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Life on the Road

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Life on the Road

Old 03-20-08, 10:39 AM
  #1  
crackerjab
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Life on the Road

It's kind of long but it makes for a good chuckle.

I'm going to start documenting obscure and odd situations/events that I encounter on the road your and mostly my entertainment. This is the first of what I'm sure will be many stories. Some of these events might have some degree of embellishment for entertainment value. The following story however is verbatim.

City/State: Athens, GA
Locale: The Red Rooster

Just another night hanging out eating dinner on the road. I typically sit at or around the bar for social interaction. Beer had nothing to do with it I swear. So as I'm sitting there conversating with people around me, in walks a lady who is obviously on some kind of serious narcotic (more specifically CRACK) carrying something bulky under her arm. She walks to the other side of the bar from where I'm sitting and begins talking to a couple of older ladies and a guy about my age, who appears to be one of their son's. She then proceeds to pull out a cooked ham in the wrapper (freshly stolen from the grocery store I presume) and begins trying to sell it to one of the older ladies at the bar. The lady politely refuses at first. The crackhead continues to try to sell it. The lady after a couple minutes gets rude with the crackhead and tells her where she can put the ham. The crackhead is apparently appalled at the fact that this lady will not buy her cooked ham (in a restaraunt mind you) and decides to show the older lady that no is not an option. The crackhead picks up the 3/4 empty delicious libation that was in the glass that the older woman was drinking and politely smashes the ****ing glass on the older lady's forehead. I, of course, am in disbelief at what just happened. Blood splatters everywhere and a tussle ensues. The kind patron, that I was sitting with ,and myself promptly jump up and begin to head in the scuffle's direction to break it up. The presumed son, that was sitting with the ladies, beats us to the to jump and promptly breaks up the fight. The crackhead starts to go for the door. I don't know how this happened, as crackheads typically study the art of ninja and cannot be caught, (I know a little bit of ninja myself... don't tell anyone) but I stopped her as she was about to bolt out of the door. I kindly say in my stern "big boy" voice that she's needs to step back and take a seat as the police will be there soon. She of course doesn't like this. She tries to get by me as I step in her way and offer her a nice firm grip to the shoulder. She complies momentarily as I do this but a hero emerges. The "Super Bus Boy" arrives (which I had a previous conversation with and who is also an "auxillary" police officer) and tells me in his most condescending and deep voice that "I've got this". Being the gentleman that I am I let the crackhead go so he can "handle it". He doesn't possess ninja training, apparently, and she gets out the door. Much to her dismay she stands at about 4'11" and darts out to a patio area where the guardrails around stand at about 4'5" she attempts in vain to climb over the fence to get away, ham still in hand, as the cops pull up to intervene. Good job Athen's Police department for a timely response. The suspect was apprehended and taken away. The lady, after some observation by myself with a flashlight, will not need stitches and should survive the aformentioned incident.

The End
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Old 03-20-08, 11:00 AM
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Dang. Just Dang. I have nothing to add, except that the crack head was trying to "ham hock".
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 03-20-08, 11:06 AM
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hehe - have to post this here - one of my long time favorites - two old russian women fighting ...

http://blog.kappakid.net/multimedia/...-ladies-fight/

But back to your topic - I love to be out and about and traveling, etc - and seem to run into more odd occurrences and different people that some of my friends think I'm making it up ...
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Old 03-20-08, 02:22 PM
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I am happy to say that I have never been in a situation where anyone has offered to sell me either a cooked ham, or a 'hot' ham.

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Old 03-20-08, 03:06 PM
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psst. East Hill, wanna buy a hot cooked ham?

*opens rain coat*
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Originally Posted by colorider View Post
Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 03-20-08, 03:08 PM
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Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
psst. East Hill, wanna buy a hot cooked ham?

*opens rain coat*

That's not a ham! That's a..a...a...sausage!



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