just to clarify one issue...your grades haven't improved because of the alcohol. Maybe you're maturing as a student, or getting motivated about University, or maybe playing music on the mandolin has activated new synaptic connections, who knows. But it's not the beer.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:47 PM
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Originally Posted by ivegotabike View Post
Hah, AA? I drink 4 or 5 beers every 2 or 3 weeks... Whatever. This thread became useless far quicker than I expected.
What the heck did you expect the parents to say? That it's okay for you to ignore the law? That it's okay that either (a) someone over the age of 21 is supplying you and your friends with alcohol, or (b) one of you is successfully using a fake ID or (c) you've found a place that is willing to sell to minors or (d) you're ripping off somebody's beer?

Look, you already know that what you are doing is not okay - otherwise you wouldn't have been lying about to your parents upt until now and you wouldn't be trying to dope out how much trouble you'll get into if you come clean. So why are you asking for our blessing? Sorry, you'll have to get your absolution somewhere else.

And so we're clear, I am waaay older than 17. But I sure as heck remember the dumb-ass stuff I did as a 17 year old. It was true then, and it's true now - the fact that a 17 year old wants to do something is absolutely not enough by itself to justify it. Although I didn't want to admit it, I knew that then. The same is true for you.

So please, be smarter than I was, and be smarter than most of my friends were. Don't be in such a hurry to "grow up." Believe me, the consequences for failing to think things through - which, IMHO, you are doing here - only get harsher the more "grown up" you are.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:48 PM
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If you want to know whether to tell your parents, yes, you should. Then be prepared for the consequences and don't whine to us if they're bad.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:48 PM
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Im fine with it. Im going to tell them; Im going to accept the consequences; I am then going to continue to drink in responsible moderation.
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Old 11-13-07, 08:58 PM
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Someone is stubborn.
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Old 11-13-07, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by fuzzbox View Post
Someone is stubborn.
Wait! Who?

Yes I am stubborn, I am a stubborn child, but whose life is it? Whose choice is it? I never asked for your advice on drinking i asked for advice on honesty with my parents. My parents can decide what goes down from here. End of thread.
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Old 11-13-07, 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by ivegotabike View Post
I am 17. I drink occasionaly (once every 2-3 weeks) with a group of my close friends at my lake house. I do not drive (or ride my bike) drunk (or ride with drunken people). Since i started drinking my grades have gone up despit having taken up 2 new hobbies (mandolin and theatre.) I would realy like to be honest with my parents about this, but I am wondering how to put this up. I am not going to stop drinking. It has not had any negative effects what so ever and I realy enjoy a good wheat beer or dunkel. The question isnt weather or not i have a drinking problem, or if i should drink...
High school age is too young too drink. I'd kick your proverbial arse if I was your dad and you shared that with me @ 17. Then again...if you screw up and do something stupid while under the influence...you'll get your arse beat one way or the other (i.e. parent have a way of knowing when you screw up). But anyway...and this is going to sound horrible because I'm a parent of 2 very young children, but, if you really want to reveal this to your parents...wait till you're in college, it'll go alot easier for you. And don't let your grades suffer there either. If you're a mature and responsible kid...you'll have nothing to worry about anyway.

The other thing is, you know, depending on your life's experiences, you may be unaware that alcoholism has ruined many a life. If all you do is have a couple here and there, don't get drunk and stupid constantly, and alcohol remains something that is enjoyed and NOT something that is "needed" in order to cope with life...you'll have nothing to worry about either.

I drank nominally while in college and my parents knew it (I didn't have to tell them)...but they ALSO knew that I was going to be responsible and not cause harm to myself or others. (i.e. knowing limits and not doing something stupid)
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Old 11-13-07, 09:53 PM
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I drank in HS, too, with my father's permission. His rule on drinking was "if you take a cold one out of the fridge, put a warm one in to replace it." Because it was OK with him to drink at home, I never went out drinking with friends until the very end of my senior year, and then it was in a safe environment where I'd be able to stay the night and not drive drunk.

It sounds like you're being responsible, because you don't drive/ride drunk, and you won't ride with someone who has been drinking. Keep that attitude up.

As for telling the parents, I can't really help you there. Every parent is different. My dad would have been cool with the situation you describe. My wife's parents, on the other hand, would not have been.

Good luck with everything.
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Old 11-13-07, 10:12 PM
  #25  
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My questions:

- Why do you want to drink?
- What are the benefits of it?
- Why do you feel it's okay to go against the law?
- Why do you say you won't stop?
- How do you figure it's responsible drinking if you are under age and still doing it?

I'm not trying to get on you, I honestly would like to know because if you were my son, this is what I'd be asking you.

Then I can give you an honest reaction to it.

So can we roleplay?
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