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My daughter is a NARC!!! (SomeoneMarraige on the rocks now)

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My daughter is a NARC!!! (SomeoneMarraige on the rocks now)

Old 11-09-08, 08:07 PM
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substructure
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My daughter is a NARC!!! (SomeoneMarraige on the rocks now)

My wife and youngest is in Florida. Me and my oldest stayed home tonight - not going to church. It just so happened that her grandparents wanted to take her to a local restaurant. She went.

THEN ...

She noticed one of her boy friend's mom was there - WITH ANOTHER GUY! She called her friend and asked if he knew where his mom was. She told him that she's here with some guy. Her friend asked what she had on. It matched. Her friend called his mom. My daughter said she got up from the table and went to the bathroom.

Daughter's friend called back and asked if she went to the bathroom. She said yes. He said it sounded like she was talking from a bathroom. He also said that he asked his mom where she was. She said that she was at a restaurant with a girlfriend.

My daughter assured him that she wasn't there with any girls.

Her friend said he told his dad and he was on the way down.

He stormed into the restaurant and found her. Asked her what was going on then told her she can come get her stuff and find someplace else to live. Holy Heck!

My daughter was scared and apologized up and down to her friend. He said it was OK ("Solid" is what he TXT'd her back. Everything was "solid.")

She snooped around MySpace and found her profile. Sure enough he was one of her friends and she was one of his. He's currently going through a divorce. She may be too.

To clear something up. Her grandparents told her to do this. They thought it was the right thing to do.

(sorry for the sloppy title and such. I'm trying to do this without her seeing it. Is that bad?)
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Old 11-09-08, 08:23 PM
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If you go out on your spouse in a public restaurant, someone is bound to see you.

I don't think your daughter did anything wrong.
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Old 11-09-08, 08:32 PM
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IMO, it wasn't the right thing to do.

It's never the right thing to put your nose into other peoples personal lives.
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Old 11-09-08, 08:32 PM
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Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
If you go out on your spouse in a public restaurant, someone is bound to see you.

I don't think your daughter did anything wrong.
+1

Almost like she wanted to be caught.
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Old 11-09-08, 08:35 PM
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Get worked.
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Old 11-09-08, 08:36 PM
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The daughter just called her BF and said "Hey, your mom is at this restaurant". How is that messing in other people's business?
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Old 11-09-08, 08:45 PM
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Not only was it the right thing to do ( if your doing the right thing you have nothing to worry about) but it has a certain comic value to it as well
Tell your daughter good work!!
people should watch out for each other...if you dont like who your with then LEAVE THEM why start lying? its stupid and they deserved to get caught...
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Old 11-09-08, 08:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Ed in GA View Post
IMO, it wasn't the right thing to do.

It's never the right thing to put your nose into other peoples personal lives.
So if your friend saw your partner with someone else, the friend should not tell you?
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Old 11-09-08, 08:58 PM
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So, OP, how do you feel about it?
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Old 11-09-08, 08:59 PM
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Originally Posted by slagjumper View Post
So if your friend saw your partner with someone else, the friend should not tell you?
Absolutely not.

From past personal experience, and experience of others I know, when you make the decision to make that call, you placed yourself in the "I've got my nose in someone elses business" category.
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Old 11-09-08, 09:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Minesbroken View Post
Tell your daughter good work!!
people should watch out for each other...
+1 Purposely sitting by idly and letting others get hurt is wrong.

FWIW, neither the woman nor the guy would have been in any trouble if there weren't something fishy going on. There are plenty of legitimate explanations for why someone might look like they are on a date. A business dinner comes immediately to mind, but sometimes friends just talk. Anyone who fears most likely is not out there for a good reason.
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Old 11-09-08, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Ed in GA View Post
Absolutely not.

From past personal experience, and experience of others I know, when you make the decision to make that call, you placed yourself in the "I've got my nose in someone elses business" category.
anytime I can screw someone up for being dishonest garbage...I'm there man!!!

I will be there to giggle when they fall
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Old 11-09-08, 09:05 PM
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I'm confused by the story. I think I need to go re-read it
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Old 11-09-08, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by snowy View Post
I'm confused by the story. I think I need to go re-read it
If you read it sort of like
"some Jerk got his just desserts" then you dont need to re-read
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Old 11-09-08, 09:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Minesbroken View Post
If you read it sort of like
"some Jerk got his just desserts" then you dont need to re-read

Got it then!
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Old 11-09-08, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by snowy View Post
Got it then!
thought you might hehe
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Old 11-09-08, 09:17 PM
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Since I've made my position on this very clear......

Let me now tell you what's wrong the the OP's post.

The GF called the BF at the bidding of her grandparents. OK, I can see that happening.

BF supposedly calls his mother and she leaves the table to go to the bathroom. Yep, I can see that happening as well.

But, this is where the story begins to be suspect.

This has to be one really stupid woman. Think about it...

You're out sneaking around, your son calls and says "where are you and who are you with?" I would think the woman, at that point would have figured out she'd been seen and that her son actually knew where she was...

So, please raise your hand on this one.... How many of you think the woman would have been stupid enough to remain in the same restaurant, with her cheatin squeeze, long enough for her son to call his dad and with enough time for him to show up at the same restaurant.


Sorry, I don't like the idea of people sticking their noses into other peoples business but this story lacks a bit of credibilty. Unless, of course, that was one really stupid woman.


My $ .02
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Old 11-09-08, 09:29 PM
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doing the right thing isn't always convenient for everyone involved. If one of your friends has a drug problem do you tell them?
if there depressed do you try to cheer them up?
if they are being wronged shouldn't you try to right the wrong?
I couldn't stand by and watch a friend be lied too and hurt...
I would rather stir the pot and see what boils
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Old 11-09-08, 09:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Ed in GA View Post
Absolutely not.

