healing words
 

The next time I speak to someone, I am going to think: is what I'm going to say going to help them, or hurt them? Will it encourage them, or bring them down?

:D

So will you speak based on whether it is the former or the latter?

Good thoughts, Pete. It's always better to think before one speaks. Sometimes you lose "the moment" by doing that, but for the most part it pays off.

I call it the way I see it; if somebody has too thin of a skin, it really isn't my problem.

That is refreshing. There are too many people that I know who put more value in 'niceness' than truth.

I'm known as a blunt man, i tell it like it is, i dont sugar coat it with so much sweetness you miss the truth, I do try to be nice about what i say though. Sometimes people take it the wrong way and i feel bad, but we both get over it. Some people are just caught off gaurd by it but quickly learn thats just how i am and i dont mean anything bad by it and are ok with it.

The way I look at it is, if you can't handle honesty, you already have problems far beyond my ability to assist you with. Too many people spend too much time rationializing and explaining away their failings, instead of trying to *make things better*.

It's amazing how many successful people have mastered this technique.

...and equally amazing how many successful people haven't. ;)

The idea that being rude is the equivalent of being "truthful" is mistaken.

Well said.

We can get the same point across to people in different ways.

If we try to use words that build others up we will couch what we're saying in words that will help the person we're talking to and help them to see the benefit of what we're talking about.

If we just shoot from the hip and damn the consequences then all we're doing is getting the issue off our chest without caring about the other person. That method only benefits us and the person we dump on is hardly likely to take any notice.

In both cases we may be being truthful, but in one we're considering someone other than ourselves.

We should never avoid the truth, but we should avoid using the truth to harm someone else.

Where did I mention being rude? Blunt and rude are two different things. Rude is pejorative, and implies that there is some type of real intent to be harmful.









The people that continuously pus*yfoot around an issue are the ones I can't stand; those that are so hypersensitive that making a single sarcastic comment will send them into seizures; who insist on speech that is "politically correct". Hence, I am direct. If they have a problem with my "mode of communication", they can stuff it until it bleeds, because I'm not about to bend over backwards just to make somebody feel good about themselves when it isn't deserved. People who do things worthy of praise get it; those who screw the pooch needn't be told how "special" they are and how "good" their effort was.









Life is like cycling; if you cry and whine every time you fall down and get a scrape, you won't get anywhere.



Oh, and as a footnote: The sensitive new-age methods of teaching are an utter failure; kids with failing grades don't need to be told how "special" they are, they need to be told that they will either do the work, or repeat that grade level. Our little era of "self-esteem" has probably made quite a number of people feel a little better, but it's one of the biggest reasons why high schools today teach remedial English instead of Latin, Greek, and classical literature.

These forums are like an school for me. I have 31 but when i make a mistake i feel like one of 10. I enjoy read the old threads and realize me that words that in my country are inoffensives in english aren't "diplomatics"... the phrases, the expressions...

Yes... Yes... I will not going to put all the blame in the language, i'm guilty too. But sometimes i think a phrase to put in a threat, and when i translate it, sound very different.-

Yes, some people need to just spit it out instead of thinking so darn much. Balance is good.

The whole "politically correct" movement really messed up the USA and created millions of hypersentitive people & "victims" and has become a boon for the lawyers. Tell it the way it is. All of the "He called me a name" or "he looked at me funny, I think I'll sue" - get a life. One may actually BE stupid and not have a "learning dis-order" (though some do have "dis-orders"). If someone is short, they ARE short, not "vertically challenged". Telling it the-way-it-is is not a bad thing. Being P.C. is rediculous.
:beer:

The proof is in the pudding.

I have to add my two cents in on this one.
I do not see this quote as bowing to being "politically correct" or creating victims...One can be honest, assertive, own their side of the street, not "pus*y foot" around a conflict while creating a victim. It is simply called: communication.

Yes, a lot of people lack this skill which is what perpetuates conflict and judgement. Everyday on my job I tell people what they do not want to hear and have them take responsibility for their own behaviors. A large part of this is also outlining how our behavior impacts those around us in both positive and negative ways.

As for law...law is societies way of monitoring behavior "for the greater good" of that society...unfortunately, using this system to blame others for our poor judgement has gotten out of hand in our society.

I agree with Little Big Man. Some will get pi**ed w/honest feedback but honesty can be shelled out in such a way that keeps the door open for further communication. Even if the door is to a class on communication skills!

stella

It is much easier to point out a negative then it is to recognize a positive. Instead of saying “The whole "politically correct" movement really messed up the USA and created millions of hypersentitive people & "victims" and has become a boon for the lawyers.” IS JUST PLAIN WRONG! I think the the subject here is what Little Big Man said” The next time I speak to someone, I am going to think: is what I'm going to say going to help them, or hurt them? Will it encourage them, or bring them down?”

So I purpose to all: When someone is a novice rider do you tell him that he sucks. No I say! I compliment him on something that he does well, tell him I was there and what I did to improve and then blow right past him on my bike.

Different situation entirely. I'd tell him that it's worth a PowerBar if he can keep up with me without having a coronary... :D

I agree. Some may do it as "joking" but it is still negative. A hard habit for many to get out of doing - joking or not.

Hmmm ... still don't believe it is wrong. Granted, the PC comment really has nothing to do with what Little Big Man posted. The PC movement had good intentions but as we all know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I agree with this. Help out the newbie, whatever the activity is. Compliment and assure them as everyone pretty much starts in the same place.

I realize that we are speaking more of the think-before-you-speak and not the PC movement and probably should not have commented on this. Might make an interesting new thread though.
:beer: