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I'm not lying....

Old 11-14-04, 06:27 PM
  #1  
DieselDan
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I'm not lying....

....I really had this converstion today at work:

DieselDan: Can I help you m'am?
Guest: Yes, I need directions to the beach.
DD: Turn right out of the enternce, then right again at the bridge and go straight until you get there.
Guest: Is that the Alantic Ocean?
DD: (extremly puzzled demeanor) yes m'am, that is the ocean on the east coast.
Guest: (serious demeanor) I thought I was in Southern California
(Engineer behind me starts laughing uncontrollably)
DD: No m'am, Hilton Head Island is in South Carolina
Guest: I thought the "SC" abbrevetion meant "Southern California"
(dead silence for about 2 minutes)
DD: I'm sorry m'am, but Hilton Head is in South Carolina.
(Engineer is now on the floor, laughing uncontrollably)
DD: (directed to engineer) did you set me up?
Engineer: No.
Guest: Who can I speak to in order to straighten this up?
(I directed her to the property manager)

I've worked at the same place and only thought I've heard it all.
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Old 11-14-04, 06:31 PM
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Old 11-14-04, 07:24 PM
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We have board at work that we write stupid questions from customers on but none of ours could even come close to that.
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Old 11-14-04, 09:07 PM
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uhh, you should've called 911... there's no way someone could make that mistake unless there was something wrong. Alzheimers perhaps
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Old 11-14-04, 09:11 PM
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When I pumped gas as a teenager, a befuddled and pissed off couple stiopped in and asked which way to Boston. I pointed back the way they had come. And the woman said, "I told you we passed it". The station I worked in was in New Hampshire about 100 miles north of Boston.
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Old 11-14-04, 09:13 PM
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man that's too funny.

actually that's just sad.
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Old 11-14-04, 09:31 PM
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Reminds me of when I worked in a camera shop in Cleveland and a concerned-looking woman came in and explained that she had taken pictures at her nephew's birthday party, but had forgotten to put film in the camera, and so wanted to know if we could still get the pictures out.
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Old 11-15-04, 12:33 AM
  #8  
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During my time working for Apple's tech support, we got a number of "interesting" calls.

One was from a guy who had just come back from a trip. To protect themselves from having their portable computers stolen, he had hidden them in the oven.
Unfortunately, he never told his wife. When he called me, she had just fried an iBook and a PowerBook...

Another guy called and sounded desperate. His wife was on her way home, and he had to get rid of any evidence of the p0rn sites he had been visiting!

I got a call from a woman who had run out of mousepad. She couldn't reach the right-hand edge of the screen... I told her to gently lift the mouse, move it to the left, and set it back down...
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Old 11-15-04, 01:12 AM
  #9  
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Originally Posted by CdCf
I got a call from a woman who had run out of mousepad. She couldn't reach the right-hand edge of the screen... I told her to gently lift the mouse, move it to the left, and set it back down...

HaHaHa some people are so stupid
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Old 11-15-04, 02:01 AM
  #10  
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Perhaps it would help if you had her wear a name tag during her visit...

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Old 11-15-04, 12:16 PM
  #11  
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Originally Posted by LordOpie
uhh, you should've called 911... there's no way someone could make that mistake unless there was something wrong. Alzheimers perhaps
Never, never, NEVER underestimate just how flippin ******** people can be. I doubt it was Alzheimers. It was most likely rampant stupidity.
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Old 11-15-04, 12:19 PM
  #12  
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Originally Posted by Xtrmyorick
Never, never, NEVER underestimate just how flippin ******** people can be. I doubt it was Alzheimers. It was most likely rampant stupidity.
better safe than sorry?
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Old 11-15-04, 12:40 PM
  #13  
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Roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-15-04, 12:46 PM
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Working over the summer at my friends sandwich shop when I meet this gorgeous trophy wife that wanted a cheesesteak. Our sandwiches came in Whole (2feet) and half sizes.
Her: Cheesesteak please
Me: Whole or half?
Her: How big is a whole?
Me: 2 feet
Her: How big is a half then?
Me: Um, 1 foot.

I have a bunch more but this stuck out cause it was repeated atleast a couple of times over the summer by different people.
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Old 11-15-04, 04:31 PM
  #15  
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My favorites are those numbskulls that called me when I worked the overnight shift at Walgreens
<phone rings>
Me: 24 hour Walgreen's ______ speaking.
Caller: How late are you open?
Me: We're open 24 hours.
Caller: So you're open now?
Me: Yes
Caller: It's really late you'll be open when I get there?
Me: Yes we never close.
Caller: Ok thank you.

