Go Back  Bike Forums > The Lounge > Foo
Reload this Page >

Going through some tough times

Notices
Foo Light hearted off-topic chit chat with no general subject.

Going through some tough times

Old 03-22-14, 01:40 AM
  #1  
RubenX 
Look! My Spine!
Thread Starter
 
RubenX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Kissimmee, FL
Posts: 620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Going through some tough times

I don't remember if I posted some info before. I'm visiting my mom and taking care of a few things. Drama among Rube-Siblings is like the drama I used to have with my ex's, multiplied by a gazillion.

I don't want to make a long post so I'm just gonna ask, how would you feel if you went to visit your 82yo mom and found:

1) No food in the kitchen.
2) No basic kitchen equipment.
3) ONE tablespoon as the sole utensil.
4) Four sets of pajamas as the entire wardrobe. (old dirty and full of holes)
5) Empty bank accounts (there's supposed to be around 2.5k every month after the bills)
6) No toilet paper.
7) ONE plastic cup.
8) A broken bed.
9) A stove where only one burner works.
10) half the drain pipes purposely clogged with concrete.
11) A mother that starts shaking every time she hears the front gate being open, and says "I wanna hide, I wanna hide".

...and I could keep on going... lotsa stuff I have to fix over here. I've been away for WAY too long.
__________________
"Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes
RubenX is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 01:52 AM
  #2  
alaskanb3arcub
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 198

Bikes: Forest Green Dahon Boardwalk

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
WOW.... elder abuse much? How is your family NOT in jail for this? b By the time you got to 5 every relevant red flag was raised and BURNING from over use, but #11 **********
alaskanb3arcub is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 04:16 AM
  #3  
chewybrian 
"Florida Man"
 
chewybrian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: East Florida
Posts: 1,670

Bikes: '16 Bob Jackson rando, '66 Raleigh Superbe, 80 Nishiki Maxima, 07 Gary Fisher Utopia, 09 Surly LHT

Mentioned: 12 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1340 Post(s)
Liked 889 Times in 486 Posts
Without knowing all the surrounding details, it sounds like you should take a lot of photos before you fix anything. Then, maybe you could go to court to prosecute anyone who was supposed to be taking care, anyone with access to the bank account, etc. Then, maybe you could get yourself, or someone else appointed as a guardian to make better decisions on her behalf. If someone is abusing her or not acting in her best interests, a restraining order might be issued to keep them away from her (at least).

I would take a lot of photos, bring them to a lawyer who specializes in elderly or guardian issues/cases, and go from there, and not stop until safeguards were in place to stop things from drifting to the same place after you leave. If you fix the evident problems and leave again, without removing the causes, it seems sure to get bad again.

Even if you can't stay there long, getting a lawyer on the case could take care of everything, even after you leave.
__________________
Campione Del Mondo Immaginario
chewybrian is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 04:53 AM
  #4  
Artkansas 
Pedaled too far.
 
Artkansas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: La Petite Roche
Posts: 12,851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 7 Times in 7 Posts
That's pretty horrifying.

I hope you can get things sorted out. Praying for some good energy to go your way.
__________________
"He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.
Artkansas is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 05:21 AM
  #5  
mconlonx 
Str*t*gic *quivoc*tor
 
mconlonx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 7,552
Mentioned: 46 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 7069 Post(s)
Liked 76 Times in 54 Posts
Are there elder abuse services available in that area? I know there are resources out there; no idea how effective they are; but they may be able to point you in the right direction.

That's the kind of situation where if it was my mom, it's better off that I don't own a gun, because I'd be tempted to be sitting in the hallway, in front of the front door of the house, with a gun, waiting for a "caregiver" to step in...

https://www.bikeforums.net/www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBoP2l7VBeo
__________________
I know next to nothing. I am frequently wrong.

Last edited by mconlonx; 03-22-14 at 05:24 AM.
mconlonx is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 05:22 AM
  #6  
zvez
Senior Member
 
zvez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Columbus, GA
Posts: 536

Bikes: 2014 Cervelo R5 Dura Ace,2014 Specialized S-Works Roubaix

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Might consider moving her to an assisted living facility if it's affordable for her. Unless you're in the position to relocate, or relocate her to where you live, it doesn't sound like the family living near her are doing a good job (that's not an easy job btw).

