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Anyone ever back out of a divorce?

Old 06-30-08, 07:56 PM
  #1  
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Anyone ever back out of a divorce?

My divorce is scheduled for July 23rd. I am considering putting it on hold and trying to work things out with my wife. She has made some positive changes in her life in the past six months. She cut back considerably on her drinking. She has started to work out and she has lost some weight and she even went to the dentist which was also a sticking point for me. She is a different person today than when I moved out.

One of the problems is that she has two adult 20 and 18 yr. old kids who were never big fans of me. Simply because I wanted to have some structure in the house and because mom was always a little loaded they knew they could get away with things. The 18 yr. old just found out she is pregnant. She plans on keeping the baby and her boyfriend is a loser. My wife doesn't like him and is looking forward to her moving out. My wife refuses to bail her out anymore and I have witnessed it. She banged up her car in an accident and wanted to borrow money to fix and I was shocked when the wife said no. Tonight she called and wants my wife to co-sign a loan because the car is acting up and the wife said no. The wife has more than enough money in savings to pay for the car.

She was strict and stern with the kids when I first met her but now that the kids are out on their own should I even care that they don't like me. The 20yr. doesn't like me because I wouldn't buy him a laptop computer unless he went to college. When he finally did get into school he threw it in my face that his father bought him a laptop, not realizing his father was garnishing his wages to pay for it when he was working for him.

Anyone have any thoughts?
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Old 06-30-08, 08:11 PM
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Only one go through with the divorce if you want to hang around as a friend by all means do so, but get divorced first.
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Old 06-30-08, 08:12 PM
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Her kids are spoiled biatches.
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Old 06-30-08, 09:51 PM
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get out now
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Old 06-30-08, 10:20 PM
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The only good reason to back out of a divorce is to go on a very, very long camping trip, deep, deep into the woods.
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Old 06-30-08, 10:25 PM
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I think it's normal to have second thoughts about any big life changes.
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Old 06-30-08, 10:35 PM
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Her kids are spoiled I will agee with that. But I think they got that way because she didn't want to be bothered with them because she was drinking. Now that she is sobered up she reminds of the person I fell in love with. At this point we are just talking. I might delay the divorce a month or two to give counseling a shot now that she is sober.
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Old 06-30-08, 11:16 PM
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If you're searching for answers on a bike forum then i fear for the decision you make. Go lock yourself in a room, and think...alone.
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Old 06-30-08, 11:47 PM
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If you're having second thoughts and she's become sober, do try the counseling first.
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Old 06-30-08, 11:52 PM
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Call off the divorce & work it out. Kids really aren't supposed to like parents. (Until the kid grows up)
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Old 07-01-08, 12:00 AM
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Originally Posted by timmyquest View Post
If you're searching for answers on a bike forum then i fear for the decision you make. Go lock yourself in a room, and think...alone.

I have been thinking alone for quite some time. This is such a huge decision. Just looking for something, what it is I don't know.
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Old 07-01-08, 12:19 AM
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Go to a chinese restaurant and ask to buy eighty-eight fortune cookies for $8.99. If they tell you it will cost up to $10 for 88 fortune cookies, then agree to their terms and be sure to count the cookies to make sure you have obtained no less than 88 of them.


Obtain receipt of the cookies, you will find in at least one of them an answer to your dilemma that is at least as good as anything you could come up with on your own, or that anyone could advise for you on your behalf..

Do not underestimate the combined wisdom of 88 fortune cookies... There is some kind of invaluable insight about the unpredictability and/or predictable essence of life hidden somewhere in the undeniable wisdom contained within those select special cookies that seem to have been chosen to suite you (and others who share some similar predicament as you).. I don't know what to make of it.. but perhaps you will (?)



good luck.
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Old 07-01-08, 03:01 AM
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Counselling.

Excessive alcohol consumption in a relationship is toxic. Kids from a previous marriage can be as toxic.

If she has worked that out, you both might might deserve the second chance if you still have deep emotional attachment to her.
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Old 07-01-08, 04:11 AM
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Is you wife going to AA now?
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Old 07-01-08, 04:26 AM
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And your feelings about the wife. She changes for the better is she worth it. if you really care for her in her reformed state; all else is secondary. As long as she loves you too.
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Old 07-01-08, 06:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
Counselling.

Excessive alcohol consumption in a relationship is toxic. Kids from a previous marriage can be as toxic.

If she has worked that out, you both might might deserve the second chance if you still have deep emotional attachment to her.
Only if the step parent is a d-bag.
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Old 07-01-08, 06:43 AM
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The wife isn't going to AA. She pretty much stopped on her own. But I don't completely trust her and she said she is willing to go to counseling and anything else to attempt to save the marriage. I think I owe her that much. When I initially asked for the separation and then the divorce she had asked for counseling then and I said no. I was pretty much fed up at the time and make have acted to quickly. Maybe the separation and now counseling is what we need.

I agree completely with what you have written Red House. That is the reinforcement I needed. Life is so unpredictable.

I think what we are going to do is put off the divorce, continue to live separately and attend counseling. If things progress for the positive then I will move back home.

Thank you all for your replies.
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Old 07-01-08, 06:47 AM
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Originally Posted by timmyquest View Post
Only if the step parent is a d-bag.
I was actually very decent to my step kids. It was their real father that was an ass. He drove through our town everyday to go home and he never stopped, not once to see the kids. I could go on with examples of him blowing them off but I won't. I think that is why they kind of had a rocky relationship with me. They took the anger they had towards dad and let loose on me.
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Old 07-01-08, 06:59 AM
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I wasn't calling you a d-bag.
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Old 07-01-08, 07:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Rowdy View Post
Her kids are spoiled I will agee with that. But I think they got that way because she didn't want to be bothered with them because she was drinking. Now that she is sobered up she reminds of the person I fell in love with. At this point we are just talking. I might delay the divorce a month or two to give counseling a shot now that she is sober.
That sounds like a good solution!
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Old 07-01-08, 07:56 AM
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Insanity = doing the same thing twice and expecting different results.
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Old 07-01-08, 08:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Rowdy View Post
I have been thinking alone for quite some time. This is such a huge decision. Just looking for something, what it is I don't know.
To continue with it is to aim for failure, keep going and you will succeed. Its worth another try.
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Old 07-01-08, 08:17 AM
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Originally Posted by SingingSabre View Post
If you're having second thoughts and she's become sober, do try the counseling first.
+1000
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Old 07-01-08, 08:17 AM
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Fortunately, you won't get a consensus answer from Bikeforums, so you won't be able to blame us if you make the wrong decision.

You talk a lot about the positive changes she made since you moved out. Maybe you were somehow contributing to her stress and misery too. If you do go into counselling, be prepared to accept that you both probably have some changes to make.
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Old 07-01-08, 12:11 PM
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Originally Posted by islandboy View Post
Insanity = doing the same thing twice and expecting different results.

haha.. you're simple (and full of stale sound bytes).









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