Or the Bike Penthouse Forum?

We have had that. Naming a bike isn't as weird as some of what has been suggested here.

I think I'll get worried when I see someone start a thread asking if your bike has any nicknames for you.

Dear Bike Penthouse Forum, I never thought that this would ever happen to me...

I was a coed at a large, midwestern college….

One day, twin sisters rode up on a tandem and asked if I had any lubricant...

Ever ride a triplem?

If only I had seen this suggestion first.

indyfabz will have to do it.

I asked them their names, but their bike hadn’t given them ones.

You’ve been hearing voices from your bikes again?

That’s not good.

I joined a facebook cycling group once. It turned out to be a vehicle for older men with beards to post selfies with their bikes and what the bikes were named. I supposed it got weirder but I promptly left the group when one dude posted a picture with the caption, "This is my new bike. I dub her venom. She bites" with a little snake emoji. Not only did he name the bike, he assigned a gender to it.

You mean bikes aren't called "she" like ships?

I wouldn't think the average Fred is as lonely as rickets afflicted sailors were.

Something tells me I'm going to be needing a VPN to be seeing this thread again! With Firefox incognito mode!

Heh. Hadn’t heard the term Fred in so long I had totally forgotten about it. Poised for a comeback?

I admit it is fun to "toy-around" with the language, but try not to mis-characterize what I meant by "intimacy" or "relationship".
Maybe I am a bit of an idealist and romantic, and maybe I am more attached to my bikes than I should be to any material object, but it is not outrageous to believe that each bike has its own "personality", that, for me, can only be understood, experienced and assimilated through significant use, in either pace or duration. I find it unfortunate that some have degenerated the conversation to innuendo.

In order for something to have a personality it needs to have a life in it and be alive...What your talking about here is " anthropomorphism ".

Sorry, but I find pretty much all of that wildly overstated to the point it is "outrageous" or at least "ridiculous". Your choice of words made this even worse--having an "intimate relationship" with an inanimate object borders on the delusional and, yes, it really sounds funny..

I also think your OP posed something as a dilemma that really wasn't. Even if the above is true, that you have too many bikes to do this is a classic humblebrag "complaint."

I've not ever owned the caliber of bike or kit to experience it.

Psst. You are not fooling me, pal. Your choice of words was deliberate and calculated. I hope the attention has made you feel good.

Depends which definition of "Fred" you're using--there's at least two, and they are distinct and somewhat contradictory.

There's Fred the bodger, who rides the hell out of old bikes and homebrew kit/equipment, and then there's Fred the lifestyle guy, with all of the latest and bestest.

I'd guess I'm too middle of the road to be in either of those camps.

Middle of the road makes you John Forester, definitely not a Fred.

Well-played. Kudos!