Ultimately, it's going to be up to you to sort things and find a good living situation for her. It'll probably get ugly, and clearly the present caregivers need to lose power of attorney over her finances and such.
zvez is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 08:11 AM
  #7  
gitarzan
Lost Again
 
gitarzan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Columbus, Oh!
Posts: 1,041

Bikes: Soma Saga, 1991 Sirrus, Specialized Secteur Elite, Miele Umbria Elite.

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
That's depressing. Do what you got to do and help her out. God bless you both.
gitarzan is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 08:29 AM
  #8  
himespau 
Senior Member
 
himespau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 12,192
Mentioned: 28 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2824 Post(s)
Liked 1,378 Times in 813 Posts
Man, that's horrifying.
himespau is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 09:10 AM
  #9  
no motor?
Unlisted member
 
no motor?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 6,193

Bikes: Specialized Hardrock

Mentioned: 29 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1376 Post(s)
Liked 429 Times in 294 Posts
Originally Posted by Artkansas View Post
That's pretty horrifying.

I hope you can get things sorted out. Praying for some good energy to go your way.
Yeah, you both deserve better.
no motor? is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 09:14 AM
  #10  
RubenX 
Look! My Spine!
Thread Starter
 
RubenX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Kissimmee, FL
Posts: 620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
The caregivers excuses are getting more and more absurd every day. For #1 , #2 , #3 (food, kitchen equipment, utensils) they said "what for? she doesn't need those, she shouldn't be cooking anyway". About the ONE plastic cup: "She lives alone, ONE cup should be enough. She just has to clean it every time she uses it.".

Mother has some blood pressure meds. I recognize the pills, they are the same ones my ex wife #3 uses. I remembered that my ex's doc always said NOT to take the meds every day like candy, unless it was actually needed. Doc always said to keep track of the blood-pressure readings. I looked around the whole house and I couldn't find any equipment to read the blood pressure. I called her doc and he said confirmed "No, DO NOT give them all the pills every day! That's just gonna cause liver damage. I prescribed her a meter, is it not there?". I suspect the meter ended up in a pawnshop somewhere, if it was ever bought.

I have a pics folder, appropriately named "house of horrors". It already houses over 500 pics and counting. And it's being backed up to google drive, skydrive, to my own PC up in Arkansas and a trusted friend's PC in Florida. Next to the each sets of pics, my very detailed documentation. With the same level of detail that I used when drafting outage incident reports for FeDex, ATT and all the other picky people I've worked for. I'm also recording brief video blogs daily with a summary of what happened during the day. I came here with a schedule of 2 weeks to fix some things. But I've been here a month already and I'm NOT LEAVING until I'm sure that everything is fixed, and protections are in place.

In the meantime, I'll keep documenting.
__________________
"Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes
RubenX is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 09:20 AM
  #11  
RoadTire 
Senior Member
 
RoadTire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,968

Bikes: '09 Trek 2.1 * '75 Sekine * 2010 Raleigh Talus 8.0 * '90 Giant Mtb * Raleigh M20 * Fuji Nevada mtb

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Don't know what to say except go with the legal options mentioned and get your Mom out of there and very very close to you. She needs to start feeling safe. Oh - just read your last post - good job, keep it up. There should be some restitution to the loss of the funds also. Who are these people that do this?
__________________
FB4K - Every October we wrench on donated bikes. Every December, a few thousand kids get bikes for Christmas. For many, it is their first bike, ever. Every bike, new and used, was donated, built, cleaned and repaired. Check us out on FaceBook: FB4K.

Disclaimer: 99% of what I know about cycling I learned on BF. That would make, ummm, 1% experience. And a lot of posts.

