Pack my work clothes,
check that my wallet and phone are in my backpack,
fill a water bottle,
put my keys deep in my backpack,
put on helmet,
leave the house,
dig out the keys again cursing at myself for my stupid mistake,
double check that I have my wallet and phone,
ride.

Haul the bike up the basement stairs.
Lock the door.
Pedal.

why not keep it outside in the garage, or locked to the fence?

Don't have a garage. Don't have a fence. :)

The fence suggestion is not one I'd take in any case. I really wouldn't want to lock my three bikes outside and subject them to the elements and increased chance of theft. It's really not that hard to bring a bike up a flight of stairs.

I always have to do my checks. Helmet, water bottles filled, gloves,seat post bag with patch kit, tube pump etc. I did all of this for the first day of RAGBRAI and I decided to take my new bike at the last minute due to tube issues and I forgot it did not have a single water bottle holder on it. I didn't realize this until I was putting the bike together and pulled out my water bottles and had nowhere to put them. I was able to wedge one under my seat post bag cell phone holder strap thingy and luckily there was a vendor in the second town who sold me one for $6.

I do everything that I have ever found I should have done.

I am not kidding. I am a fanatic and I hate making the same mistake twice.

1. The empty space on the mattress next to me still has her indent, still has her shadow. Her wedding ring I left in the pit of her memory reflects its gold back on the sheets, back onto me. All that could have been if she was still here, all we could have had, still holds the same amount of luster in my thoughts as the gold on her ring the first day she tried it on. I wait. I wait for the sun to rise a little until what little falls through the closed blinds doesnt bounce off of where she used to lay next to me.
2. The mirror in my bathroom spits on my bare feet out of disgust for what I have become. Old. Grey. Soft. Stained with the permanent frown of a man whose lost too much. Slathering on the shaving cream like clown makeup to hide my pain, I bring the razor to my throat and ask my reflection how much it would like to bleed today. "All of it" it says. After I'm done I punch the mirror I've been punching in the same spot I've been ever since the day her heart monitor sketched one big, green, flat line.
3. The shorts used to fit. The jersey used to fit. The chamois used to be puffy, soft as her fingers tracing half moons at the corner of my chin. Soft as her lips. Now its probably as hard as they are, 6 feet under the ground and dried up and- god. I need to stop thinking of her that way. I cant think of her coffin anymore. "I'll always be with you." she said on the op table. "Ill always be with you."
4. I leave my bottles empty. Empty as my soul since she died.
5. Every time I pump my tires, memory takes me back to pumping her chest under the half working light of the op room. She wasn't breathing, she was coughing. Blood and tears and "Ill always be with you." Thats not what she meant. She meant "I'll never leave you alone."
6. Open my door and measure the amount of ever encroaching city filth that has caked its way towards my door. She would have yelled at me if our front yard ever got this dirty. She would yell alot of things if she were around now.
7. Look at the lipstick mark she left on the stem, and pretend shes in between my legs once more.

Gather the necessary crap, little bag with keys/id etc. Locate helmet, put on digital watch, cram lunch/other crap into canvas bag. Get bike out of storage room, stuff crap into panniers. Put helmet on, fasten chin strap, walk bike to the gate around front, open gate, close gate, start to pedal. Go four blocks and realize I forgot something ie: my helmet, my watch etc.

I don’t have much of a pre-ride ritual but when I get home I almost always do the same thing. I pull the bike computer head off of the bike and put it by the Lap-top. I place the second Computer head from the last ride back on the bike and make sure it is set to zero. Pull the water bottles off of the bike if one is unused I put it in the freezer. Put my helmet, gloves, Cycling cap and sweat band in the cubby. Flip the bike upside down and wipe the bike down with a damp cloth. Run an old rag over the chain, or the chain through an old rag depending on how you look at it. Grab an ArmorAll cloth and wipe the bike down again. And then wipe the tires down and check for tire pressure, cuts and goat heads or tacks. Flip the bike back over and wipe the top and head tube down with an ArmorAll cloth.

As soon as I have some free time I boot up the laptop and record my ride using the first cycle computer head. I clear the Cycling computer head and check my calorie count on my HRM and I am done. It takes longer to type it than it does to do it.

another one of those "phone, wallet, keys" guys...tho during the week its usually also "pack lunch and feed the cat" lol, cuz im usually on my way to work :P

Just curious, how much time does this post ride ritual take? What is the purpose of the daily wiping down with various clothes? I don't think I ever wiped a bike down for any reason, though I have occasionally hosed off mud.
My post ride ritual is:
At the end of each commute I put the bike in the garage, get off the bike, turn off battery powered lights, take my clothes bag out of the basket and water bottle off bike; done.
Preride:
Reverse the above process in the morning.

Actually, I do this post-ride. I have no bike computer (never bothered to replace a broken mount, and then realized I didn't really miss the computer so much), but at some point after a ride (not necessarily right away), I map out my ride on gmap-pedometer and record the distance. The main satisfaction for me comes from actually looking at the mapped out route. I just happen to be a map geek...

I look at the map my ride site sometimes or even Streets and Trips but the topo view is the only one I look at for any reference.

The cleaning is simple. My father was a mechanic and he always had a good set of tools. As I was growing up I noticed he always cleaned every tool that he had used when he finished one job and started the next. His tools always looked brand new even though he used them every day. The reason for the two rags is one was to get smudges and other was to shine and protect the paint. I misspoke when I said ArmorAll the product I use is called Renews. I have a white bike now and it picks up finger prints and smudges like the Red Jamis never did. The Renews cleans and protects the shine and keeps the bike looking new. It takes about 15 minutes and leaves the bike ready for the next ride.

Thanks for the answer. I would rather ride a mechanically sound used bike that looks used with some smudges than spend 15 minutes every day wiping it down. Different strokes for different folks is OK by me.

i forgot, who IS the bike goddess and god? and what color candles do we light? maybe it all depends on what KIND of biking....hermes/mercury for the road racers...

I have to get on line and post at least one obnoxiously patronizing comment on a cycling forum before heading out on a ride.

Pre-ride routine...

- check latest weather forecast
- validate weather outside
- have a dump and a pee
- prepare food (yes I did wash my hands!)
- prepare water bottles
- get dressed
- stretch
- pump up tires
- check bike bag has all I need
- have another pee
- rock'n roll!

Take morning ration of pills.
Turn on weather forecast, cell phone, dress for the ride. Work clothes into the pack.
Coffee.
Gather helmet, gloves, buff headwrap, and carry all downstairs. Load up, out the door.
Squeeze tires, roll bike out garage, close door, climb aboard, and smile.
I'm now home.......until I get to work. If it's a 'fun ride', skip the work clothes.

I do the following:

put on bibs
put on jersey
realize that i didn't put on my heart monitor so i take off jersey, put on heart monitor, put on jersey again
wear cycling socks if i can find them
grab 1/2 froze water bottle from freezer and fill 1/2 with water and take water bottle downstairs
wear shoes
set up saddle bag with tire levers, tube, clif bar, money
stick cell phone in my back pocket of jersey
wear sunglasses, gloves, helmet
open garage, ride out

...
realize about 2 miles later that i left the water bottle at home (doh!)