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Top 10 Signs You're Too Fat To Be A Roadie

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Top 10 Signs You're Too Fat To Be A Roadie

Old 06-17-05, 08:33 PM
  #26  
HigherGround
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How about these signs:

* Your lycra is so stretched out that it looks like fishnet.

* You eat Belgian frites - during rides. (Frites are French fries with mayonnaise.)

* People behind you in the paceline get dragged along not by your draft, but by your gravitational pull.

* Township officials require you to pay a billboard permit fee while wearing your team jersey.

* Your riding buddies have nicknamed you "Fatso Bortolo". (Then again, I think he was just mad that I called him "Sir Farts-A-Lot".)

Oh well Maelstrom, now it's time for me to finger paint before nap time.
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Old 06-17-05, 10:25 PM
  #27  
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How about:

From behind, your arse on the saddle looks like a Spade

Maybe I should keep my mouth shut - some of these are feeling a little personal...

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Old 06-18-05, 02:08 AM
  #28  
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Your name is Akebono
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Old 06-18-05, 09:22 PM
  #29  
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Originally Posted by HigherGround
Because they stole them from scrawny little climbers, along with their lunch money...
LOL!
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Old 06-19-05, 04:03 AM
  #30  
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Oh, c'mon guys! You are all too much! I am !

And...no I am not "svelte"! Let's say that my avatar--a Clydesdale!--is "truth in advertising".

You are "too fat" to ride a road bike--or any bike!--if you refuse to ride one at all! If any "Billy Bobs" make fun of you, just remember this little "gem" from me: "So what if I am fat? You are just plain stupid! And...I can lose weight!! There's no such thing as a brain transplant, so there's no help for you!"
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Old 06-19-05, 07:17 AM
  #31  
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:d
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Old 06-19-05, 08:16 AM
  #32  
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OK, those 2 win the "Plumber's Crack" Contest. **hurl**
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Old 06-19-05, 08:39 AM
  #33  
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Not to hijack the thread, but I've seen men in my LBS try to shave 3 grams off their
bikes, when it would be better to lose 5 pounds off their bodies.
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Old 06-19-05, 08:59 AM
  #34  
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3 g?
Let's see...

An overweight man, plus bike, would probably be, say, 100 kg (221 lbs).
That's 100 000 g.

3 / 100 000 = 0.00003

To make that into percent, multiply by 100.
That's 0.003%!!!

The same weight can (theoretically) be taken off the body by reducing the energy intake by a mere 21 kcal... About a piece of hard candy's worth...
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Old 06-19-05, 09:17 AM
  #35  
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Originally Posted by CdCf
3 g?
Let's see...

An overweight man, plus bike, would probably be, say, 100 kg (221 lbs).
That's 100 000 g.

3 / 100 000 = 0.00003

To make that into percent, multiply by 100.
That's 0.003%!!!

The same weight can (theoretically) be taken off the body by reducing the energy intake by a mere 21 kcal... About a piece of hard candy's worth...
Yea, but taking 3 grams off the bike is permanent and taking / keeping 3 grams off you body is repetative and ongoing.
What am I saying. I really agree with you.
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Old 06-19-05, 01:26 PM
  #36  
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Originally Posted by Marge
Not to hijack the thread, but I've seen men in my LBS try to shave 3 grams off their
bikes, when it would be better to lose 5 pounds off their bodies.
Are you sure that's true? I don't think I've ever been to your LBS.
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Old 06-19-05, 06:54 PM
  #37  
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You might also be too fat to be a rodie if...

* You don't lean into corners because you hate road rash on your love handles.

* You have custom modified aero bars to accomodate your man-boobs.

* A new law is passed especially for you stipulating that the LED's in your rear blinky must spell out 'Danger, wide load'

* An aggro cager in a Cadillac swerves into you to run you off the road.... but can't!

* The tide has to wait for you to finish your ride along the beach before it can come in

* You thighs are still wobbling up & down at your cadence 20 minutes after you finish your ride.

* You have to buy your jersey and your drapes at the same shop

one more...

* Your a$$ has it's own postcode.
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Old 06-19-05, 07:10 PM
  #38  
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Originally Posted by Cyclaholic
* An aggro cager in a Cadillac swerves into you to run you off the road.... but can't!
I can hear it now: "Get off the road ya FAT BASTID!!!" **SCREEECH**

LOL!
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Old 06-19-05, 07:21 PM
  #39  
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Last one from me, I promise....

* To relax after a ride you just sit around the house.... all the way around the house!
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