Last edited by RoadTire; 03-22-14 at 09:26 AM.
RoadTire is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 09:21 AM
  #12  
StupidlyBrave 
Chepooka
 
StupidlyBrave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Central PA
Posts: 1,174

Bikes: 1990 Trek 1400 7spd; 2001 Litespeed Arenberg 10 speed

Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 620 Post(s)
Liked 443 Times in 278 Posts
To answer your question, I think any rational person would be seriously pissed-off, appalled and saddened in roughly equal doses. In particular, why is your mom terrified of visitors? Whatever caused that needs to be tops on your list, methinks. Good luck and I hope you have the energy and perseverance to make this right.
StupidlyBrave is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 09:25 AM
  #13  
RubenX 
Look! My Spine!
Thread Starter
 
RubenX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Kissimmee, FL
Posts: 620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
The shower



Handrail is too small and inadequate. The holder for the shower head was never installed, so you need to hold it with one hand at all times. Given that you also need a hand for the soap, how was mum expected to use the handrail? Grow a 3rd hand? Not to mention the soap holder.. I mean... come on!

The TV



An old 13 inch CRT. Mom can't really see the picture, is too small. She just listen to the audio. On the bank account, it seems a 52 inch plasma was bought with mom's ATM. It never made it here tho.

The outlets & switches



Over half of them have no covers. Exposed wires are found all over the place. Well, I already fix most of them... each cover is only 25 freaking cents. Geez!
__________________
"Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes
RubenX is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 09:38 AM
  #14  
RubenX 
Look! My Spine!
Thread Starter
 
RubenX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Kissimmee, FL
Posts: 620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by RoadTire View Post
There should be some restitution to the loss of the funds also. Who are these people that do this?
This is my own older siblings I'm dealing with. One already came in, claiming to have rights to the inheritance and so forth. "Mom is not dead yet" was my reply. Besides, there's not much left for anybody to inherit. The fact that is my siblings, makes it emotionally heavy to deal with. Another conversation with a different sibling, about mom's lack of basic kitchen equipment, ended up with my sibling saying "Mom needs to learn to stop loosing the kitchen utensils. Old folks are like little kids you know... you have to slap them every once in a while to keep them in check and obedient".

Thanks God I left my guns back in Arkansas.
__________________
"Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes
RubenX is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 09:46 AM
  #15  
no1mad 
Thunder Whisperer
 
no1mad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: NE OK
Posts: 8,852

Bikes: '06 Kona Smoke

Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 274 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 5 Times in 1 Post
Damn, dude. I've got so much I'd like to say, but some of them would likely result in criminal charges for one or both of us.

Does she have a guardian? If she does, my one suggestion may be a bit tricky- have your mom open up a new bank account and redirect any/all direct deposits. Someone apparently has been living the good life at your mother's expense and that needs to stop PRONTO.
__________________
Community guidelines
no1mad is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 10:41 AM
  #16  
himespau 
Senior Member
 
himespau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 12,192
Mentioned: 28 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2824 Post(s)
Liked 1,378 Times in 813 Posts
Any chance she could come to Arkansas to live with you? Sounds like any fixes you make will disappear to your siblings after you leave again.
himespau is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 11:28 AM
  #17  
Sixty Fiver
Bicycle Repair Man !!!
 
Sixty Fiver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 27,268

Bikes: See my sig...

Mentioned: 11 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 58 Post(s)
Liked 29 Times in 19 Posts
I would find myself as an only child if my siblings abused my mother like this.

You need to get a lawyer on this and get in front of a judge as soon as possible to get a protection order and guardianship / power of attorney.

You mom needs to be taken care of and protected from these leeches you call family.

We don't have a lot but if you need some extra cash to get basic things for your mom just send me your Paypal information (if you have an account).

If you can't stay long enough and be sure protections are in place, take your mom home with you... after you get a court order.

