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How to know when to get married/pop the Question?

Old 05-11-11, 01:28 AM
  #1  
greyghost_6
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How to know when to get married/pop the Question?

I have been dating the same girl for about 6 years now, we don't talk about getting married because we both know the future is so uncertain but how do you know that the person is the one? I have heard that "you just know" and also heard that is BS. She lives at home, I live on my own. We see eachother 1-2 times a week (I work full time, she goes to school) she is 1 year younger than me. I still look at other girls... guys you know what im talking about. Is that bad?
Anyway, other than that we get along great, she has a good family, cute. Im 98% sure she would accept if I poped the Q. Im 25 btw. Ideas? Suggestions? I know you guys wont let me down
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Old 05-11-11, 02:44 AM
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The wandering eyeeeee. lol.
if you are still looking at other girls why do you want to propose to her?

I think if you can see them in the future with you, enjoy each other , can't wait to see her, are open with each other then I guess so.
YOu two don't have to talk about marriage but can still talk about the future . Oh and if your parents like her lol. Everyone's approach is different.

I dont' know why I am giving advice. I am too young for this.
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Old 05-11-11, 03:43 AM
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As a newly fianced man I can advise you the when you can see youself settling down and committing to (and having a family) your partner then you are ready to ask her.
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Old 05-11-11, 05:26 AM
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If you're asking ... you're not ready.

And it's a good idea to wait till she's finished school and has started working.
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Old 05-11-11, 05:53 AM
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you're gonna wonder until you stop wondering
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Old 05-11-11, 06:28 AM
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Sorry if this sounds harsh, but if you don't absolutely know after 6 years of dating, then she might not the one for you. There should be no rush to get hitched, especially when there is even a whisper of doubt.
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Old 05-11-11, 08:10 AM
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no no no no.

You have been dating since you were 19? Get out there and live a little. Way too young to be making that kind of decision when she is the only one you have boinked in the past 6 years.
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Old 05-11-11, 08:19 AM
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You're still young and she's still in school, I'd wait. 30ish is the new 19.
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Old 05-11-11, 08:59 AM
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Originally Posted by greyghost_6 View Post
I have been dating the same girl for about 6 years now, we don't talk about getting married because we both know the future is so uncertain but how do you know that the person is the one? I have heard that "you just know" and also heard that is BS. She lives at home, I live on my own. We see eachother 1-2 times a week (I work full time, she goes to school) she is 1 year younger than me. I still look at other girls... guys you know what im talking about. Is that bad?
Anyway, other than that we get along great, she has a good family, cute. Im 98% sure she would accept if I poped the Q. Im 25 btw. Ideas? Suggestions? I know you guys wont let me down
Could you imagine the rest of your life with her?

Could you imagine the rest of your life without her?
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Old 05-11-11, 09:07 AM
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I think you should have at least one practice relationship (more than a year) that doesn't work out before you get married. That way you have at least some idea what does and doesn't work. First time relationships often get enclosed in this bubble where the two people are waaaay out of touch with reality until that bubble pops.

I should mention that I don't speak from experience and am currently in my only relationship over a year long and it's going well. My girlfriend would kill me if she read this.
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Old 05-11-11, 09:10 AM
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Don't get married, If you do get married, don't have kids, have pets, that way, if you get mad at them you can get rid of them.... been mariied for going on thirty-eight years and fours boys later.
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Old 05-11-11, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Machka View Post
If you're asking ... you're not ready.
exactly what I was going to say.
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Old 05-11-11, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by ____asdfghjkl View Post
if you are still looking at other girls why do you want to propose to her?
I've been married 26 years and I still admire a nice figure when I see one.
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Old 05-11-11, 09:26 AM
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I married my only serious (first kiss, first one to have more than 2-3 dates with) girlfriend and we're having our sixth wedding anniversary this year (were together 2 years before I proposed, and were engaged for 1 year, so total 9 years together). I don't know what to tell you. At some point you'll start thinking about the future and whether you see yourselves together or not. Also there's looking and then there's looking. Just appreciating the wonders of a female form in all its shapes and sizes (or maybe a few shapes and sizes you prefer) is fine (as long as she doesn't catch you looking while you're with her). There's looking and imagining what this or that might be like (maybe fine, maybe a sign of problems to come, only you know). Then there's looking to see what else is out there and if you could get something better. That's definitely a sign of troubles to come if you're looking to trade up. In that case, do not push the propose button. Might be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
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Old 05-11-11, 09:32 AM
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Personally I think there's another question you should be asking: "why, after six years, do I not know the answer to that question?"

