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Calling all men

Old 02-23-24, 08:41 AM
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Originally Posted by LarrySellerz
My point is that dodging an oncoming cyclist is easy enough that it shouldn't bother you, even if you think the person is clueless or on drugs etc. I also used to get pissed at cyclists using the wrong lane.
That's just a small-scale version of the drunk guy or disoriented old man driving the wrong way on the expressway. Sure, it's easy enough to dodge the cars coming the other way, until eventually your luck runs out and you hit a car head-on and kill a family of six in a fiery crash.
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Old 02-23-24, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by LarrySellerz
My point is that dodging an oncoming cyclist is easy enough that it shouldn't bother you, even if you think the person is clueless or on drugs etc. I also used to get pissed at cyclists using the wrong lane. Funny enough, my partner at work asked why cyclists didn't usually go the wrong way in traffic, so they could see the oncoming cars.
It should bother people there are clear demarkations. this is not a situation where it is a normal road and someone is playing with their life like an idiot this is a marked directional bike lane with some "protection" (posts that are easily damaged but still at least something) and the same is on the other side. It is easy to see and easy to understand. Someone doing something wrong that endangers other lives not OK in my book. Cars are not looking for them coming the wrong way, I am not expecting someone coming the wrong way at me especially worse when they aren't even using lights at night so here is someone coming at me no lights, wrong way on a narrow bike lane designed for one way traffic in my direction. Doesn't need to be there and isn't safe for anyone. It isn't about just saying "well I can dodgem that is not fair to anyone.
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Old 02-24-24, 11:01 AM
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As a guy, I can see how the woman in the Guardian article was not happy about being slipstreamed by a stranger. The setting matters, of course. A big charity ride in a larger mixed group may give more opportunities to strike up conversations with random strangers. But on an isolated section of road an athlete doing a training session doesn't want to socialize or pull some recreational wheel sucker around.

My experience is most folks out exercising solo are not out to socialize. Runners are literally in their own world with their earbuds. Cyclists like me have specific goals (route, duration, intensity) for a training session, and I'm not going to throw that plan out just because another cyclist crosses my path. Usually a short greeting/wave/nod are sufficient. If stopped at an intersection for a minute you can compliment someone's bike and chat, but then wish each other a good ride and be on your way.

Also, as a middle aged guy, it's good to remember that I'm rather invisible to younger women. So if I were to say something other than "good day" in passing it would be like a ghost had materialized in front of them. Of course they would be startled.
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Old 02-24-24, 11:50 AM
  #54  
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Although not while biking, I have accidently spoken to people, not noticing that they have earbuds in. The response is usually an exaggerated, pained and dramatic removal, followed by a friendly comment like "now, what the hell do you want?" The ideal response is something like "you dropped your wallet or phone back there".

It just isn't worth it to engage. Maybe they should have hi-viz colored ear phones that basically visually signal "STFU and leave me alone." I would buy them. They wouldn't even have to transmit audio.
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Old 02-24-24, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Polaris OBark
It just isn't worth it to engage. Maybe they should have hi-viz colored ear phones that basically visually signal "STFU and leave me alone." I would buy them. They wouldn't even have to transmit audio.
I always wear bluetooth headphones while walking my dogs so that I can listen to NPR news -- and occasionally do a phone call. I have a pair of particularly irksome neighbor -- they will take the long way through the 'hood while driving in or out, snooping on people, and stopping -- usually right in the middle of the road, with no regard for other motorists -- to put down their windows and talk at people...The wife is particularly irritating -- a relentless snoop and gossip who does not recognize the words, "Well, I really have to go now!" Whenever I see them rolling up to me, I put my hand up near my headphones in that universal gesture that says "I'm on a phone call." And then I go back to All Things Considered.

If the battery in those headphones is ever out of juice, because I forgot to charge it, I'll just put 'em on anyway. Better safe than sorry.
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Old 02-24-24, 02:56 PM
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What has the world come to, when talking to a stranger becomes a social faux pas?
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Old 02-24-24, 03:18 PM
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Originally Posted by 905
On a recent ride I passed a woman by the side of the road. It happens. They are, after all, half the human race.

