I almost never (<0.1% of the time) carry my bike, too much fuss. If I can't push it up because it's too steep the last thing I'll do is pick my heavy mofo bike up, raise my centre of gravity and tumble down the hill. :D

Ofcourse i have. You thought i was serious? Everyone carries/pushes thier bikes at some point.

The question seemed goofy to me "how do you carry your bike?" so i responded with a goofy answer.

Geez.

If you don't have to worry about bottles, and there's enough room in the front triangle, you can put the top tube on your right shoulder, then extend your rigt arm forward and grab the handlebar. Having your arm extended rounds your trapezius and deltoid muscles, so the frame doesn't sit directly on your collarbone.

As for pushing or carrying, I do whatever is most convenient. Push on smoother trails, carry on rough ones.

You sounded more like haughty rather than goofy. There are times when one has no recourse but to carry one's bike, especially over rough terrain. Asking the best way to do this is hardly silly. But to each his own.