Top 10 Signs You're Too Fat To Be A Roadie
#26
Descends Like Avalanche
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How about these signs:
* Your lycra is so stretched out that it looks like fishnet.
* You eat Belgian frites - during rides. (Frites are French fries with mayonnaise.)
* People behind you in the paceline get dragged along not by your draft, but by your gravitational pull.
* Township officials require you to pay a billboard permit fee while wearing your team jersey.
* Your riding buddies have nicknamed you "Fatso Bortolo". (Then again, I think he was just mad that I called him "Sir Farts-A-Lot".)
Oh well Maelstrom, now it's time for me to finger paint before nap time.
* Your lycra is so stretched out that it looks like fishnet.
* You eat Belgian frites - during rides. (Frites are French fries with mayonnaise.)
* People behind you in the paceline get dragged along not by your draft, but by your gravitational pull.
* Township officials require you to pay a billboard permit fee while wearing your team jersey.
* Your riding buddies have nicknamed you "Fatso Bortolo". (Then again, I think he was just mad that I called him "Sir Farts-A-Lot".)
Oh well Maelstrom, now it's time for me to finger paint before nap time.

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The rider in my avatar is David Etxebarria, not me.
#27
Beamish enthusiast
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How about:
From behind, your arse on the saddle looks like a Spade
Maybe I should keep my mouth shut - some of these are feeling a little personal...
From behind, your arse on the saddle looks like a Spade
Maybe I should keep my mouth shut - some of these are feeling a little personal...


Last edited by citizen560; 06-17-05 at 10:43 PM.
#29
acciaio is real
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Originally Posted by HigherGround
Because they stole them from scrawny little climbers, along with their lunch money... 

#30
One Tough Cookie.
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Oh, c'mon guys! You are all too much! I am
!
And...no I am not "svelte"! Let's say that my avatar--a Clydesdale!--is "truth in advertising".
You are "too fat" to ride a road bike--or any bike!--if you refuse to ride one at all! If any "Billy Bobs" make fun of you, just remember this little "gem" from me: "So what if I am fat? You are just plain stupid! And...I can lose weight!! There's no such thing as a brain transplant, so there's no help for you!"

And...no I am not "svelte"! Let's say that my avatar--a Clydesdale!--is "truth in advertising".

You are "too fat" to ride a road bike--or any bike!--if you refuse to ride one at all! If any "Billy Bobs" make fun of you, just remember this little "gem" from me: "So what if I am fat? You are just plain stupid! And...I can lose weight!! There's no such thing as a brain transplant, so there's no help for you!"
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A bad day on the bike is better than a good day at work!!
My discussion board, another resource for the "utility" and commuter cyclist: "Two Wheeled Commuter: The Everyday Cyclist"
A bad day on the bike is better than a good day at work!!
My discussion board, another resource for the "utility" and commuter cyclist: "Two Wheeled Commuter: The Everyday Cyclist"
#33
scofflaw
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Not to hijack the thread, but I've seen men in my LBS try to shave 3 grams off their
bikes, when it would be better to lose 5 pounds off their bodies.
bikes, when it would be better to lose 5 pounds off their bodies.
#34
Videre non videri
Join Date: Sep 2004
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3 g?
Let's see...
An overweight man, plus bike, would probably be, say, 100 kg (221 lbs).
That's 100 000 g.
3 / 100 000 = 0.00003
To make that into percent, multiply by 100.
That's 0.003%!!!
The same weight can (theoretically) be taken off the body by reducing the energy intake by a mere 21 kcal... About a piece of hard candy's worth...
Let's see...
An overweight man, plus bike, would probably be, say, 100 kg (221 lbs).
That's 100 000 g.
3 / 100 000 = 0.00003
To make that into percent, multiply by 100.
That's 0.003%!!!
The same weight can (theoretically) be taken off the body by reducing the energy intake by a mere 21 kcal... About a piece of hard candy's worth...
#35
Lets Ride
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Originally Posted by CdCf
3 g?
Let's see...
An overweight man, plus bike, would probably be, say, 100 kg (221 lbs).
That's 100 000 g.
3 / 100 000 = 0.00003
To make that into percent, multiply by 100.
That's 0.003%!!!
The same weight can (theoretically) be taken off the body by reducing the energy intake by a mere 21 kcal... About a piece of hard candy's worth...
Let's see...
An overweight man, plus bike, would probably be, say, 100 kg (221 lbs).
That's 100 000 g.
3 / 100 000 = 0.00003
To make that into percent, multiply by 100.
That's 0.003%!!!
The same weight can (theoretically) be taken off the body by reducing the energy intake by a mere 21 kcal... About a piece of hard candy's worth...
What am I saying. I really agree with you.

#36
DEADBEEF
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Originally Posted by Marge
Not to hijack the thread, but I've seen men in my LBS try to shave 3 grams off their
bikes, when it would be better to lose 5 pounds off their bodies.
bikes, when it would be better to lose 5 pounds off their bodies.

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1999 K2 OzM
2001 Aegis Aro Svelte
"Be liberal in what you accept, and conservative in what you send." -- Jon Postel, RFC1122
1999 K2 OzM

"Be liberal in what you accept, and conservative in what you send." -- Jon Postel, RFC1122
#37
CRIKEY!!!!!!!
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You might also be too fat to be a rodie if...
* You don't lean into corners because you hate road rash on your love handles.
* You have custom modified aero bars to accomodate your man-boobs.
* A new law is passed especially for you stipulating that the LED's in your rear blinky must spell out 'Danger, wide load'
* An aggro cager in a Cadillac swerves into you to run you off the road.... but can't!
* The tide has to wait for you to finish your ride along the beach before it can come in
* You thighs are still wobbling up & down at your cadence 20 minutes after you finish your ride.
* You have to buy your jersey and your drapes at the same shop
one more...
* Your a$$ has it's own postcode.
* You don't lean into corners because you hate road rash on your love handles.
* You have custom modified aero bars to accomodate your man-boobs.
* A new law is passed especially for you stipulating that the LED's in your rear blinky must spell out 'Danger, wide load'
* An aggro cager in a Cadillac swerves into you to run you off the road.... but can't!
* The tide has to wait for you to finish your ride along the beach before it can come in
* You thighs are still wobbling up & down at your cadence 20 minutes after you finish your ride.
* You have to buy your jersey and your drapes at the same shop
one more...
* Your a$$ has it's own postcode.
#38
acciaio is real
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Originally Posted by Cyclaholic
* An aggro cager in a Cadillac swerves into you to run you off the road.... but can't!
LOL!
#39
CRIKEY!!!!!!!
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Last one from me, I promise....
* To relax after a ride you just sit around the house.... all the way around the house!
* To relax after a ride you just sit around the house.... all the way around the house!