From past personal experience, and experience of others I know, when you make the decision to make that call, you placed yourself in the "I've got my nose in someone elses business" category.
Did all of your anecdotes end badly for the teller? For the cheat or the victom?

I see things in more shades of gray than that. I generally dont see the "teller" in these situations as the bad guy. That is reserved for the cheat. The teller might get some grief when they tell, true.

What happens when your friend finds out that you knew for years but said nothing? I guess that you hope that he keeps his nose out of it too.

I heard a podcast about a neighborhood that all knew some crazy man was beating his kid. No one told, they all kept thier noses out of it. Then one day the old man killed his kid. When the news folks came around, all the people told the reporters that they "never knew anything was wrong". That collective lie provided the catharsis for one person to realize that they might have been able to save a life, simply by telling. And that person vowed never to keep her nose out of it. I know that acts of "heroism" of this type are not for everyone.

Since stories are what help you to decide, dont forget this one the next time you are confronted with this type of problem.
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Old 11-09-08, 10:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Ed in GA View Post
Since I've made my position on this very clear......

Let me now tell you what's wrong the the OP's post.

The GF called the BF at the bidding of her grandparents. OK, I can see that happening.

BF supposedly calls his mother and she leaves the table to go to the bathroom. Yep, I can see that happening as well.

But, this is where the story begins to be suspect.

This has to be one really stupid woman. Think about it...

You're out sneaking around, your son calls and says "where are you and who are you with?" I would think the woman, at that point would have figured out she'd been seen and that her son actually knew where she was...

So, please raise your hand on this one.... How many of you think the woman would have been stupid enough to remain in the same restaurant, with her cheatin squeeze, long enough for her son to call his dad and with enough time for him to show up at the same restaurant.


Sorry, I don't like the idea of people sticking their noses into other peoples business but this story lacks a bit of credibilty. Unless, of course, that was one really stupid woman.


My $ .02
I'll agree with you that there's more than meets the eye.

Some helpful info would be: She was at the restaurant and lying about who she was with...but why? Was this a first meeting? Were they acting amorous toward one another, or was this somehow innocent?

Some other things make me wonder too, like the husband showing up, having just a moment of discussion and instantly calling off a marriage including kids? Did she get in his face with an admission now that she was caught causing him to explode, or did he overreact even though she denied any wrongdoing?

I honestly don't think that she was stupid, just arrogant. If this were indeed a first meeting at a neutral location, her testing the waters with someone she met through Myspace, then perhaps she felt since they weren't actually "in flagrante delicto" there wasn't much to hide, the lie being easier to explain than a hotel register, for instance.

In all, none of it spells out a very healthy or trusting relationship on either part. It's also my humble opinion that if one gets caught up in a web of lies, a coward's fate awaits you. If the relationship is truly over for you, just leave. State your intentions, wrap up your business and GTFO.
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Old 11-09-08, 10:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Ed in GA View Post
So, please raise your hand on this one.... How many of you think the woman would have been stupid enough to remain in the same restaurant, with her cheatin squeeze, long enough for her son to call his dad and with enough time for him to show up at the same restaurant.

Sorry, I don't like the idea of people sticking their noses into other peoples business but this story lacks a bit of credibilty. Unless, of course, that was one really stupid woman.
Well, considering that 49.9% of people out there are below average, there's quite few stupid folks out there. I've seen this very thing happen firsthand at a Border's book store. Cop was cheating on his wife and having coffee with the other woman. A friend of the cop's daughter saw them and called the daughter who called the mom. She was there in an instant and have a huge yelling, knock-down fight. Turns out the cop had been seeing this woman for quite a while and they were meeting up in parking-lots, abandoned buildings, etc.

If you don't think people are stupid and have a dark side motivated by primal survival instincts, check this out:

Newsweek - The Secret Lives of Wives
The Lois Rogers, Medical Correspondent - Women who cheat on their husbands
Psychology Today - Biology of Attraction
David M. Buss - The Dangerous Passion
Richard Dawkins - The Selfish Gene (one of the most pivotal works in psychology and anthropology)
Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Harvard Press - The Woman That Never Evolved
Sperm Wars
Jennifer Byrd-Craven, U.Columbia - Evolution of human mate choice.pdf
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Old 11-09-08, 10:32 PM
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So Substructure's daughter should keep quiet until when? Until the wife brings home a nice case of VD to the unsuspecting husband? Sooner is always better in situations like this. She didn't do anything wrong.
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Old 11-10-08, 02:34 AM
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She did the right thing because if she had kept the secret, it could be interpreted as "she thinks cheating is OK" which might mean "she could become a cheating spouse in the future".

And this was not "other peoples business". It was the BF's mom and posible future in-law, ergo it was a family matter.
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Old 11-10-08, 03:21 AM
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I'm proud of my daughter. She knew what was going on was wrong.
Also, she did ask her grandparents if she should make the call first.

This was the second thing this weekend she did right. The first was when she went to a birthday party and some guy tried to kiss her and she gave him the "walk away."

It's just been me and her this weekend. She's my step daughter and sometimes it's tough. But this weekend we've had a great time. I took her out to eat and we walked the mall together (Like, OMG do be caught with you're goofy dad out in public!)

Plus, she turned her grades around and made the A/B honor role. So it's been a great few days.
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Old 11-10-08, 03:35 AM
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Originally Posted by substructure View Post
I'm proud of my daughter...
That's what matters most. Congratulations on helping to raise a kid who knows how to decide between right and wrong, and who isn't afraid to stand up for what she knows is the right thing.
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