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Advise giving advice. (Coaching without getting a divorce)

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Advise giving advice. (Coaching without getting a divorce)

Old 05-22-24, 12:33 PM
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Slightly off topic, but I live at the bottom of a hill in my neighborhood. My street gets a lots of walking/cycling traffic. The hill is steep enough that if people don't know how to shift their bikes, they'll end up dismounting and walking to the top. Anyway, there's this roadie that goes by frequently. If there's nobody working in their yards or walking on the street he just stays on his saddle and goes on up the hill. But if he has an audience, the dude puts on a display like he's climbing the Alpe d'Huez. He's out of his saddle, swinging back and forth, dancing on the pedals and making all kind of noises!
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Old 05-22-24, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by seypat
Slightly off topic, but I live at the bottom of a hill in my neighborhood. My street gets a lots of walking/cycling traffic. The hill is steep enough that if people don't know how to shift their bikes, they'll end up dismounting and walking to the top. Anyway, there's this roadie that goes by frequently. If there's nobody working in their yards or walking on the street he just stays on his saddle and goes on up the hill. But if he has an audience, the dude puts on a display like he's climbing the Alpe d'Huez. He's out of his saddle, swinging back and forth, dancing on the pedals and making all kind of noises!
Is he single?
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Old 05-22-24, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by indyfabz
Is he single?
I don't know. But if I see him coming, I try to get out of sight so he can go on by. I have to fight the urge to go find a pump and Cinzano his ass.
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Old 05-22-24, 01:44 PM
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Originally Posted by indyfabz
Is he single?
I'm sure he'd be flattered, but . . .
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Old 05-22-24, 04:02 PM
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It’s usually a bad idea to give unsolicited advice to anyone—including a spouse.
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Old 05-22-24, 04:14 PM
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Originally Posted by RB1-luvr
my wife won't listen to me about shifting gears.
ok so your telling it it has nothing to do with her German heritage or the obstinance se inherited for her father?
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Old 05-22-24, 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by delbiker1
Accept it and get over yourself
😂 not sure what you mean or how your interpret that I clearly indicated I’m a newer cyclist and specifically spelled out I’m not the best climber.——truly trying to help my wife.

reading comprehension is not just a hash tag
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Old 05-22-24, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by freeranger
Would she be OK with riding beside you as she approaches the hill, so she could watch you shift into the lower gears? My wife is good about accepting constructive advice, so nothing more to add.
Great points.

Originally Posted by rsbob
In my experience, there is a certain resistance and hostility toward “mansplaining”. I used to be an offender but have learned to keep my advice to myself and let her experience be her teacher. My wife too was far slower on climbs and it would frustrate the hell out of her, thinking that I was ‘showing off’ when it was really a difference in our abilities. The ultimate solution back then was buying a tandem. She never felt frustrated on hills again, but it certainly made me work one helluva lot harder on climbs. The tandem was long sold and now she has an e-bike and can whip my @$$ on every hill no problem. So there are other solutions without jeopardizing your marriage.

She also knew to gear down for climbs - and that wasn’t enough. Another thought is to ride next to her before the hill and without saying anything, start gearing down so she can see you doing it, but don’t explain it.
this I may try, I’m certainly guilty of gaining as much momentum prior to climbs, she breaks going down most hills. In DO NOT condemn, just try to lead by example. Showing her it will be ok.

Originally Posted by Wileyrat
I used to be a ski instructor, and the one thing I learned very quickly was not to be a ski instructor with my wife, until she asked for advice.
for sure……I see your well seasoned as well lol.
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Old 05-22-24, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by seypat
I get dropped by everyone/anyone on hills. Let her lead. Shift to your lowest gear before the hill. Go up the hill as slow as you can and let a gap form. Time it so that when she gets to the top of the hill walking/whatever is when you arrive also. She'll see you spinning along slowly and might decide to try it also, or not. If you're just climbing a hill back into your subdivision, why do you need to wait for her anyway? Don't you think she can make it back on her own? My wife would be angry in that situation as would I. If someone attacks a hill like they're in the TDF in front of me(and waits for me with a smirk on their face) I'll make sure I climb that hill as slowly as possible. They can go on ahead and I'll catch them on the next flat. Both my wife and I are runners. If we go out on a run together, we'll hang for about a mile then go our seperate ways. We have our own routes. If the run has some distance, we'll pass each other a few times in the neighborhood giving a wave as we go by. Eventually, we'll end up back at the house. Your wife doesn't need an escort for the last part of the ride as much as you think she does.
I definitely like the first part, I think this is a stellar idea and can help her! Thanks
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Old 05-22-24, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Bogey Speedwell
ok so your telling it it has nothing to do with her German heritage or the obstinance se inherited for her father?
Funny, my wife's Grandfather on mom's side was a strong German Dr. ruling the house and has no bearing on her disposition.

r.e. bike issue -- ELECTRIFY HER RIDE and she might beat you to the top and electrify life itself.

r.e. walking issue -- Look into Danny Dreyer's *Chi Walking* and maybe your pace will increase.
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Old 05-22-24, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by OldTryGuy
Funny, my wife's Grandfather on mom's side was a strong German Dr. ruling the house and has no bearing on her disposition.

r.e. bike issue -- ELECTRIFY HER RIDE and she might beat you to the top and electrify life itself.

r.e. walking issue -- Look into Danny Dreyer's *Chi Walking* and maybe your pace will increase.
i have offered the electric option and even tried to to take her to demo days so she can try one, but she rebuffed that idea. I told her that would be in my future sometime, and I certainly don’t bash e-bikes at all in front of her.
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Old 05-22-24, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Trakhak
I'm sure he'd be flattered, but . . .
…and maybe a little bit curious.
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Old 05-22-24, 05:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Bogey Speedwell
i have offered the electric option and even tried to to take her to demo days so she can try one, but she rebuffed that idea. I told her that would be in my future sometime, and I certainly don’t bash e-bikes at all in front of her.
My longest bicycling buddy just went electric on his Rans Recumbent and LOVES IT. His wife was against going electric for herself until they did a Viking River Cruise on the Danube and had to use EV Bikes for the daily excursions. Totally reversed her feelings and she now has a Specialized that is used daily.

