So Many Roads

...or should I just give up?

We've been together a few years. I've recently rekindled my biking addiction from my college days, 20 years ago. She thinks I've become crazy, and refuses to ride, even on the local MUP.

Even if I do get her on a MUP, that's going to be very unsatisfying for me, but I'll suffer if it means we ride together.

Maybe I should just trade her in... Nah.

I'll just go beat my head on a brick wall for a bit.

Wanderer

My wife doesn't like to hunt, either; but, she does like to fish...... go figure..

Find the things you like to do together, and do them when you can.

Enjoy riding your bike, when you can.

eay

My sweetie and I play music together, read the same books, enjoy the same movies. I hike and bike and he does not. He plays computer games and I do not. As long as biking does not consume all your spare time, you should be OK.

CitiZen

"MUP?" Translation, please.

So Many Roads

did I get my lingo wrong? multi-user-path. a bike trail.

CitiZen

^ ah! Thanks for the definition.
What kind of bike is she riding? How's the fit? Is she riding one of yours?
A shiny new comfortable bike that fits her to a tee should be a nice incentive. Have you gone shopping for one together?

MacCruiskeen

https://lovelybike.blogspot.com/2010/...-get-bike.html

So Many Roads

Maybe I'll just date that blogger instead.

travelmama

If cycling is an addiction of yours, why did you think she would be interested? You wasted your time in thought.
Trying to get her on a bike for an unsatisfying ride is your problem so as simple as it is, ride alone.
There was a post a few weeks ago about a guy bike shopping for his sedentary girlfriend because HE wants her to ride with him. Check it out. Like with all other things, if someone wants to do them, they will. I have a friend who is overweight and recently had the band surgery because she doesn't want to do her own work. For years she complained about being fat and how much she wants to look like me. I got tired of her words and no action so I stopped talking to her about fitness. She now tells me she wants to become a runner. I keep my mouth shut because I know she won't.
I throw this information your way because you are wasting your time. Let your gal pal do her thing and you do yours. The things you two do together are for the two of you, not for one. Enjoy YOUR rides.

Zaneluke

I bought my wife an entry level gary fisher for christmas. I have been married for 17 years so things work a little differently.

I told her the bike is there if she ever wants to tag along. Sometimes she does, sometimes so does not. Just make sure that your bike riding is not eating up what she thinks is your together time.

So Many Roads

Yeah. Her sitting on the couch watching TV is eating up our together time.

Veloria

Actually, I think that is a good point (though it could have been said a little nicer). People who have specific interests or hobbies are often accused of "spending all their time on XYZ," but those who have passive interests, like "hanging out" or "relaxing" do not see that it is the same thing. The spouse who lingers over a cup of coffee and a newspaper for 2 hours on a weekend does not see that as cutting into "together time" because it is not something specific like cycling. If this could be explained to the girlfriend nicely, perhaps it would help.

chevy42083

I bought my girl a mid-level vintage bike. I found out a few things...

Seats are important. I spent $50 (excellent deal) on the bike... she spent $60 on a seat.

I'm ok with downtube shifters... she is not. She left it in one gear, and hated when I moved the gears (to load on rack, or what not).

She would not ride in the drops, so it's a good thing it had the safety brake levers. I guess that's why lots of new ladies bikes have cross levers also.

She was not ok with large groups, or being near other riders (even if only 3-4 of us).

She would go on the equivalent of walks around the neighborhood... but no inclination to get on any busy street or ride faster than 12-14mph. Lots of times ending at a school playground to swing a little.

So, she would do a FEW charity type rides.... but didn't like the mass starts... she did kinda get over it though. Overall, just not really comfortable on the bike (as in around people, hands off bars, etc). ~20mi was the limit... and they were at night, not hot Houston days.

I'm glad i bought her one, we had fun. She in no way rode the way or places that i like to ride. So it was something for us to do, but it was in addition to riding I already did.

We broke up 2 years ago, and the bike hasn't been touched since then. Maybe I'll get her to go for a ride around the neighborhood some evening.

So Many Roads

Yeah, I'm usually a bit nicer when I talk to her.

Together time is watching whichever "CSI:Wherever" that's on at any given time. Or that "Cold Case" thing, with the blonde with no eyeballs. I have very firmly established that "Intervention" is not together time, nor is "The Bachelorette." On the other hand, the Red Sox or the Penguins aren't together time, either.