She'd been running. No matter, I'll talk to anyone if the opportunity presents itself: even non-cyclists.


People running are not out for a leisurely stroll. If you were riding up a moderately steep hill, would you want to chat with strangers? Isn’t it like interrupting them?

I also wonder if you tend to do this with women rather than men. If so, that brings up other questions.

Originally Posted by 905
She looked up, uncertain why I was talking to her. I noticed she appeared to be wearing headphones. She was also a bit younger than I'd first thought, maybe late teens or early 20s. She said "Pardon?"
It kind of sounds like you were a bit surprised by all this.

It’s not clear why you expected she was waiting to be able to follow conversation out of nowhere from a stranger. Seems kind of self centered.

There are situations where is socially acceptable to small talk with strangers. This doesn’t seem like one of them.

Last edited by njkayaker; 02-24-24 at 03:28 PM.
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Old 02-24-24, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by njkayaker
People running are not out for a leisurely stroll. If you were riding up a moderately steep hill, would you want to chat with strangers? Isn’t it like interrupting them?

There are situations where is socially acceptable to small talk with strangers. This doesn’t seem like one of them.

I also wonder if you tend to do this with women rather than men. If so, that brings up other questions.
1. I'm not silly enough to interrupt people when they're running. The woman was clearly finished with her run. Happy to admit I could have been more clear in my OP: "She'd been running" to me was past tense, but can be read as she was in the middle of running.
2. You're just making stuff up now. Wonder why that is.

Last edited by 905; 02-24-24 at 03:33 PM.
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Old 02-24-24, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by 905
1. I'm not silly enough to interrupt people when they're running. The woman was clearly finished with her run. Happy to admit I could have been more clear in my OP: "She'd been running" to me was past tense, but admittedly can be read as she was in the middle of running.
2. You're just making stuff up now. Wonder why that is.
Even if she had stopped running, what you did was odd. The latter part of your post shows some of the reasons why.

I suspect most men already know this even if it’s news to you.

Originally Posted by 905
She looked up, uncertain why I was talking to her. I noticed she appeared to be wearing headphones. She was also a bit younger than I'd first thought, maybe late teens or early 20s. She said "Pardon?"
This is the response you should have expected before you began nattering to her.

Last edited by njkayaker; 02-24-24 at 03:40 PM.
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Old 02-24-24, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by njkayaker
Even if she had stopped running, what you did was odd. The latter part of your post shows some of the reasons why.

I suspect most men already know this even if itís news to you.
I suspect you haven't a clue.
It was only "odd" in the sense that, as someone said above, "It's a mind your own business world out there."
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Old 02-24-24, 03:45 PM
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njkayaker The only way to continue conversing with you is to keep going back to check your edits. I don't have time for this nonsense. I stand on the merits of my OP.

Last edited by 905; 02-24-24 at 03:46 PM. Reason: to tag
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Old 02-24-24, 03:57 PM
  #62  
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Originally Posted by LarrySellerz
What has the world come to, when talking to a stranger becomes a social faux pas?
IIRC we drill into kids "Don't talk to strangers!"

Then again, we also say, "Don't trust people you meet on the internet" and "Don't get in a car with a stranger", but Uber and Lyft seem to have plenty of riders.
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Old 02-24-24, 04:15 PM
  #63  
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Originally Posted by 905
1. I'm not silly enough to interrupt people when they're running. The woman was clearly finished with her run. Happy to admit I could have been more clear in my OP: "She'd been running" to me was past tense, but can be read as she was in the middle of running.
2. You're just making stuff up now. Wonder why that is.
I only saw what NJ Kayaker had posted because you quoted it (I have him on ignore). But his post is 100% correct and spot-on. Please think about it.
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Old 02-24-24, 04:17 PM
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I don't see an issue with women, as-such: People are less communicative with strangers in-general, these days. I do have a slight problem (my problem, I guess) with ear buds. I find it very awkward when I ask some stranger a question, and with some tension, they pull the ear buds from their ears and ask "What?" I am not defending my emotional response to this, but it makes me angry, so now, I look closely for ear buds before I attempt to talk to anyone. Myself, I can't see walking (or cycling) around in nature while being glued to the entertainment world.
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Old 02-24-24, 04:39 PM
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On the MUP system I run and ride on, people are friendly to each other as they pass regardless of gender. I've even encountered young women about the age the OP described talk to me to compliment me on my shoes or bike. However If the OP stopped specifically to talk to the young lady, I can see how she would see that as odd. But I don't know why the OP felt like he needed to make a post to warn all men to be aware of situations like this. Most of us are situationally aware enough to know when or how to talk to strangers.
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Old 02-24-24, 06:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Polaris OBark
I only saw what NJ Kayaker had posted because you quoted it (I have him on ignore). But his post is 100% correct and spot-on. Please think about it.
I would politely suggest you think about why you have him on ignore.
My patience is very limited for people who can't be bothered to carefully read the OP, and nonexistent for those who ascribe to me unevidenced motives.
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Old 02-24-24, 08:45 PM
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Originally Posted by 905
I would politely suggest you think about why you have him on ignore.
My patience is very limited for people who can't be bothered to carefully read the OP, and nonexistent for those who ascribe to me unevidenced motives.
Good point.

