Dan333SP

kbarch

Love it!
Meanwhile, I've been dropped from my share of rides, but not from anything that was really supposed to be social - if it's "social paced," that's not the same thing, that's just code for "if you can't hold up your end of the 'conversation,' you're on your own."
It hasn't really been an issue/upset me with cycling like it did when I rode motorcycles. Even though my last bike was very fast and sporty (an RSV-R, if anyone is curious), and (aside from track days) every ride was pretty much JRA, I was never as "spirited" as most of my riding friends. It could take the better part of an hour, sometimes more, to get all geared up ride to meet folks, then wait around for everyone else to get ready and gather. Everyone would be super cheery and eager to ride together. Only sometimes, before we'd even gotten out of the city, the group would get broken up. Those were the WORST. Now, a common piece of advice was that, in order to stay safe, people shouldn't try to keep up with the more spirited riders if it makes them uneasy, they should always "ride their own ride," and this was often repeated as a sort of justification for the group breaking up - safety - right.... Well, if you really wanted me to "ride my own ride," why did you even invite me along? That's UNfriendly. But I really couldn't hold it against them too much.

Campag4life

And what was your contribution again other than derision? Sadly, you explained nothing and instead opted to criticize without making a salient point.
In case you don't know, that's called trolling the thread.

WhyFi

The OP *and* Healthpack.

dennis336

This story reminded me of a routine that Brian Regan (comedian) does ... he tells a story about how he went golfing with a friend of his and his wife who had gotten divorced. When Brian Regan gets back from the round of golf, he has a conversation with his wife:

Wife: So, how did it go?

Brian: It went well .....

Wife: No, I mean "how did it GO"?

Brian: It was fine (a bit confused)

Wife: How is Charly (the friend) DOING?

Brian: He's fine ... still a bit confused at the line of questioning

Wife: Is he dating anyone? Is he OK?

Brian: I dunno

Wife: What do you mean "YOU DON"T KNOW"?

Brian: It didn't come up (still not understanding the line of questioning)


I paraphrased and Regan is much funnier, but in the spirit of clueless guys .........

seypat

Hopefully the OP will chime back in with updates on the situation. I want to know what relation the family member is and why he did not come to her defense. We need some more details and fleshing out of the whole incident.

seypat

So true!

caloso

PepeM

I really enjoy making my cats race.

Dan333SP

fyi-

Dan333SP

OBoile

You've talked down to the OP in both of your replies to her and came of sounding like a fool in each IMO.

PepeM

Look at those CAT racers trying to drop each other. Typical CAT racers.

OBoile

Normally this term annoys the crap out of me, but it definitely applies perfectly here.

Reynolds 

+1!

Dan333SP

Look at those CAT racers half-wheeling each other rather than drafting and conserving energy. They're gonna blow up halfway through their race.

PepeM

seypat

Oh, no. I'm suddenly sensing a disturbance in the force. I'm sensing a MEILENSTEIN LIGHTWEIGHT WHEELS type of thread transformation for this thread into a CAT racer thread. The force is strong, but I must resist.

BillyD

Let's stay on topic please.

seypat

The is in limbo until the OP comes back with an update. Nothing more to talk about until an update. The thread will make its way to the bottom of the page then slide off of the first page and become a memory.

chicagogal

Sure. I will chime back in. The family member was my DH. He has been riding about as long as I have been but has less group ride experience (he prefers solo rides). He is strong, but has basically one pace that he likes to ride all the time. His top end speed (and group riding skills) is lacking, meaning that he actually gets dropped on A-rides that I can sit in on. My power to weight is much better than his, so I climb much faster. When we ride together, we agree to regroup on the top of extended climbs so that we can each ride at our own pace. He is faster than I am on the flats and does pretty well on punchy power climbs because he has more raw power than I.


I love group rides. While I enjoy a balls out each-for-themselves race-paced ride on occasion, my preference is a well organized group that works well together. Tight formations, handlebar to handlebar, smooth/fluid rotations or exchanges, and a general goal of keeping the group together, safe, and rolling. This can be unstressful, utterly beautiful, and still reasonably fast. My DH knows how I feel, but doesn't really understand. It is something that we talk about a lot, but I think I sound like a broken record to him. When he gets out in a group, he locks into his one speed and doesn't think about any of the other aspects of riding in a group. He will half wheel, he will roll off the front, and generally be oblivious to how the rest of the group is doing. I called him out on it during last weekend's ride, and asked him not to half-wheel, but to adjust to a pace that works for everyone - he refused. The "ride leader," who I also spoke to, didn't help. I figure that he thought since it was my DH, it was up to me to reign him in. The "ride leader" ended up blowing up after I left the ride. At the point at which I left, I wasn't dropped. I just knew that the pace was too hot for the distance and didn't want to be in a position where I didn't know whether I could trust my fitness enough to get me through. I didn't want that kind of stress for 80mi, so I told the group that I wanted to go on my own. Really, I just might have been feeling generally "over it" with the attitude that the individual (my DH) matters more than the group. I don't want him (or anyone) ruining what could be a perfectly good group ride.

Dan333SP

Designated hitter?

woodcraft

My GF is often surprised at how little I know about my guy friend's lives.

She & another gal would know more about each other in an hour

than two guys do in a year.

seypat

Now we are getting somewhere. I must really be old and boring. I had to look up DH for the meaning. Note to self to keep up with trendy lingo. If you had put those details in earlier, we wouldn't have wasted 5 pages on the subject. Sounds like the problem is the DH. Touchy subject. The best thing you and your DH can do is read the "We are going to yell at you" thread. You can vent all you want here, but the solution can only come from you and the DH. If you can't work it out together, then you need to find separate riding groups, end of story. Or the husband sticks with solo rides. No matter how much you might want him there, if he is ruining your experience, kick him to the curb.(for bike riding) My DW, if that is the term used now and I had the same problem with running/fitness/tri/cycling events for a couple of years. We have different training/race day personalities. She wanted to control my whole race day experience. It got to the point that we would go to a race in separate vehicles. It eventually worked itself out. Now we show up together, but go our separate ways until a few minutes before the start.

Nachoman

I can relate to this incident because I pedal with a bunch of guys that are faster than me, including one kid on his college team, a few ex racers and a current cat 1.
I'm just starting to settle into regularly getting dropped. I haven't quite figured out yet if I find it annoying or if I don't give a crap.