Ropopompom

Does your partner ride with you sometimes or is it strictly you and friends? Or worse, you on your own?

My girlfriend (of four and a half years) has no interest in ever riding a bicycle. With much difficulty once I managed to get her to come on a bike ride with me, on hired bikes, in the Welsh countryside. However, I could tell she didn't partiularly enjoy it and would never do it again unless I practically forced her into it. It’s really frustrating when the person you live with and with whom you are supposed to share mutual love has no interest in participating in something that means so much to you and has been such a massive part of your life since as far back as you care to remember.

Like the majority of the population she isn't one for physical activity. Many Sunday mornings have gone by when I longed for a nice relaxed ride in the park and around the town with her, but instead I have to go on my own or sit around the house bored out of my skull while she lies in bed watching TV and eating sweets and crisps. Anything we do do together seems to have to involve getting the bus, drinking alcohol, shopping, or sitting down (e.g. watching a film).

If she had some sort of hobby I would make the effort to get involved, but she isn't the hobby type, she's more the 'going out with friends to pubs and clubs' type. I make the effort to meet her friends (many of whom live over 100 miles away) and socialise with them, I've been to wedding receptions of friends of hers who I've never met before, and she's already practically organised for us to go to the wedding of two of her friends without asking me if I'm OK with going to it...

It really annoys me that she expects me to make that kind of effort for her when she won't make the same sort of effort for me...

If you look at this face value it seems stupid to want to split up with someone 'just because she isn't a cyclist' but if you look past the face value of the situation, you can see it's more than that - like I mentioned earlier, when someone who's supposed to love you won't make any effort whatsoever to participate in something that's a huge part of your life, a huge part of your personality in fact, then, do they really love you and are they the right person for you?

biknbrian

While it's nice to have a wife that rides, it does have some drawbacks. Despite riding fairly often, she's still significantly slower than me and there are days when I just want to move without waiting for someone. Also all my problems with equipment or clothing are my problems, but all her problems with equipment or clothing are my problems too. "My bike won't shift right." "Up or down, front or rear?" "I don't know it doesn't seem to shift right." Or maybe, "My hands are cold," or "My seat needs moved forward... Nevermind I liked it the way it was, can you put it back." I have three of her bikes to maintain in addition to my own. Also I just can't seem to convince her that when riding hard it's ok to blow your nose on your hand, fling it off and wipe it on you pants since they'll be washed after the ride anyway. She's actually wrecked while trying to get a tissue out of her pocket.

On the other hand it's nice to have someone to ride with. She understands the sport and we have something to talk about. I'm able to buy pretty much anything I want for bikes since she gets almost anything she wants. Plus riding keeps her in good shape. It's not all great having a spouse that rides, but overall I think it is a good thing.

mandovoodoo

We were well matched. Rode all the time. After her cycling accident this summer she makes dates to go cycling with me, but then doesn't. And I've waited for her and missed the window to ride. So as of today I'm a solo cyclist. I don't want to be. Hope she gets over the resistance. She's got a commuter I built up for her and a new road bike to replace the wrecked one. Once she's on the bike she's OK. Weird.

Cyclaholic

Sounds like you're entertaining the thought of breaking off the relationship. Also sounds like there's already some locked-in character traits and attitudes that are ringing my alarm bells. I can only speak for myself when I say that if I were in the relationship you describe it would last about, oh, maybe 10 minutes? I'm picturing muself 20 - 30 years into the future, married to an obese, self centered, domineering woman who is hell to deal with because of the hypertension and is unable to even go for a good walk because of her various 'lifestyle' related ailments. The type that drives an SUV everywhere, even 300 yards to the shops to top up her twinkies and cheerios supply. Yessiree, if it were me I'd be out of there faster than you can say "it's a nice day for a bike ride"...... but fortunately it's not me.

When my wife and I were dating and it looked like getting serious, we went on a 3 week unsupported tour, bush camping the whole way. During those 3 weeks I saw the strong, independent, vibrant woman that she is and realised that she is most definitely my equal in all that matters to me, so I proposed. We now have 3 kids and we ride together as a family with the kids in trailers. We are still close friends, not just a married couple (there's a difference). As I found out later she was 'testing' me also on that 3 week trip and I'm very happy that I passed with flying colors. Bottom line - don't compromise on what matters to you otherwise you're setting yourself up for a long life of misery.

maddyfish

My buisness PARTNER does not ride at all. My wife does occasionally ride with me.

East Hill

Every so often I can convince Mr. East Hill to go with me. He's interested enough to be a member here (Sammilove), but doesn't log in very often. He's far more willing to go during the spring, summer, autumn. Will not go at all during winter, though.

East Hill

wahoonc

What cylcholic says his description of what you don't want fits my ex to a T My present wife (and this one is a keeper) rides with me and does some riding on her own. We are grossly mismatched in abilities, but she has no problem with me taking off on an all day ramble or a week end tour. As compensation I will grab the cruiser and do a leisurely 2-3 mile ramble about town with her on a Sunday afternoon. We just purchased an entry level tandem and will have to see how that works out Perhaps it will extend her range.

Aaron

Versa2nr

My wife doesnt ride. I wish she would. I am worried about her gaining a lot of weight in a short amount of time.

Mr. Beanz

OF course! Since 98, she's done about 2,000 miles per year. Last couple of years she's done 3,000. Might have something to do with the carbon fiber bike I bought for her! Cool when the wife understands the need for a visit to the bike shop. Frequently heard words from the wifey: "Let's go the the bikestore to see if there is anything you need".