I'll put you on ignore. Please do the same for me.

PS: I carefully read the OP again, and find it even more condescending, disingenuous and offensive the second time around.
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Old 02-24-24, 08:57 PM
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Sometimes it can even be dangerous. Eons ago, when I was young, I was JRA on a country road when I noticed a woman at the roadside looking helplessly to her small motorcycle. I slowed almost to a stop and asked her if she needed anything. A second later a man came running, yelling to me to get the hell out of there and quit molesting his girlfriend. Looks like he was teaching her to ride, she went solo and the bike stalled. He looked violent and unstable, so I didn't even bother to argue with him, just continued riding. Back home, I wondered if the crazy guy could take it against her too, but there was nothing I could do about it.
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Old 02-24-24, 09:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Polaris OBark
Good point.

I'll put you on ignore. Please do the same for me.

PS: I carefully read the OP again, and find it even more condescending, disingenuous and offensive the second time around.
In which case I can now safely say, you're an idiot. (Which only leaves out "disingenuous". See what I did there?)

BTW I put people on 'ignore' the old fashioned, grownup way: I simply ignore them when they've earned that honour.

Last edited by 905; 02-25-24 at 04:08 AM. Reason: (added parenthetical commentary)
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Old 02-24-24, 09:32 PM
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I appreciate appreciate your comments, it has gotten very much easier for me in that I look my age 73 and can come on as gently helpful in any situation.
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Old 02-25-24, 03:22 AM
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Originally Posted by rsbob
My wife has stated on numerous occasions that whether she is riding her bike on the road or walking the dog on the trail, she becomes very uncomfortable when a male is closing in on her, or if on a bike, hanging back behind her. She also carries pepper spray, so you’ve been warned.

As a result, I give women a wide berth and if I am slowly overtaking one on a bike, I will make an effort to get around her quickly and not engage in any greeting unless they do first.
I mean no offense to you Bob, but this makes me truly sad. I guess I live in the illusion of a civil society. I've visited Seattle, SF, LA, Portland, and seen a few wackos shrieking at passing cars, but for the most part, we all just want to get along, right?



"A hostile person lives in a hostile world,
A loving person lives in a loving world,
Everyone you meet is your mirror." -Ken Keyes, Astoria, OR

Last edited by calamarichris; 02-25-24 at 03:27 AM.
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Old 02-25-24, 11:22 AM
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Originally Posted by calamarichris
I mean no offense to you Bob, but this makes me truly sad. I guess I live in the illusion of a civil society. I've visited Seattle, SF, LA, Portland, and seen a few wackos shrieking at passing cars, but for the most part, we all just want to get along, right?



"A hostile person lives in a hostile world,
A loving person lives in a loving world,
Everyone you meet is your mirror." -Ken Keyes, Astoria, OR
I believe you will find this more feeling very common amongst women in general. Being less strong than males, they fear being victimized and rightly so, with so many stories in the media about kidnapping, **** and murder. Itís not right they live in fear, but it is an unfortunate reality. Ask any woman about walking alone on a city street at night and being followed by a male adult, and I would bet 9 times out of 10 you will get a feeling of extreme uncomfortableness.
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