ShannonM

How about one of the late 80s Huffy small-front-wheel parking-lot criterium bikes for their attempted BMX-to-road-racing transition series? I think they called them F1s?

Done up with high-end 80s TT bike parts, dual carbon disc wheels, clip-on aerobars, that Profile for Speed two-water-bottles-behind-the-saddle bracket thing, and any other whacked-out late 80s tri-geek parts you can find.

That would totally rock. And totally suck. All at the same time.

--Shannon

stoneageyosh

My choice is the (not so) Aerowind. If again, the goal is to see the most time, effort and financial investment poured into a bike build that is totally offensive and only encourages other deviant minds to emulate our project maharashi, the Aerowind has the greater potential to do so.

A logical goal would be to emulate a time trial bike of that era. To fully carry out the upgrading and refining(?) extensive modifications to attain aerodynamic improvements will be required. The investment in hours, and/or dollars, will be substantial, which all of us will be very supportive of as we are not the one that will be branded as That C&V Double Heretic.

SoCaled 

"C&V Double Heretic" has a nice ring to it, I could see it embroidered on a jacket?
Might even get Tiger a sponsor?

Maybe one of these is more appropriate for the "Huffente" or "Aero(fiber?)wind"

SoCaled 

Who knew the Aerowind was an inspirational trend setter?!




https://offerup.com/item/detail/b920...ababb1?cid=7.4

smd4

Eeeew. No thanks.

stoneageyosh

Heck yeah! Any of the above potions should keep him in a sufficiently addled state of (and in process of losing his) mind to assure a totally ridiculous creation beyond any distorted fantasy that a sane C&V enthusiast could come up with. Of course most of us would not be considered sane purely because of our interest and participation in, yet again, such a trampling of all that is pure C&V.
When does it start?!?!

AdventureManCO 

Haha, thanks for all the great responses everyone! I can't believe this is still on the front page of General Discussion.

A couple things will need to happen before the work commences -

1. I will need to find the bike

and

2. There needs to be enough time from the end of the last project for folks to be sufficiently caught off guard and horrified by the new, disgustingly offensive new project.

So, I'm estimating fall/winter, IF we can find the lucky winning bike. But even that may be too soon. When I start seeing some threads pop up like -


"Whew, haven't seen any Huffys around for a while, thank goodness!"

or

"I hope that crazy Huffy guy finally got banned, now I can sleep peacefully once again"


Then I will know, my time has arrived lol

Macguyver909

Forget all this premade stuff, If you really want to waste um... optimize your time, I think you should start from scratch, I think a bike truly made with black iron pipe, and rebar would be fitting. Just think of all the time it would take to polish the rebar to a mirror finish, and retain that "High end" rebar texture.

Bet you cant get it under a hundred pounds.

livedarklions

No way, the whole charm of it is the brand everyone remembers for its mediocrity. Maybe a different brand, but who remembers riding on a homemade bike?

My non-Huffy nominee:

Ironfish653

I like the idea of making an Aerowind into a properly tricked out period-ish TT bike, the more obscure tech, the better; but livedarklions suggestion of a Murray got me thinking:

What about NORBA-izing one of those proto-MTB -BSOs like the Murray BAJA ?

XTR, or better yet, Euclid; maybe a SoftRide stem or Scott AT Bars 😎

I have a vintage Ritchey 160mm stem, with an integrated cable hanger, I’d be willing to donate if you were to go to the Dirt Side for this exercise in heresy

livedarklions

Thing nearly names itself--The "Murray Fisher".

AdventureManCO 

Dredging this one back up from the depths of 'hopefully-quickly-fogotten' back-alley pages, since we all know the one thing General Cycling needs is more Huffy posts on the front page

I was all set to declare a winner, but all this Murray talk has me confounded, and, strangely excited. More research absolutely needs to be conducted immediately! Murray Racer? Excellent suggestion! Murray Baja? Excellent suggestion!

With the Huffy frame coming in at 2877g (the Le Grande), and the Aerowind probably in the same territory, I wonder if a Murray 'Racer' goes heavier or lighter on the gaspipe mass.

The thing I'm liking most about the Murray are those all-too-familiar tube-shaped goop welds. For me they are nostalgic, as I remember having them on a cheapie bmx as a kid.

