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The Puertorrican Hurricane DOs & Don't - Surviving these suckers since 1928

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The Puertorrican Hurricane DOs & Don't - Surviving these suckers since 1928

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Old 08-26-11, 11:06 PM
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The Puertorrican Hurricane DOs & Don't - Surviving these suckers since 1928

Now Listen carefully all you Gringos and angringated immigrants. Just because you had some category "S" (stands for sisi) hurricanes hitting Florida (and causing major damage, lol) doesn't mean you know squat! Here is the Rubens Huricane Survival Guide as started by my mother and updated by yours truly....

First, our credentials:



1. Hurricane San Felipe, 1928, Cat 5, 300 dead.
2. Hurricane San Ciprian, 1932, Cat 2, 225 dead.
3. Hurricane Santa Clara (Betsy), 1956, Cat 1, 16 dead.
4. Hurricane Hugo, 1989, Cat 4, 1 dead.
5. Hurricane Marilyn, 1995, Cat 3, 1 dead.
6. Hurricane Hortense, 1996, Cat 4, 18 dead.
7. Hurricane George, 1998, Cat 3, no one died.

...and several others not shown on the pic, documented in Wikipedia: linky.

Now down to business:

1) Your beloved Duct Tape will do no good. If a window breaks, there will be like a million shards of glass. Unless you plan to cover the whole window and not just a silly "X", don't bother.

2) If you are a surfer and crave big waves, same some money and visit Hawaii later. Get some common sense and avoid surfin' in hurricane winds.

3) Get a long rope or chain, get it over the roof, anchor it to the ground on both sides and tension it... if you wanna keep your roof that is.

4) Cover windows with plywood, no thinner than 1/2 inch, nailed to the house.

5) If you have no garage, leave your car at the nearest covered parking lot. Avoid underground parking lots for God's sake! Stay above ground, the higher the better.

6) Get ice, lots of ice.

7) Store water, specially lots of toilet flushing water.

8) Stock up in BBQ supplies, keep'em dry.

9) Get a battery operated radio (tv maybe?) and extra batteries.

10) Get car chargers for your cellphone and other small electronics.

11) GET YOUR LAUNDRY DONE *BEFORE* THE HURRICANE HITS. This can't be stressed enough.

12) Fill up your car's tank, and the lawnmower portable tank thingie as backup.

13) Stock up on canned goods, canned meats, and non perishable food supplies.

14) Buy your alcohol early, is not uncommon for the state to ban alcohol sales just before the hurricane hits, until God knows when.

15) If single, stock up on condoms (no electricity, no clubs, no tv, no internet, get the picture?).

16) Call friends and family to make sure they got their windows covered (step #4)... use the traditional lingo: "Ya te clavaste bien?" ("Did you nailed it hard?").

17) When called by your friends and family (they also do step #16), respond with the traditional lingo: "Si, clave to' bien duro!" ("Yes, I nailed everything real hard!").

18) Charge your camera's battery and keep your SD card empty so you could take pictures and post on your favorite social site after the electricity in back on.

PS: On an interesting note, both the English word "Hurricane" and the Spanish counterpart "Huracan" derive from the Taino (local Puertorican Indian) word "Juracan" which was the name of the god of chaos and disorder, who according to Taino religion, lived at the top of El Yunque Forest.
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Old 08-26-11, 11:28 PM
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Being Puerto Rican, I approve this message!
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Giolander: There can be only one.
Giodome: Several impostors enter, only the real one leaves?
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Old 08-26-11, 11:41 PM
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leave NYC or the galactic shadow government will do it for you.
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Old 08-27-11, 01:57 AM
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Originally Posted by x136 View Post
¡Eso es lo que ella dijo!
lol
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Old 08-27-11, 07:11 AM
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I thought this was going to be a comedic thread, but its just filled with common sense! Talk about a let down. Good info though for those that haven't been through one. We just play in them now.
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Old 08-27-11, 07:36 AM
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meh....just go to El Yunque.....that should be high enough ground. Yes, you'll get wet....but it rains there every day anyway.
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Old 08-27-11, 08:22 AM
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Originally Posted by GrantH View Post
I thought this was going to be a comedic thread, but its just filled with common sense! Talk about a let down. Good info though for those that haven't been through one. We just play in them now.
Sorry, the comedy part was all the things that went terribly wrong, and inspired the creation of the above tips (rulez?)... Like #3 for example. In before learning to anchor the roof to the ground, the common method was to label the *zinc with your name. After the hurricane, you will go around the neighborhood looking for roof pieces labeled "Ruben's".