If I lived closer I'd make a special road trip to help you with whatever was needed.
Sixty Fiver is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 11:57 AM
  #18  
skijor
on by
 
skijor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 952

Bikes: Waterford RS-33, Salsa Vaya, Bacchetta Giro 20 ATT

Mentioned: 14 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 857 Post(s)
Liked 518 Times in 323 Posts
Agree on all that's been said. Criminals have it far better. Glad you're there to help her Ruben. You've certainly accumulated enough evidence. It's time for legal action....social services, lawyers, etc. She deserves a better life.
skijor is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 12:26 PM
  #19  
Wanderer
aka Phil Jungels
 
Wanderer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: North Aurora, IL
Posts: 8,234

Bikes: 08 Specialized Crosstrail Sport, 05 Sirrus Comp

Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 202 Post(s)
Liked 82 Times in 56 Posts
There has got to be a dept of health and human services there..... Call the local Police Dept for a referral.
Wanderer is offline  
Old 03-22-14, 04:00 PM
  #20  
CbadRider
Senior Member
 
CbadRider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: On the bridge with Picard
Posts: 5,935

Bikes: Specialized Allez, Specialized Sirrus

Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
I would file a report with the police and at least take charge of her bank account. You've documented the situation pretty well so I wouldn't think it would be too difficult to get temporary guardianship over her estate until things get worked out.
__________________
Originally Posted by Xerum 525 View Post
Now get on your cheap bike and give me a double century. You walking can of Crisco!!

Forum Guidelines *click here*
CbadRider is offline  
Old 03-24-14, 11:12 AM
  #21  
Keith99
Senior Member
 
Keith99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,866
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thankfully not a possibility with my mom, several times over.

I'm the closest and it is a shortish bike ride, one heck of a long walk. Sister is a bit farther abut closer then most peoples commutes. Only my brother lives 'far' away, as in an hour and a half drive.

And if we all died she has friends.

I hope this works out. And I hope you manage to nail the caregiver in all ways legal.
Keith99 is offline  
Old 03-24-14, 12:04 PM
  #22  
WebFootFreak
Senior Member
 
WebFootFreak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marion, AR (Memphis)
Posts: 363

Bikes: Modified Denali

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Liked 30 Times in 17 Posts
Originally Posted by RubenX View Post

Thanks God I left my guns back in Arkansas.
I'm in Arkansas... and I'm up for a road trip...

My vote is for legally nailing whoever did this to the wall.
WebFootFreak is offline  
Old 03-24-14, 12:07 PM
  #23  
ModoVincere
Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour
 
ModoVincere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,675
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Rube...if I went to visit my Dad and found him in that condition, I'd be in jail by the end of the night and my "family" in the area would be in the hospital.
I guess I'd have to call my wife to come take care of him till they can bail me out.
__________________
1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold
ModoVincere is offline  
Old 03-24-14, 12:17 PM
  #24  
Pamestique 
Shredding Grandma!
 
Pamestique's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,803

Bikes: I don't own any bikes

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 46 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Ruben - so sorry for your mother, just so very sorry.

This is tough to say but she belongs in a care facility not in a home where she cannot care for herself and she is at the mercy of vultures. Most states have strict elder abuse laws. Wanderer made a good suggestion - even if this involves family you need to report the abuse. There should be local/state agencies that can assist you in dealing with Mom. Don't delay any further... act now. You get your greedy siblings are only thinking about the money they when she dies, and apparently she can't die fast enough for them. Think about that...
__________________
______________________________________________________________

Private docent led mountain bike rides through Limestone Canyon. Go to letsgooutside.org and register today! Also available: hikes, equestrian rides and family events as well as trail maintenance and science study.

Last edited by Pamestique; 03-24-14 at 12:28 PM.
Pamestique is offline  
Old 03-24-14, 12:19 PM
  #25  
RubenX 
Look! My Spine!
Thread Starter
 
RubenX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Kissimmee, FL
Posts: 620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I smelled a nasty stench coming from the side of the house. I went to investigate. There's a pipe that acts as drain for the kitchen sink. It had a hole AND it was clogged after the hole. So everything sent down that pipe was just getting dump on the side of the house. And from the amount of food scraps I estimated it's been like that for a few months.

The explanation was "We knew about this but there was no money to fix it". But but... it's a PVC pipe! $1.35 for the pipe, $2.00 for the glue, $3.00 for a cheap handsaw...

I just fixed it... and facepalm'd
__________________
"Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes
RubenX is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.