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Guys, would it bother you if your SO were best friends with a man?

Old 06-10-09, 03:44 PM
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Holly
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Guys, would it bother you if your SO were best friends with a man?

I'm platonic friends with a lot of men. In fact, one of my closest friends is a man. I can tell him everything and vice versa.

My conundrum is that my date finds it a little difficult to accept that a man & woman can have a close relationship like that.

Just asking for opinions.
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Old 06-10-09, 03:45 PM
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If my SO was gay...yes.
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Old 06-10-09, 03:47 PM
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i wouldn't be bothered, but i would hope that my SO would have the same closeness with me.

if she didn't, i might wonder about the health of the relationship.

depends on how long we had been involved, really.

but i've got close friendships of both sexes. i see no reason why it should be different for a female.
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Old 06-10-09, 03:56 PM
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Of course I'm very close to my SO, but I tell this guy friend things that I would tell a close female friend. He and I are best friends. I tell him the same things that any woman would tell her best woman friend or any guy would tell his best guy friend.
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Old 06-10-09, 03:57 PM
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You'll have to ask UA how he feels. My best-friend is a guy.
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Old 06-10-09, 03:58 PM
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Then you know what I'm talking about. As your best-friend you probably tell him things you don't tell any others.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:00 PM
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It's all about jealousy. Some display it, some don't, some like a little, some don't.

How does you like the jealousy? How heavy jealous is he?

I've personally had a very, very bad relationship with a woman who was insanely jealous beyond belief. It turned me in to a very non-jealous person and I hate jealousy over me. But...every person is different. YMMV
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Old 06-10-09, 04:05 PM
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MANY guys would switch from friend to more than friend pretty quickly if they could. This is why men get jealous, they know what they would do if they were in the same position as the friend.

I'm not saying all, but MANY.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:07 PM
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Good friends are not a problem.

*best* friends could create some.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Holly View Post
Guys, would it bother you if your SO were best friends with a man?
Absolutely. That is strange and twisted.
 
Old 06-10-09, 04:11 PM
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Bwahahahahaha good lord no.

But I'm not like most guys...
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Old 06-10-09, 04:16 PM
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Originally Posted by austropithicus View Post
Absolutely. That is strange and twisted.
why do you find that strange and twisted?
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Old 06-10-09, 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by UnsafeAlpine View Post
Bwahahahahaha good lord no.

But I'm not like most guys...
so you wouldn't worry about confidences, etc between her and her best friend who happens to be a guy?
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Old 06-10-09, 04:20 PM
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Originally Posted by trsidn View Post
Good friends are not a problem.

*best* friends could create some.

it's a best friend. What problems do you think could be created?

I'm trying to understand the whole mindset of some guys in this situation.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Holly View Post
why do you find that strange and twisted?
I want to be the best friend of my SO. That's the ideal, isn't it? Jealousy is very real and very natural.
 
Old 06-10-09, 04:23 PM
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I wouldn't say it's about jealousy. I think it boils down to insecurity, plain and simple.

I'm a girl, most of my friends are guys. My SO recognizes that we have a trusting and strong relationship, thus, no problems arise.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:25 PM
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jealousy = insecurity

Originally Posted by trashion View Post
I'm a girl, most of my friends are guys.
How old are you?
 
Old 06-10-09, 04:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Holly View Post
so you wouldn't worry about confidences, etc between her and her best friend who happens to be a guy?
Bwahahahahaha

Seriously, though, if you can't confide in a friend, they really aren't a friend and it's not up to me to decide who my gf chooses for her friends. I trust that if her friend wants more, then she'll make the right decision, whatever that may be.

Last edited by UnsafeAlpine; 06-10-09 at 05:21 PM.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:27 PM
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I have had a lot of good female friends over the years. All before I got married. Most of these women fell by the wayside after a few years of serious relationship with my current wife. She has found the same thing with her guy friends from before we got married. Neither of us are controlling or jealous people, but I suspect that we just did not need those relationships anymore. I know of very few people who maintain such relationships unless both people in the couple were friends with the same person. (we have a few friends like that)
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Old 06-10-09, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by austropithicus View Post
I want to be the best friend of my SO. That's the ideal, isn't it? Jealousy is very real and very natural.
I think that's true, but I also think that it's necessary to have a best friend outside the relationship. It helps to have someone to open up to who is not emotionally invested in the relationship.


Originally Posted by trashion View Post
I wouldn't say it's about jealousy. I think it boils down to insecurity, plain and simple.

I'm a girl, most of my friends are guys. My SO recognizes that we have a trusting and strong relationship, thus, no problems arise.
I think you're right.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Holly View Post
it's a best friend. What problems do you think could be created?

I'm trying to understand the whole mindset of some guys in this situation.
My thought would be, don't try to understand "some" guys and only focus on understanding "your" guys mindset on this situation. Personally, Mrs. Fred and I did have and continue to have "close" friends of both sexes. However, I wouldn't call any of her male friends "best friends", although I know for a fact that she has shared things with one or two of them that might move them into that category by some folks measure. She still has female friends that are closer to her, so, no male "best friends". I accept these guys as her friends because, one, I am secure in my position within our realationship(have been since early on), and two, I expect the same from her with regard to my ex-girlfriends, several of whom I am still reasonably close with. That said, in our realationship, she would be the one more likely to exhibit jealousy, so it's not the same as your situation. After all, it's our situation.;-)

I hope you find a mutually agreeable solution to your situation.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:41 PM
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Old 06-10-09, 04:45 PM
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Originally Posted by austropithicus View Post
I want to be the best friend of my SO. That's the ideal, isn't it?
On this point I think it starts coming down to definitions. I don't want to be my S.O.'s "best friend". I want to be her mate, her lover and her partner. I don't want to try to be her "everything". I feel it's still important that she has friends that she can share things with that she might not want to share with me. As I sometimes need a friend to talk to about things in my life that I don't wish to discuss with her. By not trying to be "everything" to each other, we free ourselves to fill the roles we fit into best and leave others to fill in any gaps. I feel as though the quest for the "perfect" mate that can be "everything" to someone is where some folks delude themselves and ultimately find themselves disappointed.

So, I guess I have to respectfully disagree with your contention that to find your S.O. is also your best friend is the ideal. I would propose that a healthy and ideal realationship still has room for a best friend outside that realationship, regardless of the sex of that friend.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:45 PM
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Nope.
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Old 06-10-09, 04:46 PM
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I wouldn't worry as long as she were trustworthy. Of course, I don't date women who aren't trustworthy, so it all works out.
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