If it's possible to have a red-headed step-child in a family where two red-headed stepchildren got married and had kids, the Murray kinda fits that bill well. Everyone thinks of Huffy, of course. But everyone also 'kinda sorta knows' about Murray, but also kinda sorta forgets about them, too. But also, everyone knows they are a cheap, crappy bike. Maybe even more crappy than Huffy. I'm digging that aspect a lot. The Murray definitely get 'exotic' points here.

Keep those suggestions coming. I picked up a Sears Ted Williams Sport Racer just recently, but the thing about it is...even for a dept store bike, its too nice for this hairbrained, absurd project -




We are going to need something far worse than that.

SoCaled 

Murray:

Eliminator - $55 - https://orangecounty.craigslist.org/...638582156.html



Illusions - $20 - https://slo.craigslist.org/bik/d/san...625656285.html



Baja Eagle River - $85 - https://offerup.com/item/detail/a0db...67259?q=murray


Wildfire - $95 - https://orangecounty.craigslist.org/...633246708.html

SoCaled 

This These Murray might be too high end.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/144288445870?

https://www.ebay.com/itm/204375833524?

https://www.ebay.com/itm/394171929021? - NOS

stoneageyosh

Dredging through ancient gray matter another manufacturer of, let’s call it vintage American (one piece crank) style, bikes that could be considered for blasphemegination emerged.
From the company known to millions of bowlers . . . . . .

American Machine & Foundry, or AMF and their . . . . . . Ungh, . . . historic contribution to cycling . . . . the AMF Roadmaster!!

AdventureManCO 

Bahahahaha yes! I saw that $1000 Murry and my first thought was 'that HAS to be one of those Budget Bicycle Ctr specials!'

The NOS one is cool, but I wonder if it would hurt to pull it out of the box, brand new, put it all together, look at it, then strip it down and throw away all the NOS boat anchor parts. Then again, I love pain, as evidenced by my recent previous indiscretions.

AdventureManCO 

These are all wonderful. That Wildfire actually looks pretty nice! But the one that takes the cake is the Murry 'Illusions' - not only is that a COOL decal...we could have quite a bit of fun with that naming scheme!

AdventureManCO 

Right! Like...people expect 'Huffy' when talking about offensive bicycle plans, so it is a double whammy to select something different? Or does it reduce the amount of shock and discontentment? Because we cannot have that.

I wonder if the right thing is just going to stumble into my lap and I'll know it when it happens. I was on the phone with Mad Honk the other day discussing bikes and the Aerowind came up and he said something to the effect of 'Yeah, the Aerowind was truly the worst, nothing good about it' which of course got me really excited to actually find one in person.


I'll check into AMF. There are so many options! Huffy, AMF, Murray, Wards, American Flyer, Free Spirit, Roadmaster...I'm having analysis paralysis over here in the best (actually worst) way possible.

What was considered the most iconic horrible bike back in the day? I'm not opposed to a Firenze GL5000.

GeezyRider 

You want shock and discontentment? You could always take a modern horrible bike icon like a GMC Denali and start a build thread in the Road Cycling sub forum.

AdventureManCO 

Haha a Denali is GREAT idea! I see those all the time and they just ooze a ridiculously low end aura. Di2 Denali!!!


EDIT: Looks like this fabulous idea has been done -

Made some upgrades to my GMC Denali road bike. What do you think?


Though I deeply admire it, can't do it. Need something new.

GeezyRider 

Yeah, I get that. I didn't realize other guys have been whacky enough to have done it already.

Jax Rhapsody

I knew somebody with one; never knew a bike could be so heavy with such skinny tubes. It was hilariously heavy. I went to casually pick it up once... man I was surprised.
Been done a few times, because the bikes aren't horrible, it's everything on the frame that sucks. I had a Genesis Roadtech that was pretty nice when I was done and lighter than the co-op employess 90 World Sport. I actually have a Denali waiting to be built up and the RX100 group from my Nishiki Prestige waiting to go on it. I just need to find a decent fork, some bullbars, way to put on the dt shifters, strip the enamel and repaint it. I wish I could find an xl frame.

Speaking of the Roadtech; same person with the World Sport owned a Aerowind, it looked like my Roadtechs distant relative, to me.

AdventureManCO 

While I don't think I could do just a basic, generic 'Denali', I gotta admit, I would not be able to resist the one in 'Lamborghini' livery. Just so I could tell people, "You'll know its me when I pull up in (on?) my Lambo"

SoCaled 

not a Serotta, a proper Murray
https://www.facebook.com/marketplace...925112333286/?

SkinGriz

Cruiser with two speed kickback or 3 speed IGH.

With drop bars.