On a 72 mile SoCal forum ride

spinnaker

Man you beat me to it. I hate the term "partner" when referring to a significant other. I guess he phrase used to refer to an SO is the "PC" thing to do. Yet another really great word ripped from regular use because of PC. A great song When "Johnny comes marching home again" can no longer be sung because "that word" has a whole new meaning.

Retro Grouch 

2008 will mark 32 years of tandeming for my wife and me. It solves a lot of the problems that have been mentioned. Bike clothing adjustments etc. however, are still all my fault.

Ropopompom

It's a shame that your business PARTNER does not ride at all. Perhaps you could suggest to your business PARTNER that your PARTNERship might be strengthened if he/she started riding. However, I'm not interested in whether people's business PARTNERS ride or not, I'm interested in whether people's partners-in-love ride with them. I'm not sure why you wrote PARTNER in capital letters though. Maybe you were trying to make some sort of flippant point. Well, whatever your clever little point may have been, I'm sure you fully understood the thread title and I'm sure you can understand that it works better to write 'does your partner ride with you' than trying to include every potential type of partner by saying 'does your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/lover etc. ride with you'.

Ropopompom

Well, deal with it, boy. It's just a thread title and hate is a pretty strong emotion to have for the harmless use of a harmless word.

Or should I have assumed that everyone on this forum is a married male heterosexual, thereby making 'wife' a more appropriate word?

StephenH

It seems to me that you have problems in your relationship that are not related to bicycling itself.

Lots of people have hobbies, and it's not too often that their partners/girlfriends/etc share their hobbies. A lot of times, that's a good thing, as it keeps them from getting on each other's nerves.

A long time ago, one of my friends made the observation that "It's the least interested person in a relationship that controls the relationship." Sounds like sort of the case here. So what happens if you don't go to the wedding, etc.?

Don't expect to find someone that likes to cycle the same places the same time at the same speed as you. That's not what makes good relationships. Even if you find that person, as the years go by, yours and her interest may change, and leave you without that common ground.

Bionicycle

My wife (who is my partner in life) and I ride together most every time we ride. But, sadly we don't get to ride as much as we would like to.

Ropopompom

Trust me StephenH, I don't expect her to ride fast, I just want her to leave the house and come for an easy pedal somewhere nice like the park. You know, just a nice day out in the sunshine. On bikes. Is that too much to ask?

I wouldn't split up with someone for not cycling. It's about that person not making any effort to be a part of my life while expecting me to make efforts to be part of theirs.

Sixty Fiver

Is she pregnant ?

wahoonc

Looks like you have it in a nutshell right there. IMHO this would not be the person I would plan to spend the rest of my life with. You have to support each other, that doesn't mean spending every waking moment together (but for some that works too) My wife, among other things works with beauty pageants, she quite often judges or attends them to see "her girls", I am not a huge fan of them, but do attend one on occasion for her sake. On the other side of the equation; I am a vintage cyclist and enjoy camping, she attended a couple of vintage events with me, and we compromised on the camping. We bought a popup and alternate between rustic camping and resort camping. Long term relationships/marriage are all about compromise. Sounds like that is missing in yours. YMMV

Aaron

spinnaker

Calm down girl. "Hate" can be a harmless word too (as in I hate peanuts), you read too much into it. Ok do you like dislike better, ok change it to dislike.

You are the one making the assumptions, I never used the word 'wife' you did.

msincredible

My boyfriend doesn't often cycle with me, especially in cold/wet weather (although we will ride together on our motorcycles in any weather).

Since he is far slower than I am, we found that when we do ride, it helps if I take my slower bike and do my serious riding first to tire myself out, then we can go for a shorter, mellow ride together and both enjoy ourselves.

leinad

Yes my wife rides with me often, she is extremely good (read fast) rider and though I still my be faster, it's not like I wait for her much. she did 6400 miles this year and did several very hard tours(hilly events of several 1000 ft of climbing) with me, she even gave the mountains is NC a try, On one of the harder climbs I thought I would just wait at the top for her and when I stopped, she rode right past me, did'nt realize how close she was to me. BTW I'm proud to have her as my wife friend and riding partner!

Banzai

Does my wife ride with me?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Aaaah ha ha ha ha!!!!

AH HA HA HA HA!

HA!

ha ha

ha...

I wish. She's a very weak rider...and I don't care. But she never rides even though she says she wants to. She claims that she doesn't want to ride with me because she slows me down and I don't have a good time (untrue). The very few times she rides with me she gets mad at me if I don't give her tips to be a better/faster cyclist...and she gets mad at me if I do give her tips because then I'm judging or not letting her have fun.

The whole issue has become painful, and I don't ask her to ride with me anymore. Her rather nice road bike, which I bought her to encourage her riding, sits unused in the garage.

madfiNch

I mostly commute when I ride, so I'm usually alone, but my boyfriend does take daily rides when the weather permits. We try and do weekend rides (~20-30 miles) or charity rides together, too. It's fun. Yah, I ride slower when I ride with him, but that's okay. It's not like I'm in a hurry when we're riding together..

Sixty Fiver

I ride with a lot of great people on a regular basis but don't have a significant other to ride with... but that would be nice.

I don't think I could see myself being with someone who did not share my love of cycling as it is a big part of who I am and that includes more than just the actual riding since I am also active in the cycling community and volunteer at our local bike co-op a great deal.

wahoonc

Maybe you all need to change the riding situation to one that is more relaxed and fun, like cruising to an ice cream sundae, brew pub or whatever. My wife can't ride more than a couple of miles at a time, she is more of an around the block a couple of times and that is all she wants right now. She has ridden over 3 miles when there was a planned destination...in this case a DQ

Not everyone is cut out to road ride, or tour, or race, or ??

Aaron