* zinc or "plancha de zinc", common roofing material in Puerto Rico. It can be blown away by heavy winds, but if you can find it, you can re-nail it.





Then comes #15... well, enough to say most of my nephews were born on the months following Hugo, Marilyn, Hortense & Georges.

Some find it funny to mention that Puerto Ricans usually survive Hurricanes with better success rate because it was our ancestors who offered human sacrifices to the "Juracan" god of chaos and disorder, therefore we are in his favor and get spared. However, *if* New York city gets hit by a hurricane, it would be interesting to see how the Newyoricans perform.
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Old 08-27-11, 08:31 AM
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"did you nailed it hard?"

priceless Rube..........priceless

"Lucy,you gots some splaining to do"
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Old 08-27-11, 08:36 AM
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A wise hombre will find a large gordita to tie himself to and withstand the high winds
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Old 08-27-11, 08:44 AM
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^

Been there, done that

And now a demonstration on how to properly use an umbrella in hurricane wind conditions:


Anybody who has riden a motorcycle trough rain will understand.

Another not-so-well-known trick is to take a bike into the back yard and anchor it to the ground, because when **** happens, at least you can move around in the bike:


Good thing they still have the bike.
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Old 08-27-11, 08:55 AM
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Take picture of a large expensive home in Old San Juan to show your insurance company after your tin roof shanty blows away.
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Old 08-27-11, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by spry View Post
"did you nailed it hard?"

priceless Rube..........priceless

"Lucy,you gots some splaining to do"
Beat me too it! Rube, you're the man with the plan again.
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Old 08-27-11, 10:40 AM
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Great post Ruben, as I sit in my living room on Long Island, 4 miles north of expected landfall

I have about a dozen rolls of duct tape that will now see no use, but will surf the web some more to learn about sand bags.

SB
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Old 08-27-11, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by RubenX View Post
Sorry, the comedy part was all the things that went terribly wrong, and inspired the creation of the above tips (rulez?)...
I went through Katrina as well as the 3 or 4 that hit Florida the year before that. 4-5 in a single fiscal year is pretty good experience lol. That being said, all my Puerto Rican friends always had the craziest ideas for during hurricanes, which is why I was hoping for a comedic thread.
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Old 08-27-11, 12:58 PM
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Rube,
When do I put in my order for a Fema trailer and free money?
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Old 08-27-11, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by spry View Post
Rube,
When do I put in my order for a Fema trailer and free money?
For that you have to wait until your State/Territory Governor requsts for the area to be labeled "disaster zone", and gets it granted. But as fellow volunteer FEMA demage inspector I can tell you that scattering a few clothes around the yard while your roof is still intact, is not gonna work.

...man, I wish I could find some youtube'd comertials. They use to be darn funny during hurriane season. There was this guy selling water tanks... "no te quede' enjabonao'!".
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Old 08-27-11, 08:21 PM
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So if(under your volunteer position) you found a Ben Franklin under your nose I would have the trailer and free money?
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Old 08-27-11, 10:14 PM
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Originally Posted by spry View Post
So if(under your volunteer position) you found a Ben Franklin under your nose I would have the trailer and free money?
A sister's phone number would have worked better back then.
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Old 08-28-11, 02:50 AM
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Cool tips, Ruben. Love the bit of humor through a tough time like this. Hang tight, everyone!!
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 08-28-11, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by ms.gio View Post
Being Puerto Rican, I approve this message!
Ditto
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You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
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Old 08-28-11, 06:31 PM
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Originally Posted by RubenX View Post
A sister's phone number would have worked better back then.
This is precisely why you do not have more Ben Franklins.
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Old 08-28-11, 07:48 PM
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I think I'm a little jaded when it comes to storms. Living in Illinois, you get to feeling like a bowling pin when they have all the tornado warnings in the spring. Of the hundreds of tornado warnings I've been through I've never been hit. Tornados hit all around you and you think, "well there goes another one". Being prepared means having bottled water, lanterns, a kerosene heater, and plenty of ammo.
Other than that you just hope it doesn't knock out your TV reception.
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Old 08-29-11, 08:15 AM
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No idea whether he was serious, but this past Friday as I was leaving work a man in the elevator said that Hurricane Irene washed a whole mess of sharks up onto the streets in PR!
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Old 08-29-11, 08:17 AM
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Originally Posted by spry View Post
This is precisely why you do not have more Ben Franklins.
That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
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Old 08-29-11, 01:40 PM
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Puerto Rican sharks do it in the HOV lane.

linky
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