I guess my real issue is trying to establish some sort of meaningful together time that involves doing something we both enjoy. I would be starting to despair of that, but I am a stupid male. So I'll just plod on, oblivious.

tcs

Wow, a lot of snarky, negative answers to a simple request about involving a loved one in a healthy, fun activity enjoyed by billions of all ages the world over.

Understand, your request/desire isn't unusual or new by any means.

Around 120 years ago, cyclists invented a device for fellows in your situation. You can still get them today.

At first, before her endorphins kick in, de-emphasize the actual riding and focus on the destination. Parks & picnics or dinner at a streetside cafe are good starters. Riding to a matinee is super if you can scout a good spot to lock up. Riding to someone else's barbeque/yard party is killer, since they'll fuss over her arrival by bike.

You can temp her out from in front of the TV with some cute new clothes.

Finally, you can keep her as your GF but develop a different riding "buddy". Yeah, see if she stays on the couch for that.

HTH,
tcs

Fairmont

The above comment was awesome. That was useful advice (concentrating on the destination for lunch, picnic, etc.). Genius.

Get her a Trek Pure or Electra townie. Coolest girl bikes in the world. She'll love it.

You can also secretly disconnect the cable to the TV (literally, in the back of the TV) but don't fully remove it. Just enough to make it so the picture is crap.

TV is a disease.

KD5NRH

That was pretty much my thought.

Well, that or kick her out of the car 30 miles from nowhere with a bike and head home to watch whatever you want to watch.

serra

HAHA that's amazing

You should go amazing places and take beautiful pictures and show her what she's missing. My plan is to not date a girl who isn't at least open to the idea of riding, as I want to tour the world in 3 years, and well, lets just say I wouldn't give that up for anyone. But since your obviously happy and committed, try the pictures, make her jealous of your amazing cycling adventures. Good luck

Standalone 

My wife gave up Buffy The Vampire Slayer to move in with me and my TV-Free apartment back in our cohabitation days. The TV free-dom continues, but she watches Glee on Hulu now.

As for biking, it's a delicate balance of encouragement, example, and leaving well enough alone.

Biking is pretty cool as you know and sells itself once someone gets a certain level of experience.

Make sure to listen to what she says about biking, and accept that. You don't have to give up on encouraging her to share your hobby/lifestyle, but do it sensitively.

mackerel

I made sure the girl (now my wife) enjoyed riding a bike before I even dated her.

Made it much simpler.

serra

That's my strategy

StephenH

I'd say "give up" is the appropriate response. People enjoy different things, and you can't tell them any different. Buying her a cool bike would be like my wife buying me a bigger TV in hopes that I'd want to watch the latest House show with her. Won't happen, big TV or little TV.

idoru2005

I think this is smart advice, but don't wait too long that she gets too out of shape and too discouraged to try. By then, it may be too late to get her on the bike. Women are motivated differently than men. Men will reach a point where "enough is enough" and eventually will try to lose the weight. But women... I don't know.. They get too heavy and just give up at a certain point and it doesn't matter to them anymore.

I don't know how to do it, but it needs to be made clear to them that their health matters A LOT to you, and that biking is a way for them to maintain their general health... When it comes to fitness, women are much more lazy than men..

In my experience, my wife would much rather be conscious about diet and nutrition to maintain her health, than be physically active. When I showed her that biking could be "socially" stimulating (ie when I got her to volunteer during an organized century), that's when she became interested in biking. Maybe you need to get her involved in your cycling in more of a supportive role, like volunteering, as a way to bring her into the biking culture.

ndbiker

Been married 26 years. I backpack, she doesn't, I bicycle, she doesn't, I triathlon, she doesn't, I homebrew, she drinks it. The key is not whether she likes to do the things you do the key is does she like you. If she does you will be still able to do the things you enjoy. I do have to balance those things with family time but in the end it's worth it.

I like free

The advice about the destination was the best. Secretly find an older vintage bike that will fit here and clean it up. Older mixte type frames are sure to fit most anyone so your pretty safe with that style. That way you won't be into it for much. If you take her to try new bikes she is going to feel forced. Just kinda leave it around the garage as a "spare". Then invite her on short rides: get a coffee, go to the library, just check out down town ect. Start slow. It takes about 15 minutes for the complaining to start so keep the stops shorter than that. Keep in mind that the short rodes may be as much as she ever wants to do, or she may not want to do it all all. Don't force it. Also keep in mind that some people never had bikes or were interested in them as kids so they feel uncomfortable riding.