sorry this is the internet so I cannot see your level. I assumed if you ride the Martha area you could ride this. It is advanced but certainly doable. Once you get to that point riding it will give you a chance to improve skills. Maybe a clinic like Bikeme suggests or as I mentioned getting into a group ride. Skills will come. Learning good technique and lots of practice

It seems like, in my area, that in the last few years a lot of roadies have been trying out MTBing. They are very fast on the connector trails and hills that are not too steep (traction issues not conditioning issues), yet really slow on the highly technical trails and the downhill. This is a generalization, but is meant more for roadies that only MTB because some of there friends do, versus folks who like or love both road and MTB riding.

I have talked with a ton of these guys over the past two years. For the most part, they are just too tense when riding the areas that they find difficult. Like others have said, relax, ride more, and watch some of those videos.

That's teh point of my OP, we can't even hadle Martha yet, too many step-downs

Sit on the nose of your seat & lean into the climb. It will take practice to get it down. I also had a tendency to pull up on the bars syncing with my pedaling.
It's hard to analyze the different methods of climbing. Watch some videos. They can probably give you some good tips. Good luck amigo.

You might want to look at a Hopey steering damper. It'll keep your wheel straight over rocks, in sand, and in ruts. I have one and I love it.

Hopey Steering Dampers

I forgot to mention, I also have an ISM PM2.0 saddle. The rear edge is such that you can slide back over it easily to change your center of gravity.

GUILTY as charged!!! LOL!

I definitely fit the roadie trying to MTB category... I ride solo so it's not that my friends MTB. For me it's about mixing things up and taking on new challenges and opening the door to more race opportunities. You are spot on about being too tense and needing to relax. I was on vacation last week and i spent the whole week camping at the state campground that has a nice trail system. Left the road bikes at home and only bike i took was my MTB bike! So i spent the whole week practicing on my MTB... and by the end of the week I was much more relaxed and confident... and faster! I was amazed how just spending some dedicated time on the trails really helped me improved. Oh, and i spent the evening reading MTB articles...

Bottom line for me was... practice more.... relax (no more death grip)... and perhaps the most important thing, TRUST MY BIKE... ;)

Great job!

And, keep having fun!

To the OP, 1 ft drop offs should be an easy skill to master but you should move up in baby steps. Work your way up from a curb drop off on a quiet street and then ride easier trials until your ability gives you confidence rather than anxiety.
Then learn (watching youtube videos was a great suggestion) what body positioning, arm/feet posture and body english can do for you and your balance. You can counterbalance and anticipate a drop off and let your body absorb the hit using your arms and legs as extensions of your suspension.
I think it is great that you and your wife ride together and want to challenge yourselves (in a safe way) to improve and venture a bit more without taking unnecessary risks.

Thx, I wish I could find some kind of parking lot on a grade with a low wall of increasing height, so I could work on step downs from curb-height, varying gradually to higher and higher

you can come to central Pennsylvania, if you want to ride at all you'll get over your fear of that stuff. Ok, so there are a few trails without rock gardens, but not many. I am really just taking up mtb'ing again after not very much activity in the '80s, and it isn't easy to force myself to ride through rocks and dropoffs. I know other people can ride these trails, so that helps me push myself.

I was watching videos of how to ride through rock gardens the other day, and the main points are keeping momentum, picking up your front wheel (and occasionally your rear wheel), standing with your weight back a little, and generally keeping loose. Keeping momentum is the key point. It's really hard to do when you are afraid, but then the rocks just stop you and that's the end. One thing that I have been doing is just running over rocks on purpose. Actually riding up curbs is probably better practice in a way.

Let's say there is a dropoff with a rock at the bottom with enough space between the rock and the dropoff that a wheel will fit in there. You can't just slowly go over the dropoff, you'll endo. So as you go off with a little speed, pull up on the handlebars so you can hit the rock at the bottom in a way that lets the wheel roll over it. Then unweight the back wheel so that it doesn't slam into the rock too hard.