^^^^ moral of my reply ^^^^^ Go take a Viking River Cruise !!!! p.s. -- They have great pricing specials right now. p.p.s. -- Friend and wife are cruising in July again.
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Old 05-22-24, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Trakhak
I'm sure he'd be flattered, but . . .
But what?
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Old 05-22-24, 05:06 PM
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Originally Posted by indyfabz
Is he single?
😂😂😂 ……wait……

😳😳😳😳😳😳
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Old 05-22-24, 05:16 PM
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Title fixed
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Old 05-22-24, 05:44 PM
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OK, before your next ride up the hill, you need to do some preparation when your wife isn't looking. Modify her bicycle so that it runs in the gear that you think she needs to be in.
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Old 05-22-24, 06:21 PM
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Originally Posted by cb400bill
Title fixed
thank you sir
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Old 05-22-24, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Bogey Speedwell
***title was supposed to be coaching without getting a divorce ***

While I can’t scream the Jerry McGuire line “Help me help you!” I sometimes want to, but I’m sure that would be ill advised.

A Little background, both myself and my wife are just on either side of 60 and in great health. We just got into cycling really in the last 5 years. She walks miles every day and when I walk with her I struggle keeping up with her pace. We live in the driftless part of the Midwest and recently moved and now have a steep climb back into our subdivision.

the challenge I have, is the hills, while I’m probably not the best climber, I very frequently have to stop at the top and wait for her as she gets off her bike and pushes her bike to the top of the hill…….. then I notice she has 3-4 gears left when she arrives, and she is panting. I have tried to explain the gear thing, but I’m thinking she’s not listening because it’s me.

I’ve got a background in sale/business training and coaching and some of the best experience I have is being married to this wife of mine for 33 years, so I know when to shut up. I’m confident it would be easier on her to pedal to the top, but can’t convince her to shift.
Are you riding with my wife ??? I have the same issue on shifting and\or staying hydrated... dealt with the hydration issue by setting up notices on an old computer of mine that she uses that beeps and lets her know to drink. The shifting is still a mystery on why that is a thing....
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Old 05-22-24, 07:08 PM
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My general rule of thumb, for cycling and everything else, is that I never give adults advice unless they ask for it. That applies to my wife, and is especially difficult for me with my adult children. I see them making what appear to me to be bad decisions, but I hold my tongue and say to myself "They are adults and can make their own decisions." Which gear to ride in seems like a fairly unimportant decision, so it would be easy for me to stay quiet on that one.
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Old 05-22-24, 08:47 PM
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Originally Posted by squirtdad
Just like skiing, don't offer pointers until asked....and then expect only 50% to be listened to
Don’t turn to the opposite direction on the ski hill with your tips pointed up. That is a lesson quickly learned.
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Old 05-22-24, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Random11
My general rule of thumb, for cycling and everything else, is that I never give adults advice unless they ask for it. That applies to my wife, and is especially difficult for me with my adult children. I see them making what appear to me to be bad decisions, but I hold my tongue and say to myself "They are adults and can make their own decisions." Which gear to ride in seems like a fairly unimportant decision, so it would be easy for me to stay quiet on that one.
Wives especially. Adult children as well.

When the kids were young, I would help them see there were a few different choices and the positive and negatives to each. Then I would tell them, ‘You decide’. When they f’d up anyway, I never said a thing.
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Old 05-23-24, 03:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Bogey Speedwell
😂😂😂 ……wait……

😳😳😳😳😳😳
Lots of animals engage in showy behavior in the preset of potential mates. I was just working at a rescue animal sanctuary yesterday. The peacocks there are aggressively strutting their stuff. Tom turkeys, too.

What did you think I meant?
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Old 05-23-24, 04:37 AM
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Originally Posted by bboy314
My advice - if she enjoys riding, leave well enough alone, let her ride how she wants and be patient.
This is the correct answer. If the time comes that she wants to know how to get up a hill, she will ask and even then don't go into solution mode. Be gentle, be patient and be glad you have someone to share the riding with.
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Old 05-23-24, 05:02 AM
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My wife is the same

Especially about shifting.

She also won’t listen about seat height. (To get torque)

She grew up not riding bikes as much as I did, she preferred a scooter. (remember those ones with the pneumatic knobby tires?)

I’m very patient and friendly about it, then she says the higher gear is easier for her, then says I’m controlling.

If it comes from someone else that she likes or respects, she will start doing it immediately. It’s very frustrating.

Her daughter (18) is the same way; has to learn everything the hard way.

I wound up going through a couple eBikes (my initiative) and found one that seems to work.

I posted a similar question and got some similar responses blaming me, which was also frustrating.
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