You've had a looooong time to think about all the questions that lead up to that one. She's either the right one, or she isnt - it does not take six years to answer that. I'd say, if you're honest with yourself, you've already answered all the other questions and, somewhere inside, you know where she falls - you just may not want to admit it to yourself.

In a nut shell, IMO, you're not asking the question cuz you're waiting for a better deal to come along.
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Old 05-11-11, 09:35 AM
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Wait till you're 60. If you are still together...then pop the question!
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Old 05-11-11, 09:43 AM
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After 6 years you should probably know the answer to that question..

I married my wife when she was 19 and I was just barely 22. We've beent together 17 years in August. My son just turned 16 and my youngest will be entering high school next year.

Does my eye still wander, sometimes.. It's part of being a man, not always a good part.

I'll say what a friend's grandpa told him. "Not every year is a good year." We've had our ups and downs, but I would not rather be anywhere else. I'm a better person because of her and my kids, I hope she can say the same about me..

If it's right, do it..
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Old 05-11-11, 09:48 AM
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Asking the "how do you know" question is normal in something as big as this. My wife and I dated for 7 years before I popped the question. The reason I waited that long was not that I thought I might find someone better, just that I wasn't ready. It had nothing to do with her. I knew it was the right time when I could picture us sitting together on the couch as an old couple. We have been married for 17 years now and are still best friends. Just remember, a good marriage takes hard work on both sides and both of you need to understand that. The best advise I got was to never go to bed angry at each other.

As far as noticing other girls, I am madly in love with my wife, but I am not blind . The red flag would be how much time do spend thinking about the other women or do you compare your girlfriend with them.
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Old 05-11-11, 10:01 AM
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If you are still looking at the firm perky breasts of other women, then you are absolutely normal.
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Old 05-11-11, 10:07 AM
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Another vote no.
It's remarkably easy and fun to marry the wrong person. But then later you're faced either with getting divorced, or remaining with the wrong person.
And if you have kids together at that point, you've pretty much failed at life.
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Old 05-11-11, 10:43 AM
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I want to know how many got married to their first boyfriend/girlfriend.
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Old 05-11-11, 10:48 AM
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Originally Posted by ____asdfghjkl View Post
I want to know how many got married to their first boyfriend/girlfriend.
you can count me in that number.
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Old 05-11-11, 10:52 AM
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if you're not gonna date anyone else, then you might as well marry her. if you don't marry her, you might as well date other women.
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Old 05-11-11, 11:21 AM
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If you and this gal are still together after six years then you are both doing something right. If you don't mind living alone and she & her folks are getting along I say ride that pony as long as you can.

Marriage can be great but it's no rose garden and takes a buncha work sometimes. 50% of people suck at it and give up. Why take a chance on screwing up something that's working?

I've been in a monogamous relationship for 21 years. Angie & I keep separate households and see each other mainly on the weekend. Sometimes we take a 30 day sabbatical from each other. Not for everyone I know but there are advantages.

I cannot think of a single friend of ours who hasn't divorced at least one companion...except for my brother. Angie and I met at his wedding. He has 4 great kids...we have 5 super dogs.

My advice to the OP is bide your time and have fun today. If your companion starts getting squirrely and mentions the 'M' word....let her off leash and rescue a puppy dog. ( j/k) Do enjoy your time togther now before the specter of handing over half your current and future stuff is looming overhead. When the time comes to make a decision about marriage you shouldn't have to think about it...you should just know.
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Old 05-11-11, 11:51 AM
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Dude, still looking at other girls or not has nothing to do with being ready for marriage... as long as you don't chase.

From a brief description of one side of the situation I don't think it's possible to give you any sound advice. One thing I would DEFINITELY advise though is to talk to her about what you're thinking and ask her to be honest with you. Your ability to communicate with each other honestly could make or break the relationship or marriage.

6 years of 1-2 times per week sounds pretty casual to me, I don't think I'd jump from that to engaged. If you really want to know if you'll be long term compatible, try living together for a while, maybe a year. If you're into it, do the promise ring thing. If you're sure after that, go for it. If you're not sure after that, there could be very good reason(s) you're not. You could also find you're sure you DON'T want to propose after that, which would be progress either way.

Good luck to you which-ever way you decide to go.

Cheers!
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