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Speedbumps in life...

Old 10-27-08, 01:10 AM
  #1  
crackerjab
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Speedbumps in life...

As some of you know I've posted on here about issues with my wife having some surgeries, being in the hospital for and extended period of time, etc... I'm having some issues currently that I would like to query some outside opinions. How do you deal with the physical and emotional disconnection after a serious surgery and recovery period of a SO/Wife? I crave for normalcy and can't get it right now. I want my wife in her full capacity and can't have it right now and it's giving me a complex.

Discuss.
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Old 10-27-08, 02:29 AM
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I think our idea of 'normalcy' is skewed. Life is full of speedbumps. It's up to us to flatten them out of just roll right over them.

I've had some serious speedbumps with my wife. Stuff I don't think I've really spoken of here. We are still dealing with the after effects. Through it we learned to lean on God. We learned to lean on each other. We learned to lean on our family and friends. We grew closer, matured, and came out stronger.

I hope, for you, everything turns out for the better.
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Old 10-27-08, 05:38 AM
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Not to say you are like me, and hopefully you are not, but, remember that your wife did not choose to become ill. It happened. Look within for happiness, satisfaction, etc.

Substructure had an excellent response. If you are a man of faith, turn to that faith. Let your pastor and other men in the church give you their strenght and support.

Best of luck.
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Old 10-27-08, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by substructure View Post
I think our idea of 'normalcy' is skewed. Life is full of speedbumps. It's up to us to flatten them out of just roll right over them.

I've had some serious speedbumps with my wife. Stuff I don't think I've really spoken of here. We are still dealing with the after effects. Through it we learned to lean on God. We learned to lean on each other. We learned to lean on our family and friends. We grew closer, matured, and came out stronger.

I hope, for you, everything turns out for the better.
I agree with 99% of subs GREAT advise I dont do the god thing, not knocking it, I just dont do it, but everything else is true for me too.
Siu Blue Wind knows about my "speed bumps" (I consider her my best interweb friend, but she doesnt know)
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Old 10-27-08, 07:39 AM
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Originally Posted by substructure View Post
I think our idea of 'normalcy' is skewed. Life is full of speedbumps. It's up to us to flatten them out of just roll right over them.
I've learned that ones perception of "normal" is essentially the view of other people's lives minus all of their speed bumps and the lust for this bump-less life--that never exists in the first place.
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Old 10-27-08, 08:48 AM
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She's probably having similar feelings about wanting life to get back to normal. And maybe some guilt about getting sick and putting a burden on you to take care of her. You might just try talking to her and seeing what her feelings are.
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Old 10-27-08, 08:53 AM
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I agree w/jsharr on this one. You think your life is abnormal, how do you think SHE feels?
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Old 10-27-08, 08:55 AM
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Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
She's probably having similar feelings about wanting life to get back to normal. And maybe some guilt about getting sick and putting a burden on you to take care of her. You might just try talking to her and seeing what her feelings are.
We've talked about it, and she feels that way. And of course I'm there by her side no matter what. I also see the big picture and she does too. I just wish it wasn't so difficult. I don't like having to lean on people for support. I'm religious but my faith has been skewed after all of this. I'm angry at God for the moment and probably will be until the "big picture" makes it's circle.
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Old 10-27-08, 09:02 AM
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Originally Posted by crackerjab View Post
We've talked about it, and she feels that way. And of course I'm there by her side no matter what. I also see the big picture and she does too. I just wish it wasn't so difficult. I don't like having to lean on people for support. I'm religious but my faith has been skewed after all of this. I'm angry at God for the moment and probably will be until the "big picture" makes it's circle.
From one who knows where you're coming from. I've been struggling with God A LOT lately. My faith has never been rock solid. But I do know that God only allows us to go through what He knows we can handle - and yet draw us closer to Him. Instead of being mad, ask God if He will show you the right way to deal with this and gain strength. We're vessels. We are not only here to be filled, but to be used (poured out). It sounds like you wife needs you now more than ever. But it's up to you to allow yourself to be used - the right way. I'll be praying for you, bro. Hang in there.
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Old 10-27-08, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by crackerjab View Post
As some of you know I've posted on here about issues with my wife having some surgeries, being in the hospital for and extended period of time, etc... I'm having some issues currently that I would like to query some outside opinions. How do you deal with the physical and emotional disconnection after a serious surgery and recovery period of a SO/Wife? I crave for normalcy and can't get it right now. I want my wife in her full capacity and can't have it right now and it's giving me a complex.

Discuss.
We all want life to be in our "happy states." With something as serious as that, you probably won't feel settled until everything finalizes itself (for the better or worse, hopefully for the better).

I've been there, but for a non-related, but equally petrifying, issue. It sucks.
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Old 10-27-08, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by crackerjab View Post
We've talked about it, and she feels that way. And of course I'm there by her side no matter what. I also see the big picture and she does too. I just wish it wasn't so difficult. I don't like having to lean on people for support. I'm religious but my faith has been skewed after all of this. I'm angry at God for the moment and probably will be until the "big picture" makes it's circle.
That's a way of looking at things that I find a little odd. Your conception of God seems different than mine. I don't want this to get into a big religious debate and have this moved to P & R, but suffice it to say that there are plenty of examples where adversity has befallen virtuous people. How we respond to such things is sort of like us getting the lab portion of our grade.
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Old 10-27-08, 02:30 PM
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Sorry to hear you are in this tough place right now. I wish you strength and patience to get you through this to happier days soon.
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Old 10-27-08, 02:34 PM
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Your definition of normal changes. We are creatures of habit.
Like my mom has said since my father's passing, "I need to adjust to different"... and you will in time, and that will become your new "normal".

Best wishes to you & your family.
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