MORONS
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Old 11-15-04, 04:57 PM
  #16  
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I once asked for a pizza -- half hand-tossed, half thin crust. The 'cook' went beserk, then we all laughed.
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Old 11-15-04, 06:10 PM
  #17  
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Originally Posted by CdCf
I got a call from a woman who had run out of mousepad. She couldn't reach the right-hand edge of the screen... I told her to gently lift the mouse, move it to the left, and set it back down...
How times change. Back when CdCf was around 4, I was writing user instructions that had to include this info, along with why the mouse's "tail" had to face away from the user, and so on, with illustrations. And the concept of that strange thing called the "cursor."
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Old 11-15-04, 06:15 PM
  #18  
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my favorite is ordering a half dozen McNuggets....more often than not the person at the counter will freeze up or try to tell me they have 6, 10, and 20 peices, not half dozens..... /sigh *cough*numbskulls*cough*cough*
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Old 11-15-04, 06:48 PM
  #19  
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Must have been early onset Alzheimer's, she was about my age and from Minn-a-soda.
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Old 11-15-04, 07:42 PM
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Man these are toooo funny! My coworkers and I have made a pact that should we ever win the lottery, we won't quit our jobs. We'll just start saying out loud the instant responses we currently keep to ourselves now - until they escort us from the building!

Caller: I want to talk to so-and-so.
Me: He's on the phone right now.
Caller: Well how long is he going to be?
Me: Give me a second while I warm up the crystal ball!
Caller: You can't talk to me that way! I pay your salary!
Me: You do? So you're the cheap bastard refusing to give us a raise.
Caller: I want to talk to your supervisor NOW!
Me: Listen dumbass, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that today I wouldn't need that raise. Take a number.
....click

Ahhh, another satisfied customer!
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Old 11-15-04, 08:39 PM
  #21  
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Originally Posted by DieselDan
and from Minn-a-soda.
I believe that might be the answer - I've met some pretty dense people out here.

I go out of my way to avoid people at work, so I don't have any stories
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Old 11-15-04, 08:40 PM
  #22  
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Originally Posted by rockymtn_girl
Man these are toooo funny! My coworkers and I have made a pact that should we ever win the lottery, we won't quit our jobs. We'll just start saying out loud the instant responses we currently keep to ourselves now - until they escort us from the building!

Caller: I want to talk to so-and-so.
Me: He's on the phone right now.
Caller: Well how long is he going to be?
Me: Give me a second while I warm up the crystal ball!
Caller: You can't talk to me that way! I pay your salary!
Me: You do? So you're the cheap bastard refusing to give us a raise.
Caller: I want to talk to your supervisor NOW!
Me: Listen dumbass, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that today I wouldn't need that raise. Take a number.
....click

Ahhh, another satisfied customer!
That is exactly why I am glad I don't deal with the public.
But the days were better, when I first started my Job, I could answer people the way I wanted to, like this example....

I get a call from a field man, "So and so will not let me on site."
Me: "Ok, let me talk to the gate gaurd" (gate gaurd comes on to the phone) "My man needs acces to the site."
Gate Gaurd: "I am sorry. That is againt security protocol. I can not let him on site."
Me: "Well, I have millions of dollars of equipment on your site. But if my man can not get in there to inspect it, I have no idea if is is safe to operate. So If he can't get in, I will have to de energize all of my equipment, until he can get in there and verify that it is safe to operate."


Of course my man was allowed on site. (site was an oil refinery)




But, I no longer get to act that way. I must now respond in a kind and curtious manner.
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Old 11-15-04, 09:34 PM
  #23  
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Well, this isn't as good, but I witnessed this at Best Buy yesterday.

I took my camcorder in to get serviced. Next to me was a guy who brought his computer in. The AOL CD couldn't detect the modem. Well, after about 5 seconds of troubleshooting, the technician told him that he didn't have a modem. Apparently, the guy was trying to plug the phone line into the ethernet port.

I've always heard these stories, but never witnessed one personally, until yesterday.
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Old 11-15-04, 09:35 PM
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Here's my brush with stupidity.

Caller, "How late are you open?"
Me, "Til 5"
Caller, "O'clock?"
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Old 11-15-04, 10:40 PM
  #25  
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yep I had a good one today...i get a call ...keep in mind I work at a network hardware maker....we don't sell over the counter....

"are you open for service"

'what?'

"are you open for service, I want to buy somehting"

...dude, go to an authorized reseller you wont et far trying this way

"but i really need this stuff now"

...yes, and I really need lunch now..but all I have is $50 in fives and the machine only takes ones...see how relevant that was....much like how relevant your need of hte product is to us not selling direct. That was the reason i advised to go to a reseller.

....anyways how the h*** did you get my number...

"uhh....*click*"

I found out later it was a manager at another one of the buildings, apparently he didnt understand how the internal purchasing works....given when you place an internal purchase your hand is basically held during the whole thing....

...and some folks wonder who bled in my cornflakes..sheesh!
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